5th Aug.

There’s something about weddings which make them seem timeless, Minghao mused, looking at his surroundings. The clear sky beckoned the shining of millions of stars, each capable of lighting a solar system of their own. The moon hung amongst them, a slit in the sky, a weak, stolen light incomparable to the vast beauty of the galaxies surrounding it.

There were little candles scattered in the field, most likely fake judging by the lack of fires starting in the tall grass that surrounded them, dimming their light. Fairylights were wrapped around the chairs dotted across the field, the one Minghao was sitting on not an exception.

The bride looked beautiful, her black hair falling to her waist, a deep contrast to the white gown flowing down her form. Her eyes flashed with laughter, her white teeth shining in the scattered light. Her husband was next to her, resplendent in a dark suit, one arm around her waist, one arm holding a drink. The two were in their own little world, a world created by the vows they had shared hours before.

Minghao was sitting away from most of the guests. He didn’t know many of the people there, having been invited mainly because he went to college with one of the bride’s friends, her maid of honour, whose pink hair flew around her as she danced, her red dress similar to the bride’s white, twisting with her as she painted the field with dazzling colour.

He knew her, but not well enough to dance with her. Minghao wasn’t a bad dancer, on the contrary, he was often seen as a good dancer, but girls weren’t his preferred dance partners. He had declined the maid of honour’s offer to dance, watching her face fall as he refused. He had felt bad, but better not to lead her on, even now that he suspected his invitation to the wedding had been precisely so that she could make that offer.

Someone sat on the seat next to him. Minghao was about to tell them he didn’t need any company when they spoke.

“Hello,” they said. It was a man’s voice, which surprised Minghao. He had expected a girl. He looked up at the man, and stared at him for a moment. Anyone would have done the same, he had a really good face.

“Hello,” he managed to reply. “I’m Minghao.”

The man smiled, which managed to make his face even better somehow. Minghao managed to restrain himself from cursing under his breath.

“I’m Junhui,” he said smiling, almost blushing, Minghao noticed. “Are you Chinese too?”

Minghao nodded enthusiastically. “Yes,” he replied, but in Mandarin, and it made Junhui smile wider.

“How do you know the happy couple?” Junhui asked.

“I’m here with the maid of honour,” Minghao said, shrugging.

Junhui frowned slightly, creasing the smooth skin between his eyes. “Well, I’m here with my roommate,” Junhui told him, gesturing to a man with long brown hair laughing with a shorter boy with black hair.

Minghao reached up to tug on his own, blue, hair self-consciously. Junhui noticed and smiled.

“I like your hair,” he told him, and Minghao felt his eyes widen, as he turned back to face Junhui.

He smiled widely. “Yeah? I like yours too,” he said, letting his eyes rest on the neat brown wave on the other boy’s head, almost missing Junhui’s light blush.

“How do you know the maid of honour?” Junhui asked.

“Jieqiong? Oh, we met at college,” Minghao said, casually.

Junhui nodded and, standing up, offered Minghao his arm. “I’ve got to go see my roommate, I’ll get hell if I ditch him for anyone, even someone who looks that good in a suit.”

Minghao stood up, taking Junhui’s arm. “Careful, Junhui,” he said, his face serious. “That’s bordering on harassment.”

That made Junhui laugh. “You’re the one who’s coming with me,” he pointed out, and Minghao shrugged.

“If you’re wanting me to tell you that you look good in a suit too,” Minghao said. “You’re going to be disappointed.”

Junhui laughed. “Come on, Minghao,” he said. “I know I look good in a suit.”

They walked among the guests, around the dancers, almost captivated by each other. Neither noticed the other glancing at them slyly as they talked. They walked past Junhui’s roommate, he didn’t seem to notice them. They talked about everything, and nothing at the same time, filling up the silence of the field away from the wedding, away from the fairylights and candles.

There was something about weddings that made them seem timeless, Minghao thought. But maybe that was because he’d never have one.

5th Sept.

The beginning of September is always an awkward time. The transition between seasons makes it impossible to label as either Summer or Autumn, instead making it an in between, one of the more beautiful passovers in the year. Minghao loved September. He loved the leaves, as they changed from soft greens, to hard oranges and browns. He loved the way the trees stilled, hibernating with the animals who live around them. He loved the feeling of hot drinks on cold days, the feeling of returning home after being drenched by the rain.

All of this made him almost radiate happiness, as he walked along an empty pavement, alone with his thoughts and the rain. There was a spring in his step as he rediscovered what it felt like to run his hands through wet hair.

Entering the shop was like stepping into a different world. It was warm and dry, brightly lit by buzzing fluorescent lights, but it was still almost empty. Relishing the lack of rain, Minghao quietly went about buying what he needed to. It was a fast trip, in and out.

He walked faster on the way home. It was getting late; darkness having fallen while he was in the shop. The rain was heavier, slamming against him, and he was starting to regret wearing only a thin hoodie. He was almost home, when he heard screams and shouts from an alleyway near his building.

His curiosity piqued, he ventured into the alley. He wasn’t too nervous; he knew how to look after himself. And when he saw what had caused the screams, he felt anger piercing through him. If someone had cut him at that moment, no blood would have come out, his pulse marking the anger burning through him in its place.

There were five in total, although one was harder to make out. They were the centre of the commotion, the source of the screams. If they hadn’t been whimpering, Minghao would have doubted their consciousness, as they were slumped against the side of the alley, with the other four pounding into them.

“Hey!” he yelled, wanting to distract them from their prey. They turned to face him, two boys, two girls, and his disgust rose when he recognised two of them to be his neighbours. “What are you doing?”

The smaller girl, one that Minghao didn’t recognise, wore a smirk when she replied. “Stay out of it.”

The two boys sniggered behind her, and the person at their feet was silent. The other girl was staring down at Minghao, with a blank face. Minghao recognised her as one of his neighbours.

“Okay then,” Minghao said, smiling. “Let me rephrase that. Which one of you is going to tell me what’s going on?”

The tall girl scoffed. “You should just out, Myungho,” she said, and moved as if to turn around.

Minghao walked calmly over to the group, and stood in front of the one collapsed. He could tell now that it was a boy, and that he was barely conscious.

“I’m not giving you a ing choice,” Minghao told them.

One of the boys, the one Minghao knew was his neighbour, swung a fist at Minghao’s face, who caught it, and twisted it, until the boy was on his knees facing the other three. They looked shocked, and if Minghao hadn’t been so angry, he would’ve laughed. As it was, he could still hear the shallow breathing of the boy behind him, fuelling his rage.

“One more time,” Minghao said. “What the are you lowlifes doing?” he asked slowly, annunciating every word.

The other boy held up his hands. “We don’t want any trouble,” he said, and Minghao laughed.

He gestured at the boy slumped behind him, not taking his eyes off the three in front of him. “I suppose he did?” he asked.

“Basically,” one of the girls snorted.

Minghao felt angrier, twisting the boy’s arm a bit more. “Oh, so he came up to you, and begged you to beat the out of him?”

The other girl raised her eyebrow. “We followed him back from a date,” she told Minghao.

Minghao scoffed. “What? Is he cheating on you?”

