Today is another milestone for Taeyang & his partner who have found each other and made each other life fuller. It’s like a fairytale to the Kpop and Kdrama life where the famous members of Big Bang get married to the national sweetheart, actress Min Hyorin. There is a bit of magic here today when one thinks of what it took to bring them to this place, to this moment. Call it fate, today is finally the day they got tied after years of dating.

 

It is a beautiful experience to go to your best friend wedding. Especially within this entertainment world where it could be categorized as a big crime for idol to get married especially at this age, well it still considered as young. The spark between the lovebirds eyes could be seen clearly as they shared their joy and happiness with everyone else in this hall. 

 

“Oh come on big girl. Don’t cry on your oppa wedding!” Taeyang said as soon as he saw my reaction. 

 

“Stop it oppa. I was crying because Hyorin unnie wedding dress is so damn beautiful! It’s perfect!” I said while hugging the bride, Hyorin is one of my favorite unnie. 

 

“Aww my little sister! Thank you for coming Chaerin. I will appreciate that if you could give some awful throwback photos of Yongbae later” 

 

It was decorated well with the simple yet glamorous decorations for the after party celebration. It was attend by their closest friends. Most of the YG family could be spotted with a few of familiar celebrities faces, which I assumed as Hyorin unnie actor and actress friends. Their wedding celebration was great, just like their love story. Well unlike mine. Oh hello, you are just welcome to the story of pathetic love life of Lee Chaerin. 

 

The hall was getting loud with the groom surprised dance event with the bride. Yongbae took her hand into the centre off the hallway, showing her some cool grooves. It was romantic yet funny when he personally pick Versace On The Floor song to be danced. Oh well Taeyang-ssi, we all know what is the song all about. 

 

There are mix feelings when I saw them together. I’m so happy yet I felt so touched that they’ve come to this far. As an idol it won’t be easy to have a perfect dream-like love story, it will be at least two times challenging from the normal couple. But those two survived. Yongbae and I we’ve been friends for like almost 13 years and it’s seems like watching your own brother getting married. The feelings can’t be described through words. It’s beyond that. 

 

Standing besides me, there is another person who have the same overwhelming drama moments just like me. “What happened to the ‘leader don’t cry’ things oppa?”

 

“Shut up Chae. I don’t know if I was crying because too happy for him or afraid that he will leave me after this” Poor guy, Jiyong tried to hold his tears. 

 

“Aigoo you’re so cute oppa” I pinched his nose and hold his hand to comfort her. He put one of his arm around my shoulder and in silent we watched the married couple happily. 

 

It will be every girl dream to be with your lover till the end. We all want to have someone to love us back without any condition, devote all his love only for us and cherish us like we are the most beautiful person in this world. Everyone was granted with a love in our heart. Its either love towards your family or your friends or even your lover. 

 

We are waiting for the right time for the right person to appear. But for me, it is as if I’m waiting for someone that will never come and something that will never happen. In the easiest form of sentences; unrequited love. Not everyone is lucky enough to be loved back by people whom they fall for. It happens too often for people to fall in love with someone who doesn't love you back or don't feel the same way for you. 

 

The same beautiful feeling of love turns into miserable situation for you. One sided love is never easy. It will be harder if you fall for someone you close, more or less like a best friend or co-worker. Someone that certainly you will meet for the rest of your life. It just crazy enough to hear that CL was totally falling in love with G-Dragon. 

 

“Heartwarming Chaerin, Hunchae” 

 

Was it seven to eight years ago when he caught my eyes? I don’t know. It stupidly started with silly crush to my own senior in the company, well who didn’t when you have to spend most of your times with one hella fine looking boy in the tiny cramped dance practice room. It was the old YG building that I talked about. We were there around two to three years before moving in to the current overrated building, I could say this; all the upgrading should be credited to Big Bang.

 

2009, it was the year we debut and 2NE1 get all the attention from media and fans. The reaction was good and we were even labeled as the female version of Big Bang and wasn’t excluded to get the title of the G-Dragon in the form of a girl. At the end of year music festival, I remembered during MAMA. We won the award and I automatically hug you. It is the first skinship interaction that were displayed through public. From that moment, some fans started to ship us both calling us Skydragon. 

 

“Omo skydragon is real!”

