Sana loved writing. Really, she loved any form of communicating. To be able to convey a message, bring forth an image and ingrain it in others was an amazing power to have.

She had kept a diary from as young as she could remember, and write. The amount of boxes she had to keep her old diaries and journals in nearly took up half of her spare bedroom. They're all organised and dated, because one day she'd love to sit down and read it all. Maybe, in the future, she'd even pass it down to her own children, and then to theirs, and so on and so forth.

Having her life forever entrenched in between those pages, where things she had forgotten and valuable memories are sitting there, waiting for her to relive them all again.

They mean more to her now than anything, because Sana now has new boxes, separated from the others.

New memories

This box has at least three journals in it already, explaining the days, consecutively, after her accident. In these journals are her forgotten memories. Now, these weren't like her other journals, because these contained the memories she wasn't given the chance to remember.

Reading over them didn't bring back forgotten memories.

Sana doesn't even remember living them.

It was this box full of unobtainable memories that Sana comes running to this morning. Her friend, Jeongyeon, had woken her up with her incessant doorbell ringing. The girl was dressed head to toes in black and had looked like someone squirted lemons in her eyes - they looked that bad. It was easy from just the sight of her that something was wrong.

And something indeed was because Jeongyeon looked at her in confusion and asked, “Why aren't you dressed? We're going to be late.”

Sana had no idea what Jeongyeon had meant. Why should she be dressed at 6 in the morning, and what were they late for? Her blank stare must have asked for her because Jeongyeon eyes widened just a bit before she let out a soft “ahh” in realisation.

“You don't remember.”

She's sorting through her box whilst Jeongyeon makes a quick phone call to explain their tardiness to whatever arrangement they had. There's two that are dated and one that isn't - just a syllable engraved twice is found on it. She grabs the latest journal and the other with the weird engravement and heads over to Jeongyeon.

The girl had just gotten off the phone and Sana used this opportunity to grab her attention.

“Do you know why I didn't date this, but instead had this engraved?”

Jeongyeon doesn't answer her straight away, but instead stares at her. Now, Sana was great at reading in between the lines and everything, but she was horrible at reading people. She didn't understand the look the other girl was giving her. It was a mixture of forlorn and confusion.

“You didn't want to mix it up with the other journals, because you wanted it to be separated from everything else.” Sana still didn't understand, because why would she do that? What was worth having it's own journal? “That's your journal of Momo, Sana.” Jeongyeon let out a soft sigh that sounded like a breath of a chuckle, a small smile appeared as she said the name that was engraved on Sana’s journal.

Her finger grazed over the letters, a low whisper of the name that the journal was solely about. She tried, like she's done countless of times, to remember what lies behind the covers of her journals.

But like always, her memories come up short.

Sana looks up from her journal, and her question seems to hurt Jeongyeon.

“Who's Momo?”

//

November 7th 2017,

I went to see Blade Runner 2049 with Jeongyeon and Nayeon today. It was an okay movie, great visuals, needed more asian actors in it, though.

But that wasn't the highlight of the day. We were heading out to grab dinner when this random girl ran up and kissed me.

Yes, you read right. Kissed me!

I was frozen shock, Nayeon almost fainted, and Jeongyeon…

… When the girl squeals at Jeongyeon grabbing her is when Sana broke out from her trance. She knows that what the stranger did was wrong, but she didn't want Jeongyeon to get into a fight over it. She tries to get in between them, but Jeongyeon’s grip on the girl’s collar was iron tight.

It took a lot of convincing words on her end, unending apologies from the stranger, and a slap on the back of the head from Nayeon to get Jeongyeon to back off. It was great, nonetheless, to know how protective Jeongyeon is, and that she's in great hands.

Nayeon has to hold their fuming friend back when the stranger approaches Sana. This time she was alert and ready for anything, but the stranger only apologizes, again.  

“I'm sorry, about the kiss,” she scratches at her neck in awkwardness. “Um, I know it doesn't excuse what I did but if you’d let, I'd like to explain myself.”

Sana gives the girl the benefit of the doubt, because she too would like to know the reasoning behind her actions.  

“See, I have this bucket list-”

Before she can finish, Jeongyeon cuts her off, “to ually assault people?!” Her yammering is effectively put to a stop with Nayeon’s palm.