The girl’s face gained a look of disgust. “No!” she exclaimed. “We followed him back from a date, with a guy.”

His disgust must have shown on his face, because the three exchanged smirks and nods. “Are you ing serious?” he asked.

The girl nodded enthusiastically. “I know! It-”

Minghao twisted the boy’s wrist more. “No. That’s not what I meant,” he hissed. “Are you telling me that this,” he gestured at the boy behind him. “Is because he’s gay?”

“I’m bi,” the boy whispered, looking ashamed.

“Are you-” the girl asked, fear suddenly on her face as she trailed off, not wanting to finish he sentence.

Minghao grinned, proudly, mainly for the pained boy’s benefit. “I am,” he said. “Now get the out of here, before I break your friend’s wrist.” He brandished the wrist at them, as if reminding them he held it.

The three almost ran away. Minghao let go of the other boy’s wrist, who bolted after his friend’s without looking back.

“ing bastards,” Minghao muttered, before turning to the boy huddling behind him. He knelt beside him. “Are you okay?” he asked quickly, not wanting to touch him, in case he hurt him.

The boy coughed a little before answering. “I don’t think so,” he whispered, tears shining on his cheeks.

“Do you think you can stand?” Minghao asked.

The boy puffed out his cheeks. “Maybe,” he said, but he didn’t look sure.

“Oh god, I don’t want to hurt you,” Minghao muttered quietly. “Do you think you can wait for ten minutes?”

He waited for the boy to nod weakly, before grabbing his phone and calling the number he’d been given at the wedding, the only phone number he had from someone in Korea. It rang three times, before someone answered.

“Hey, is this Junhui?” Minghao asked, and when whoever was on the other end replied affirmatively, Minghao sighed. “This is Minghao. Junhui, I need some help.”

“What’s wrong?” came the answer.

Minghao just told him the address and to come quickly, before hanging up and returning to the boy. At some point the rain had stopped, but his hair was still plastered to his forehead when he ran his hand through it.

“What’s your name?” he asked quietly.

The boy blinked. “Seokmin,” he replied, smiling weakly, though his face was still painted with blood and tears.

Minghao smiled gently. “I’m Minghao. My friend’s going to come pick us up, I don’t want them coming to our door.”

Seokmin nodded. “Thank you, Minghao,” he said, mispronouncing Minghao’s name slightly, but Minghao just smiled at him.

He heard a car pull up, and then someone was interrupting the silence the rain had left behind by shouting his name. He didn’t move, just shouted Junhui’s name back.

Junhui came sprinting towards him, his brown hair fluffy, unstyled this time.

“Minghao? Are you okay?” he panted.

Minghao nodded. “Seokmin was beat up pretty badly,” he said, gesturing at Seokmin, who smiled painfully, wiping a thumb over the cuts on his lips.

Junhui gasped. “Holy , man,” he said. “What happened?”

“I’m biual,” Seokmin whispered.

Junhui’s mouth dropped open. “This was because he-”

“They followed him home from a date with a guy,” Minghao told him, disgust ringing through his voice.

“It wasn’t even a good date,” Seokmin muttered, a weak attempt at humour, made worse by his voice cracking part way through.

Junhui’s lip curled. “Seokmin, me and Minghao are going to help you up, and my car’s right along there, okay?”

Seokmin nodded. “Thank you,” he breathed.

They helped him up carefully, Seokmin clinging to them, eyes closed in pain.

They settled him in the back of the car, and he closed his eyes briefly as Minghao and Junhui got in the front. Junhui quietly drove, Minghao looking out of the window, taking in the familiar scenery, until it became unfamiliar, and he suddenly realised he had no idea where Junhui lived.

He leaned over to Junhui, trying not to wake Seokmin, who’d fallen asleep in the back, curled around himself in a way which could not be comfortable with a seatbelt on, even without his recent experiences in mind.

“Where are we going?” Minghao whispered. “How did you get to where we were so fast?”

Junhui seemed to stutter a bit over the answer, which confused Minghao. “I, um, thought you were in trouble,” he said. “So I kind of broke some laws. Like the speed limit, and, um, stopping at red lights.”

Minghao raised an eyebrow. “You were that worried?” he asked.

Junhui nodded. “Yes,” he said simply, not taking his eyes off the road.

They didn’t say anything for the rest of the drive, both silently basking in that ‘yes’.

18th Sept.

Going to the hairdressers had always been stressful for Minghao, the unnecessary chatter that the hairdressers liked to partake in making it awkward, which usually ending in him hating himself for his lack of witty responses. But his current hairdresser had spent their first session ranting about his boyfriend, who had then come out at the end, to dry Minghao’s hair, and had told him how happy he was with Jisoo, even when the boy was mad at him. The bizarre mix of the two had made Minghao laugh, and ease up while he was there. The fact that neither of them had expected any response had made him more comfortable when he went back.

That was when Minghao decided that he’d found a good hairdresser, and he started talking during his appointments. It had got to the point where he saw Jisoo as almost a friend, and used the appointments to share about his life. Jisoo was one of the only friends he’d made in Seoul, which was kind of sad seeing as he only saw him once every couple of months, and the other friend he’d made was Jisoo’s boyfriend, Seungcheol.

Having the two as friends meant that he looked forward to his two monthly appointments, and this time was no exception. His conversation with Jisoo this time, had centred around Junhui. He had told Jisoo everything about the beautiful man that he’d met at the wedding, the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled, the slight dimple in his cheek, the way he looked when he was concentrating and the way he had told him ‘Yes’, so affirmatively.

Jisoo whistled. “I’ve almost got a crush on him too,” he told Minghao, part way through curling his hair. Minghao had decided he didn’t want such straight hair any more, and that maybe he could take a break from the bright colours he usually went for, sticking with blond.

Minghao scoffed. “I don’t have a crush on him,” he told Jisoo, who just tutted. “And anyway, I think he’s dating his roommate.”

Jisoo hummed a laugh. “Did they kiss?”

Minghao shook his head, laughing a little when Jisoo hit him. “Nah, we were kind of wrapped up in Seokmin.”

Jisoo nodded. “So what happened with him? And you, I’m assuming your neighbours aren’t being great about the whole thing.”

Minghao laughed wryly. “He’s recovering. And I’ve temporarily moved in with him, he has a massive apartment. He’s pretty paranoid now too, he doesn’t like being alone, in case someone follows him home.”

Jisoo laughed. “So you’re his resident ninja?” he asked, bouncing a curl he’d just finished.

“I guess so,” Minghao replied. “And Junhui’s been around quite a lot, to make sure he’s okay. He’s a med student.”

“Ooh, so he’s smart too?” Jisoo asked, lilting his voice.

Minghao raised an eyebrow. “Do you want me to set you up?” he asked dryly.

Jisoo hummed. “I don’t know, tell me more about his maybe boyfriend, I don’t want to get beat up.”

Minghao laughed. “I’ve only seen him once, but he doesn’t particularly look like he could take someone in a fight,” he said.

“Neither do you,” Jisoo pointed out.

“True,” he admitted. “But on pure body mass, I think Seungcheol could take him.”

Jisoo scoffed. “I’m sure he’d be thrilled to fight for me to get another boyfriend.”

