Monday dawns upon them with a cold milky light, with tendrils of fog clinging to the base of their mother’s rosebushes that line the outer walls of the house, and the sky wide and white and endless, promising more rain. In the quiet gloom of the early morning, Eric and Minwoo sit on the porch steps like they used to do when they were younger, huddled in caps and loose sweatshirts, a mug of steaming hot coffee each cradled in their hands.

“How’d it go last night?” Minwoo asks, still bleary-eyed from either too little sleep or too much alcohol. They had gotten back at 1AM, too buzzed to sleep, and so had dusted off the Monopoly set from the hallway closet; somewhere in their living room, Dongwan is asleep on top of 10,000 dollars in fake bills and the three pinecones that they had used for play tokens, stolen from a nearby potpourri bowl.

“You okay?” Minwoo rests his cheek on his free hand now and looks up at Eric, squinting, from where he sits.

Eric considers lying, but then concedes to honesty. After all, what more is there to say? And he’s just so tired.

“Not really.” He taps his nail against porcelain, stares at the expanse of dusty sky above them.

“Oh?”

“It was both better…and worse…than I expected.”

“Huh.” Minwoo sounds slightly surprised, but doesn’t ask for an elaboration. Eric is grateful. “To be honest, we all thought you were going to end up fighting at the parking lot, so we went to check. But then Jinnie said the car was gone, and it was raining like crazy.”

“We did fight. But it was a bit one-sided.”

“Hyesung kicked your , you mean.”

Eric rolls his eyes but doesn’t deny it. Truth be told, his ribs still hurt where Hyesung kicked him, but he also wonders if his bruised ego is contributing to the pain.

“Anyway,” he says, trying not to stare at the Park house across the street, “that’s that then.” Minwoo pats his knee comfortingly.

“Sorry, man.”

“It was a long shot.” Eric shrugs.

“At least you tried huh?”

“I guess.”

“Now what?”

“Now…I guess we start the rest of our lives.” Eric says. He wrings his hands and squares his shoulders as he feels the full weight of the words pressing down on them.

It hits him suddenly that from this morning on, he now has to start saying goodbye: to his five-year marriage; to the house in Rye; to the possibility of a shared future with Hyesung; and to the world he’s known all his life, the world that contained their father. The sadness that comes with the realization engulfs him so quickly that it feels like he’s been kicked in the chest again, but this time with full force, and so he clutches the front of his shirt as he leans forward, hanging his head between his knees.

The past week has seen far too many goodbyes.

“It’ll be okay, bro. Don’t worry. Hey….” Minwoo says, taking both their mugs and setting them down safely on the porch. Eric feels as Minwoo holds his hand in his warm one and squeezes. The action is small, but necessary; it grounds him, and prevents him from spiraling further downward. Minwoo does it again while rubbing his back, holding him close enough for it to pass for a hug. “Just take it one thing at a time. It’ll be okay.”

“Yeah?” The effort to not cry while feeling as though his ribs are splintering into a thousand jagged pieces is colossal.

“Don’t hold it in. You don’t have to appear so tough with me, Eric.”

Eric nods, grateful, and lets his tears fall. They sit there in a somber near-silence, and when Minwoo squeezes his hand, he squeezes his brother’s hand back. As he always has. As he always will.

--

Breakfast at the Muns starts earlier than usual, and is a joint effort by Hyori and Eric, who desperately needs something to do with his hands. Dongwan is roused by the first buttermilk pancake that hits the butter browning on the griddle and shuffles into the kitchen in stocking feet, with his hair askew and his eyes closed. Minwoo sets the table around him as he dozes while Andy pelts him with blueberries; Hyori arranges them so they’re piled on his head.

“Good morning, my loves.” Their mother gives them all a peck as she floats into the room, still the epitome of grace and beauty despite the hardships of the past few weeks. She touches Dongwan fondly on the cheek as she takes her seat. “Thank you for breakfast.”

Schedules are arranged quickly as they eat: Minwoo and Andy will be driving out before noon to beat Manhattan rush hour traffic, since Minwoo has deigned to drop Andy off at his apartment before heading down the I-95 back to DC. Hyori is staying until Thursday, then will be driving back to Philadelphia come Friday morning, having already filed a leave and in no hurry to get back to work. Eric shares his flight details shortly after, skipping over the fact that he had just booked it several hours before and keeping mum on the events that had led to it. Thankfully, none of his siblings or Dongwan react or bring up any of the events last night.

