Mi’Ahni closed the front door behind her and locked it with a sigh. She was so tired, her job was so demanding now that she had no interest in it. She was a Vet Tech working on becoming a Veterinarian. It was depressing, she thought that she wanted to be a Veterinarian. It was something that she’d always dreamed of since she was a kid, but now she hated it. All the barking dogs, aggressive cats, and that rare lizard or snake that would walk in she never even wanted to go near let alone help with. She was on her feet all day and it was starting to take a serious toll on her back, making things even worse every day… And if she had to see another animal pass away, she wasn’t sure if she could handle it. Not now, not anymore.

Taking off her shoes at the door and tossing her keys on the bar, she went straight to the fridge to pull out some leftovers to heat up. Right after setting the microwave, she went into her room to lay down. Looking down at the side of her bed, tears started to fall. She still hadn’t thrown it away. Her dog’s small red bed laid empty on the floor. Mi’Ahni missed her so much. It was hard not having her baby by her side after 17 years. Her little shadow was gone, and it made her feel colder than she had expected, even though she had prepared herself for 2 years before hand. The microwave beeped, and she sat up wiping her tears away. When her vision cleared. Her eyes rested on one of her posters on the wall. A poster from her first SHINee concert. At first, a small smile formed on her face, but when she let her eyes rest on Jonghyun… started to ache. Before she could let herself cry again she got up to get her food. She had lost her 2 favorite pups in the span of 3 months and it wasn’t helping her omnipresent depression at all. The thought of that day still felt like a nightmare. Seeing the news as soon as she woke up, praying the he’d make it through it as she tried to pay attention to work, and then to hear that he was gone just like that... She cried at work that day. It was still something that she couldn’t fully believe. Some days she’d celebrate his life, someday she couldn’t look at him without crying. The hardest thing though was watch SHINee footage. It was something about seeing them as 5, knowing that she’d never see them that was again… She was expecting her dog to leave this world, but not Jonghyun. It hurt so much, it hurt even more thinking of s, his soul brothers as she called them. His mother and sister, friends and other Shawols like her, knowing that they were all hurting as well made it hurt so much more. It had been 3 months and few days now, only one month for her dog. It was too much and on top of that damn job, she couldn’t help but to be depressed more than usual. Any other time, her depression would subside, but it’s been going on way longer this time. Not just that, but the bad thoughts she had a long time ago were back. She fought them constantly. She was starting to worry even herself along with her family and so called “friends”. Jonghyun’s birthday was tomorrow as well… Again, it won’t help but she was determined to at least try to be positive by tomorrow for Jong. She sat at the bar, ate her food and was off to the bathroom for a shower before heading to bed. Another sigh for the day and she was already falling asleep.

A pressure slowly came down on her, it pressed her further and further into the bed to the point she felt the mattress indent. She started to panic and tried to move but couldn’t, tried to open her eyes but wasn’t able, wanted to speak but was inaudible. It felt like her bed was going to swallow her whole but then she started to lift. The pressure relieving gently, up and up and further up until she felt as if the bed was lifting with her. There was tension developing in her head, she tried to move her fingers a bit, wiggle her toes and soon she was free. She could move again. She opened her eyes and sat up in the bed laying her hand against her head. Her vision was blurry as she stood up and her legs were a bit wobbly. As she was struggling to gain her balance, she walked forward. Suddenly she heard a faint echo of someone humming. There was something very familiar about the hum and she found herself drawn to it. She cautious moved through, trying to keep balance as she made her way through to the living room following that familiar hum. Soon her legs no longer wobbled but it seemed like she was walking forever, her living room was NOT this large. She wondered if she had some how made it outside of her house. Although she should have panicked, stopped and turned back, but she kept following that hum, couldn’t bring herself to stop walking towards it. The more she walked, the hum became more distinct and her vision was beginning to clear. A bright light met her eyes, that soon turn into a pearl aqua hue. The color calmed her, and she felt joy walking towards the color that she held so dear. Soon the color dimmed, and she found herself walking down the length of a large construction crane. Again, she should have been alarmed but she was surprisingly calm, she was getting closer to whoever possessed that gently, soothing hum. She walked and walked, until she reached the end of the crane. She looked up.