Minghao laughed a little again. Recently he’d been laughing a lot, with both Seokmin and Junhui. Seokmin was apparently a ray of sunshine in human form. Minghao barely recognised him as the weeping boy he’d almost broken someone’s wrist for. But sometimes when they went out, Minghao would catch him side eyeing everyone around them with fear, jolting away from Minghao if someone looked at them for too long, worried that people would think they were together. Even then, he didn’t allow himself to wander too far from Minghao, not letting the boy out of his sight.

“I wish I knew how to make Seokmin feel better,” he told Jisoo.

Jisoo nodded, as he grabbed a mirror to show Minghao his new hair. Minghao nodded at it, suddenly thinking about how Junhui would like it. He shook his head slightly to rid himself of the thought, leaving Jisoo frowning.

“Do you like it or not?” Jisoo asked.

“I like it.” Minghao half turned in his seat to see who said that. It was none of the three he knew from the shop; Seungcheol, Jisoo, and Seungkwan, who he knew by name if not the boy personally. This person was taller than all of them, with a wide smile and blue hair.

Jisoo tutted. “I wasn’t asking you Mingyu.”

Mingyu’s smile grew. “I’m Mingyu,” he said to Minghao.

Minghao nodded, still trying to take in the huge man in front of him. “Hi?”

“I was overhearing your conversation,” Mingyu said, seriously now, but still with a trace of a smile. “And I had an idea of how you can help Seokmin.”

Minghao shrugged. He was willing to take advice from anyone, even a human tree. “Go ahead.”

“You said they followed him back from a date?” Mingyu asked. Minghao nodded. “Do you know who the date was with?”

Minghao shook his head. “It was a first date, I think, but I don’t think it went very well.”

Mingyu sighed. “I was going to suggest calling whoever it was and getting them to talk to Seokmin. I was planning on that impressing you so much, you’d forget about that Junhui and go on a date with me.”

“Yeah, I thought about that too,” Minghao said, ignoring the second thing Mingyu said, purely because he didn’t know how to respond. “But I guess I’ll just have to wait for him to recover.”

Jisoo’s eyes widened, as he fluffed Minghao’s hair. “Hey, you should set him up with Junhui’s pretty boyfriend. Get me some Junhui action! Or get yourself some,” he said, winking.

Minghao rolled his eyes, but left the shop with a smile that lasted for the rest of the day.

27th Sept.

Junhui’s apartment was unreasonably clean. There were very little personal items thrown around the room, and those that were, were neat, not scattered like at Minghao’s own apartment, or even at Seokmin’s. He and Seokmin were sitting awkwardly, as Junhui had left them with Jeonghan, his roommate, while he went to answer the door.

As soon as Junhui had seen him, his eyes had widened at Minghao’s new hair. There was something like awe in his eyes, as he reached one hand out as if to touch it. He pulled it back, as Minghao tried really hard not to blush, and smiled widely, inviting them in.

Jeonghan cleared his throat. “So Minghao, you’re at college?”

Minghao nodded, thankful someone was trying to make conversation. “Yeah, I’m studying linguistics and dance.”

Jeonghan nodded, and the room fell back into silence, until Junhui came back into the room, one arm around the boy Minghao had seen at the wedding with Jeonghan, his hair now blue. He wore a wide smile, almost rivalling Seokmin’s.

“Hey!” the boy exclaimed. “I’m Kwon Soonyoung.” He beamed, until his eyes fell on Seokmin, and his eyes widened almost comically.

Seokmin blushed, and looked down at his legs. “I’m Lee Seokmin,” he muttered.

“And you’re Minghao,” Soonyoung told Minghao. “Junhui won’t stop talking about you. But he said you had blue hair too, I’m disappointed.” Soonyoung fake pouted, coming over to squish between Minghao and Seokmin.

Minghao raised an eyebrow at Junhui, who just shook his head. “Soonyoung’s our other roommate. He’s been away for a few weeks at some dance camp,” he informed them.

“I was an instructor,” Soonyoung said proudly. “I brought home a film of the final performance, if you want to see?” he asked, pulling a DVD out of the bag he had dumped at his feet when sitting down.

“Sure,” Minghao agreed, sliding off the now full sofa. He felt Seokmin looking at him desperately, as Soonyoung wrapped an arm around him, smiling happily, as he gave Junhui the DVD to put on.

Junhui settled next to Minghao, leaning against the couch Seokmin and Soonyoung occupied, and though he’d been the one to agree to watch it, Minghao found himself unable to concentrate, when Jun’s legs were touching his, and his head was almost on Minghao’s shoulder.

5th Oct.

Seokmin’s apartment really was massive. That was going to be Minghao’s first point in the ‘Minghao should just move in permanently’ debate. It had been a month since he’d started staying at Seokmin’s, and he’d only gone back to his own apartment to get clothes once.

He was waiting for Seokmin to get home from class before springing the idea on him. Seokmin had steadily got more comfortable going out, but he still shied away from making skin contact with anyone, still preferring to walk a few feet away from Minghao. The only person who wasn’t held to this standard was Soonyoung, who’d somehow managed to make Seokmin comfortable around him, in very little time.

He heard Seokmin coming in, heard him shout to inform him he was in, and almost sprinted down to see him.

“Hey Seokmin,” he said, smiling brightly.

Seokmin turned to look at him and frowned. “Minghao are you okay? You’re grimacing.”

“I was just wondering…… If I could move in properly?” Minghao asked. Seokmin’s expression didn’t change, so Minghao had rushed on to tell him why exactly he should stay. “You have a bigger apartment-”

Seokmin started laughing over him. “Minghao, you already live here,” he told him.

Minghao nodded quietly. “So I can go and get all my stuff?”

Seokmin shook his head, looking like he was trying not to keep laughing (he was failing). “Yeah, go get it just now if you want, you have time. Junhui gave me a lift over here, you could probably get him to help.”

Minghao didn’t pause to say thank you, before sprinting downstairs to try and catch Junhui. He was apparently just in time, coming out to see Junhui stuck at a red light. He got in the car, giving Junhui a fright as he shut the door.

“Hey, can you drive me to my old apartment?” Minghao asked, trying not to appear out of breath.

Junhui smiled, his cheeks looking almost pink in the light. “Sure.”

“Try to stop at red lights,” Minghao told him, strapping himself in.

Junhui laughed. “Got it.”

“And we’ve got time, so stay under the speed limit,” Minghao added. Junhui flipped him off as the light turned

They got to his apartment block half an hour later, and Minghao looked around nervously before getting out the car. He wasn’t particularly worried about anyone threatening him, he just didn’t want anyone to start a fight.

“Dodgy neighbourhood, huh?” Junhui asked. He didn’t look particularly worried, which calmed Minghao down.

Minghao shrugged. “I guess so? I didn’t live here long, just a couple of months.”

Getting to Minghao’s floor was a shock. There was paint sloshed across his door, some of it spelling out words, mostly crude slurs about gay people, or racist slogans about China. Minghao wrinkled his nose at the scent, apparently it wasn’t all paint.

“This is disgusting,” Junhui said.

Minghao nodded. “They’ve done more since I was last here.”

Junhui stared at him in disbelief. “Wait, you knew they were doing this?”