 

“Don’t worry we ship you guys! Skydragon fighting!”

 

I started to feel ashamed when we are in public and some fans shouted that Skydragon chants. We are madly blushed at that time! It also when my other 2NE1 members teased us publicly during Hello stage back in 2010. Of course they knew that I like him. They pushed me towards him and he leans his head into my shoulder. It was the time that my heart beating so crazy that it could explodes. Scratch that. Jiyong is my ultimate crush at the moment. 

 

It is dangerous to be at that state. When you are too fast to be in love, there is also a higher chance for you to get a major heartbroken. Not long after that, there is a rumors speculated said that he is dating the Japanese model, Kiko Mizuhara. Hell no, my heart was ripped into thousands, wait no it was ripped into millions pieces.

 

Bom always said to me “Move on. Think about your happiness”. But that isn’t easy. Is it? 

 

Life is much powerful than we can imagine. It doesn’t go according to our wish. We can’t choose who we fall for. Nope that’s not up to us. Because the term ‘blinded in love’ occurred for some reason. Lol. How can someone think about their happiness when they are in love? Isn’t love supposed to be selfless? 

 

You might say he doesn’t love me back and should stop expecting the unexpected to happen? Let me tell you this. Have you ever been in love? I don’t think so. Because if you did, you’d know loving someone immensely is the most beautiful thing in the world. Even if it’s one sided or has no future, but the peace you get thinking about them, the satisfaction of giving your purest love to them is enough for you to live happily ever after.

 

‘Photo by GdBabyBaby’

 

‘Did you see it CL?’

 

2013 would be the sweetest and the most miserable moments that I have. From the day that he said he broke up with her, that would be the happiest day in my life. We grow closer to the level that everyone around us thought that we are in relationship. All the indirectly lovey-dovey captions that we post on instagram, skinship and romantic gestures during concerts, I wouldn’t lie that I felt so happy. 

 

“You are the best Chaerin”

 

“Yeah you too oppa”

 

It was the best few months in my life. The feelings of being loved is back. He even drove me to my practice, being with me most of them, take care of me when I was sick and even introduce me to her sister. Dami is such a nice person. All the signs that you show made me strongly believed that love me too. I could feel it because at that time we are more than just a friend. It just that none of us confess to each other. But then, I was slapped into a reality when he once again rumored to get back with Kiko. 

 

All I could felt is betrayed. Am I just a fcking rebound relationship for him? Well it goes on and on, years to years Kwon Jiyong did the same thing. From Kiko Mizuhara to Nana Komatsu and just when I thought he probably slow down, there is Jooyeon from After School. There’s even Dara in his stupid misunderstanding scandal rumors. Should I call him a cheater? No. He didn’t cheat on me. Why? Because he wasn’t fcking mine.

 

“Oh baby you so blind” 

 

It’s true that love can make us blind. Not only that, it make us stupid too. I was so damn stupid for believing that even for tiny piece, even for a bit that he slightly have a feelings towards me. I was stupid to think that every sweet things he did is just for me, that I even believed that the song, Who You was made for me. I said that our shippers is being delusional but it was me who are almost crazy. 

 

Time surely has passed so fast. As fast as my feelings slowly faded towards him. For these past years, it’s been hard enough for me with the 2NE1 disbandment and my career crisis. It getting harder to naturalize my feelings back to you. I want myself to remember that we can only be a good friend, a brother-sister relationship as we said to public. Without Jiyong even noticed I have slowly distance myself from him.

 

We haven’t had many instagram interaction as much as in 2013 before. I distract myself by meeting others. I get attached to Yongbae more but still, I can’t be apart with you. We are good friends for more than a decade and we couldn’t change the fact that literally at the end we will still hang out and comfortable with each other. 

 

“Come on Chae, I’m going to enlist soon! You will miss me later”

 

“Don’t worry oppa I’m not going to visit you kekeke”

 

On our last meeting before his endlistment, he managed to wish an advance birthday greetings. One thing that he never miss every year. Although that it can’t be said on time at 12 midnight as it used to be, I didn’t mind. At some point, I have realized that maybe we will never be together. For around 8 years of this one sided love, I felt thankful for all experiences that I have. 

