*buzz buzz*

Hoseok hit the button on the side of his phone to silence its vibrations and send the call to voicemail. He didn't recognize the number and figured whoever was calling would leave a message if it was important.

“Congratulations, Joon. We're all really proud of you,” Hoseok said as his phone buzzed a second time. He sent that call to voicemail, too, but the person didn't leave a message and instead called again and again, and by the time the device buzzed a fifth and sixth time, Namjoon had had enough.

“Someone is clearly trying to reach you. Why don't you just answer?”

“Because this is your night. We’re here to celebrate your promotion. I’m not going to answer some unknown call tonight.”

And he didn’t. He didn’t answer the calls, and he didn’t listen to the message that was left after the fifteenth time the phone rang. He stayed out with his friends until the very early hours of the morning. He drank far too much, probably embarrassed himself at karaoke by dancing more than he sang, and had to be helped into a cab after last call.

The details of how he made it to his bed were unclear, but that was where he woke up sometime past noon the next day. His mouth was dry as a desert, his head was pounding, and his stomach vehemently rejected the idea of moving, so he settled back into the soft mattress with his phone to entertain him.

All Hoseok wanted to do was play some mindless game until his stomach stopped feeling like he'd been on the tilt-o-whirl for an hour straight at the thought of getting up to piss, but first he would have to clear all of the little notification icons from the top of the screen, starting with his missed calls and voicemail.

He typed in his passcode and waited as the electronic voice read off the time and date of the call, and then he was transported a decade back in time as the message began to play.

“ Hoseok. Hobi. Hos-… Christ, I don’t even know what to call you anymore. This is Tae. I know it’s been a long time, but something’s happened. My mom, well, you know how much she liked you. Probably more than she likes me. Liked. Umm… Hoseok, she umm… Sh-she’s gone. De-uh… she passed away. Tonight. I’m barely h-holding it together, but I thought… , this was a mistake. I don’t know why, but I thought I should tell you. There’s gonna be a memorial service for her next week, in Nevada. I have to go home for it and… Hoseok, I’m sorry for calling and dumping this on you, but I didn’t know what else to do, who else to call. My mom is dead and I’m… but you aren’t answering so you must be busy or you don’t want to talk to me and I get it, I do, but for some reason I still thought of you so umm… yeah. Okay. Bye.”

Ten years, three months, one week, and four days. That was how long it had been since Hoseok had heard from Taehyung. Their breakup had been physically and emotionally messy. There had been a heated argument, a lot of yelling and maybe even more crying, but one thing about it had been clean. They had immediately cut contact with each other the day it happened. Hoseok had packed his things and moved in with Namjoon, Taehyung had changed his phone number, and that was it.

 

“Tae, you’re twenty-two, not twelve, and I’m your boyfriend, not your mother. You need to learn how to take care of yourself and stop relying on me to do it for you.” It was an old argument, one that they'd been having for years, but this time was different. This time, Hoseok had reached the end of his rope.

“I can take care of myself,” Taehyung muttered.

“Obviously not. You haven’t slept in our bed in days, and you only eat when I bring food out here for you.”

“I’m just very…” he scrambled for the proper word, “focused.”

“You are, and I love that about you. I love you , Taehyung, but I can’t keep doing this. When you get like this… I feel like I’m watching you waste away. You lose weight and you look like death. I just can’t anymore.”

“What are you saying?” Taehyung asked.

“I’m saying I think we should break up.”

Taehyung’s eyes filled with tears, and his adorable nose that Hoseok loved to kiss turned pink. For a moment, it seemed like he was just going to fall apart, but then Hoseok noticed Taehyung’s hands, clenched into fists at his sides. These were angry tears.

“So what, things get a little tough and you just wanna run away?”

“A little tough?” Hoseok scoffed. He would have liked to step forward, to crowd Taehyung and make him back down, but instead he had to back away. Taehyung had grabbed a little pot of paint from the antique vanity he used to store his art supplies. “No. This isn’t a little tough. A little tough was when you accidentally smeared paint all over the quilt my grandma left me.” , here came the tears. Hoseok sniffed them back. “A little tough was when you didn’t realize Jimin was hitting on you and unwittingly agreed to a date with him. A little tough was ing coming out to your parents the day you decided to introduce us! This isn’t a little tough, Taehyung. This is ing unbearable.

“Do you even know what you look like right now? Have you seen a mirror lately? How long has it been since you showered? How long since you slept? How long since you ate more than half of the sandwich I bring you once a day?”

All of Hoseok's questions went unanswered as Taehyung stood before him, silently fuming until finally he yelled, “Stop it!” The pot of paint smashed against the concrete floor. Pieces of glass and red paint splattered everywhere, drops and spots reaching every corner of the room. “Stop blaming everything on me!”

“Well then who am I supposed to blame? It’s not my fault you can’t take care of yourself.” Hoseok knew the words were a mistake even as they left his mouth, but he couldn’t stop them. He was angry, too.

“Fine, then tell me whose fault it was when we missed my senior art show. Wait, I know the answer. It was your fault because you had to work late.”

“Taehyung, you can’t com-”

“And whose fault was it when my favorite painting got ruined? Don’t answer; I know. It was your fault.” Taehyung punctuated the statement by throwing two more pots of paint on the floor, turning around to grab another as he continued. “I told you I was leaving the trunk open so you could get it, and you never did. And then it rained and the trunk got soaked and my… my favorite painting, Hoseok…” Taehyung trailed off with a sob.

“I apologized, Tae. I didn’t mean to ruin it. It was an accident.”

“I painted that for you!”

“I know. I’m sorry, but this is something totally different. This isn’t an art show or a painting, Tae. This is your life I’m talking about.”

“I don’t care!” An easel came crashing to the ground, pieces of wood splintering apart and flying across the room, piercing the canvas Taehyung had been working on and even breaking out one of the windows of Taehyung's greenhouse studio.

 

Hoseok remembered very few details after that. He remembered saying hurtful things that he didn’t mean. He remembered hearing hurtful things in return. He remembered the raised voices and the tears and the shattered glass and wet paint and ruined paintings that Taehyung had poured his heart and soul into.

Hoseok owned almost nothing. Their house, their car, everything was in Taehyung’s name. He’d hastily collected what was his and called Namjoon to beg him to leave work early to come pick him up, and that was the end of Hobi-hope and Taetae.

 

Hoseok listened to the message again, and this time, instead of hearing Taehyung’s words, he heard Taehyung’s tone, the way he stumbled and stuttered, how broken and wounded he sounded. He listened a third time and heard the tiny sniffles. He listened a fourth time and broke down himself because Taehyung, his Taehyung, was hurting, and he wasn’t there to make it all better. After all this time, Hoseok still wanted to take care of Taehyung.