“I had to come get some clothes,” Minghao said. “But don’t worry, I never unpacked when I moved, so most of my stuff’s still in boxes. We won’t be here long.”

Junhui frowned. “That’s not what I meant,” he said. “I mean; you haven’t done anything about this?”

Minghao raised an eyebrow. “I already did something, Junhui. That’s what caused this.” He gestured at the door.

“Minghao, this is serious-”

“I know!” Minghao shouted. “I know this is serious, I know this is offensive, and it makes me angry. But I’ve had enough fighting, and I’m exhausted from constantly having to stand up for everything. So can we please just go in, and get my to take it to Seokmin’s? Please.”

Minghao felt close to tears, trying to hold onto himself.

Junhui nodded, pressing his lips into a line. He looked disappointed for some reason, and that was definitely going to make Minghao cry.

“You know what?” Minghao said, slowly, trying not to let his voice wobble. “There aren’t that many boxes, I reckon I could get them myself. You can wait in the car.”

Junhui’s face fell. “No, Minghao, I’m going to help.”

Minghao snorted. “Well, can you please not yell at me while we’re doing it?” he heard his voice shake, and saw the remorse in Junhui’s eyes, but turned and walked into the apartment, mostly to hide the tear starting to roll down his cheek.

They worked in silence, one at a time taking Minghao’s boxes down to the car. They had finished, and had started the drive back to Seokmin’s, when Junhui broke the silence.

“You didn’t bring a lot with you?” he asked, not taking his eyes off the road.

“I didn’t have a lot when I left China,” Minghao said, looking out the window on his side.

Junhui suddenly pulled over to the side of the road, and turned to look at Minghao.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I know you were shocked by the thing with Seokmin, and I shouldn’t’ve pushed you so hard.”

Minghao nodded, surprised. He wasn’t expecting Junhui to apologise, had expected him to act like Minghao, to shy away from the confrontation. But he was glad he didn’t.

“It’s okay,” Minghao said, smiling.

Junhui smiled too, and the car somehow felt smaller, and more comfortable as they relaxed back into easy conversation.

9th Oct.

A party is a stereotypically happy event. Full of laughter, and cake, and friend meeting friend. Minghao hadn’t been to many parties lately, but if he had, this would definitely have been his least favourite of them all.

It was Jeonghan’s birthday party. A lot of people were there that he didn’t know, which, while it wasn’t his favourite, would have been fine usually. Even today it was close to being fine, he had Seokmin and Soonyoung with him. Jeonghan was off greeting his guests, which would be fine too, he and the other boy had shed their awkward air, but he understood why he was greeting his guests.

What he didn’t understand was why Junhui had his arms wrapped around the older boy. What he didn’t understand was why Junhui was kissing Jeonghan on the cheek and neck constantly. What he didn’t understand was why Junhui hadn’t looked at him once since he came in.

What he didn’t understand was why that hurt so much.

16th Oct.

Loneliness was something Minghao was used to since moving to Seoul. He’d originally moved for college, having learnt Korean for years meant he was fairly fluent, and going to a college there, he thought, would be a good experience. However, he hadn’t experienced a lot if he was fair, only leaving his apartment for college.

Recently though, Minghao hadn’t been lonely. He had four good friends, and now that his classes had finally started again, he was talking to more people from college. But, right now he felt lonely every time he was with his four good friends because, while before it usually consisted of him and Junhui talking, now it consisted of Junhui and Jeonghan being all over each other. And according to Soonyoung they were holding back, and they were much worse at their place.

Minghao wasn’t sure if he was happy Junhui and Jeonghan held back, or upset that this was them holding back. It wasn’t that he was upset that Junhui was dating Jeonghan, or that he was upset Jeonghan was getting the attention Junhui used to give to Minghao. It wasn’t even that now that Seokmin was getting more confident after the attack, he and Soonyoung were getting closer, making Minghao kind of feel like the odd one out.

It was that Junhui hadn’t told him about dating Jeonghan, just dropping it on Minghao when he arrived for the party, and then staying away for the rest of the night. He still hadn’t spoken to Minghao about it, in fact hadn’t really spoken to Minghao at all. He hadn’t even looked him in the eye.

Minghao missed Junhui. Which was definitely the reason he was hiding in his room ‘studying’ when Junhui and Jeonghan had come around to see them. Seokmin was downstairs, being a good host, but Minghao couldn’t stomach it. He didn’t want to see Junhui if Junhui refused to acknowledge him.

Someone knocked on his door, Minghao instinctively calling for them to come in. Assuming it was Seokmin he swung his chair around smiling, but when he saw it was Junhui his smile dropped, and he had to force it to stay on his face.

“Hi?” he asked.

Junhui smiled, but not his normal smile, not the smile he used to have for Minghao. That was probably reserved for Jeonghan now.

“Hey,” he said. “I was wondering why you weren’t downstairs.”

Minghao gestured at his desk. “I’ve been studying,” he answered. It wasn’t a lie, but he hadn’t technically needed to study. What he’d needed to do was to avoid Jeonghan and Junhui as much as he could.

Junhui nodded. “Thought you were avoiding me,” he joked, but he looked worried.

“Why would I need to?” Minghao asked.

Junhui frowned. “What do you mean?” Minghao was going to bluff an answer, tell a joke, but honestly Junhui didn’t deserve it. Minghao was sick of being avoided, even if Junhui had had a reason.

“I mean, that why would I need to avoid you,” Minghao said, watching Junhui’s face carefully. “When you’re avoiding me?”

Junhui flushed and looked at his feet, rubbing his hands together. “What?” he muttered, but it was clear he knew exactly what Minghao meant.

“It doesn’t matter,” Minghao said, waving a hand. Junhui frowned, obviously confused.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“Well, it’s obviously because you think I should’ve done something about my door,” Minghao said. “Or you thought that I was homophobic because I didn’t.”

Junhui’s eyes widened. He looked like he’d been slapped, but Minghao honestly didn’t care. If Junhui didn’t want to see him, Minghao didn’t want to see him either.

“I don’t think you’re homophobic,” Junhui said, frowning.

“Then what?” Minghao asked, feigning patience.

Junhui hesitated, but didn’t answer. “I just came in to say goodbye,” he said instead.

Minghao nodded, resignedly. “Okay,” he said, spinning back to his work.

He heard Junhui leave the room, and that’s when he let his head slam onto his desk, and that’s when he let himself groan out loud.

That’s when he realised he liked Junhui, and that’s why it hurt so much when he was all over Jeonghan, and barely looked at Minghao. That’s when he realised just how pissed off he was at Junhui for ignoring him and not telling him why.

17th Oct.

Regret filled up Minghao, for everything he had done the day before. Hiding away in his room, snapping at Junhui. He kept thinking of Junhui’s face throughout the conversation, how uncomfortable he’d clearly been. Maybe Junhui had been coming to tell him why he had been avoiding him, and Minghao had just thrown it in his face.

Why else would he have come to see him? That was what Minghao agonised over. Why would Junhui have come to see him, when he could have continued avoiding him? And would he give up now? Pretend like he’d never come to see him? Because Minghao wasn’t sure how long he could continue like this. Junhui not talking to him was hell.

