“Devil town is colder in the summertime
I'll lose my mind at least another thousand times
Hold my hand tight, we'll make it another night
I still get a little scared of something new
But I feel a little safer when I'm with you
Falling doesn't feel so bad when I know you've fallen this way too “

///

The couch in Jihyo's apartment is uncomfortable.

It would be since, Jihyo herself, is barely home as it is and when she is, she's usually lounging about on her bed in her room. It makes sense that the couch would still feel stiff, as if it was fresh off the display from the furniture storefront. It really doesn't help Sana though, her back already aching for turning the umpteenth time, trying to find that right spot – it's not working out very well.

It doesn't matter anyway, even if Sana did find that sweet spot, she's not going to fall asleep any easier. She hasn't in the past three days, since camping out in Jihyo's living room. Her phone blaring with the occasional phone calls and text messages, and voice mails that go unheard.

Sana doesn't need to look to know who it's from.

She looks terrible, her eyes tired and the bags that hang underneath are dark and heavy. She didn't really take any change of clothes and she's going to pay Jihyo back for practically mooching off of her but the younger girl seemingly brushes her off. She always says; no need and goes about her day like Sana wasn't a burden, using her clothes, eating her food, and taking up her space. Sana feels guilty over it, does the laundry on the third day and tidied up the place (not that there was much to clean in the first place) just to ease the guilt that gnaws at her.

It doesn't alleviate the guilt by much but she can't exactly go back to her apartment – not yet, at least. Jihyo didn't ask or pry, she just lets Sana in and lets her stay as long as she wanted, because Jihyo is an angel. Sana wonders if she deserves this, this level of friendship after all the crap she's done or rather the things she hasn't done. Sana decides maybe, she should leave a note that says; thank you and find some other place to hide away before Jihyo comes back from her night classes.

All Sana knows is that Jihyo is working her way to be a doctor. She doesn't know what kind, just that Jihyo is going to medical school and comes home at odd hours, her class schedule is as chaotic and unorganized as Sana's mind. Her phone vibrates again on the cheap ikea coffee table and Sana is tired – she's so, so, tired.

She huffs, before sitting up and relents in finally looking at her phone.

20 missed calls, 17 voice mails, and 33 unread text messages.

Sana doesn't read them, doesn't unlock her phone to check and instead promptly shuts her phone off. She's not ready to face the storm that is Hirai Momo. The door clicks open and the lights turn on, blinding Sana for a moment before her eyes readjust to the brightness.

“Sorry, did I wake you?”

Sana stares and Jihyo looks exhausted. She think the classes were particularly rough tonight but she says nothing about it, just shakes her head no and Jihyo smiles.

“You haven't been sleeping well.”

Sana shrugs and just stares at her phone, Jihyo notices. The young med student walks over, dropping her keys on the coffee table before dropping her bag onto the floor. A soft thud, echoes in her small apartment before she motions Sana to scoot over and Sana does, obediently. She falls onto her couch with a resounding sigh escaping her lips, exhaustion taking over as Jihyo sinks further into her couch. She doesn't sleep though, just turns her head to face Sana with that kind smile on her face and it makes Sana's nerves shoot up and down her body.

“Wanna talk about it?”

Sana blinks; “You're tired.”

“I got a free day tomorrow, I can sleep in all I want tomorrow.” Jihyo says with a wide grin.

Sana heart clenches, the sweetness just oozes off of Jihyo and Sana is just a little curious on how they met but those thoughts are dwarfed when the persistent thoughts of Momo pushes and pushes until it's all that occupies her mind. She hates it, hates how the older Japanese girl just had that kind of power over her, without even meaning to. It's like the girl had just weaseled her way in, burrowed deep into Sana's core and decided to never leave. Or maybe, Momo's always occupied her mind and soul, Sana just didn't want to acknowledge it.

They sat in silence and somewhere in-between the quiet, Jihyo slipped her hand into Sana's, holding it as a source of reassurance and comfort. It's her way of telling the older girl that she's here for her and Sana appreciates it, thinks she doesn't deserve a friend like Jihyo. The girl asks nothing of Sana and does nothing but give and give and give and Sana feels like a piece of because it seems like all she does is take – so, ing selfish.