“I can drive you,” Hyori offers. “LaGuardia, right?”

“I’ll go too,” Dongwan interjects, looking more awake by the second. His place at the table is littered with the blueberries that had been nesting in his hair.

“You don’t have to.” Hyori frowns. “I can drive down fine by myself.”

“I didn’t say I’d drive, I just said I’d go.” Dongwan looks smug. “Just to make sure you won’t get bored.”

Eric sees as their mother raises her eyebrows but keeps her eyes carefully trained on her coffee. Hyori squints at Dongwan suspiciously but gets no attention from him in return, with the pastor already too busy cutting up his pancakes to shove into his mouth.

“Strange, I would’ve thought Junjin and Hyesung would be here.” Their mother peers at the kitchen door, as though expecting either of the brothers to appear any second.

“Probably tired.” Minwoo contributes maybe a little too quickly as he slathers his pancakes with more butter than necessary.

“Did you guys have fun last night?”

“It was great,” Andy says with a casual air. “No one, like, fought or anything…”

Eric would have kicked him under the table if he was any nearer, but he isn’t. He settles instead on giving a death glare to his youngest brother, who ignores it like a pro. By the time he does notice, their mother is no longer asking any further questions.

“I’ll do you all a favor by informing you all what I plan to do within the next 6 months.” Their mother says as she wipes syrup off her lip. “I would still be keeping the house until then, but will already be open to selling it after that…”

“Auntie—!” Dongwan stares at her, mouth agape as though it’s the first time he’s hearing it. “You wouldn’t!”

“Anything can happen.” Their mother says as she wipes a smear of butter off Dongwan’s cheek. “Nothing’s set in stone yet.”

“You can always head west, Mom.” Eric offers, recalling with distinct clarity that he’s already made a promise to himself to not return to Rye, but has avoided mentioning it out loud. At least if their mother lived with him, he’d have no reason to return. It’s the perfect excuse. “You can live with me.”

“We’ll see. I don’t want to make any promises I can’t keep.” Their mother smiles in a way that would shame the Mona Lisa. It used to drive their father crazy when she smiled like that, but in the way that usually ended in a few stolen kisses when they thought nobody else was looking.

Used to. The words are still foreign but are becoming warmer on Eric’s tongue. He loosens his tightening shoulders. Maybe he can do this.

(But what is…this?)

Maybe.

--

Minwoo and Andy pack quickly. It isn’t really that difficult since they’ve barely brought anything in the first place, just an oversized duffel bag each, and a then a box containing some of their father’s things that they want for their own. At 10AM they’ve barely made their way out of the kitchen; by 11, both Minwoo and Andy are set to go and everyone else has crowded on the lawn around the tiny orange car parked at the front, despite the slight drizzle that’s threatening to turn into another downpour. Their mother rattles off a reminder list:

“House keys? Phones? Minwoo, your allergy medicine is with you, right? Andy, were you able to get your clothes that were in the dryer?”

“All here, Mom, don’t worry.”

“I always worry. Especially for you.”

“Aww.” Minwoo grins widely and hugs their mother. “See, I knew I was the favorite.”

“No, you’re just a chaotic mess.” Hyori counters, then squeals and jumps away as Minwoo lunges for her. Nearby, Andy is frowning as he’s fussed over by their mother, who’s insisting the jacket you’re wearing is too thin and for God’s sakes, do your jeans really have to be ripped like that, you’ll catch your DEATH.

Eric hugs his brother goodbye.

“Let me know, all right? If you need anything.” Minwoo says. He casts a glance at the Park house behind Eric but says nothing else.

“Yeah, of course. Always.”

Minwoo tightens his hold. “I got you, bro. Love you,” he says, and Eric nods into his shoulder.

Andy jumps up on his back, wrapping long legs around Eric’s waist and holding onto his neck for dear life like an oversized koala.

“Love you, hyung,” he whispers, then promptly kisses the side of Eric’s neck before letting him go. Eric is able to grab a hold of him before he fully escapes and plants a sloppy kiss on his temple, which Andy balks at. Nearby, Minwoo and Dongwan are mock-wrestling.

“God, you’re all idiots.” Hyori sighs before clapping her hands. “Minwoo! You have to get going! Unless you want to suffer in midtown traffic the rest of the day.”