He was alone in his apartment, Seokmin having gone out with Soonyoung. He’d worn particularly nice clothes, blushing when Minghao asked him where he was going. When Minghao had beaten him to the door, seeing Soonyoung with a rose had confirmed what Minghao already suspected. He’d whistled as they left, watching their cheeks flame up.

He was happy for them, he just hoped they didn’t pull a Junhui on him and start ignoring him.

So when someone knocked on the door, he expected it to be Seokmin having forgotten something. He swung it open, smiling widely.

“Why the fu- Oh. Hi Jeonghan,” he said, flushing slightly.

Jeonghan was standing there, perfectly put together, facing him, who’d barely bothered to get dressed, just throwing on a t-shirt and pulling a pair of joggies on over his boxers.

“Minghao,” Jeonghan greeted, smiling. “Can I come in?”

Minghao moved to the side as Jeonghan came inside, quickly looking up and down the hall to see if anyone was with Jeonghan. He breathed a quiet sigh of relief when no one was there, he wasn’t ready to see Junhui.

Jeonghan had gone through to the living room as Minghao shut the door, and Minghao leant on the doorframe instead of sitting down.

“Why are you here, Jeonghan?” he asked. He wasn’t trying to be rude, well maybe a little, but he just wanted to get Jeonghan out of here.

“It’s about Junhui,” Jeonghan said, and Minghao groaned. “He’s been upset since we left yesterday, since he came to see you.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Minghao said.

Jeonghan sighed. “He says you said he thought you were homophobic,” he said.

“Yeah, I did,” Minghao agreed.

Jeonghan frowned. “Minghao, you have to understand. Being gay-.”

Minghao laughed. “Wait, do you all think I’m straight?”

Jeonghan looked shocked. “Wait, you’re not?”

“No, I’m definitely not,” Minghao said, trying not to smile.

“, I’m sorry, Minghao,” he said. “I didn’t think you understood.”

“Yeah, I understood. I’m assuming Junhui told you about my door then?” Minghao asked.

Jeonghan nodded. “But I still don’t understand why you didn’t do anything about it,” Jeonghan said.

Minghao sighed. “I’ve spent my entire ing life fighting people about my uality, forgive me for wanting a break.”

“Your parents?” Jeonghan asked.

“Surprisingly, no. My parents were always really chill about it; they didn’t care as long as I was happy. It was everyone else,” Minghao said, smiling wryly.

“Did they hurt you?” Jeonghan asked, suddenly surprised.

“Yeah,” Minghao admitted. “Really badly sometimes.” He wanted to scream about how he’d lost everything, how almost every day he regretted coming out, how he didn’t ever want to be gay. But he knew Jeonghan would already know.

“I’m sorry,” Jeonghan said again.

Minghao nodded, feeling almost close to tears. He hated thinking about his uality. He wasn’t ashamed of being gay, he was just scared of it, of how it made other people act around him.

“I guess that wasn’t the first time something like that happened with your door?” Jeonghan asked.

Minghao smiled wryly. “No,” he said. “But don’t tell Junhui that I’m gay please.” He didn’t want Junhui to get angry and demand why he hadn’t told him, or worse to get upset and demand why he hadn’t told him.

Jeonghan shrugged. “I wouldn’t anyway,” he told him. “It’s not my place to tell anyone.”

Minghao smiled in thanks. “Do you want to stay for a while?” he asked, surprising himself. He had expected to spend the day alone, and had never thought he’d want to spend time with Jeonghan. But when Jeonghan smiled brightly, he knew he’d made the right decision.

“If that’s okay with you?” Jeonghan asked.

Minghao nodded. “Seokmin’s out with Soonyoung on their date anyway, I’m gonna be alone for a while.”

Jeonghan’s eyes widened. “Wait, Seokmin went out with Soonyoung?”

Minghao nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, they took their time didn’t they?”

Jeonghan breathed out sharply. “No ing kidding.”

Minghao smiled. He liked Jeonghan, even if he was dating Junhui and throwing it in Minghao’s face.

28th Oct.

Seokmin had draped the apartment with Halloween decorations on the twentieth of October, insisting that they have a Halloween party. Minghao had agreed to the party, but still had a problem living somewhere where there was a chance of a plastic spider falling off the fake webs strewn across the ceilings, and into his breakfast cereal.

By the third spider, Minghao had stopped eating in the kitchen, instead making his room his dining room, as it was the only room he had refused to have any Halloween decorations, only allowing a dancing skeleton in one corner.

Every day Seokmin would come home with more decorations, leaving Minghao guessing where exactly he was finding them all. The boy had made their usually sunny apartment dull and scary, managing to scare himself when he walked through it. Minghao had told Seokmin several times that he wouldn’t help him clear up, that Seokmin had to do it himself, but he knew he’d end up helping.

Soonyoung came around now, more than he had before somehow, even staying the night some nights. Minghao liked both Soonyoung and Seokmin, but put together, they were unbearably enthusiastic. And now they were properly together you could practically see the happiness radiating off them.

Whereas Minghao was sad and annoyed and lonely and waiting for Junhui to get in contact with him. After he’d sent Jeonghan, Minghao had been expecting Junhui to come talk to him again, but so far there had been nothing.

He had left Soonyoung and Seokmin in his apartment for his class, and had gone into a café on the way back. It was a nice café, almost empty, decorated with cute jars filled with beads and buttons. It was cosy, Minghao thought. Happy.

Minghao was waiting for his tea, when someone dropped into the seat beside him.

“Hey,” they greeted. Minghao looked around at them. He smiled when he recognised the man, his blue hair now replaced with brown.

“Hi Mingyu,” Minghao said.

Mingyu smiled back, showing off sharp canines. “How’s your guy, Seokmin? Oooh, and what’s happening with Junhui?”

Minghao grimaced. “That’s all ed up,” he told Mingyu. “Turns out I did like Junhui, and now he really is dating his hot roommate.”

Mingyu whistled. “ Minghao. What about Seokmin?”

Minghao shrugged. “He’s fine. I moved in, he got a boyfriend, he’s fine. We’re actually having a Halloween party, if you want to come?”

Mingyu smiled. “Yeah, I’ll come. Hey, we should go together, maybe rile up some jealous in our Junhui.”

Minghao laughed bitterly. “I doubt he’d notice. He’s completely ignoring me, but I’ve been assured that it’s not because I’m homophobic, so that’s a plus.”

“Why would you be homophobic?” Mingyu asked, frowning. “You’re gay.”

Minghao nodded enthusiastically, but frowned before saying anything. “None of my friends seem to know that.” He leaned in to Mingyu. “Junhui drove me to my old apartment, and there was smeared on my ing door spelling out slurs, and he still thinks I’m straight.”

Mingyu laughed, throwing his head back. Minghao grinned, Mingyu’s laughter was maybe the best thing about the boy, he decided.

“I just don’t know how to explain it to him,” Minghao told Mingyu when the other boy had calmed down a little.

“My idea could work,” Mingyu answered. “I go with you to Seokmin’s party, we act cute as , and you point out any of your single, gay, friends.”

Minghao nodded slowly. “You’d be okay with that? Even if I don’t have many single gay friends? Or any at all?”

