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Secret Crush

It was a bright day in January. The trees were bare, and the roads were covered with snow. Although cold, people were still out and about. Some were working, others were walking to school, while some other people were just enjoying the warm day out of the week.

Seokmin was walking along the street with his hands in his pockets. He smiled when he heard his friends. There was his best friend, a boy with long hair, and a boy from
America
. Their names are: Soonyoung, Jeonghan, and Hansol. He met these three when he entered in high school. They've been really nice to him ever since day one. Even though it's said that they're more popular than Seokmin. He doesn't mind, he likes watching his friends be adored.

Today was a bit different, not only in weather. He made today 'day one' for trying to confess his feelings to the girl he's fallen in love with (visually, because he hasn't met her yet). Mo ChaHae.

"How's it going, Seokmin?" Soonyoung put his arm around Seokmin.

"Pretty okay, I suppose.." Seokmin started, "can you guys help me with something?"

The three were waiting for Seokmin to speak.

"I want to talk to Chahae..." Seokmin spoke.

Soonyoung puffed out his cheeks and smiled. "Don't worry! We already have a plan!" Soonyoung shouted.

Seokmin almost covered his ears, but noticed that Soonyoung put his finger on his own lips. "Sorry~" Soongyoung whispered. "Jeonghan hyung will befriend her, and see what she's like. Who knows, you may not like her personality!" Soonyoung said in his teasing tone.

"Yah! Soonyoung!" Seokmin snapped.

"Naega Hosh!" Soonyoung ran away with his arms out. He ran into the school building.

Seokmin sighed and watched as Hansol had left to talk to another one of his friends. "So.. You're going to talk to her?" Seokmin asked the silver-blue haired Jeonghan.

"Yep.." Jeonghan smiled, "Oh.. don't look now, but I think your Chahae might be staring at you~" Jeonghan whispered.

Seokmin raised his eyebrows at Jeonghan. "Seriously?" Jeonghan just giggled and walked passed Seokmin. Seokmin slowly looked at where Jeonghan's eyes were staring at. He saw a girl student run into the school. "Was it her?" Seokmin asked as he casually walked into the building.

Seokmin sat down and looked to the side, he saw Hansol talking to a chubby kid from Jeju island. Appearantly, Soonyoung has been talking to the homeroom teacher for awhile. Seokmin sees Chahae enter the classroom. He looked down at his desk. He's too afraid to look at her, especially if she was spying on him earlier.

After class was finished, Soonyoung, Hansol, and Seokmin leave to go get their next set of books. "Jeonghan stayed in the classroom to talk to Chahae." Soonyoung spoke, unlocking his locker.

"Oh boy.. I'm afraid to go back inside." Seokmin hit his body against his open locker. He looked at Hansol who is head-bopping to a tune in his head. "Yah, Sooyoung.. Do you have anyone you like?" Seokmin asked, still leaning against his locker.

"Nope! I'm gonna wait just a bit longer.."

Seokmin nodded, and looked at the direction of the classroom.


Jeonghan smiled when he saw there were little to no students in the class. He closed his text book and walked up to Chahae's desk. He sat on the edge, gaining her attention. He smiled as he looked into her eyes.

"Hello, sorry for being so late to meet you,.." Jeonghan started, "I'm Yoon Jeonghan."

"H-hi. Do you need something?" Chahae asked in a confused tone.

Jeonghan looked into her dark chocolate eyes and his gaze wandered to her strawberry lips. "I just wanted to meet you. I want to know what kind of a person you are." Jeonghan asked.

"Well, you're direct." She said with a slight laugh.

"I figure that beating around the bush would cause misunderstandings and what not." Jeonghan spoke.

"Oh, you're Seokmin's friend, right?" Chahae asked. Jeonghan nodded. "C-can you give this to him?"

Jeonghan was waiting for a present, but all he got was a kiss on the cheek. She quickly fled the classroom. Jeonghan's eyes were as wide as the
Pacific Ocean
. He took his hand out of his pocket and felt his cheek. He looked at the direction of the door. He realized that Seokmin must have just watched her run out...



