I love you, Irene.

 

Those words that I want to utter.

 

Those words that I don’t know how to say to you.

 

Four words but it means the world to me.

 

Loving you silently gives me happiness and agony.

 

How foolish to love someone that can hurt you easily.

 

“Seulgi! Do you want to watch movie with me and Seugwannie? Pretty please!”

 

I only looked at you and gave a half-hearted smile.

 

“Exams are coming up, I need to study more baechu.”

 

You looked like a grumpy bunny.

 

“hmmpf! Such a no fun person!” then you gave me that one lethal expression. Your pouty face.

 

Argh!

 

Dugdug..dugdug..

 

Stupid heart. Can you stop beating for her even for a second?

 

“What about a cup of coffee before a go to the library?”

 

And just like magic, your face brightens up and you immediately latch your body against mine.

 

“Thanks Ddeulgi!”

 

Hand in hand we go to the café across the street.

 

My heart skips a beat whenever you’re so close like this to me.

 

“Carrot cake plus vanilla smoothie?” I asked you.

 

“As always baby bear!”

 

I can’t help but to get flustered whenever you call me that endearment.

 

I want to get used to it. I want you to call me that every single day.

 

“One strawberry and vanilla smoothie and one carrot cake please”

 

“That’s all? How about a little courage to tell her that you like her Seul?”

 

“Yah! Kim Yerim! Lower you voice! She might hear you! And please stop that non sense.”

 

“And I think it’s much better if she will hear it dumb bear. Kekekeke!”  I’m gonna slap that evil kid but she run inside. Pfft!

 

When I got back to our table, your face immediately lifts up.

 

“Hey”

 

“Hey there”

 

You only give me the best smile that you can offer.

 

The butterflies in my stomach wants to break free.

 

You look ethereal, the most beautiful person that I laid my eyes upon.

 

And you look at me with the same intensity only to be cut off by Yeri who place the drinks on our table.

 

“Here you go, one strawberry and vanilla smoothie and a slice of carrot cake. Enjoy.” Yeri gives me wink and fighting sign. Aish! This kid!

 

Once you’re out of reach, Irene told me that you look adorable. I want to protest but I guess I won’t do it.

 

We chatted a little bit and you said that the movie will start at 30 so you need to go.

 

Hand in hand we cross the street and the moment we reached the other side, it started to snow.

 

Watching the first snow with the one you love is one of the sweetest things you can ask for.

 

“It’s started to snow Ddeulgi! It’s the first snow and we’re together! Yay!” you said jumping up and down.

 

I giggle at your antics, gosh you’re so romantic.

 

I tried to look at you once again, the glow of your skin, your cute little ears and the snow on your lips.

I called you “Irene..”

 

You looked at me and held my hand again. The smile on your face gives me so much warmth and I can’t take it.

 

This is too much.

 

I can’t do this anymore.

 

“Irene I li—“

 

“Seul! Rene!” and here she goes again.

 

“Wendy.. uh I guess I will go ahead.  You two, enjoy the movie!”

 

The butterflies gone it was replace by the pain that slowly eats me.

 

Wendy.

 

I can’t do it when you have her.

 

The days passed by. The feelings get stronger.

 

The days passed by but happiness and pain get stronger.

 

I know you hate it when you can’t hang out with me.

 

But do you know that I also hate it when you hang out with me including her?

 

Stupid heart.

 

I feel so stupid because I love you.

 

It doesn’t make any sense.

 

But do I really know the true meaning of love? I asked myself. What is love?

 

I tried to search it on google. I started typing “What is the meaning of love?”

 

Dictionary says “Love a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.”

 

Maybe.

 

Someone says “Love is selfless: True love doesn’t want anything in return, because there is nothing it needs. We just love for the sake of love. When we love someone, we don’t look for them to fill our needs, love us back, and all those types of things. If that is w