 

It makes me appreciate everything more and thought me that love isn’t only supposed to owns it. We should love ourself first before anyone else. Love yourself, love myself. Being selfish for these years made me forgot that he is such a good best friend and brother that always be with me through ups and downs. Thus, I decided to write a letter to Kwon Jiyong. 

 

---

 

3rd Infantry Division, that also known as White Skull has been chaos since the day that the news of my enlistment spreads out. I couldn’t blame all my fans for all the troubles but I wish if only they could stay low key on waiting for me to finish this mandatory military enlistment. 

 

At first, the mail centre of this base camp were flooded by the letters sent by fans and last month the call centre once again been misused by the fans. Thankfully it is getting into controlled. I’m having a good time here, even though that I can’t said that I love being here but hey the most important thing is I’m enjoying my life right now. 

 

“Reading the same letter again?” my friend at the same division groaned. I flung myself down on the foldable mattress, sweeping an arm across my forehead. 

 

“This letter means a lot to me. It just so special that I will never get bored reading it” I said.

 

I took up the letter. Re-read it for the nth time. On seeing the first line I knew it directly, but could not hold back from reading the whole thing, not once but many times, for it was the only letter I received from someone I care.

 

Hello Jingyo oppa,

It's me, your annoying clumsy donseng, Lee Chaerin. I'll try to make this short and straight to the point because let's be honest, I'll burst out in tears if I don't, but that's why you love me (smirk), I'm way too sensitive for my own good. We don't have the privilege of being with each other every day like we used to do and we don't have the chance to talk about our day or how bad we pissed of with the management (oh yes I low key diss YG). As I write this letter to you, we are— well I’m not sure for how many miles away from each other but you're on a different place and I need to be okay for that. But there are some things I need you to know.

Thank you for your good treatment all this while. You have been trained to be a creative, independent, versatile artist who shows little to no emotion, who people always assume that you are such an arrogant jerk idol but you still manage to show me the real you who was opposite from all of that. Thank you for giving courages and support for me and 2NE1 even since we haven’t debut. Thank you for making your time to listen to me whines in between your busy schedule or when you are in the tour. Thank you for letting me be one of the person you trust besides your family to show your emotions for. It never goes unnoticed the way you take care of me all this while. Thank you.

We're not a normal couple and I don't think people will ever understand that. We are good friends, we are most likely like brother and sister, we are everything. Sometimes we go weeks without speaking but still, our friendship grows every day. You probably knew that I used to love you more than I should. I don't need to hear you tell me you love me back because that wasn’t supposed to be happened. We're not normal, we are so damn crazy just like that and I wouldn't trade it for the world to have a replacement of you. I love us; I love where we are. It's perfect for me — you make me feel special across the world, you make me feel comfortable and cherished more than you know and I couldn't ever thank you enough.

You are one of the best things happen in my life and I wouldn't trade our relationship for the world. Saying just a simple "I missed you" does not wrap up the memories I hold so close to my heart while you are away from me. You are the best they way you are. I love your strength and determination in everything you do. You work so incredibly hard, and it is an honor to be able to call a someone like you as my best friend. 2 years wouldn’t be that long and just so you know, when you come back, I’m ready to shake the world again with you. Together we will ride or ride. YG Family, one night till infinity; one.

 

Best regards,

Lee Chaerin.

 

She never know what I felt. It is better that way. During all those 8 years, my feelings were being silenced for our own benefit. I want you to have the good time of your career, I wouldn’t bear to let myself be the barrier between what you love most, which are music and stage. I have a lot of weakness Chaerin, you deserved someone better. 

 

“Let’s not fall in love, we don’t know each other very well yet. Actually, I’m a little scared, I’m sorry. Let’s not make promises, you never know when tomorrow comes. But I really mean it when I say I like you”

 

Though these lyrics in the song will never get your attention, I hope that you knew I was thinking of you every day and that I was wishing you every happiness. Let’s wait for another 2 years. I don’t want plan to anything but I’m hoping for something better for me, for you and for us.

 

Love always,

The boy you loved once.

 

 

 

 

 

 

A/N: Just a random one shot that come up into my mind. I always had a feeling that Chaerin is the one who hurt most all the time. I feel so bad to her that it broken my heart to write this whole things. It’s not that I put all the blame towards Jiyong, no I’m not. Ugh btw I did this referring to the real time line when everything is happened. I hope you enjoy this short one shot skydragon fic!