The statement is enough to scare Minwoo into pulling himself upright despite Dongwan having him in an armlock. He wriggles free with much difficulty then does a final round of goodbye hugs and kisses. On the side, Andy is letting himself be embraced and petted by Hyori, who fixes his hair and pinches his cheeks. Their mother watches from a distance with her arms crossed over her chest and a fond look on her face.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” Minwoo honks the car as soon as he and Andy are both inside. “We’ll see you soon!”

“Love you both!” Hyori waves.

“Good riddance!” Dongwan yells good-naturedly.

“ it, Erowan!” Andy laughing as he pokes his head out the window, sticking his tongue out like a child. In the same breath, he also blows their mother, shaking her head as she watches them, a kiss.

“You really are asking to get your beat, HUH—”

But before Dongwan can even get to approach, Minwoo has the car already advancing, and by the time the pastor has taken a step forward, the car has already rapidly picked up speed and is cruising down the street, Andy’s hooting and hollering loud enough to bounce off the trees.

“Love you all!”

Minwoo sticks his arm out to wave a final time before the car makes a turn and fully disappears from view.

--

Eric packs quickly after his brothers leave. By 12 he’s showered and ready for his 3pm flight, choosing to eat the soup his mother’s prepared for lunch while standing by the kitchen sink.

“Could you be any more thrilled to be leaving?” Their mother gives him a wry smile as he rinses his bowl and places it in the dishwasher for drying. Hyori and Dongwan have gone to shower and get ready; apparently Dongwan always has a change of clothes in his car ‘for emergencies’.

Eric shakes his head, despite feeling the stabbing guilt her words cause. He hasn’t lingered in any of the rooms in the house for any final goodbyes; he has never been one for open acts of sentimentality. If he’s learned anything at all, it’s that hovering over wounds makes them hurt more, and so he tries not to.

“Of course not, Mom.”

“No need to lie, Eric. I know it’s been a difficult week.” His mother pats his arm. Somehow, it’s all the comfort he needs.

“Are you…are you going to be okay here though?” Without Minwoo and Andy, the house already seems infinitely larger and quieter. Eric is worried. Both for him and his mother, but at least with himself he still has some control. “Seriously, Mom, you can go back with me to LA.  I can buy you a ticket right now. It’d be fine…”

His mother silences him by placing a gentle hand on his wrist. “I think for now it’s best we both be alone for a little while. Just long enough for us to sort out our own thoughts and feelings.”

“But…”

“It’ll be fine, ah deul.” His mother rubs his back, the weight of her hand warm and heavy against his skin and pushing him forward ever so slightly. Keep moving, their parents always told them. Don’t give up. It ain’t over til it’s over.

“If you say so,” Eric mutters.

“I know so. Just try to keep your head up as best as you can.”

He doesn’t want to go back to LA. The sun is too hot, and the air too dry, and every corner houses an echo of his relationship with Hyunjin. But he knows he has to, at least to fully finish up that chapter of his life. Maybe after he finishes up a couple of projects and earns enough money, he’ll pack up his stuff and drive north or back east…just start all over again somewhere new. He just has to get through the next couple of months.

“Yeah, okay, Mom.” Eric manages a smile. “If you can do it, I can too, right?”

“See, I knew you kids listened even though it seemed like you didn’t at the time…” his mother says, a teasing glint in her eye. Just then, Hyori can be heard clomping down the staircase, in the middle of an argument with Dongwan. Emily Mun shakes her head.

“Those two…” she clicks her tongue against her teeth. “If they like each other they should just go for it. I’ll give them two months at the latest.”

Eric grimaces. “Mom, seriously! Hyori?! With Dongwan? I don’t even want to think it. Gross!”

“What? Your Dad would have agreed, I think…”

“Okay, you can stop now.”

“Stranger things have happened.” His mother laughs. “It’s not that bad, my goodness, Junghyuk. C’mon, gather your stuff. Your sister will be yelling at you to get going any second, and I want to start vacuuming the living room right after you guys leave—”

“ERIC!” Hyori suddenly shouts from the front door at full volume. Their mother gives a knowing smirk.

“See, what’d I tell you?”

“You know us best,” Eric grins, then kisses her forehead, inhaling her soft, familiar scent. “You’re sure you’re going to be all right?”

“If you ask me that one more time, I’m never going to speak to you again.”