Mingyu smiled widely, showing off sharp canines. “I just really want to meet this Seokmin kid, and Junhui, and I also want to see just how pretty this roommate is. He must be someone really special if he can make someone overlook you.” The words were teasing, but the tone didn’t match.

“Thanks,” Minghao told him, smiling nervously.

Mingyu nodded. “No problem, Minghao. Now we better get to know each other a little, get some inside jokes, and get comfortable with each other, because I’m going to be very comfortable on Halloween.”

Minghao smiled. Mingyu had somehow made him feel a lot better, or maybe it was just getting everything off his chest. But he felt the loneliness start to back off, and he felt better than he had in weeks.

31st Oct.

Music pumped through the apartment, bouncing off the decorations decorating the room. More people than Minghao knew stood talking, laughing, dancing. They were all in costume, some more casual than others. The party was loud, unimaginably full, and overwhelming.

If it wasn’t for Mingyu standing next to him, Minghao would have bolted to his room, which he had locked and secured so no couples looking for a quiet place to be alone would retreat there. One particular couple in mind, he looked around the party to catch a glimpse, Mingyu having wrapped one arm around his shoulders.

“They’re over there,” he told Minghao, looking up at the taller boy when he saw them, pointing over to the corner.

Mingyu nodded, and moved his arm to Minghao’s waist as they walked over to the other two.

Junhui and Jeonghan were talking quietly, not as close as they usually were, arms by their sides, and not wrapped around each other.

“I’m disappointed,” Mingyu whispered. “I was expecting a full public make out.”

Minghao chuckled quietly. “Just wait, this is definitely them calmed down.”

When they reached the two, Junhui turned to look at them, sliding closer to Jeonghan and smiling.

“Hi Minghao,” he said. His face fell slightly when he saw Mingyu’s arm around him. “Who’s this?”

Minghao could almost feel Mingyu start to smile, but didn’t look away from Junhui to check.

“I’m Kim Mingyu,” Mingyu introduced him. “Who are you?”

“I’m Jeonghan, and this is Junhui,” Jeonghan introduced, smiling up at Mingyu.

“Oh, Minghao told me about you. He said you were pretty,” Mingyu said. “And I agree. Haven’t heard much about you, Junhui, but the name’s familiar.” Minghao slipped his arm around Mingyu’s waist, crossing their arms and moving closer to him.

Junhui looked almost ill with irritation. He was trying to smile nicely, but it came across as a grimace. Minghao felt bad, but it felt kind of good to show Junhui how he had been feeling for weeks. And this was just a one time thing, it wasn’t like Minghao was going to make Junhui feel this bad for too long.

“Hey, Minghao, can we talk?” he asked, with gritted teeth.

Mingyu chuckled. “This guy still has to introduce me to Seokmin and Soonyoung. I’m excited to meet them, they seem fun,” he said, a smile still coming through in his words. “But maybe later, right Hao?”

Minghao smiled up at Mingyu, and then at Junhui. “Yeah, later,” he echoed, before Mingyu tugged him away.

When they were far enough so that the music wasn’t necessary to block their conversation from being heard, Mingyu whistled.

“His roommate’s pretty,” he told Minghao. “But I don’t know why he’s with him, the way he looks at you.”

Minghao shook his head. “They’re happy,” he told him, ignoring Mingyu’s attempt to argue.

Minghao found himself alone later on, having left Mingyu with Seokmin. The two had become friends immediately, starting a conversation first about clocks, which quickly moved onto plants, and moved on just as fast, until Minghao couldn’t keep up. He had made an excuse and moved away, having needed some alone time anyway.

He found a couple of chairs away from the mess of people, most of whom he didn’t know, turning away from them to calm himself down. Minghao wasn’t a huge fan of big indoor parties, large rooms full of people he didn’t know freaked him out.

Someone sat down in the empty seat beside him, and he looked up smiling politely. He’d been expecting Jieqiong to come and see him at some point, he’d seen her with a few friends, and they had talked more recently. Instead his eyes had come to rest on Junhui.

“You’re not Jieqiong,” he blurted out, then shook his head, looking away from Junhui.

Junhui smiled little. “Unfortunately not,” he agreed.

“What do you want then?” Minghao asked, still not looking away from Junhui.

“To talk to you,” Junhui said honestly. “Are you okay?”

Minghao sighed, and looked back at Junhui. “I just don’t like so many people,” he explained, waving at the partiers.

Junhui nodded. “How come Mingyu isn’t with you?” he asked, an overly casual tone creeping into his voice as he sat up a little.

Minghao snorted. “He’s with Seokmin. They were talking too fast, it kind of gave me a headache.”

“How come you were with him?” Junhui asked, over annunciating every syllable.

Minghao shrugged. “I’ve known him for a couple of months, not very well though. We met up in a coffee shop, I told him about this, and he asked if I wanted to come with him.”

“So you’re bi?” Junhui asked.

“No,” Minghao said, shaking his head. “I’m gay.”

He heard Junhui’s frown in his next words. “But- What about Jieqiong?”

Minghao turned to face him. “What about her?”

“You went to Nayoung’s wedding with her,” Junhui stated.

Minghao laughed. “Wait, what?”

“Yeah,” Junhui said. “You told me you were there with her.”

“I meant that she asked me to come,” Minghao explained. “Kind of a plus one thing. Because we’re friends.”

Junhui nodded slowly, his mouth forming an ‘O’ shape. “So you’re not straight.”

Minghao shook his head. “Neither is she.”

“Now I feel like ,” Junhui admitted. “I’m sorry. I kind of blamed you about the door, and I’ve been a since then.”

“Yeah, a little bit,” Minghao agreed.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

There was an awkward silence, neither knowing what to say. Minghao wasn’t sure whether to ask about Junhui and Jeonghan, but was saved from deciding by Junhui asking a different question.

“So, do you like Mingyu?” Junhui asked.

Minghao shrugged. “He’s funny, and he’s hot as , but I don’t know.”

Junhui looked conflicted. “Do you think you’ll see each other again?”

“I don’t know yet,” Minghao said. “Probably not like that, but he’s a good friend. He helped a lot when I was worried about Seokmin.” And you, he almost said.

Junhui looked a little happier. “You can tell me about stuff like that,” he told Minghao, who frowned. He was trying to forgive Junhui, but honestly the other boy was making it hard.

“Like you tell me?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Junhui blushed. “I thought you were-”

“Homophobic?” Minghao asked, internally cringing at the anger in his tone.

“Yes?” Junhui said, looking uncomfortable. Minghao instantly felt terrible.

“No wait, I’m sorry,” Minghao said. “You’re trying to make this better, and I’m being a , so I’m sorry.”

Junhui nodded, and smiled. “It’s cool. I kind of deserve it, I guess,” he said. “I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you about Jeonghan.”

“It’s none of my business,” Minghao said, waving his hand. He didn’t particularly want to know about Junhui and Jeonghan’s relationship.

“Okay,” Junhui agreed, before looking behind him, at the party winding down. “Looks like Jeonghan’s looking for me, I better go.”

“Yeah,” Minghao agreed, standing up with him, though he wanted to grab Junhui and make him keep sitting there until they were back to how they were before they saw the door. “I’d better get Mingyu, I said I’d get the bus with him back to his place.”

