Today is the day, I am going to tell him even if it kills me, I have to tell him.

I had been at work, when I suddenly fainted, I don’t remember what happened but I woke up in the hospital. When I opened my eyes, the doctor did not have a happy face, her face kind of scared me, I had a feeling there was something she was trying hard not to say, which made me panic.

"What’s wrong with me?" I asked choking back my tears

“I’m afraid you have stage 4 cancer” those words crashed my whole world down, this shouldn’t have been happening to me, I had still had a lot to achieve, I even imagined myself at Mason's wedding, and seeing my grandchildren but now I was going to die, tears flooded my face as I asked god why he chose me, what I did to deserve this. As I got up the hospital bed and walked out of the room everything muted, I could no longer hear  words, the world slowed down and everything was black and white I could no longer see color, I was in despair... that was 2  weeks ago,

Today I cooked dinner waiting for Nichkhun, to come home.

Nichkhun came home later that day, he had a bared down face, again with my instinct I could tell he was baring bad news "I have something to tell you" he said and sat down quiet , throughout dinner I was quiet, deciding whether or not to tell him I had cancer.

"I want a divorce" I heard someone said, those words made me come back to my senses, at first I thought I heard wrong, I just calmed myself down and asked "why?", Nichkhun did not answer, so I grew angry and threw the chopsticks 'you are not a man' were the only words that came out of my mouth, I ran into the bedroom and my tears started to spill, Nichkhun the man whom I gave 10 years of my life decided to leave me  after I found out I only had a month to live,  that night I cried myself to sleep.

The next day I woke up feeling nauseous, my sickness was kicking in again. After I came out of the bedroom Nichkhun showed me a list of things I would get after the divorce, it made me mad that he would think I wanted his money after the divorce so I just tore up the paper and gave him a glare. That day I decided to write a list of things I wanted before my death/divorce, since I only had one month I didn’t want Nichkhun’s name to be tarnished in front of Mason, that evening I told Nichkhun about my list, I could see he thought it was ridiculous and weird but he still agreed to it.

*list*

1. Live our lives normally for a month

2. Carry me out of the room bridal style for a month

3. Wait one month before processing the divorce

On the first day we were very awkward because it had been a long time, since we had any skin ship. I told him not to tell Mason of our divorce, he agreed.

On the second day things were better.

Things were better for the next few weeks, the more he carried me out, the more I thought he would realize that I lost weight and that there was something was wrong with me, I kept waiting but nothing. One day I was trying on my clothes when I realized that all my clothes were bigger on me, I said it out loud on purpose to make him notice, this time he showed a little response by touching my head. "it’s time take mom out" Mason suddenly yelled, seeing my son excited face broke my heart, this little boy would no longer have a mother to take care of him. I called him and hugged him as tight as I could, my heart ached I will be leaving my precious son without a mother in this world; I always imagined dying when he was older. Nichkhun picked me up and walked me all the way to the door.

On the last day of our deal, Nichkhun and I were alone, Mason had gone to school early due to a test, for some reason Nichkhun stood still for a long time before moving, when he did, he walked all around the house, and ended with him going to work for some reason, he looked as if he was in a hurry, after he left I also went out.

A few hours later I came back home, I felt like throwing up, but nothing came out, so I decided to take a nap, when I laid down I suddenly  felt a big pain in my chest, I lied in bed calming myself, but the pain was too much, I closed my eyes hoping the pain would go away but it didn’t, after sometime I felt my breathing slow down as hard as I tried I couldn’t breathe very well, ' so its finally the day' I thought to myself, tears started falling down my face, I wasn’t ready for this, I was hoping to say goodbye to my family, suddenly my hands felt limp and fell to my side then everything out...

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this chapter was supposed to be up on Thursday I wrote this chapter out in the computer lab at school but I clicked something and it all went away I felt like crying when it happened, I tried it a second time and the same thing happened do I got frustrated and tried typing my other story the same thing happened so I was really angry and didn’t want to type it anymore because it takes a hour and that work was all deleted and I felt really angry, so today I finally took the courage to type again