Sana swallows, squeezes Jihyo's hand back and closes her eyes. Her mind is a whirlwind and she can't really make sense of one thought from another but she does her best to collect them, to sort at least a few out and put them into coherent words. Jihyo, deserves that much because sweet, sweet Jihyo doesn't judge, doesn't impose and Sana can't give much but she wants to at least try.

“I kissed Momo.”

“I figured as much.” Jihyo says with a smile. Sana opens her eyes, stares at Jihyo with genuine surprise.

“How?” She asks and Jihyo chuckles, tired but warm.

“You do know that we have the same circle of friends right? Mina told me what happened – Momo's not exactly someone who can keep secrets.”

Sana nods, her brain putting the pieces together in understanding; “Why didn't you say anything?”

Jihyo shrugs; “You weren't ready – I'm not going to push you, you've been through enough as it is.”

Sana swallows, the lump in falling into the pits of her stomach and she hangs her head, slightly embarrassed and self-deprecating. She forgot that they all talk to each other, they're friends with each other, of course, they'd talk and hang out. It makes Sana feel more like an outsider but she can't blame them, she's the one that put herself there and despite trying, she had to go and mess things up again, fall back into old habits that tarnished the bridge she's been trying to rebuild.

“Did you get scared?”

Sana frowns, “I'm not scared.”

Jihyo laughs; “No, of course not. It's not like you haven't ran away before and hid in Dahyun's house for a month before Momo found out where you were hiding.”

Sana frowns, remembers Mina vaguely telling her that she used to run away a lot before too. That she'd get scared and she would just disappear and – Sana closes her eyes again, it's too confusing, too much information and she feels like she's drowning. Jihyo stares sympathetically and sighs heavy before rubbing soft circles on Sana's hand.

“You keep thinking you're someone else but you're not. Momo loves you a lot – that girl will follow you to the ends of the earth for you, so, why not let her?”

Sana swallows, her fears creeping up from the shadows, clawing and whispering and poisoning her thoughts. Momo loves her, Momo loves her, Momo loved her. Sana sighs, her heart heavy as if there was a boulder sitting upon it, pushing down against her chest and it's hard to breathe; “What if, she doesn't love me? What if she just loves me because....I just look like the girl she loved?”

Jihyo rolls her eyes, flicks Sana in the forehead and Sana lets out a yelp before rubbing her forehead. Jihyo loves Sana, she does but the girl was stubborn and the more Jihyo spends time with Sana, the more she realizes Dahyun was right. Sana is still Sana, just without the mask of happiness. All the annoying traits Sana had before the accident were still there, her hardheadedness, the fact that she gets caught up in her own head way too often, and her habit of running when things got way too real for her.

It's annoying, definitely annoying but Jihyo can't help but smile wide because she's glad. Sana never really left, she's just having a hard time adjusting being herself just like they were. Jihyo imagines how jarring it would be, to bare yourself to your friends without the mask, without the persona and bare nothing but your soul to them. Jihyo likes to be honest but even she can admit, there are parts of herself she doesn't show to anybody.

“You're still Sana, silly. There is no Sana from before the accident, just you – you just forgot some things from before and memories come and go anyway. We forget things and we'll keep forgetting things but that's why we have pictures.”

“I don't remember anything when I look at the pictures.” Sana mumbles, a little petulant.

“That's why, you have us – to tell you what happened. You won't remember them and yeah, it but that's life for you. We just roll with the punches and who wants to live in the past anyway – live now and make some new memories.”

Sana swallows and she knows she's been making excuses. She's been making excuses ever since she woke up in the hospital, confused and empty – she still feels empty, the hollow cavern that occupies her never seemed to go away. It's not as persistent though, not like in the beginning and she felt nothing for the people around her but it's not like that anymore, not as much as it used to. She feels a bit more now, feels more than the anger and guilt that settled into her so