“You play hard.” He tuts, then gives her a final embrace in the kitchen that has seen him and watched him grow from the time since he was a baby, crawling on the floor as a toddler, flicking peas at Hyori and Minwoo as a child, sitting on the counter with Dongwan as a teenager, informing his parents of his upcoming marriage as an adult, and now saying goodbye to his parents and yet holding one less…

He makes sure to hold her tighter and longer than he usually would have, imagining his father also there, since he had never had the chance to do so one more time. He isn’t able to put into words how comforting it feels when his mother squeezes him back with the same intensity.

(Could you just hold me then? For now, while you’re here?)

“Okay, bye, Mom.” His words are barely a whisper into her hair, but Eric knows she can hear him. “I’ll see you soon, okay? Give me a call when you’re ready to go to LA, I’ll buy you a ticket.”

“Or you can come back here.”

Eric says nothing but: “No jetting off to Seoul or whatever without telling me first.”

“I’ll be right here. Now go on—”

“ERIC!” Hyori yells again, louder this time, causing their mother to wince.

“Jesus Christ—!”

“Get going already before your sister ruptures my eardrums.” His mother gives him a gentle push and pokes a finger into her ear. “Aigoo.”

“I’ll kill her, don’t worry, Mom.” Eric promises. He makes a quick mental note of his things and whether or not he’s left anything important up in his room, since he’s already stashed his bags in Hyori’s car. When he confirms he has everything, he makes to leave, gathering his jacket from the kitchen counter and feeling his pockets for phone, wallet, keys. “I’ll get going now. Bye. Bye. Love you.”

“Love you.” His mother kisses her hand before waving at him. Eric blows her a kiss back before heading out the kitchen and marching towards the living room without looking back.

--

“Hyori, for ’s sake, are you trying to scare the bejeezus out of Mom—”

Eric stops dead in his tracks when he nearly crashes into Hyesung as soon as he opens the front door.

“Holy !” he yells. Hyesung, pale and tousled, and looking downright miserable in a gray tracksuit, barely flinches. Eric quickly gathers his bearings and does a quick spot-check of their surroundings to see if he’s being pranked. He turns his head in time to see Dongwan, Hyori, and Junjin duck into Hyori’s car, already parked by the road and set to go, leaving him with Hyesung alone on the porch.

Hyesung doesn’t say anything, just stands there like a weathered oak, his hands in his pockets and his eyes averted downward.

“Hyesung.” Eric can feel his heart pounding in his throat, but he pushes the fear and trepidation back down, down down as much as he can manage. “Can I…um…help you?”

The drizzle has started up again, and with it a frigid breeze that tosses up the leaves on the front lawn. It leaves Hyesung’s hair in disarray too but the other man doesn’t even bother, for once, to lift up his hand to fix it.

“I wanted to…um…get my dad’s Dutch Oven.” He’s almost mumbling that Eric has to lean forward to hear the words. When Hyesung raises his head, he takes a step back to widen the gap between them. “You know, the one that the chicken stew came in. The one that I…brought over the other day.”

Eric is dumbstruck. “That’s…I mean, my mom has it somewhere. You’re welcome to come in and look for it in the kitchen…”

“Yeah?” He can’t accurately read the expression on Hyesung’s face; it’s somewhere between nonchalance and masked devastation, and it reminds him, painfully, of Hyunjin. The fact that he has to endure this pain now twice within one week is both pathetic and distressing. “Okay…maybe I’ll come back for it then. I’ll need the sweatshirt you borrowed last night too.”

Eric too is tired of playing this game, and so he nods definitively. “Okay. Just let my mom know. She knows where they are. You know the way in. I won’t keep you.”

He makes to leave, shrugging on his jacket as he walks off, his heart feeling heavier by the second with each step he takes away from what was and what could be, embodied in one person. His chest aches so much he can barely stand it, but he holds himself upright and continues walking.

(Keep moving)

He will not look back. He will not be that person.

“I left because I was scared, okay?” he hears Hyesung say from behind him, his voice low at first but getting louder by the second. “I was scared and I didn’t know what to do, so I left and I stayed gone and I thought that would be all right…Eric, stop!”

Eric finds himself coming to a halt, having already made his way halfway down the flagstone path that led towards the end of the lawn. Rain pelts his face, cold like ice, but he doesn’t turn around to face Hyesung. He has to at least afford himself a final dignity.

