Last chapter - I'm crying :'( ----------------------------------------- Chaeyoung's POV "You are so stupid Chaeyoung!" I started scolding myself after I turned and run away from Jungkook. I slapped myself multiple times as if that would help me pull myself back together. It was when I was already a few blocks outside when a realization hit me, I am not familiar with this place. My eyes scanned the area. I don't even have my phone nor pouch with me. Slowly, I started walking back to the direction where I came from, my left hand wiping the tear that stupidly started falling down my cheeks. My mind feels like I'm just floating. Everything was a blur and my eyes stinging isn't much of a help either. I felt helpless and weak. My knees were shaking I'm actually surprised I'm still able to walk. I noticed a few people giving me weird looks. Yeah, I probably look some idiot right now, crying on a sidewalk at four in the afternoon. So what if Jungkook already moved on? "I am still friends with the other boys," I whispered to myself but even I can recognize how bitter my own words sounded. My steps halted, and I almost fell down when someone accidentally bumped into me from the back. "Watch where you're going!" the guy snarled at me and I don't have any strength left to answer. Instead, I walked to the side, away from the crowd so I won't cause a ruckus on the busy street in front of me. "What's the use of coming back now?" I whispered as I rested my back on the wall for support. I bite my lower lip, my throat hurting as I try to stop myself from bawling my eyes out on the busy district of Seoul. Unfocused with my surroundings, I ended up sitting on the ground, my arms hugging my knees, the questioning stares that the people are giving me goes unnoticed by my unstable state. And right here I started crying. The recent events made me question myself. Am I that of a bad person to be always left behind? Do I deserve this amount of pain? Was the pain of losing a friend and a brother isn't enough that life decided to test me once again by taking away the very first person I showed loved with from me? Am I that much of a pushover? My judgment is now getting clouded. Maybe I really deserve all this pain... and it's karma but damn, it was all out to losing my sanity, breaking every piece of me, shredding my dignity altogether. Right now, there's nothing left but emptiness. Did he lie about waiting for me? I mean, I knew it took me four ing months but . is it that easy for him to forget about me? Did he really love me at all? Faint sobs escaped my lips, the sorrow filling my whole system is starting to make me lose control. He loved me. I told to myself. No matter how he might be in a new relationship right now, I knew he loved me when we were still together. Because I felt it. His sincerity... His patience... His love... I felt it all. I knew he loved me. But it hurts to know that his love faded while here I am, still stuck on my own feelings. My heart has weakened. The new resolve I had after moving on from my past started crumbling before me. I'm not even sure my heart is ready for this heartbreak. But then, no one is ever ready for a heartache. Mine felt like it's barely functioning, and it's drunken with pain. My sane thoughts started to slip away and the remaining strength that I have in me slowly fading, and I think this isn't a foreign state for me since I was barely breathing before Jungkook came and saved me. I thought Jungkook has found me when I was lost, but I guess it was temporary. Because in the end, it was me who needs to find my own self. I thought I can be by his side. but it turns out I need to be alone until I can spread my own wings, break free and fly. Even with a bitter heart, even with an empty fall back, I'd move forward. And then I felt a liquid dropping on my bare skin, my eyes immediately looking up the sky. It was dark and I can see drizzles slowly starting to pour. "Great, now even the weather is sympathizing with me," I grunted. But my body doesn't seem to feel bothered by the cold as I start to feel numb. "," I mumbled. The pain inside me, it's unbearable. It feels a thousand more painful like I was left with nothingness. It was like I am falling down on a black hole and I don't know if I can still cease to exist. With my face on my hands as I keep from crying. The drizzle started getting stronger until it was already raining. But I didn't move even after all the people came rushing to find shelter out of the rain. I stayed on the sidewalk hoping that the rain will wash away the pain that is killing me. My heart felt so empty. And even though the cold rush of the rain made my body shiver, deep inside, I felt nothing. I don't have any place to go and right now, I'd need a whole lot of courage to get back and get my things from their dorm. Lisa... I suddenly remembered my friend. She must have been confused right now. Not a bit do I resent my friend for being with the person I love. It has been so long since we last saw each other and judging from how she acted earlier when she saw me, I was sure Lisa didn't know a thing. She's a sweetheart, a pure little ball of sunshine. I can never get mad at her. To be honest, I'm madder at myself for neglecting Jungkook. It was all my fault. I know I was just so stupid to let what we had all go to waste. Or maybe I had been too complacent? My hands balled into a fist. Am I strong enough to let him go? Looking back, I don't regret ever hopping that bus and meeting him and saving him from his fans. And even though I am hurting like hell right now, I'd still say I love him. If my pain is what it takes for him to be happy, I'd gladly take it all. This time, I want to be the person who sacrificed for him. Because I want him to be happy... I didn't know how long it has been but after a while, I realized the drips of the rain falling on my body weakened. Did the rain stop? Slowly, I removed my hands covering my face, I had to rub my eyes for a moment because it becomes blurry due to my