The girl looks not only embarrassed but also ashamed, now. “Um, well, I suppose this one is considered ual assault. Again, I'm sorry. I'm stupid for even doing it.”

She was spluttering apologies, one after the other, and really, they were just reiterations of one another. Maybe she's too kind hearted and forgiving, because Sana smiles and gives her a pat on the shoulder, accepting her apologies with a simple question.

“Why are you ticking things off your bucket list?”

… I can't believe I was so stupid for even asking. Why else would someone be completing their bucket list?

Now I was the bad guy.

But maybe I was the good guy for helping her cross something off her list? Yeah, I'm going to go with that.

She has a heart condition and it's deteriorating, apparently. The wait list is too long and she's lost hope in getting a donor. So, instead of wallowing around in self-pity, she's living the rest of her life to the fullest.

Maybe I should make a bucket list. Everything on her list seems fun, but not entirely far-fetched. Well, majority aren't too out there. She's not exploring space on a rocket anytime soon, I can guarantee that. It's a fun list, nonetheless.

Her name is Momo.

//

Sana flips the last of the stapled pages. It seems like she had ripped the official first entrance of the journal from another, and stapled it to the first page to create this journal of her times with this Momo girl.

She had read it aloud, it helps her fully grasp the memories in a way. Jeongyeon lets out chuckles here and there as she read. And the way the girl’s smiling now, Sana can see that she’s no longer the angry girl in the journal.

This Momo girl now means something to her. And it's obvious, from creating an entirely separate journal, that Momo had come to mean something to Sana too.

//

November 9th 2017,

It's Anton’s farewell party tonight and your girl here is in charge of the cake - very ironic to leave it to me, if I do say so myself. I had ordered it in the shape of a shuttlecock, because Mr. Buffman is strangely an avid fan of badminton.

Not wanting to be that person to somehow up cake duty, I had gotten to the cake shop bright and early, with two hours to spare before having to arrive at the party.

I was patiently waiting for my cake when I noticed some weird commotion happening at the back of the house. I asked the cashier what was going on…

… “You wouldn't believe it. This girl ordered a wedding cake, like an entire, whole , three tier wedding cake, but instead of it being for an actual wedding, she's just going ham on it. Girl could really put it away.”

Sana laughs at the ridiculousness of it all. Who in their right mind would spend so much money on a wedding cake, only to eat it like they’re a competitive eater.

Maybe she is a competitive eater, Sana reasons.

Hollering comes heckling out from the back of the house and it is easy to see how much the cashier wants in on the rare occasion. To be honest, Sana wants to see too. It was easy to cave him in. With an off handed remark that it was a shame for the both of them to miss out on the fun, the cashier invites Sana to the back of the house to watch.

Blackish blue hair has whipped cream tips, the useless bib stained, and everything below the eyes is a caked mess. Sana stares, amused and shocked, at the girl sitting on the kitchen floor shoveling handfuls of cake after cake into her face. The scene is an absolute mess. Kitchen staff have their phones whipped out, recording the entire meal the girl is making of the large wedding cake.

There’s no chance in hell she is going to finish that monster in time.

And like she had heard Sana’s thoughts, the girl turns away from the cake and makes direct eye contact with her. She smiles with a high pitched giggle at her, familiarity etched into her excited voice, “Sana! Come help me!”

Did this girl know her?

...Before I could protest, the videos were on me and everyone was screaming my name to join in. My decline of the offer was forgotten when the girl slapped a piece into my open mouth.

I have never had that much cake in my life! The challenge was thrilling without having to be. Everyone was cheering us on, like proud parents and bad influencing friends. It's sad to say, but we didn't finish the cake. Weren't even close. I had called it quits after she had thrown up.

It was gross and hilarious at the same time, and we got it all on camera.

It's easy to say that I was late for the farewell party and rocked up looking like I fell on a wedding cake - I may as well have - thanks to this girl.

Her name is Momo. It was her birthday today.

//

“Oh my god, I still have pictures from that day. We all thought your clumsy had tripped and fell on Anton’s cake on the way to the party.”

Jeongyeon is laughing to the point she's wiping away tears. She looks so happy, reliving the memory.

Sana can only wish she could bask in it too.