Yeah, their breakup had been bad. It had been one of the most painful experiences of Hoseok’s life. He’d spent years trying to get over Taehyung and had only recently really succeeded, or so he thought. He hadn’t moved on, though. He still lived in a perpetual state of mourning over his lost love, which was probably why he made the decision to return Taehyung’s call.

It was a stupid move. When Taehyung answered, just hearing his voice on the other end of the line ripped out all the stitches in Hoseok’s old wounds. He laid there bleeding feelings all over the bed as he said, “Hey, Tae. It’s Hobi.”

“You got my message.” It wasn’t a question, but if it had been, Hoseok wouldn’t have noticed. Taehyung sounded hollow and hoarse, like he’d been crying all night (which he probably had), nothing like the deep, rich voice Hoseok remembered.

“Yeah, I did. Sorry I didn’t answer last night.” Hoseok tried to be polite, but he knew he needed to protect himself. It would be too easy for Taehyung to worm his way back into Hoseok’s heart, as fragile as it was.

“It’s alright. I probably wouldn’t have answered either.”

There was a long silence, a crackle of static and a few sniffles the only indications the call was still connected. Hoseok wasn't sure what to say, and it seemed like Taehyung was just trying keep from falling apart.

“I'm sorry about your mom,” Hoseok finally offered, and he was genuinely sorry. Taehyung’s mother was a good woman. When Taehyung had sprung their relationship on his parents, she had been accepting. She once told Hoseok that she had known when Taehyung was born that he was special, and she’d decided long ago that whatever Taehyung decided to do in his life, she would support him, even if he decided to do a boy. Hoseok had thought he would do the same, support Taehyung no matter what, but… no, now was not the time for those kind of thoughts.

“Tae, if there’s anything I can do, just let me know.” It was a reflex, to say those words. It was what one was expected to say when someone lost a loved one. Most people wouldn’t take Hoseok up on that offer, but Taehyung wasn’t most people.

“Actually, that’s why I called. I have to go home, and I know this is asking a lot, but I really don’t want to go alone. It’s a long drive and I’m not exactly emotionally stable right now, and you know how well I get along with my dad. I was hoping…”

“You… want me to come home with you? Taehyung, it’s been ten years. I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.”

Not a good idea was an understatement. Hoseok had a feeling a cross-country road trip, even- no, especially with a grieving Taehyung, could be disastrous.

“Yeah, no, I know. I get it. Sorry. I won’t bother you anymore.”

Hoseok had no idea what possessed him to say his next words. Maybe it was the sadness in Taehyung's voice or the fact that Hoseok was hardwired to want to comfort Taehyung. Whatever the reason, before Taehyung could end the call, Hoseok shouted, “Wait!” He immediately regretted it, not his sudden change of heart regarding the trip, but the way his outburst had brought his headache back to his attention. He groaned in pain before continuing. “I'll come with you, Tae.”

“Really?” Taehyung sounded so hopeful, so much more like the Taehyung that Hoseok used to know than the Taehyung on Hoseok's voicemail. Hoseok was so screwed.

“Yeah, I should probably pay my respects to your mother anyway. She was always good to me.”

They spent a few minutes going over some of the details before Taehyung said he had arrangements to make, and they told each other goodbye with the promise to meet at Taehyung’s house early the next day.

Hoseok dropped the phone on his chest and let out a long sigh. He had already started to erect protective walls around his heart in preparation. He had a feeling that the moment he saw Taehyung, the walls would come crumbling down, but he had to at least try.

 

1- Unpredictable

Hoseok’s bags were packed. His black suit was pressed and hanging in a garment bag in the back seat of his car. He had brought a book and his headphones, and he had double and triple checked that he had his phone chargers before he left the house. Physically, he was prepared for the drive. Emotionally… well, that was questionable.

When Hoseok pulled into Taehyung’s driveway, his heart nearly stopped. The house looked exactly the same, right down to the beat up ‘89 Oldsmobile Custom Cruiser parked in front of the garage. It was like the house was frozen in time. The lawn was slightly more overgrown, the English ivy Hoseok had planted on their third anniversary had nearly taken over the brick half-wall surrounding the front porch, and part of the gutter had come loose around the side of the house, but otherwise nothing had changed.

Even Taehyung, when he emerged through the front door carrying two lumpy duffel bags, had barely aged. Though he had a few fine lines around his eyes and mouth and several strands of silver shone amongst his shaggy, dark locks, he was still wearing t-shirts with enough holes cut in them that they could really only be considered rags, he still had that glimmer in his eyes that Hoseok had always loved, and his skin was still stained with smudges and smears of paint.

“You know a little mineral oil and some soap and water will get that off,” Hoseok said as Taehyung dropped into the passenger seat.

“Really, Hoseok? That’s how you want to start this trip? I’m a painter. I know how to remove paint from my skin. I just don’t see the point in doing so when I’m just going to be covered in a different color a few hours later.”

Back when they were together, Taehyung had often teased Hoseok for nagging. It was one of the things they actually enjoyed arguing about. Hoseok would holler through the open windows about finding Taehyung's socks under the couch cushions and damp towels on the bathroom floor, and Taehyung would yell back from his studio, calling Hoseok Mom and saying he'd pick them up when he was finished working.

He never did. He never had to. Hoseok couldn’t stand a mess, and he actually enjoyed cleaning. By the time Taehyung stumbled into the house, long after dark, the socks and towels would be clean and dry and folded, tucked away into Taehyung’s drawers and the linen closet.

“Thanks, Hobi-hope. You’re the best second mom ever,” Taehyung would mumble against the back of Hoseok’s neck, tickling Hoseok’s skin with his breath and the tiny movements of his lips.

These were happy memories, ones that Hoseok cherished. He had tried to forget as much of the bad as he could, but the good… he held onto the good.

“Sorry,” Hoseok said. “You’re right. Let’s get going. Grab your map. You’re on navigating duty.”

Taehyung had mapped out their route. The 34 hour drive from their home in Pennsylvania to where Taehyung's family lived, just outside Las Vegas, would take them three days.

Taehyung insisted that taking turns sleeping in the passenger seat would defeat the point of having a travel companion, so he’d booked hotel rooms somewhere in Missouri and Colorado, and they were scheduled to arrive two days before his mother’s memorial service in case something happened to delay them along the way. Hoseok didn’t want to think about what kind of emergencies would make them a whole day late, but he remembered the last time they’d travelled together. The station wagon had gotten a flat in the middle of nowhere. They didn’t have a spare and were out of their phone service area. They’d had to walk nearly three miles before they had enough bars call a tow truck.