The stars glistened around the bright quarter moon. She thought of Jonghyun and smiled at it. The moon was even more special now, it was quite precious to her. She always loved the moon but now it held a much deeper meaning…

“I wonder if you’re actually up there.”

The longer she stared at the moon, the closer it seemed to get. It got bigger and bigger and the humming got louder. The pearl aqua light blinded her once more and the next thing she knew, nothing but beautiful stars surrounded her. She looked around for anything else but only saw stars until she turned behind her. The earth stared back at her far into the distance. Her jaw dropped slightly in disbelief. She was dreaming, she had to have been… But everything seemed so real. She looked at her feet and was met with a gray dusty surface, craters big and small beneath her feet.

“No way…”

Then suddenly she heard a voice singing, and her head snapped up. That voice… a soulful, jazzy, soothing voice so familiar it felt like home. Her heart sank, it couldn’t have been him. She walked towards that voice, desperate to reach it and see it’s source for herself. Soon something came into view and the voice was now loud and clear as danced and sang along to a rhythm of the music she just noticed was playing. She was almost certain it was him, but once she began skatting to the tune, she was absolutely sure. There was no mistake. She began to run to him. He sat on the moon’s surface, unknowing of her approach as he guided his hand in the air, manipulating a small aroura of color in front of him as he nodded his head and sang along to music that came from who knows where. A smile formed on his face and Mi’Ahni began to cry. She couldn’t get to him fast enough.

“Jonghyun!”

She cried out and Jonghyun gave one of his puppy pouts of confusion before turning his head to look at her. He stared at her for a moment as she willed herself to run faster. He was so far away… He stood, smiling serenely at her and suddenly she was right in front of him. Her breath caught in as she locked eyes with him. It was him… It was really him.

“What are you doing here?” He asked her curiously.

She opened to answer him, but she was only able to say his name again before she began to cry once more. Jonghyun patiently held her in his arms until she was able to calm down. He embraced her like a child of his own, the warmest hug she ever felt aside from her own mother’s embrace. Once she was finally relieved he parted from her and looked her in the eyes.

“I don’t know how I got here.” She answered quietly.

“Ahh, well you’re here now. Come on, sit.”

He sat back down and Mi’Ahni sat next time, unable to take her eyes off him.

“I was working on a song. It’s not right yet, though. It’s missing something.”

Jonghyun raised his hand in the air again and the aroura came back, and the tune she heard before filled the air. She watched as he ran his hand through it, tapping it certain places, adding base and new sound to accompany the composition. She was amazed. He looked at her suddenly.

“What do you think? It’s missing something, right? What is it, though?”

“I-I’m not sure… It’s sounds good to me.”

“Are you being biased?” he asked her seriously.

Mi’Ahni laughed.

“I could be.. but I think I’m being honest.”

Jonghyun laughed and turned back to his composition. Mi’Ahni’s stomach was starting to turn twist. She wanted to ask him, just to be sure but didn’t really know how. A very simple question that would finally soothe her worried heart, but she was hesitate.

“Jong… Are you.. Umm.”

“I’m happy.” He said simply with a smile.

It was all she wanted to hear. Something that she hoped he received after not finding where he once lived. Like everyone else who cared deeply for him, happiness was all she ever wanted for him. He brought so much happiness to others. He more than deserved his own. Mi’Ahni’s heart was no longer heavy with that worry. Another tear was threating to fall…

“Are you?” he asked her suddenly.

Mi’Ahni was caught off guard with that question. She wasn’t sure how she should answer him because she wasn’t happy. Couldn’t really recall a time when she was and lately it’s only been worse. She looked down, taking a small pebble of the moon into her hand and rolling it her between her fingers. She put a bit of pressure on it and it turned to dust. Jonghyun was watching her, waiting for an answer. In the end, she couldn’t bring herself to lie.

“No…”

“I know you’re not.”

“Then why did you ask?”

“I wanted to see if you’d tell me the truth… I can always hear you.”

Mi’Ahni looked at him then.

“Every time you talk me, I hear you. I can hear all of you down there.” He said with a smile.

Mi’Ahni got a little embarrassed and Jonghyun laughed. She tried to remember all that she’s said to him or about him, wondering if she ever said anything that maybe she didn’t want him to hear.

“Calm down, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Your nose is turning red.” He said laughing and pointing at her.

She rubbed her nose and giggled. Jonghyun laid back and stared up at the vast number of stars in the sky.