She quickly flips through the pages of the journal, trying to gauge how many pages she’d have to read before understanding who this Momo girl is, to her and Jeongyeon. In her haste, a post-it-note comes floating down from the pages.

It’s okay, if you don't remember me. Because I'll always remember you.

Sana was able to catch what was written on the neon pink note as Jeongyeon bent to pick it up. It only adds onto her confusion. She can barely grasp onto this new stranger in her life, and here this note is, stating that they have some sort of history.

“That idiot.”

Jeongyeon’s statement is followed by a sharp inhale. She's wiping at her eyes again, but this time it isn't from laughter. It takes a lot for Jeongyeon to cry. It's evident that the girl had either cried last night or before coming to pick her up, and here she is, crying in front of Sana.

What is it that has pushed Jeongyeon to her breaking point?

“What's wrong, Jeongyeon?”

The girl let's out a cackle, like Sana’s just asked her the million dollar question that's obvious to everyone, but her. She’s furiously wiping away at her eyes, causing the area around it to become deeply pink from irritation.

“What's right, Sana,” her laughter turns into a small sob. “I can't even be mad at you because none of it’s your fault. I can't even be mad at Momo,” she’s yelling through her tears and Sana wonders how many times Jeongyeon’s had to relive this moment. “I can't be mad, but I am mad. I’m frustrated that you can't remember what you did yesterday, or the day before that. Or of the girl that you’ve written so much about that you literally have a book about meeting her for the first time, over and over again. I'm frustrated that Momo dies a little more inside when you don't recognise her.

I'm frustrated that I can't help either of you.”

Jeongyeon is choking on her sobs now, her words broken apart by the violent hiccups that entails her cries. Jeongyeon is exasperated, and Sana feels helpless. She holds the shaking girl in her arms, her silent cries following Jeongyeon’s unstoppable one.

Sana doesn't know how to fix this. She doesn't even know how to fix herself.

“I'm sorry,” is all Sana can say. It's all she knows to say since her accident.

She feels Jeongyeon grip tightly at the front of her shirt, giving her chest small thumps with her clenched fists. “You have nothing to be sorry for,” Jeongyeon moves from her shoulder, her teary eyes boring into Sana's, making sure that what she says gets through to her. “It's not your fault.”

//

Sana is dressed in a black. Jeongyeon had gone quiet after her little outburst, and Sana didn't think it was the right time to ask where they were going. She brought along the two journals she had grabbed before. She didn't know their destination, but Jeongyeon had told her to grab some snacks and hit the bathroom before they're on the road, because the drive was going to be long.

She had continued her journey down Momo memory lane, but this time she didn't read it out loud. She didn't want to put Jeongyeon through anymore pain, especially when the girl was the one driving.

But it seems the girl thought differently, “read it out.” She isn’t looking at her, her red eyes glued to the road. Sana doesn't think it's a good idea, but when they hit a red light and the girl turns to her with pleading eyes, “please, read it out,” Sana can’t find it in herself to say no.

November 12th 2017,

Jeongyeon, Jihyo and I got sent to Japan to represent the company for a 2 nights, 3 days trip. I'm so excited! It's been way too long since I've been home.

Can't wait to show the girls my talking skills. Now they'll be the lost ones!

Anyways, we had just finished getting our tickets and were going to find our terminal when Jihyo trips over some pants lying on the floor…

… “Oh my god, are you okay, Jihyo?!”

Sana and Jeongyeon drops their carry on bags to run to their fallen friend. A stranger had gotten to her before they can, apologising profusely. It didn't take a genius to know whose pants had caused all of this.

Lying right next to the stranger is an opened luggage, its content is surrounding it instead of being inside of it. It is only then that Sana realises how weirdly dressed the girl is.

Over her sweatpants she has on denim shorts and leg warmers, her jumper is topped with a polo shirt and a crop top atop of that. Sana wasn't a fashionista but good lord, what is this girl wearing.

She doesn't know how long she is out of it, Sana usually doesn't judge people on their appearance, but when she comes to the three girls in front of her were layering up.

“Sana!” The stranger stares at her with twinkling eyes, “This is your pile, start dressing or we're going to miss our flight.” She points to a messily made pile of clothes before turning back to her own.