The first leg of the trip was the longest, a little over twelve hours. It took them through some of the flattest, most boring terrain in the entire country. Most of the what they passed was farmland, fields of corn and soybeans that weren’t even growing this time of year.

They swapped seats every few hours, splitting the driving as evenly as possible between them. Taehyung’s first shift driving, he kept remarking about how nice Hoseok’s car was. “Look at all these bells and whistles! You have heated seats! I will never get used to having volume control buttons on the steering wheel.” Hoseok was a little tickled by it. It was like Taehyung was sixteen and driving his parents’ car for the first time.

“I can’t believe you still drive that rust bucket,” he commented as Taehyung opened and closed the sunroof for maybe the tenth time.

“Hey, don’t talk about Rusty like that. I love Rusty. Also, if he heard you say that, he’d never start again.”

“Why do you still have the station wagon, Tae? You've had it for, what? Fifteen, sixteen years?”

“I don't know. I like it. I've made a lot of good memories in that car. Like the time we drove up to Justus Lake and got too drunk to drive home so we slept in the backseat.” Taehyung sighed, obviously enjoying the memory.

“Mm, I remember. We had to use your ‘art transportation buffer blankets’ to keep warm because the temperature dropped like twenty degrees when the sun went down.”

“Yeah, but watching the sunrise over the lake the next morning was pretty special.” His voice was dreamy, like he was actually watching the sunrise in his head as he spoke, but Hoseok remembered things a little differently.

“Maybe for you. I was too hungover to watch. I think I was busy throwing up in the woods at the time.” The statement made Taehyung laugh, the low, husky laugh that Hoseok had heard so many times when they were in bed together, wrapped up in warm blankets and each other. This trip down memory lane was doing nothing to keep Hoseok’s patched up heart intact.

“Admit it,” Taehyung said, poking Hoseok’s shoulder with two purple fingers, “you had fun that night.”

He had. Life with Taehyung was rarely boring. It was a series of unexpected occurrences. Taehyung always had something interesting going on in that beautiful brain of his, and he had always been good at convincing Hoseok to step outside his comfort zone, whether that meant dancing in the middle of the street during a downpour or using flour made from ground crickets to bake cookies.

“Yeah, Tae. It was fun.” It was always fun.

 

By the time Taehyung pulled into the parking lot of their hotel in Kansas City, Hoseok’s was asleep and his legs were screaming for him to stand up, stretch, walk around… hell, even skip. It didn't matter how he moved just as long as he moved.

It was already dark, nearing nine o’clock. They’d had to drive ten minutes out of the way to pick up dinner at a drive thru, all because Taehyung was craving roast beef and a hamburger just would not do.

Taehyung checked them in and handed Hoseok a keycard in an envelope with the number 428 on it, and they made their way to the elevator with their dinner and their overnight bags in hand. When Hoseok stopped at the door to room 428, Taehyung lingered behind him, waiting for him to open the door. He was hovering. They’d been crammed in the car together all day, and now Taehyung was breathing down Hoseok’s neck while he struggled to get the magnetic strip on the card to read. Hoseok was annoyed.

“What are you doing?” he asked when Taehyung moved to follow him into the room.

“Uh… this is my room.” The tone of his voice added an unspoken ‘duh’ to the end, and Hoseok’s brain short circuited.

Of course Taehyung would book them in the same room. He wouldn’t see anything wrong with sharing a room. Even strangers were friends to Taehyung. Obviously there was nothing wrong with sharing a room when two people had known each other as long as he and Hoseok had.

Hoseok hesitated a moment before holding the door for Taehyung to enter. Pick your battles, he thought, and this was a battle he did not wish to fight.

Thankfully, Taehyung had at least thought to book a double room. Hoseok wouldn’t be subjected to popsicle toes against his calves or stolen blankets or, most importantly, a barrage of memories stirred up by sharing a bed with Taehyung again. He waited for Taehyung to pick a bed, one that the overgrown child immediately bounced on, and then he walked over to the other bed and stripped the comforter off, dropping it on the floor, never to be touched again.

“Still?” Taehyung giggled.

“People aren’t any less disgusting now than they were fifteen years ago, and hotels still don’t wash the comforters as often as they should. I’m not sleeping under that thing, and I’m certainly not eating my dinner on it.”

“You know, fifteen years ago, we would have been the disgusting people.”

“No, we were never the disgusting people. I always put down towels and tried to leave the room as neat as i found it.”

“Except for the towels. Those poor maids,” Taehyung sighed and shook his head.

“Eat your dinner, brat,” Hoseok replied, tossing Taehyung one of the paper bags.

Taehyung the television and picked a channel at random, and Hoseok was spared the chore of making conversation with Taehyung that didn't consist of memories of a time when they were happy together. They ate in silence, and Taehyung let Hoseok have the first shower. He expected Taehyung to be asleep when he emerged from the bathroom, clean and comfortable in soft, cotton pajamas, but Taehyung was nowhere to be found (not that there were a lot of places to look for him in a tiny hotel room.) Hoseok assumed he'd gone looking for ice or snacks, but when he still hadn't returned half an hour later, Hoseok began to worry. He pulled out his phone to call Taehyung just as the lock on the door clicked and in walked Taehyung.

“Where the hell have you been?” Hoseok questioned him.

“Sorry, Mom. I had a craving.” Taehyung held up two bags of gummy bears.

“You and your cravings.” Hoseok rolled his eyes. “Do you ever eat something just because it's available, or do you always follow your cravings?”

“I think we both know the answer to that. Want some? I had to go to three convenience stores, but I managed to find one that carries lime green gummy bears instead of green apple gummy bears.”

Hoseok shook his head. He'd just brushed his teeth. If he ate gummy bears now, he'd have to brush his teeth again, and he'd probably wake up with a tummy ache.

“Aww, come on, Hobi-hope. I know you like them, and the lime ones were always your favorite.” He did, and they were. He still declined. Taehyung sighed. “Fine, I'll just enjoy them by myself.”

“Fine,” Hoseok agreed, and he pulled the sheets over himself and rolled over to go to sleep. “Hey, Tae?” he mumbled into the pillow.

“Mm?”

“Save me some green ones for the car tomorrow?”

Taehyung laughed, and Hoseok could hear plastic crinkling as he ripped open one of the bags. “You got it, Hobi.”

 

2- Beautiful

Waking Taehyung had never been an easy task. Somehow, even when he slept in his own bed, Taehyung always woke up confused and wondering where he was, and when he wasn't in his own bed, it always took him several minutes to comprehend how he'd gotten there.