Junhui tutted. “It’s a bit late, isn’t it?”

Minghao smiled. “Wushu master, remember?”

“Nah, for real,” Junhui said, frowning. “I’ll drive you, and Mingyu, and pick up Soonyoung and Jeonghan when I get back.”

“You didn’t drink?” Minghao checked. Junhui shook his head, rolling his eyes.

“Jeonghan’s decided I’m the permanent designated driver,” he grumbled. Minghao tried not to smile at Junhui saying Jeonghan like that, with pure irritation.

Instead he walked away, to find Mingyu, pretending he didn’t feel Junhui’s stare burning into his back.

The drive to Mingyu’s was awkward, partially because Mingyu had called shotgun, and Jeonghan had come along too. So while Minghao and Jeonghan were fine in the back together, Mingyu and Junhui were not.

Mingyu kept trying to start conversation, and Junhui would cut him off immediately. Every time it happened, Jeonghan and Minghao would exchange looks of held back laughter, often spilling over, until Junhui pulled over.

“Does anyone want to swap seats?” he asked, obviously gritting his teeth.

After a few negotiations Mingyu slid in Jeonghan’s seat beside Minghao, and Jeonghan leapt into the front seat next to Junhui. Minghao didn’t miss the kiss Junhui placed on Jeonghan’s cheek, or the way Jeonghan hummed into it.

He frowned and looked out the window, but Mingyu pulled him into his side. “Junhui turn left down here,” he called. “Your friend doesn’t like me very much,” he muttered to Minghao.

Minghao laughed quietly, unaware of how stiff Junhui was in the front seat, and how his sharp answers to Jeonghan’s attempts at conversation rivalled his snapping answers to Mingyu.

“Give him time,” he whispered back. “It’s just because we’re pretending this is a date, he’s thrown off. This won’t happen again.”

Mingyu smiled down at him. “I hope not, because you’re a nice guy, but I’m kind of having a thing with someone.”

Minghao snorted, thinking back to what he’d told him in the café. “Someone being a guy who doesn’t know your name.”

“He will learn my name,” Mingyu whisper shouted. “And you just wait and see, we’ll fall in love.”

“I’ll wait,” Minghao agreed, laughing as Mingyu hit his shoulder.

“Mingyu is this it?” Jeonghan asked.

Mingyu nodded. “Bye,” he said brightly, leaning down to kiss Minghao on the cheek. Minghao shivered slightly, he wasn’t a big fan of kisses, even if this had been a fake date.

Jeonghan jumped back into the backseat, deciding he was going to sleep for a bit, kicking Minghao into the front.

“This is like ing musical chairs,” Minghao muttered as he pulled the seatbelt over him.

Junhui laughed under his breath. “What beauty wants, beauty gets,” he said, rolling his eyes. The sarcasm was lost on Minghao, who could only focus on Junhui calling Jeonghan ‘beauty’. He managed to save himself with a quiet laugh.

“You had fun with Mingyu up here then,” Minghao said, nudging him slightly.

Junhui raised one eyebrow, but didn’t take his eyes off the road. “You could say that,” he said. “I’m sorry, I know you two are a thing, but I’m not a big fan.”

“We’re not really a thing,” Minghao told him. “Tonight was just so we could see how it goes.”

Jeonghan grunted sleepily. “Seems to have gone pretty well,” he said. Minghao looked back at him, to see his eyes closed, legs folded up on the seat as his hair fell over his face.

He shrugged casually, trying to ignore just how pretty Jeonghan was half asleep. Tried to ignore how he couldn’t compete with that.

“I guess we’ll see,” he said. “I don’t think we’ll keep it up.”

He side-eyed Junhui, trying to gauge his reaction, but Junhui was turned away from him, facing the road. They had reached a red light, and the rain had started, blurring the light into a shapeless swirl of colour.

“Is there any way I could stay at yours tonight?” he asked, trying to get Junhui to look at him. “It’d be easier not to go back, and Soonyoung’s staying at mine anyway.”

“What do you think?” Junhui directed at Jeonghan.

“Less driving?” Jeonghan asked, and Junhui chuckled.

“Yes babe,” he said, smiling, glancing back at Jeonghan.

“That’s fine,” Jeonghan muttered sleepily.

“Keep your eyes on the road,” Minghao reminded Junhui, feeling slightly bitter at how easy it was for Jeonghan to get Junhui to look at him.

“I am,” Junhui said, turning back, winking at Minghao before looking back to the road, as the light turned green.

Minghao slumped down in his seat, regretting having asked to stay over.

Luckily when they got to the apartment, Jeonghan went straight to bed. Junhui hadn’t gone with him, instead he had stayed out in the living room with Minghao, the two sitting in near darkness, a single lamp the sole illumination in the room.

“So, where did you and Mingyu meet?” Junhui asked, referring back to the main topic of the evening, a topic he apparently couldn’t drop.

“He works at my hairdressers,” Minghao told him. He liked Mingyu, but if he had to talk about him for much longer that opinion was going to change. “How did you and Jeonghan get together?” he asked, watching Junhui blush.

“He asked me out,” Junhui said simply. “I wasn’t going to say yes, but I thought about it, and I did.”

Minghao raised an eyebrow. “You weren’t going to say yes?”

Junhui shook his head, but didn’t elaborate.

“Okay, why not?” Minghao tried.

“He’s a lot for one person, you know? I mean, he doesn’t do things halfway,” Junhui replied. “There’s so much Jeonghan, and it’s not always in such a good way.”

Minghao nodded. He didn’t like hearing about Junhui and Jeonghan’s relationship, but if it let him talk to Junhui then he didn’t mind.

“I guess you’re bored of hearing me vent,” Junhui said. “So, how well do you know Mingyu?”

Minghao sighed. He was more bored about Mingyu. “Not that well. How come all we’re talking about is Mingyu?”

Junhui shrugged. “I haven’t talked to you in a while, not properly and I guess I was just looking for a conversation?”

It was a blatent lie, and Minghao knew it. But he allowed Junhui that much, not really wanting to push it.

“So, I actually have a test soon,” Junhui said, to fill the silence. “Do you mind going over my notes for a bit?”

Minghao nodded eagerly. “I’d like that.”

Junhui left to find his notes, and Minghao looked around. It was familiar, a simple room with four doors leading off. One, next to a corner, with several panes of glass covering it, led to the kitchen. Another, on the other wall at the same corner, led to the hall. This was a dark wood door, with a black handle and small numbers painted on it, in bright red, green, and blue. Junhui had told Minghao that the numbers referred to important dates to the three residents. The third door led to a small cupboard, in which DVDs and books were kept. The fourth was a set of French windows, opening out into a small balcony. That was Minghao’s favourite part of the apartment.

He looked closer at the door Junhui had left through, the one with paint brushed across it. When explaining, Junhui had told him the dates belonged to specific people, his being in red. The oldest dates were in blue, so blue was Soonyoung’s colour, as he had lived in the apartment for the longest time. That left green for Jeonghan.