...It was like we were playing the 100 layers of shirts game. I don't know why Jeongyeon and Jihyo had decided to help the stranger. I don't even know how she knew my name.

Well, long story short, the four of us probably gained a kilo each, and the girl’s luggage was given the green to check in.

Our terminal was across the airport. We had to waddle run our way there. We were dodging people at top speed, Jeongyeon had fallen and taken us all down with her at one stage, but we were so padded we basically bounced off the floor. It was so embarrassingly funny though, because none of us could get back up. We were wobbly turtles, the security guard had to help us up.

No lie, but it was heaps of fun.

Jihyo, Jeongyeon and I had the middle aisle seats. Call it funny fate, because the girl had the seat right next to mine. We spent the entire flight, the four of us, engaged in random stories.

I have an inkling that Jeongyeon already knows this girl, though.

Her name is Momo.

//

The car fell into silence after she read that entrance. Reading these stories, the memories were so hard to grasp it feels like she wasn’t reading her journal, but a story. A story that always has this stranger in it that obviously isn't a stranger no more. Well, only to her.

It was beginning to shape, the overall picture of who this unknown girl in her life is. She knows Jeongyeon, more than enough for the girl to cry over her. This Momo girl was becoming a part of her life, if only Sana could put all the cut ends of her memory roll together.

Sana needs to remember who Momo is to her.

Jeongyeon has said something, but she’s too buried in her thoughts to catch it.

“I said, it was a fun trip,” Jeongyeon repeated herself. “It didn't feel like we were there for work.

We were there to help Momo complete her bucket list.”

//

Shenanigans. That is what most of her journal of Momo held. The dates didn’t fall far from one another, as if this Momo girl had started to become a consistent, permanent, figure in her life. Someone her friends knew, hell, some entrances even had her family involved.

Momo had become a staple in her life along the way, if only Sana could remember how and when.

But most importantly, the more she reads of their tale of a flowering friendship, the more she needed to know why.

A girl with a limited hourglass she couldn’t see running befriending a girl with a resetting camera roll.

It was tragedy met tragedy, but Momo, knowing what she was going into, had decided to stick around.

Why had Momo decided to build a friendship atop a crumbling sandcastle that by the Sun’s rise, the ocean had thrashed all the way back to its foundation?

Sana has so many questions to ask the girl. Has so many bouncing around in her head, because the more she reads the more it encaptures her, making her curiosity bloom. With every page she turns it was like she was placing a puzzle piece down to a picture she couldn’t see.

With every memory she retells, Jeongyeon’s eyes dull. Her amused chuckles growing lower, a deep rumble emitting from the depths of her chest.

Sana grew a little bit too curious and had flipped through the pages, and by doing so she connected the dots of Jeongyeon’s mood.

Her flips of fully used pages turns into blank ones.

Her pages were running out.

Her pages of Momo were running out.

Her story with Momo was coming to an end. 

Sana doesn’t mean to but her mind runs to conclusions. All of the pieces were all too coincidental if not, right?

She feels her stomach drop, her chest heavy as if something was sitting upon it. Sana doesn’t want to think of the worst. After reading all she has, all she has learnt, tried to relive, a picture of her life with Momo she was only slowly painting…

For someone she still thinks as a stranger, why did it hurt so much thinking of the end of a journey she doesn’t remember taking.

It couldn’t have possibly ended, could it?

Sana doesn’t have it in her to keep reading, knowing the more she turns the closer she reaches the end of her journal.

So, she closes the journal, lets it lie in her lap. She rather let Jeongyeon take her to her inevitable answer.

Because just with a small glimpse at Jeongyeon, she knows, she too doesn’t want to hear that last sentence, just as much as Sana doesn’t want to read it.

But it rang loud in her mind, a small change but it changed so much. 

Sana loved writing. But it was the first time she's ever felt nausous in bringing forth an image, having ingrained it in not only Jeongyeon but seemingly her throbbing heart as well. What an amazing power to have.

She had Momo's life forever entrenched in between the pages of her journal, where things she had forgotten and valuable memories are sitting, waiting for her to relive them all again. But without reading it, she knew how it ended. 

Her name was Momo.

How does it hurt losing something she doesn’t remember ever having?

Lowkey, terribly rushed ending that's just terrible overall. But hey, it was the inevitable ending I had in mind anyways.