“Come on, Tae,” Hoseok groaned as he shook one of Taehyung's shoulders. “We need to get on the road, and I'm not sure you even showered last night. Up 'n at 'em.”

Taehyung wasn't one of those 'five more minutes, Mom’ types. He went from out cold to bolt upright faster than Hoseok could back away from the bed, catching Hoseok's chin with an elbow in the process.

“! Still?” Hoseok hissed at him, but just because Taehyung was upright didn't mean he was actually awake yet.

“Where am I? How'd I get here?” he muttered, and holy hell, his sleepy voice was still as husky and y as Hoseok remembered.

“Kansas City. Hotel. We drove here,” Hoseok filled him in.

“Together?”

Hoseok ignored the question. “Shower. Now.” He reached under the blankets and grabbed Taehyung by the ankles to drag him out of bed. Thankfully, Taehyung stood without further assistance and stumbled toward the bathroom. “And try to wash some of that paint off while you're in there!” Hoseok yelled through the door.

With Taehyung successfully roused, Hoseok figured he could go grab breakfast while Taehyung showered. He took his already packed bag and made his way out to the car.

Only when he got there, the car wouldn't start. He tried all the no brainer things, like making sure the gear shift was actually in park, before popping the hood to take a look. After spending several minutes staring blankly at the battery like he actually knew anything about cars, he admitted defeat and headed back up to the room to call AAA.

“What do you mean the car won't start?” Taehyung screeched when Hoseok explained the situation. “We're talking about your car, not Rusty. It's practically brand new. What could be wrong with it?”

“I'm sorry, Tae. I'm really not sure, but AAA towed it to the closest mechanic and they said they'd call me when they figure it out. It can't be anything too bad. I just had it serviced a few weeks ago. I'm sure we'll be back on the road by this afternoon.”

Taehyung raked his fingers through his still damp hair as he paced in front of the bed. Hoseok felt awful. He felt like he was letting Taehyung down. His one job was to get Taehyung to his mother's memorial service on time, and right now, he was failing.

“Okay. Okay okay. Yeah, it's fine,” Taehyung muttered. “This is what the extra day is for, and we can just… skip the other thing and drive straight through if it takes longer than that. It'll be fine.”

Hoseok nodded in agreement. It would be fine. Everything would be fine.

When the mechanic called to say it would be morning before Hoseok’s car would be ready, Taehyung took it well. Hoseok figured morning was better than next week, and he asked Taehyung what he wanted to do since they had a whole day to waste.

“Actually,” Taehyung said, his eyes lighting up for the first time all morning, “there’s a botanical garden near here. Less than twenty miles away. Would you be interested?”

Hoseok liked plants okay. He’d never felt the need to spend a whole day looking at them, but the way Taehyung started bouncing around as he rambled about orchids being in bloom and maybe there would be some early iris, too, Hoseok knew that was exactly how he’d be spending his day. He pulled out his phone to call a cab.

 

Powell Gardens turned out to be 970 acres of gorgeous foliage and vibrant flowers. There was a whole section dedicated to edible plants. Hoseok and Taehyung joined a group of primary school kids on a tour of the Heartland Harvest Garden where they learned all about how the vegetables and grains they ate were grown. They spent a few relaxing minutes viewing the prairie from the shade of the Meadow Pavillion before heading to Cafe Thyme for seasonal soup, and after lunch, they checked out the lotus and waterlilies in the Island Garden and took turns snapping pictures of each other in front of the living wall.

It was on Taehyung’s third or fourth pose that Hoseok started losing it a little. Taehyung had pulled his fringe back from his face in a little ponytail, and with the loss of his middle part, a considerable patch of gray could be seen just behind each ear. The strands of silver shimmered and sparkled in the sun like someone had sprinkled glitter over Taehyung’s head. It was stunning, but it wasn’t all Hoseok noticed.

Taehyung tilted his face down to sniff one of the wildflowers growing along the wall of limestone and looked up at the camera through thick eyelashes. A hint of a rectangular-shaped smile played on his lips. The fine lines Hoseok had noticed around his mouth and eyes turned to deep creases that showed exactly how the lines had formed in the first place, from the genuine smiles that Taehyung freely handed out to those who made him happy. Hoseok used to be one of those people, and seeing that smile now made him feel like he might still be one of them.

Taehyung’s skin glowed in the afternoon sun, the pale pink of the flowers behind him accenting the sweet caramel color. The apples of his cheeks were turning a slightly deeper shade of pink, a result of the warm weather and several hours spent outdoors enjoying it.

Hoseok had always found Taehyung attractive. He had smooth skin and excellent bone structure with just enough lean muscle to make seeing him shirtless akin to a near death experience, heartstopping. He had a smile that lit up his face and radiated to every corner of the room. (He also had a surprisingly plump that filled out a pair of skinny jeans in just the right way, but Hoseok wasn’t going to think about that.) Taehyung might not be handsome in a conventional sense, but goddamn was he beautiful.

“Hobi, you okay?” Taehyung asked, snapping Hoseok out of his Taehyung-induced trance.

“Yeah, just tired.” It was an excuse, but if Taehyung noticed, he didn't mention it.

“Oh, well we can go back to the hotel soon. I just want to see one more thing.”

Hoseok nodded and followed Taehyung through the gardens for another hour or so, but if asked, he couldn't have described a single thing they saw after the living wall. Nothing in the entire 970 acres of Powell Gardens was as beautiful or memorable as Taehyung.

 

3- Sensitive

The next morning, Hoseok woke to the sounds of a slamming door, jingling keys, and crumpling paper. Confused and unsure of where he was, his first instinct was to scream and attempt to run away from an intruder, except that he had tossed and turned and wound the blankets all around his legs in his sleep so it was more like scream, flail, fall, and groan instead.

Taehyung laughed. Jerk.

“What the hell is going on? Where have you been? And holy hell, why is it so bright?”

“We drove here. Hotel. Kansas City,” Taehyung parrotted his words from the previous morning in reverse, only answering approximately 1.5 of the 3 questions Hoseok asked. “The mechanic called before your alarm went off so I went to pick up the car and breakfast and let you sleep in. You're welcome!” he chirped, far too pleasantly for Hoseok's liking.

Breakfast was bagels, and Taehyung had remembered to get Hoseok extra vegetable cream cheese for his everything bagel. He'd even brought coffee, and though Hoseok didn't drink coffee, he took the cup Taehyung offered him with a sincere thank you only to find it wasn't coffee at all.