Seokmin was looking at the homework he has for the next class. He looked up to see Chahae running out of the classroom. He watched as she didn't watch where she was going. Meaning: She ran into Seokmin. Seokmin put his hands on her shoulders and looked into her eyes. She looked deep into the taller's eyes. It had to been at least one or two minutes before she realized what was happening.

She pushed him away from her, making the locker's padlock somehow pierce through his uniform. Without sparing a glance, she ran away from him.

"Are you alright?" Jeonghan asked, running out of the classroom.

"I-I...don't know.." Seokmin's eyes were beyond wide. Even wider than Jeonghan's earlier.

Seokmin moved from the locker, and turned around. He felt Jeonghan's finger touch his back. "You got a tiny piercing back here. Not really bleeding that much, but let's go to the infirmary." Jeonghan spoke.


Soonyoung watched this and looked over at Hansol. "She hurt him." Hansol said, closing his locker. "I'm going to find her and tell her." Hansol said, walking past Soonyoung.

"Yah! Wait up!" Soonyoung ran after Hansol.


Chahae stopped running after she reached the basketball court. She sat down on a bleacher, and breathed heavily. She looked up at the sky as she wiped sweat off of her forehead.

"Good going, Chahae..." She spoke down to herself.

"Yah!" Hansol jumped in front of her.

She almost screamed to the top of her lungs, but Soonyoung held . "Hansol, did you have to scare her?" Soonyoung snapped.

"W-what do you want?" She asked, taking Soonyoung's hand off of .

"How dare you hurt Seokmin? He's bleeding, yah know." Hansol spoke.

"He is?"

"Yes."




It was after school. Seokmin was reading a book for the next book report. He looked bored reading it.

"Seokmin., you have a visitor." Soonyoung came from around the wall.

Seokmin was surprised. A visitor? He put down his book and sat up correctly. The first thing he saw was the girl's uniform's skirt, and legs walking underneath it. His eyes trailed up quickly to see the face of the skirt's owner. It was Mo ChaHae.

"Seokmin,.." She muttered as she held her hands behind her back.

"You need something?"

"I-I wanted to apologize.." She bowed and brought her hands from behind her back. It seemed to be a rapped box.

She was handing it to him, but he slapped it out of her hand.

"How dare you? You slammed me into the locker, all because Jeonghan spoke to you?" Seokmin asked, fake rage filling his veins.

Seokmin really likes this girl, but why would she shove him like that? He knows she was scared and or embarrassed, but that's no way to treat him. To just run away after? How responsible!

"I wanted him to give you a present.. but I suppose he didn't give it to you..." She spoke after a few moments.

"Well? Was it that box?" Seokmin asked, "If it is, keep it."

"It's not."




Chahae walked up to the bed and kissed him on the cheek.




 


What a cheesy story, huh?  Oh well~  Thank yahl so much for reading!  :D

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icytoes
27 streak #1
Chapter 1: Ahhh! It’s sweet. But it got me confused in the middle there. I thought she likes Jeonghan, not Seokmin. But hey, Seokmin still got the girl in the end.
Good work authornim.
upgrader
#2
Chapter 1: You had a lot of really unique plot points. Nothing in this story was expected, which is a total plus. However, as others have mentioned, some of this uniqueness was confusing. Why did she kiss Jeonghan? Why did Seokmin get fake angry and slap the box away? I think there could have been an interesting development if Seokmin had seen Chahae kiss his friend, and that was honestly where I thought you were going with that. The other members of Seventeen while I love them seemed slightly unnecessary, other than being awesome cheerleaders and hypemen for Seokmin. We ended up learning more about them in the beginning than we did about Seokmin, which I felt like should have been more of a focus. I also think it's interesting that Seokmin's feelings for Chahae are based only off of physicality. That's totally fine but maybe if there was a backstory to when he first saw or realized he liked her there could have been believability to the ending romance.
lefemui
11 streak #3
Chapter 1: Cute idea ,can a kiss be pass to another person like that .