“Do you remember when you asked me to help you find your happiness?”

“I do… But that was kind of selfish of me to ask. I didn’t know you could hear me. I didn’t mean to bother you.”

Jonghyun propped himself up on his arms and looked at her intently.

“Bother me? You’re not bothering me. I care.. I want to help.”

“You don’t have-“

“I want to…”

He laid back down before speaking again.

“You’ve been paying attention to the messages I send you. I’m glad. It’s easier to guide you that way.”

“Messages? You mean the numbers?”

Jonghyun nodded proudly. For the past few months, Mi’Ahni had been seeing the numbers 525 a little too often. The number was significant on its own, SHINee’s debut date, a number she found herself obsessing over more and more, so much so that she found out numbers can have meaning. Numbers sent from the universe to send a message. Recently, now whenever she saw a number that she was drawn to for whatever reason, she had the compulsion to look it up and find it’s message. The more recent one numbers she’d looked up all spoke of change, new beginnings, finding her true purpose. There was even one that congratulated her for paying attention to all these numbers.

“That was all you!?” she asked in shock.

“Not all me… She sent you some too.”

Jonghyun pointed passed Mi’Ahni and she turned to see her dog sitting next to her sleeping. She shouted, and her dog awoke. She began to wag her tail as Mi’Ahni took her in her arms and hugged her tight. Jonghyun sat up and watched with a smile.

“She’s always next to you, even when you can’t see her. Mi’Ahni…”

She looked at him after he spoke her name so calmly.

“It’s okay to be sad, take your time… but you have to live. Don’t let those negative thoughts control you. It’s not your time yet. You still have things you have to do down there.”

Mi’Ahni dropped her eyes, so he knew that too. She sighed. It was hard not the think that way. She tried not to, but no matter how much she tried to push the thoughts away they would always come back. Her dog gave her in the face and she smiled softly.

“I understand.” Jonghyun spoke and then continued.

“But you have to live, you haven’t fulfilled your purpose yet.”

“What’s my purpose?”

“I can’t tell you that, you have to find out on your own, but I can guide you. Just make sure you pay attention.”

“Okay… Jong?”

“Hmm?”

Mi’Ahni laughed a bit at the face he had just made.

“I wanted to tell you thank you, for everything you’ve taught me. For all the joy, you’ve given me. For the time you spent with us…For just being you, I’m grateful.”

Jonghyun smiled and leaned his face in close to hers. Her heart started beating fast, he was really close, too close… Their noses were almost touching. He was gazing deep into her eyes.

“Thank you for keeping me in your memory and thank you for loving me. I love you too.”

Mi’Ahni was frozen and Jonghyun smiled.

“Are you nervous?”

“Even if I say no, can’t you tell that I am anyways?”

Jonghyun laughed and nodded.

“I can… It’s almost time for you to go.”

“Go!? I don’t want to! I want to stay here with you two!”

Jonghyun shook his head.

“Remember what I said, she’s always right next to-“

“But what about you! I want to stay here with you!”

Jonghyun smiled and shook his head again.

“It’s time for you to go…”

A tear ran down Mi’Ahni’s cheek and her dog began to vanish in her arms as she felt a force pulling her away from Jonghyun. Her heart was beating even faster now and the force got even stronger. It pulled her back quicker than before, as she stared at her dog in her arms, trying to think of a way to keep her from fading away.

“Don’t worry, she’s still with you.”

“But what about you!?”

“Didn’t you listen to the album I left all of you? I’ll always be with you…”