“You got me tea,” he mumbled, more to himself than to Taehyung, but Taehyung heard him anyway.

“Orange spice with a-”

“Drop of honey,” Hoseok finished the sentence. “You remembered.”

“Mm, of course I remembered. You don't spend five years with someone and forget how he takes his tea.”

“But we've been apart twice as long as we were together,” Hoseok argued.

“If my math is correct, that means I spent almost a third of my adult life with you. I may forget to shower when I'm focused on a project, but I remember the important stuff forever.”

With that single statement, Taehyung swept away the ruins of the crumbling walls Hoseok had built around his heart. His eyes filled with tears, and he took a rather aggressively large bite of his bagel with which to swallow his emotions. The bagel went down with a sip of tea, but the emotions stayed lodged in his throat in the form of a lump that wouldn't budge, even after they’d checked out of their hotel and were pulling back onto the interstate.

Taehyung took the first driving shift that morning, and they swapped after stopping for lunch. Hoseok had to take a detour onto a rural highway to avoid some construction, a relatively empty, two-lane road that cut a path through fields of tall grass spotted with trees.

The drive was quiet most of the day, Taehyung enjoying the scenery and rolling the window down to feel the wind in his hair. Not long after they had crossed the border between Kansas and Colorado, Taehyung shouted, “Hobi, stop!”

Hoseok slammed on the brakes, thanking all the gods whose names he could remember that there hadn’t been another vehicle close behind them for the last fifty miles. He steered the car over to the shoulder and turned to Taehyung to ask just what the hell was wrong with him, but Taehyung was already hopping out and running into the middle of the road. Hoseok had no choice but to put the car in park and follow.

When Hoseok caught up to him, Taehyung was crouched down on the pavement, straddling the double yellow lines, the shell of a turtle with his long fingers. “Really, Tae? You scared the out of me and made me stop for a turtle?”

“She's in the middle of the road. She could have gotten flattened.” Taehyung was using his soft voice, the one he saved for animals and sleepy cuddles. Hoseok never could stay mad at Taehyung when he used that voice.

“Alright, what are you going to do with her then?”

Taehyung's answer was to gently scoop the turtle up and carry her into the grass a safe distance from the edge of the road.

“There. She's safe. Now can we get back in the car?” Hoseok asked, but Taehyung didn't move. For several minutes, Hoseok watched impatiently as Taehyung continued to pet the turtle’s shell until he noticed Taehyung's shoulders shaking. He was crying.

“What's wrong, Tae? You saved her. You should be happy.”

“But what if I hadn't been here?” he sniffed, looking up at Hoseok with watery eyes and wet cheeks. “I won't be here next time she has to cross. What if someone hits her? Poor Shelly!” he wailed.

Somehow, Hoseok had a feeling Taehyung’s reaction had very little to do with Shelly and a whole lot to do with the fact that he hadn't once heard Taehyung talk about the reason for their trip, and Taehyung proved the theory with his next words. “What if she's a mom and all her little babies are waiting for her to come home but she can't because she's dead. She's gone… she's gone, Hobi. I'll never get to see my mom again.”

“Oh, honey,” Hoseok said as he dropped to his knees in the grass beside Taehyung to pull him into a hug. “I know you miss her, and I know you're sad. It's okay to be sad. If you need to cry, go ahead and cry, but it's also important to remember that you have a lot of good memories with your mom that you can keep with you for the rest of your life. Like that time she took us skiing in Winter Park.”

Taehyung let out something between a sob and a laugh. “She didn't know the difference between the beginner slopes and the advanced ones. It took her almost an hour to make it to the bottom of a black diamond scooting on her .”

“Mm, and what about the time you made her a birthday cake and accidentally used salt instead of sugar.”

“She ate a whole piece anyway,” Taehyung said. “I thought we would have to take her to the emergency room for a salt overdose.”

They were both quiet for a moment. Taehyung's tears had slowed, and Hoseok could see the beginnings of a smile stretching Taehyung's lips.

“Remember the day you met her?”

“How could I forget? I thought your dad was gonna break my legs.”

“Yeah. You know, before we left that night, Mom pulled me aside and said, ‘He's a good man, Tae. He loves you and he wants to take care of you. Don't push him away.’ I pushed you away, didn't I?”

“Oh, Tae,” Hoseok sighed. “It's been ten years. I'm not going to place blame.”

“No, really, Hobi. I need to know. Did I everything up after my mom warned me not to?”

“No,” Hoseok answered without hesitation. “You didn't anything up. I loved you every moment we were together.”

“Then why did you leave?”

“We were hurting each other. It wasn't healthy. I worried about you constantly, and as a result, I mothered and nagged and drove you crazy. I thought we'd be better off apart, but I didn't leave because I didn't love you anymore. I left because I loved you the wrong way.”

Taehyung didn't say anything after that, just wiped the tears from his cheeks and dusted off his knees as he stood to walk back to the car. When they pulled back onto the road, Taehyung some music, and they drove most of the rest of the way to their next stop in a comfortable, thoughtful silence.

 

4- Adventurous

The last hour of their drive that afternoon took them nearly due North, a suspicious change in direction that had Hoseok wondering just what Taehyung was up to. It didn't take long to find out.

As they were checking into their room, Taehyung wandered over to a rack of pamphlets for tourist attractions. When he returned to the desk carrying one with a mischievous grin on his face, Hoseok really started to worry.

“Whatcha got there, buddy?”

“What? Oh, just this.” He held the pamphlet up in front of Hoseok's face, waving it around too much for Hoseok to read the words before snatching it out of Hoseok's reach when he tried to grab it.

“Tae, what is it?”

“A surprise,” Taehyung stated, folding the glossy paper and tucking it into his front pocket.

“Is it the kind of surprise I'm going to like?”

“That depends on what kind of surprises you like,” Taehyung teased, already knowing the answer. If a surprise didn't involve food, Hoseok was going to be disappointed.

Taehyung had booked them another double room. Hoseok let Taehyung choose a bed again and quickly tossed the comforter from his own bed into the corner of the room. Taehyung giggled and shook his head but didn't comment.

“Don't get too comfortable,” Taehyung said when Hoseok flopped face first onto the mattress.

“I'm not going out for food,” he mumbled back. “We can just order pizza or something.”

Hobiiii,” Taehyung whined. “I don't want pizza. I wanna go on a tour.”

Hoseok lifted his head. “Tae, it’s almost dark out. What kind of tour are you talking about?”

“A ghost tour,” Taehyung answered with a shrug, like it was nothing, like Hoseok wasn’t deathly afraid of heights and bees and needles and blood and closed spaces and, most of all, ghosts!

