You’ve been pacing your room for quite a while now; your brother told you to pipe it down three times already and you heard your father scream from the floor below telling you to quit it.

A strong sigh escaped your lips as your gaze arrived at your phone again. Ten minutes have passed since her last text and you can’t help but feel a growing worry in your stomach. You begrudgingly dragged yourself to the bed face down and screamed in your pillow.

You ask yourself of this thing that you always do -a routine, if you may- that you seem to have imprinted annoyingly at the very backs of your brain.

They’re just feelings over feelings and concern over concern for something that’s not even supposed to be worth your precious time.

How many times has it been? You telling yourself that you’ll grow the balls to say the right thing. Even your friends have nagged you to do something that you should’ve done ever since the day that your heart somehow had the better control over you rather than your mind. You always say that you can’t help it; that you couldn’t do it even if the entire world’s courage was at your shoulders.

 But is that entirely true?

Maybe you’re just doing the right thing. Staying by her side and offering a shoulder to cry on; lending an ear to listen to her troubles every once in a while; doing the right thing for a friend. You would do it for any other person too.

Well, except Joy or Yeri. They were a lot to handle and were absolute meanies when it comes to you.

Maybe it had something to do with the person itself.

Her.

As if on cue, the phone in your hand buzzed.

Joohyun (10:03 pm)

just got home.. he dumped me again Seul... i literally don’t know what to do anymore... it hurts so much 3

In your life, her always seemed to have paired itself with him. This very same scenario probably played out more times than you want to admit and ended up with her crying her eyes out and you trying your best to tell that everything’s going to be alright. You will be the one to put her back together and at the span of the few days, she’ll be ready to be broken down again by the very same guy.

Curses.

Still, your worry overcomes you and you ended up typing the words that might as well be in the predictive text of every person with the same woes as you.

Seulgi (10:03 pm)

Sorry to hear that. : (  You deserve so much better. Are you okay? Do you need something?

The next message almost made you fell out of your bed.

Joohyun (10:05 pm)

i need you Seul...

Things like that should be illegal. Your hands slightly tremble as you took in the effects of a simple message. You wanted to scream and wave your hands in the air like a lunatic. The way you feel for her is at that point where some may say that there’s no turning back whatsoever. Knowing that someone needs you was ecstasy- especially if it came from her.

Was it the time to say it? Courage seemed to be magically injected in your system at that very moment and you felt the urge to say at least few words- words that will change everything.

Change what?

For starters, you thought, when you finally say it; she’ll never have to cry again.

Another buzz came.

Joohyun (10:06 pm)

we need to talk about how me and him can get back together.... i need ur support Seul... ;’(

Things like that should be illegal.

Having someone at the very tip of their fingers should be illegal. Falling for someone who never really looked your way should be illegal. Being oblivious to one’s feelings should be illegal. Playing the role of a dumb dumb for far too long should be illegal.

You let out a frustrated sigh and scratched your head.

After typing a quick reply, you grabbed your jacket.

Seulgi (10:08 pm)

On my way. I’ll bring some ice cream so cheer up : ) I’m sure you guys will sort it out.
Be there in 10.

“Mom, I’m going to head out a little.”

“And where are you heading?”

Before you could answer, your phone buzzed again.

Joohyun (10:08 pm)

yay... thanks Seul. ur the best xx.
 

The best huh?

Not best enough it seems.

Because at the end of the day, you only get to spend time at her side when she’s had too much of him-that’s your cue to step in and do your thing; which was to talk to her, spend time together, make silly jokes; every moment was worth it- just to see her smile again.

The best, sure; but not exactly enough.

Because you get to be at her side but you never really get to stay there long enough.

“Just going out for a breather. I think I need to clear my head.”

Oh how you longed to stay by her side just a little more.

~*~*~*~*

A walk at night at the beginning of December was not the best idea. The air was screaming ‘death by hypothermia’ and your breath was ragged; you blew puffs of air to the lonely night. The 24 hour convenience store was your first stop. As you entered the store, the quiet tinkling of the bell and the sleepy rehearsed line of the employee behind the counter greeted you. You nodded at her direction and made your way to the brightly coloured refrigerators and reached in for the flavours that your hand seemed to have automatically reached in for. As you reached the counter, the cashier looked at you with her tired eyes.

“Bit late for ice cream don’t you think?”

You managed to give her a bitter smile.

“Not for me. It’s for a friend.”

“Breakup? Serious relationship? Long term relationship that fell out?”

She did broke up with someone but you doubt that you can call it ‘neither serious ’nor ‘long-term’ Then again, it has been going in an endless roundabout of on and offs that you yourself got caught between the mess of things. It has been going on for so long that you basically had a tally sheet for the number of times that they fight and another one for when they got back together- in all those times, your were either the spectator or the medic.

Carefully watching and waiting to come to the rescue. You shrugged at the thought.

“Yeah. Something like that.”

“Your friend’s lucky to have you buying her ice cream.” The cashier scanned the items and put them in a bag. You handed her a bill and didn’t say anything else. She gave you the bag containing your frozen delights then you thanked her and proceeded to walk out the store.

Lucky huh?

You rubbed your palms together and continued to walk. Just two more blocks to her house. Thoughts still filled your head as you kicked a pebble on the street.

I can’t really call it ‘lucky’ when she’s hurting and crying by herself in room. I can’t really call her lucky either because for the hundredth time this year, she had her heart broken up again. I’m just a friend with ice cream- it’s not anything special.

You unknowingly arrived in front of her abode where she was already sitting at the front porch. She was sitting like a kid that got something taken away from her-pouting and her eyes seemed swollen. When she saw you, she immediately lit up and opened her arms wide. Her hands were opening and closing themselves as if gesturing you to come closer so she could reach you already.

A weak smile made its way to your