It's really sweet and short. Nice one .
taempteng
#4
Chapter 1: The idea for this fanfic is really creative, so kudos! (^.^)

But, there are a few parts that bothered me — Chahae kissing Jeonghan on the cheek, Chaehae pushing Seokmin away and Seokmin being angry at her.
The thing that bothered me about the kissing part is the fact Chahae asked JEONGHAN to give SEOKMIN the kiss. Wouldn’t Seokmin be confused if Jeonghan actually gave him that kiss? And, if Seokmin found out that Chahae kissed Jeonghan, wouldn't he be jealous? But, I’ll just go with the idea that it’s for the plot.
The second one, I think it’s a bit exaggerating? I mean, usually, when people are flustered, they would just step back and apologise before rushing off. But, I guess it’s also for the plot too (to get Seokmin into the infirmary where the confession takes place), that’s why it’s written like that.
But the last part, Seokmin being angry at Chaehae, was it really necessary? Even though he was just faking it, but slapping a gift from the hands of a girl is a guaranteed one-way ticket to making the girl scared of a guy (and making her heartbroken).

Other than that, the story is okay and, like I said before, creative. These are just the few parts that bothered me. I’m sorry if I sounded mean- I tried not to, but if I did anyway, I’m really sorry.
ChanBaekTao
#5
Chapter 1: I really liked the ending because you did a good job of conveying her nervousness. There were a few things I had a problem with though. For example, I don't get why Chahae kissed Jeonghan's cheek and expected him to give that to Seokmin. I just don't understand why she (or anyone) would do that. Also, I didn't like how he slapped the box out of her hand... Maybe the action verb you used was too harsh but either way, I don't think he should have done that especially since he likes her. There are also grammar errors that can be easily fixed such as spelling so beware of those. Your sentences don't really flow into each other. I'm not very good at this either, but to cope with that I read my chapters out loud and try to fix it. Some sentences can also mesh together while giving more detail.

Ex:

Original: Seokmin sees Chahae enter the classroom. He looked down at his desk. He's too afraid to look at her, especially if she was spying on him earlier.

My quick edit: He watched Chahae enter the classroom, remembering Joenghan's previous comment. Immediately, his heart beated faster and to avoid being caught staring, he averted his gaze.

My edit still sounds a little iffy to me, but it's just an example of what could be done. Also, instead of adding Seokmin's name I used a pronoun because his name was already mentioned in the paragraph. I get why you used his name, but it still felt a little redundant.

These are just things I noticed and I hope I don't sound too harsh or anything!! I used to edit stories and papers so if I sounded too critical, I apologize! Fluff is really hard for me to write, so I'm really impressed you could write this within the time that you did! Good luck with your future stories~
asahdako
#6
Chapter 1: Such a cute fic. Although the ending was a bit too abrupt, the generalization for this is that it was cute and fluffy
OnceUponAnEXO
18 streak #7
Chapter 1: Aww, I remember being young and awkward with a crash like this lol very cute!!! (^ヮ^)b

I saw that the person who commented before me mentioned making your dialogue more natural and I thought I'd give you a few tips on how to do that...

One of the big things is listening to how people talk to each other. Something I do to help myself with this is watch a movie or tv show that I like and really pay attending to what they say to each other. A few times I've even written down some of the dialogue and then added action and speaking tags to it to match what the actors were doing (this helped me a lot).

Another thing you can do is pay attention to dialogue in stories you've read. A lot of times after I finish a book I'll look back through it, paying attention to the dialogu, how it was tagged, and the punctuation (I even bought a few used books to highlight and leave notes in ^^;).

The last thing is to be careful to not over tag dialogue. Over tagging can make good dialogue awkward. I'm going to use a bit from your fic to show you...

Soonyoung puffed out his cheeks and smiled. "Don't worry! We already have a plan!" Soonyoung shouted.

I found this awkward for a few reasons. 1. The "Soonyoung shouted" felt weird because you already had his name in the action tag before the dialogue, and 2. the "shouted" wasn't really needed because you used exclamation points.

It would flow better if you did...

Soonyoung puffed out his cheeks and smiled. "Don't worry! We already have a plan!"

Or if you wanted to keep the speaking tag, just move it like this...

Soonyoung puffed out his cheeks and smiled, then shouted, "Don't worry! We already have a plan!"

I hope this helps! ♡-(・ヮ・)-♡
Grackie
#8
Chapter 1: Cute <3
Your dialogue could be a bit more natural...but the content was good ^^