“No. Nope, no, uh-uh, no no no.” Hoseok wouldn’t call it a phobia, though it was certainly an irrational fear, but as far as he was concerned, ghosts were just something one shouldn’t mess with. He didn’t really believe in ghosts, but just in case they were real, he didn’t want to risk pissing one off, and the best way to avoid that was to avoid ghosts entirely. So no, he would not be going on a ghost tour.

“Pleeeeeeeease, Hobi-hope? I have all the information right here. It starts in twenty minutes.” Hoseok knew better than to look at Taehyung. He knew that pleading tone would be paired with the biggest secret weapon in Taehyung’s entire arsenal: the pout. He knew, but he looked anyway, right into a pair of enormous, brown eyes. Taehyung’s head was tilted down, his lower lip pushed forward, and he was blinking up at Hoseok. Damn it, Taehyung looked just like Hoseok’s sister’s puppy when Hoseok refused to give him a treat, and just like with his sister's puppy, Hoseok knew he would give in.

So twenty minutes later, there Hoseok was, standing by a fountain in Old Town Square, waiting for Fort Collins’ nightly ghost tour to begin. Though it quickly became clear the tour was mostly about the history and lore of the town, every story included a tale of some tragedy or gruesome murder and reported ghost sightings.

Hoseok couldn’t help being a little skittish. Whenever another tourist brushed against him or the wind blew a little too hard or a door slammed too loudly, Hoseok would jump and, on at least one occasion, scream. The further they walked, the more terrified Hoseok became. He started to shiver despite the warm spring weather, and when a stray cat came running out of an alley in front of them, he gasped and clutched at his chest.

At first, Taehyung laughed, and Hoseok couldn’t exactly blame him. For someone like Taehyung, who wasn’t scared of anything, it was probably an amusing sight. But by the time the stray cat appeared, Taehyung seemed to realise that Hoseok wasn't really enjoying himself. He stepped a little closer to Hoseok, placing a hand at the small of his back. Hoseok flinched at the touch, but as soon as he noticed it was Taehyung, he wrapped a trembling arm around Taehyung and huddled into his side.

Hoseok managed to make it through the rest of the tour without screaming thanks only to Taehyung's grounding presence, but sleeping that night was a whole different story. He could barely close his eyes without vivid images of bloody murders and haunting spirits playing behind his eyelids. At some point he gave up trying to sleep and took out this phone.

“Hobi?” Taehyung's voice was soft but still sounded far too loud in the quiet of the room as he rolled over to face Hoseok. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing,” Hoseok whispered. “Go back to sleep.”

“Are you scared?”

“No, Tae, I'm fine. Go back to sleep.”

“Oh. Okay.” Taehyung rolled back over.

Hoseok opened a game he could play without disturbing Taehyung and sighed as he waited for it to load. He heard Taehyung shift in his bed, but he ignored it, assuming Taehyung was just trying to get comfortable. Then there were feet padding against the floor, but he ignored that as well. Taehyung probably just needed to pee or something.

Then there was someone crawling into Hoseok’s bed, under his blankets, scooting right up behind him without touching him. “If you were scared, I wouldn’t tell anyone,” Taehyung whispered, and Hoseok could feel Taehyung’s breath against the back of his neck. “I would just…” An arm s around Hoseok’s middle, fingers curling into the front of his t-shirt as Taehyung gently pulled Hoseok toward him until their bodies were pressed together. “I’d just keep you safe. Sleep, Hobi. I’m here.”

Hoseok wanted to struggle. He wanted to tell Taehyung that he was fine, that he didn’t need Taehyung to protect him. He wished he could go back in time and never return Taehyung’s stupid phone call. He’d known even as he’d listened to the phone ringing, waiting for Taehyung to answer, that this whole thing would be a huge mistake, but he couldn’t go back now. It was too late. He was in too deep, so deep he was drowning.

So he didn’t struggle or tell Taehyung he was fine or that he didn’t need protecting. He swallowed his feelings again and closed his eyes, and he hoped that by morning he would be strong enough to put some much needed distance between them.

 

Waking up next to Taehyung was always a little bit like being squeezed to death by a boa constrictor. Except Taehyung was a warm-blooded boa constrictor, one with a strong heartbeat that Hoseok could feel through flesh and bones and two thin layers of t-shirts, one whose body radiated heat and created a sweltering, rainforest climate under the blankets.

Hoseok’s skin was slick with sweat, his t-shirt drenched. Even the sheet under them was damp. Taehyung had one arm resting under Hoseok’s head and the other wrapped around him, his palm pressed to Hoseok’s chest to keep him close, and his legs were entwined with Hoseok’s and bent at the knee, pinning Hoseok in place.

It was simultaneously the best feeling in the world, being in Taehyung’s arms again, and the most disgusting feeling ever. Hoseok wanted to leap out of the bed and into a cool shower, but Taehyung was like a lead weight on his back.

“Taetae, wake up.” Hoseok jerked his shoulder, hoping to jolt Taehyung awake. The only response was some sleepy, incoherent mumbling and an even tighter squeeze. “Come on, man. You're suffocating me.” Hoseok wiggled and squirmed, trying to free himself, but he quickly discovered that was a mistake as, inevitably, he felt something hard pressed against his . Awkward as it might have been, Hoseok knew the only way to remove himself from this hell was to remove himself from Taehyung.

He reached for the edge of the mattress and pulled until he was finally sliding away, every curve of his body brushing against Taehyung along the way. Taehyung's hands scrambled across his skin as he tried to drag Hoseok back into his arms, and Hoseok heard him whimper, “Hobi, nnnn leaf me 'gain.”

Hoseok froze, unsure if Taehyung was awake or sleep talking. He supposed it didn't really matter either way. Taehyung had definitely said his name, and that had to mean something… right?

Before he could contemplate just what it meant, the original problem was brought back to his attention in the form of Taehyung grabbing him by both hips and repositioning him until Taehyung's morning wood was resting right against the cleft of his . And yeah, there were at least two layers of clothing separating them, but that didn't change the fact that Taehyung had begun to rock his hips against Hoseok.

Caught off guard, Hoseok took a second too long to react, and instead of fighting his way out from under Taehyung's sleepy body, Hoseok ended up a curse as Taehyung's huge, capable hand reached around to touch Hoseok's own… problem. He couldn't help his reaction. It was the first time in ages he'd been touched. His body was on autopilot, essentially disconnected from his brain. Hoseok rolled his hips forward, ing into Taehyung’s palm, once… twice, before his mind caught up with his actions and he stopped himself.