“I thought that maybe if I was far enough, things would change, and maybe it did because my life became taek and I had to learn to adjust living somewhere else and with totally different people, and yeah, maybe I did want you to hurt even a little bit, because it never seemed fair that I was the only one having to go through what I was and I never knew what you were feeling, if you had ever even felt the same way…”

Hyesung’s babbling is almost incoherent but Eric catches every single word. It surprises him when what is said doesn’t even make it past the wall he’s now built. It reminds him of his marriage vows, of dozens of his father’s promises throughout childhood that were waylaid for other things. Words are nothing without follow-through.

“Go home, Hyesung,” Eric says instead. “Take care of that leg.”

There really is nothing more to say, not on his end, at least. The most he can do now is leave with his self-respect intact.

“WAIT! Eric!”

But he isn’t waiting. Not anymore. Eric wipes his face quickly with the back of his hand, unknowing whether or not it’s tears or rainwater wetting his sleeve. He just wants to go—

“For ’s sake…”

A hand grabs his collar and another his shoulder and in one quick motion turns him around so that one second, he’s meeting Hyori’s hawk-like gaze as she sits inside her car, and the next he’s suddenly being pulled forward and almost falling. Almost, because he doesn’t, not with Hyesung there, hands placed squarely against his chest, his fingers splayed against Eric’s dancing heartbeat.

“You never ing listen.” Hyesung says, white and enraged, and then Eric is being pulled again, but this time, there’s direction applied to force and the endpoint is the plush of Hyesung’s lips, warm and strong and so perfectly defined that Eric can hardly breathe—

“WHOA!” he says, pushing Hyesung away, instinct granting him one last shred of self-preservation just before he goes teetering over the edge. “Hyesung, what are you doing? I thought you didn’t want this…”

Hyesung’s lips are the color of a bruised peach, and his narrow chest is heaving. His eyes glisten with what may be tears.

“I’m so scared. I’m so scared but I just know…” He gasps as though he’s running out of air, fists balled at his sides. “I know…I’ve always known what I want. And I know that if you walk away now, I will never be able to live with myself.”

“But your reputation…your family…” Eric echoes the same thing Hyesung had asked him just last night. They aren’t trivial concerns for the most part, but he isn’t going to jump at something half-hearted, no matter how much he wants it.

Hyesung presses against his face with the insides of his wrists.

“I don’t know…I don’t know…” he says almost despairingly. “ does anyone actually really know? There’s no manual for this . But…”

The universe seems to still, and all Eric can do is watch as it unfolds before his eyes.

“I may lose everything tomorrow, but if I had…you…it may…I dunno…” he looks up at Eric, arms down, lips swollen, and eyes red-rimmed, “…it may just be worth it.”

Eric doesn’t think, he just moves forward close enough so their faces almost touch. He kisses with utmost gentleness a wet spot on Hyesung’s cheek, tastes salt and spring and hope.

“No takebacks?” he warns softly, restrains himself one more time in case of a final betrayal by Hyesung’s fickleness. The other man surprises him by holding his face with both hands.

“Shut the up, Eric Mun. For ing once.”

When their lips touch this time, it feels like the slotting in of a final puzzle piece, a decades-long breath finally released. There are no fireworks or the echoes of applause. What is there is the sweet unexplainable feeling of finally meeting after a long eventful journey, in the same place where they had started.

When they finally part, he feels Hyesung’s laugh against his skin.

“Well will you look at that. It finally stopped raining.”

Eric looks up and smiles. Overhead, the sun is already shining.

Home, is where I want to be

But I guess I'm already there

END


Author's Notes
1. Finally done! Thank you for reading it!!! Sorry it took so long. And sorry if it feels cliched or underwhelming. I tried writing it another way, but Hyesung wouldn't have it. Also it's the ending that felt Right by the two of them. :) It was done at their own pace, and in their own way. 
2. Yeah they made out in front of Hyori, Deng, and Jinnie. LMAO. They're probably going to get heckled after but whatever. They're past caring. 
3. Eric is quite a solid character; he doesn't force things once he's already made a decision. So I hope it's clear that this time it's Hyesung that's called the shots now, and that's the only reason he gives in.
4. I WILL MISS THIS UNIVERSE, GOD. I loved it so much.
5. If you have any questions or complaints lol feel free to drop a comment. I'd love to know what you think and if you'd miss this brat pack as much I will. ♥
6. The last song lyric btw is from This Must Be the Place. :)