Another tiresome day of practice ended. The flock of boys hurriedly packed their belongings and rushed out of the practice room like kids who couldn’t wait to go home after school.
A boy with pitch black hair and extremely prominent features dragged his feet as he walked out of practice grounds. A disturbingly loud voice rang through his ears with an arm that swung right to his shoulders.

“Bro! You’re not gonna wait for me, really?”

“Stop it, Mark hyung. You didn’t have to be so loud.” He rolled his eyes, having given up hope on how loud his fellow trainee has always been.

“Come on, Jeno, why do you always act like a grandpa? Walking alone, reading books, not talking much and all that. Just lighten up a little, why are you always so gloomy?”

“You know nothing, just shut up will you.” The said boy brushed his friend’s arm off his shoulders, walking right ahead of him.

“What are you walking so fast for?? We are boarding the same car! Jeno!!! Wait for me!” The older boy shouted as his younger friend brisk walked through the company.

A more mature voice disrupted his shouting,

“If he doesn’t want you to pester him, then don’t. He’ll come to you whenever he wants to talk. Grow up.”

“You’re another grandpa. A bunny grandpa.” Mark rolled his eyes as he watched his hyung shake his head in disapproval.

 

The boys scattered into their shared or individual rooms in the 3-storey dormitory, throwing their bags down on their beds before grabbing their towels, wanting to snatch the toilets to shower first. Jeno, being the exception he is, ignored the buzz and plopped himself on the sofa, scrolling through his phone. The sequence of shower did not matter a single bit to him since insomnia would haunt him every night. He would have the whole night’s time to shower anyway.

“Aish  TY Hyung~ Let me go first pleasseeee.” Mark

“No, get lost” The virtual-looking individual pushed him off and slammed the toilet doors.

Mark rolled his eyes, groaning, dwelling over the fact that he would probably have to wait an hour for this clean-freak to leave his favourite toilet. He glanced down and saw Jeno on the sofa in the living room on the ground floor. He decided to go approach Jeno and talk to him. He always felt like Jeno needed someone, he was just never sure why he did. Every time he asked, he’d be brushed off or ignored.

“Yo Jeno.” He casually sat himself beside Jeno, who was scrolling through Instagram, an application they were technically not supposed to be using.

“You’re using Instagram?” Mark raised a brow, questioning how he had the guts to use something that could get him in trouble.

“Yeah, and?” Jeno coolly answered, eyes not leaving his compact-sized screen.

Mark scowled, shaking his head in disbelief before he asked,

“Why are you using Instagram anyway? You bored? Why are you scrolling through all these girls’ dance covers???” Mark’s voice was filled with extreme confusion.

“I just like watching people do k-covers, issue?” Jeno then looked over at Mark, raising a cold, unbothered brow. The gaze sent Mark chills, and he decided to shake his head in response,

“N-No. But you could get into trouble for that, just reminding you.”

“Do I look like I care.” Jeno scoffed, Mark went silent, and Jeno went back to scrolling.

He scrolled and scrolled, until a particular cover that caught his eyes. Honestly. It was nothing special compared to all others that he had seen. It wasn’t like he could see her face up close, or that she was exceptionally good, but something about that one cover attracted him. He squinted his eyes, wanting to take a clearer look at her, even though it was useless. His thick harry-potter glasses already made everything clear enough for his almost-blind eyes. He clicked on her profile, and stalked her Instagram page. Without a reason, he was just attracted. He himself could not understand what it was, but he could not pull his eyes off of her page.
That did no go unnoticed by Mark, who was observing his every reaction since the moment he sat down beside him.

“Jeno?” Mark called out softly to no response from the extremely focused boy.

“Jeno…?”

“Jeno.”

“Lee Jeno!” Jeno jumped, startled. His eyes immediately turned dark, pissed that Mark shouted his name, not knowing that Mark had already called his name multiple times.

“Don’t look at me like that! I called you so many times, Jeno Lee, you were sooo focused on this girl that you didn’t hear me!” Mark defended himself in slight panic.

Jeno’s expression softened, before he broke into a small smile that automatically reached his eyes out of his often gloomy face, leaving Mark puzzled. Mark seldom saw Jeno smile whenever cameras weren’t rolling or clicking. The last time Mark saw Jeno really laugh or truthfully smile, was while filming Mickey Mouse Club a year back. He was left in deeper confusion, as Jeno suddenly said

“Hyung, she will be my future girlfriend.” Jeno’s small smile spread into a wide, bright smile. Seeing Jeno’s smile, Mark felt better, and felt happy that someone he treated like a little brother was actually happily smiling.

“Hahaha, Jeno, really? You seem to already reallyyy like her, huh? Since you think she’s your future girlfriend, why not message her or something? Just don’t get in trouble for it.”

He mustered some courage and left some supportive comments on her videos with a private account that was unknown to the public, praying that she’d notice him in the comments.
A few moments later, TY left the toilet, and Mark rejoiced,

“Aw yes! You’re finally out! My turn!!” Mark swung his towel over his shoulders, before he added,

“Hyung, he’s looking for a girl.” Mark winked, attempting to bond the two visuals who were never, ever close before running to the toilet.

TY raised a questioning brow, confused and upset at the same time.

“What did he mean?” He asked the younger visual sternly.

“It’s not that deep.” Jeno coldly answered before he re-stalked her account. TY noticed what he was doing and scooted nearer towards Jeno, peering through was Jeno was looking at before realisation hit him. A rush of anger and need to lecture the younger one overcame him,

“Wtf Jeno? She’s just on the internet, and besides, you’re a known, established trainee. What the hell do you mean? You’re a trainee, do you think girls will date you for who you really are, or for your fame?” TY lectured, as if Jeno was being a ridiculous fool.

