He wasn’t sure if his experiences were all true or were just a dream. One thing for sure he felt everything. The greeting of the first time they met, the warm smile that made him happy, the touch of his soft skin and the kiss he left before he is forever gone.

April, its been a year since Kang Young Hyun lost the person he loved and still the person he loves. It seem like it was yesterday, he was sleeping right by his side. Even the sensation is still left on his body when he warmly hugs him tight, the other’s head on his chest while his chin is on the other’s hair, his arms wrapped around the other’s shoulders while the other wraps his arms around his waist. When he woke up, his position is the same, the way he put his arms on the pillow to support the head of the other. Everything is the same except, he is nowhere to be found. He looked around because maybe, just maybe everything was a dream, that the dream was the one that he left and the truth is he is just on his kitchen and making something to eat but then he realized how stupid he is, the person he loves will never be there, he finally woke up to his reality, he chuckled sadly drowning himself to his own thoughts.

That’s right.. it was a year ago but why.. why does everything feels so real? Why does it feel like it was just yesterday? Am I going crazy or did I just loved him too much?

He sat down on the sofa where they usually cuddle as they watch movies and silently feel each other’s breathe and heartbeat. He didn’t notice it but he is crying, his head lying on the header of the sofa while his left arm covers his eyes, covering the tears falling but the sobs are loud and the only sound that echoes in his house.

A year has already passed. He’s not sure but today after a year of stopping himself to visit the place they often go, he found himself walking in the beautiful park where there is still that beautiful scenery they usually look at, the cherry blossoms, the warm air, the bench where they usually sit while silently holding each other’s hands never letting go of each other. Even without any word, they could feel each other saying ‘I Love You’. Those were beautiful memories but now its all gone and he is now here, alone.

He sits on the bench, feeling the rough sensation of the wood made bench, remembering where he and the other usually sits. Then he stared back at the beautiful scenery until he became distracted on the footsteps approaching. He didn’t mean to look but is it his reflexes? His eyes widen and his heart beats like crazy the moment they caught each others eyes. He stood up without realizing it. Kim Wonpil?

The person in front of him was surprised too, hesitating. Should I keep walking or should I turn back?

It would be strange if he turn back, he was the one who broke them up. He was the one who left with no reason. It was him. It was him.

Wonpil stepped closer to the person longing for him.

“Hyung” He greets, drawing a little smile on his face. Looking at him like this, closely, he’s still beautiful, just like how beautiful he is when they first met. He always look beautiful to him but there is something different, Wonpil looks unhappy, just like how unhappy he is. “Why are you here?” Wonpil continued.

“Nothing, I just.. miss you?”

Younghyun chuckled sadly, smile is formed in his face but tears are b in his eyes. He clench his fist under his clothe. He felt embarrassed at his attitude. I’m too easy, too obvious. The person in front of him felt a twitch of pain in his heart. Wonpil bit the corner of his lips, a habit when he lies or when there is something he needs to say but he can’t. And Younghyun noticed all of that, the fake smile on his face disappeared.

Younghyun offered a sit, to break the ice, to lessen the tense, to feel the warm breeze of the wind.

They avoided each other’s gaze for a while. Younghyun stared at the birds flying freely on the sky while Wonpil stared on his shoe as if it’ll give any solution to this awkwardness and pain.

Finally, Wonpil earned courage and his lips parted from each other. Letting out a word. “I’m sorry” he said in between of his shoes. His body is facing the other but his head remained looking at his shoes. Younghyun look at him and saw tears silently dropping on his face. He wonders if those tears means guilt or longing for him. He hopes more than guilt, is that he is crying now because he misses him just like how he misses Wonpil.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’ve been fine for the past year.” But actually not, he was never fine. There is not a day he’s fine, he is always not fine but even if Wonpil broke Younghyun’s heart he doesn’t want to see him cry. It hurts the same, when Wonpil left and when Wonpil cries. Younghyun tapped Wonpil’s shoulders to calm him, the usual thing he does when Wonpil was feeling down.

Wonpil wiped his own tears and calmed himself. He felt so embarrassed because everything was his fault. How could I? How could I dare to cry?