“N-no. Tae, don't,” he whined as he made one last attempt to escape, and finally Taehyung released him.

“Oh my God,” Taehyung said, still barely awake enough for the words to make sense. “I'm so sorry, Hobi. I was asleep. I thought I was dreaming. I had no idea-”

“It's fine.” Hoseok cut him off. “I'm just… shower. Yeah, I'm gonna shower.” He nearly tripped over Taehyung's shoes in his haste to flee the room and took a deep breath as he locked the bathroom door behind him. He waited until he heard Taehyung leave the room before taking a quick shower to rinse off the sweat, but no matter how hard he scrubbed, the shame wouldn't wash away.

 

5- Thoughtful

The first few hours of driving that morning were uncomfortable. Taehyung seemed embarrassed, and Hoseok was irrationally angry and not even at Taehyung. Hoseok couldn't blame Taehyung for his actions because, logically, he knew Taehyung had been asleep, and at least he'd had the decency to stop when he became aware. Hoseok also didn't blame himself for what had happened. He had tried to end it as quickly as possible.

No, the reason Hoseok was angry was that he couldn’t control his own thoughts. His mind kept showing him flashes of all the times they’d been in similar situations.

Times like the morning they’d woken up in the backseat of the station wagon at Justus Lake, the air freezing cold on Hoseok's back but Taehyung’s body like a furnace against his chest. It had been incredibly early, and Hoseok had been feeling the effects of the alcohol they’d consumed the night before, but he’d pushed away the exhaustion and nausea and let Taehyung rock against him until they’d both in their boxers before stumbling into the woods, leaving Taehyung to watch the sunrise alone.

Times like the day after they’d missed Taehyung’s senior art show. They’d gone to bed angry, facing away from each other in the bed. Hoseok had listened to Taehyung cry himself to sleep. By morning, Taehyung had gravitated toward Hoseok in his sleep, plastering himself to Hoseok’s body. Apologies had spilled from Hoseok’s lips as Taehyung’s fingers worked him open until Taehyung had silenced Hoseok with a heated kiss as he slid home inside Hoseok.

Times like a month before their breakup, when Taehyung had come to bed just as Hoseok’s alarm was about to ring and had woken Hoseok with lips on his . Hoseok had returned the favor before his shower, allowing Taehyung to softly pet his head as he lazily into Hoseok’s throat.

The problem was that there were so many times like that. Hoseok's brain had an endless supply of memories with which to torture him, and they weren't all about . There was Taehyung's laugh and his smile, his messy hair when he was too busy to remember to have it cut and the peaceful look on his face when he slept. There was his golden skin, smudged with paint, and his soft voice when he talked to his cactus.

By the time they were looking for a gas station to refill the tank, Hoseok had nearly reached the edge of his sanity. He wanted to scream and claw at his brain until he could rip the memories out of his own head. Instead, he left Taehyung to pay for the gas and went to the bathroom to splash some cold water on his face.

“Lime green gummy bears,” Taehyung announced when Hoseok slid into the passenger seat. He shook the bag and then dropped it into the console between their seats.

“Great. Thanks,” Hoseok grumbled, trying to ignore the fact that Taehyung still seemed to remember all of his favorite things.

“Look, Hobi, I’m really sorry about this morning.” Ugh, here it comes, Hoseok thought. “I should have… I don’t know, not gotten in your bed to begin with? Anyway, it’s my fault, and I feel like it’s making things weird between us. I don’t want that. What can I do?”

“No, it's not your fault. Let's just forget about it. We're going to be together for five more days. We can’t let this ruin the rest of the trip.”

Taehyung nodded, and the silence that fell between them was significantly less uncomfortable than before.

The last day of their trip took them through the Rocky Mountains. The constant changes in elevation made Hoseok’s ears pop repeatedly, and when he complained about it, Taehyung offered him the gummy bears.

“I also got cinnamon candy and mints, but you can have all the green bears if you want.”

The next time they stopped for fuel, Taehyung emerged from the gas station with two whole bags of snacks and drinks.

“Jeez, Tae. Did you buy everything in the whole store?”

“Nah, but look what they had.” Taehyung held up a glass bottle of Squirt, Hoseok’s favorite soda. It was virtually impossible to find back home, and he’d never even seen it in a glass bottle.

Taehyung twisted the top off of one and handed it to Hoseok before filling their little lunchbox cooler with ice and chilling a few more. There was still almost a whole bagful left. Taehyung must have bought every bottle available.

The first sip tasted even better than Hoseok remembered. It might have been the glass bottle, soda always tasted better from a glass bottle for some reason, but Hoseok had a feeling the reason it tasted so good was because Taehyung had bought it for him.

Back when they were together, Hoseok was never sure if Taehyung was paying attention. He seemed oblivious to his surroundings, too busy and highly focused on his work to know what was going on around him, but maybe Taehyung was more observant than Hoseok had given him credit for. He remembered Hoseok's favorite things and made an effort to procure them when he could, and even the cause of their awkward morning was a result of Taehyung noticing Hoseok’s distress and doing what he could to calm Hoseok and help him relax and sleep. Taehyung had always been thoughtful, but this was a whole new level of attentiveness. It was a tiny, positive change in Taehyung that had Hoseok pushing away the thought that if Taehyung had been like this ten years ago, Hoseok might never have left.

 

It was late evening when Hoseok parked on the curb three houses down from Taehyung’s childhood home. The whole street was lined with cars, family who had come from all over the country to celebrate Taehyung’s mother’s life.

“Are you ready?” he asked as they made the trek to the front door.

“I’m scared,” Taehyung admitted. “I haven’t been home in nearly eight years. I’m not even sure it’ll feel like home without Mom here.”

“If you’re scared, it’s okay,” Hoseok promised, using Taehyung’s words from the night before. “I won’t tell anyone. I’ll just… be right here if you need support.” He took Taehyung’s hand and laced their fingers together in lieu of a hug, and Taehyung turned toward him with a nervous smile before entering the house.

Aunts and uncles and distant cousins milled about the house, and it quickly became apparent that not everyone was up to socialising. Taehyung’s father sat motionless on the couch in the midst of the chaos. The room was filled with people, all talking and joking and eating, children playing and laughing and fighting. Occasionally someone would attempt to offer condolences, but for the most part, despite it being his house and his wife who brought everyone together, Taehyung’s father was simply ignored.

It didn’t take long for Taehyung to take action. Quietly and discreetly, he and Hoseok made their way around the room, hinting that it was getting late, that the children should be in bed and the service would be early the next morning. When everyone had finally said goodnight and headed back to their hotels, Taehyung took a seat beside his father.