He looked over the dates in red, from the first one, presumably when he moved in, the sixteenth of August two years ago. The red was spaced out between the green and blue, a handful of dates in comparison, often skipping months. After August the fifth, marked out in all three colours, they got more frequent, coming back in September almost every week. They began to be spaced by mere days, thicker than the sparse blues and green.

They stopped around the fourth of October, a date marked each year in three colours. All threes’ birthdays were marked like this, this being Jeonghan’s birthday, but it was the seventh that caught Minghao’s eye. It was marked in green, but with a heart around it. Green was Jeonghan’s colour, and the heart indicated that this was the date Jeonghan and Junhui had got together. But it wasn’t matched with a red reminder of the same date, like Junhui hadn’t seen this as particularly special. And the red disappeared from then, only to emerge on Halloween, a fresh coat of the colour, painted that very day.

Minghao didn’t know how close he was standing to the door, when Junhui opened it, almost smacking him in the nose as he did. Junhui smiled him at him with confusion evident in his eyes.

He waved the notes in his hands. “I got them.”

Minghao smiled. “Let’s do this.”

1st Nov.

Minghao woke up to sunlight streaming onto his face, and a warm weight on his back. Three blinks, and the room around him came into focus, four doors, two sofas, one chair. The light was coming from the windows that led onto the balcony, and Minghao was gripped with a sudden wish to see the view from the balcony in the morning.

He tried to move, and was reminded of the weight on his back. He tried to move and, while twisting, saw what, or rather who, was covering him.

Wen Junhui looked just as pretty when he slept as when he was awake. His hair fell softly over one eye, covering it with brown hair, lighter, Minghao realised, than when they’d first met. People sleeping are often described as vulnerable, but Minghao thought that was only because they are open. They are still, unable to control who sees them, or what happens to them. Junhui had a beautiful vulnerability, one Minghao felt guilty for seeing. This sight of Junhui belonged to those he loved, those he chose to see him like this, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away.

However pretty the view on the balcony was, Junhui’s sleeping face was prettier.

7th Nov.

Birthdays are bright, happy days. Families gathering over cake, presents wrapped neatly. The end of the day comes with laughter and cake smeared over mouths, a mess of paper surrounding the presents, and a faint feeling of disappointment that there’s another year until you get to be the centre of these celebrations.

Minghao’s birthday was his favourite day of the year. His mother and father would call off work, take him out of school, for one perfect day at home. Minghao’s childhood had been a mix of loneliness and hate. After accidentally coming out to half his school, he’d been branded an outcast, and punished for it. Every day he was hassled, and his parents could do nothing about it. So they did their best to keep his birthday untouched. They locked up the house, and stayed in together, doing whatever they wanted, taking a break from the world.

This was going to be his first birthday away from home, and he was determined to spend it in exactly the same way, locked in his apartment, preferably alone, with his family on skype.

Seokmin left at eight, to meet up with Soonyoung and Jeonghan, shouting goodbye up to Minghao, who took the opportunity to leave his room and lock up the apartment. But before he could, Junhui stuck his head through and grinned at him.

“Hello Minghao,” he greeted in Korean. “Mind if I come in?”

Minghao froze. This ruined his plans for the day, but something about spending his birthday with Junhui was vaguely attractive to him. “Sure,” he replied in Mandarin.

Junhui didn’t seem to mind the language change, and Minghao sent a quick text to his parents telling them they’d have to postpone skyping until later. They didn’t get back to him until later in the day, but he didn’t notice when they did.

“So what will we do?” Junhui said, sitting at the kitchen table, swinging his legs to the beat of the quiet music Seokmin had left on.

“You came here,” Minghao said. “Don’t you know what you want to do?”

Junhui smiled widely up at him, tilting his head in a childlike way. “I wanted to be with you.”

Minghao ignored the way that affected him, ignored the impulse to analyse it, choosing instead to brush it off. “Doing what?”

“Want to watch crappy movies with popcorn?” Junhui asked.

Minghao didn’t want to show how his eyes lit up at that. That was how his birthdays were supposed to go. He moved over to the cupboards before replying.

“As long as they’re Chinese,” he said, looking for popcorn. “Korean movies are never good crappy.”

“You just don’t get the jokes,” Junhui replied, smiling mockingly. Minghao decided not to dignify that with a response, instead throwing the newly found popcorn in his face.

“Microwave it yourself,” he said.

“Is this because the instructions are in Korean?” Junhui asked, turning the packaging around to show him.

“I ing hate you,” Minghao said, snatching back the popcorn.

Minghao found himself falling asleep part way through the last movie, head leaning on Junhui’s shoulder, the popcorn bowl discarded, lying on its side a few metres from where they lay. Before he fell fully, he noted that this was the most comfortable he’d felt in months.

He was roughly woken by the doorbell. As he shifted trying to get up, he realised Junhui was the same way, rubbing his eyes.

“You okay?” he asked.

Junhui looked up and smiled widely, eyes shining. “I’m good.”

Minghao bit back the smile threatening to appear, going to answer the door instead.

It was Mingyu. As soon as Minghao opened the door, Mingyu walked in. “Why haven’t you called me?”

Minghao frowned, and followed Mingyu as he noisily walked into the kitchen. “What?” He’d said it in Mandarin, but Mingyu hadn’t needed the cue to keep talking. Minghao inwardly cursed himself for opening the door.

“Seokmin said he was going out, and that you’d be alone so-”

Mingyu was interrupted when Junhui entered the room. He stared at Junhui eyes wide, before darting back to Minghao. Minghao glanced at Junhui and internally winced. Junhui’s hair was messed up from sleeping, with his clothes rumpled.

“So this is why you haven’t picked up your phone?” Mingyu snapped.

“Why is he here?” Junhui asked, in Mandarin.

“Go away,” Minghao muttered back in the same language.

Junhui shrugged. “Come back soon,” he said, this time in Korean. He closed the door behind him when he left.

Minghao winced at how Mingyu might take that (and how Junhui might have meant it), before turning to Mingyu.

“Honestly, why are you doing this to yourself?” Mingyu asked. Minghao shrugged and was about to answer but Mingyu didn’t let him. “This isn’t fair to you.”

“That’s none of your business,” Minghao started. “And we only watched a movie.”

Mingyu rolled his eyes. “I can’t believe you’re doing this to yourself.”

“You’ve said,” Minghao said, snapping suddenly. “The is my life and he is my friend before anything. This is not your choice and, frankly? It’s none of your business.”

Mingyu’s expression cleared. “Fine,” he said quietly. He slammed a box on the table. “I only came to give you this. Happy birthday.” He turned and walked out.

Minghao didn’t follow. Instead, he went back into the living room to see Junhui.

Junhui was standing there, with a blank expression on his face. He started walking towards Minghao, slowly.

“What?” Minghao asked, but Junhui was silent, instead grabbing Minghao’s face, holding it securely in his hands, shaking a little. He searched his face, breathing slowly. For a minute Minghao thought he was going to kiss him, but Junhui let go, staring still. He shook his head, and almost stumbled backwards, before turning and leaving. Minghao raised a hand to his cheek.

Minghao didn’t follow him either. Instead, he crumpled into a ball, and let himself lie on the floor. Not crying, not thinking. He wasn’t sure he was breathing.

That’s where he stayed. For minutes or maybe hours, until Seokmin came home and found him.