Mi’Ahni burst into tears as her heart speed up more and the force pulling her became even stronger still. Jonghyun watched her with a smile until he was no longer in view. The bright pearl aqua light shined brightly, fading into the purest white and then suddenly was in her living room. Although the force had weakened quite a bit, something still drew her near, she walked slowly to her bedroom in an almost trance like state. Her mind replayed everything that had happened, the crane, landing on the moon, seeing Jonghyun, talking to him, laughing with him, hugging her dog in her arms. It was so real… She finally got into her bedroom after a long walk through her living room. Mi’Ahni’s brow lowered as she caught the sight of her bed. Someone was sleeping there! She tried to say something but found that, once again, she couldn’t speak. She tried to stop walking but that annoying force pulled her forward, closer and closer to the stranger who slept motionless in her bed. When she got to the foot of the bed, her eye widened in disbelief. It was her… Her body at least, laying in the bed sound asleep. Her heart began to race and again she moved faster to the side of the bed, quickly sitting on the edge. She laid right on top of her own body, curling into the same position as it. She jumped up as soon as she laid down. Her breath was heavy, and she was sweating. She looked around for a moment trying to catch up with herself. As soon as she had calmed down enough and was sure that she was in her own body with no one else around, she picked up her laptop and started typing. She typed out everything she had experienced and from that, a bunch of ideas manifested after. Her creativity was blooming. She wrote short summaries for stories, planning out plots. She couldn’t stop, she stayed up for the rest of the night typing. Before she new it, she had looked at the clock on her side table. It was 5:25am, she smiled.

“Happy Birthday, Jonghyun.”

She looked at the red pet bed sitting on the floor and pictured her baby sleeping it in. For a moment, she thought she could really see her. Mi’Ahni wasn’t really sure what had happened last night. It was far from just being a dream but whatever it was, she was amazed. At around 6am she found herself asleep and by 9am she was wide awake again. As usual, she scrolled through her social media, catching up with anything she may have missed. Then she saw a post saying that it was snowing in Seoul, South Korea. She smiled reading post after post of her fellow Shawols saying that it was Jonghyun, it had to be him. Snow in April. Winter in Spring. Mi’Ahni believed it too. Even where she lived it was unusually cold. Of course, it could be coincidence. But her heart wouldn’t let her think so. It was him, she knew it was.

* * *

“They’re gonna be opening the doors in 5 minutes, Mi’Ahni. After I introduce you, you’re gonna read a short segment from your book and then we’ll start the book signing, okay?”

“Okay, got it.” Mi’Ahni said reassuring her agent.

“Alright, good. I’ll be right back. Gonna get you some water really quick.” She said walking away.

Mi’Ahni let out a content sigh. She had just debuted her 3^rd book. Her other 2 books were bestsellers and not too long ago she had signed a contract to make her book series into a film. Ever since that night 5 years ago, everything fell into place. She was a writer now, something she didn’t even think of turning into a career but here she was. This was the purpose Jonghyun was telling her about, and he had guided her through it all, just like he said he would. Mi’Ahni was so gratefully, she thanked him just about every day. She was doing something she enjoyed and was passionate about. It what she truly need to be happy. A purpose on this earth, to write and share her work to others for their enjoyment.

“Here’s your water, we’re opening the doors.” Her agent said placing the water on the table.

“Thanks.”

“Jesus, it’s so cold outside. It’s the beginning of April. It should be warming up by now!”

Mi’Ahni smiled. It was April 8^th… Jonghyun’s birthday. Every year on this day it was unusually cold, and every year, it snowed in Seoul, South Korea on this day. Not many noticed, but those who were connected to Jonghyun knew.

“Yeah, I like it. The cold is nice… It’s almost warm.” She said trailing off.

“Warm!? You’re crazy… Oh, here comes the stampede.”

Almost an hour later, Mi’Ahni’s hand was cramping up as she neared the end of the book signing. She was signing for the 3^rd to last person in line when someone caught her eye. She looked passed the people in line to watch him. The crowd was so thick she couldn’t get a good look at face, but he glided through the crowd with his head down his book… It was her book. When suddenly he stopped, turning his back to her. He crossed his arm and held the book up to his face. Mi’Ahni stood up and stared at him. He then his heels, facing her once more and dropped the book just enough for her to see his eyes, his soft, sweet, compassionate eyes… A small smile formed on Mi’Ahni lips and Jonghyun dropped the book, revealing his face as he tilted his head and closed his eyes, smiling that signature smile of his right at her…

“Umm, Miss Mi’Ahni?”

Mi’Ahni looked away from Jonghyun and looked at the fan who stood in front of her, waiting for her to sign the book for her.

“I’m sorry…”

Mi’Ahni sat back down and signed her book and thanked her for reading. She snuck a peek back other in Jonghyun’s distracting before signing the next person’s book… But he was gone. She kept looking around for him, but she couldn’t find him. She sighed a bit in disappointment. After signing the very last person’s book, she heard him. He was singing the same song he was working on that night 5 years ago. She smiled again, he had finished it… It sounded just right.