“And do you think you’ll be able to actually find a real girlfriend who truly loves you after you debut and actually become really famous?” Silencing the older, Jeno brushed him off before going up to his room, not saying another word, leaving TY with his lips pursed, embarrassed and unsure how to react.

Just a while later, the doorbell of the dormitory rang through the ears of the 13 boys before a woman’s voice demanded for the door to be opened.

“Jeno, it’s your mom again!” Jaemin shouted across the dorm. Alone in his enclosed room with his beloved pets, he puffed his cheeks and sighed. His cat meowed in annoyance, along with his dogs who snickered, both at the arrival of whom they deem a witch.

Jeno inhaled before he let out a long sigh upon hearing his mother’s footsteps approaching his room.

“Hi Mom.” Jeno softly greeted with a smile before reaching his arms out to give her a hug, only to be rejected with his hands smacked off.
His expression fell as he gazed towards the floor, disappointed, yet used to it.

“Why the hell are you still not showered yet? You hair,” His mother reach out her hand to pull his hair slightly, before pushing his head roughly, letting go of her grip,

“Is disgusting. Greasy. You stink.” She crudely said before wiping her hands thoroughly on her pants.

Jeno kept his head down, sighing before he apologised for absolutely doing nothing wrong.

“What brings you here.” Jeno asked softly, cold yet showing the slightest interest.

“Obviously not to see you. I’m just here to tell you that the company changed the contract again, and your contract is extended to 18 years. I signed it.” She said, unbothered.

“What?” Jeno questioned with a quizzing gaze,

“Changing the contract and the contract length again? This is once again, all illegal. The fact that it was originally 15 years was already ridiculously illegal, Mom. Why did you agree to 18? Are you trying to sell me?” Jeno asked, hurt and confused.

“You know very well I really don’t care that much about you. Your uncle paid me to agree to this contract, so too bad. And don’t talk back to me, you useless idiot.” She hit the back of his head before she smirked,

“Do you know how much he gave me?” Giggling to herself, she continued before her son even bothered to find out,

“Five Hundred Thousand USD just to change your stupid contract, kid.” She laughed joyfully, as if money was , like she was high on drugs.

Jeno held back his tears before telling his mother softly,

“Good for you, you just earned 50 cents of value to what our family has. Dad earns enough with the companies he owns. A few hundred thousand is like a penny to us. You’re just going to use me to earn all the extra penny for yourself that you could easily withdraw from your own bank account.”

His mother raised a questioning brow before she threw a slap to his face before walking out of his room, stomping straight out of the dorm after.

A tear rolled down Jeno’s cheeks before he wiped it away quickly, cursing under his breath as he snuggled back in bed with his cat and Yorkshire terrier crawling up to cuddle with him.

As another tear started rolling down his cheek, he spoke under his breath,

“You should have aborted me the way you wanted. I wish I never existed.”

He then sat up, sighing heavily before throwing in a few sleeping pills into his mouth casually, as if it’s a habit.

“I wish I died when I had cancer years ago. That would have been easier.”

 

Jeno tossed around his bed with tears falling every few minutes, unable to sleep with insomnia bugging him every night with doubts about his existence on earth. He hated his life, he always wanted to end it, but his fate would always play games. The number of times he had attempted suicide, life played with him, tossing his death around, giving him all the pain to take in to die, but rescuing him at the end of the day. All that pain for nothing.
He is a boy known for his bright smile that would reach his eyes, turning them into beautiful crescent moons. However, they always say,

“The people who smile the brightest have it the hardest.”.

That cliché quote hung around him the moment he was born unwanted.

He would drift in and out of life, be it because of health or suicide attempts, but nobody around him really bothered to make sure he was living and not merely existing. His family, a chaotic, money minded bunch of demons, would care less about his life. Maybe his step-father does, but work was always his priority. His biological father would subtly show he cares, but when he has to really care and take responsibility, he’d first make a run, hiding his identity as his biological father. His sister, not even blood related, step-father’s daughter, she would be there for him at his brightest times but ignore him at his lowest, demand for money when their parents refuse to provide due to her obsessive spending habits, then throw tantrums at her brother when he doesn’t give her what she wants. All that mattered to his family was money. Despite owning two villas in Korea, a land, being multimillionaires, and step-father being South Korea’s top 3 in Net Worth, they still want more and more, and… More. That’s how his family works. They worship money. Jeno was the only one who didn’t see money as the almighty. He was the only who could see how money was screwing his family over. His pets were his only source of love and escape.

Jeno was lost in his thoughts, until a notification ringtone gave him a shock. He seldom texts anybody. He muted all group chats. He rolled his eyes in annoyance, wondering who could’ve contacted him. He sighed and checked his phone only to an Instagram notification.

“@Hyunnie.gram replied to your comment: …”

His eyes widened in shock before he squabbled around to sit up from his bed in excitement that was mixed with anxiety.
He clicked on the notification, bringing himself to the Instagram post’s comment section where he commented on one of her selfies with his limited English,

‘Pretty smile 😊’

He scrolled down to see her reply,

‘Thank you 😊’

For an unexplained reason, his lips immediately formed the brightest smile, forming crescent moon eyes. His heart raced, skipped beats, unsure of what to do next. All he could do was smile.

He never knew what love felt like, never knew how love at first sight even worked. But he sure knew it was a positive, extremely happy emotion.
Miraculously, he had an amazing night’s sleep that day, and for sure it wasn’t from the help of the sleeping pills.

 

 

--------- Author's notes ---------

Hey guys i hope you guys enjoyed the first chapter :) Do subscribe if you want to continue reading on and check out what happens next, and dont forget to leave some comments! :))

XOXO,

Jhyunmi