“Hobi, would you make us some tea? English Breakfast, cream and sugar, and see if Mom’s china teacups are hiding somewhere in the cabinets.”

“Your mother likes to save those for special…” Mr. Kim trailed off as if he’d realised something as he spoke.

“I know, Dad,” Taehyung patted his father’s hand, “but this is the specialest occasion of all. We’re celebrating Mom. She would love to see us using her china to celebrate.”

Hoseok couldn’t hear them from the kitchen, the voices fading to muffled background noise as he fumbled around in search of china teacups and tea bags and cream and sugar. He managed to locate the entire china tea service, cups and saucers and wooden serving tray included. When he returned with the tray of tea and a few homemade cookies one of the guests had left on the kitchen counter, Taehyung’s father looked slightly more alert than before.

“Dad, you remember Hobi?” Taehyung asked as he stirred cream and sugar into one of the cups. He handed it to his father who continued to stare at Hoseok a little blankly, no recognition in his eyes. “My ex-boyfriend,” Taehyung prodded. “You know, Mom always called him her son-in-law?”

That surprised Hoseok a little, but honestly, so did Mr. Kim’s response.

“Oh, Hoseok, right?”

“Yes, sir,” Hoseok answered. “That’s me.”

“My wife always liked you. That woman never met a stranger a day in her life, and she could have a conversation with a fencepost if no one else was around.” He chuckled when Hoseok told him Taehyung must have taken after his mother. “Everybody was her friend,” he continued, “but you were special. She talked about you a lot, kept hoping Tae would bring you out to visit again.” Hoseok was touched.

“I liked your wife, too. She was a good woman, always kind and accepting.”

Mr. Kim nodded, and his gaze drifted a little. Hoseok thought he was probably reliving some memory of his wife. Taehyung just held his father’s hand and sipped his tea. Hoseok felt like he was intruding. He excused himself to go find the guest room and wash up before getting some rest.

 

Hoseok had never slept in the guest room at Taehyung’s parents’ house before. Every time they’d come to visit as a couple, Hoseok and Taehyung had slept in Taehyung’s childhood bedroom. It was a little cramped, both of them squeezed together on a twin mattress, but they’d never minded being close. At least there was a wall on one side that they could cram against.

The guest room had obviously been decorated by Taehyung’s mother. The comforter and curtains were bright yellow and orange, and it looked lived in, like it wasn’t just a vacant room they’d furnished for overnight visitors. It was clean but not sterile. It was warm and inviting, just like Taehyung’s mother, and honestly, Hoseok thought it might be more comfortable than his own bedroom back home.

The morning of Mrs. Kim’s memorial service broke with a brilliant sunrise. Hoseok didn’t actually see the sun climb over the horizon, but through the eastern-facing windows in the room, the sun lit up every corner. Hoseok tried to roll over, away from the light, but Taehyung was blocking the other half of the bed.

This time Taehyung had kept to his own area of the bed. It was Hoseok who’d rolled closer, facing Taehyung. He had that peaceful, sleeping look on his face, and the sun was shining on his skin even brighter than it had at the botanical garden. His eyelashes just brushed his cheeks, and his hair was fanned out on the pillow in an unnaturally, unfairly attractive way.

“What are you doing here, Taetae?” Hoseok whispered, gently brushing a bit of fringe out of Taehyung’s face.

“Didn’t wanna be ‘lone,” Taehyung mumbled back without opening his eyes. “Time to get up?”

“Yeah. We should make sure your dad gets some breakfast before the service.”

“Mm,” Taehyung hummed and stretched. “You go shower. I’ll take care of breakfast.”

Half an hour later, Hoseok went to relieve Taehyung in the kitchen only to find that Taehyung had things pretty well under control. He’d made coffee and raisin toast and scrambled eggs, and there was tea steeping for Hoseok.

“Where did all this come from?”

“Oh, I went to the grocery store last night after you went to bed, but all this,” Taehyung waved a hand at the kitchen table which was full of casserole dishes and plates of cookies and pound cake that he was busy portioning into individual containers, “is all from the family and the neighbors, friends of Mom and Dad’s who wanted to pay their respects.”

“What is that all about anyway? It’s like the whole country got together and decided that the best way to pay your condolences when someone loses a loved one is to stuff them full of food?”

Taehyung laughed, soft and subdued but still genuinely amused. Hoseok counted it as a win.

Hoseok remembered what a difficult relationship Taehyung used to have with his father. Taehyung had always been a passionate young man. He had strong opinions that differed from his father’s, and as a result, they argued often. Hoseok was pleasantly surprised when Taehyung and his father didn’t have a single disagreement over breakfast.

Taehyung continued to surprise Hoseok all day long with the way he took care of his father, doing everything from freezing the individual portions of food with instructions for reheating them to making last minute arrangements with the funeral director. He made sure Mr. Kim ate and bathed and rested. He helped his father tie his tie when he broke down because, while he was perfectly capable of tying it himself, it was something Taehyung’s mother had always liked to do for him. Taehyung passed Mr. Kim tissues and held his hand during the service, and speaking of the service, it was one of the most beautiful Hoseok had ever attended.

Taehyung had arranged for one of his childhood friends to come and sing his mother’s favorite song. Mrs. Kim’s sister had bought a stunning spray of orange and white lilies to place on top of the coffin, and various family members took turns recalling their favorite memories. It was more a celebration of life than a funeral, a fitting send off for a remarkable woman.

That night, after the family had left and Taehyung’s father was resting comfortably, Taehyung snuck into the guest bedroom and slipped into bed with Hoseok again.

“Hobi? You still awake?”

“Yep. Still up.” Hoseok waited, but Taehyung didn’t speak. The only sounds in the room were soft sniffles and the whir of the ceiling fan. “You okay, buddy?” A sob. No, Taehyung was definitely not okay. Hoseok scooted closer and put an arm around him. “Hey, hey, hey. You took such good care of your dad today. You’ve been so strong all week, but you don't have to be strong with me. Go ahead and let it out. Let me be strong for you.”

Taehyung didn't hesitate to do just that. He cried in Hoseok's arms for over an hour as Hoseok wiped his tears and whispered words of comfort. When Taehyung was finally cried out, Hoseok gently his hair until he fell asleep.

 

+1

Departing the next morning was like leaving a child with the babysitter for the first time. Taehyung had a mile long list of reminders for his father, and Hoseok pretended not to notice how many times they hugged or the tears in both of their eyes. When they were finally buckled into their seats, Taehyung released a long sigh.

“Thank you, Hobi. For last night, for coming with me, for being here for me when you didn't have to be. I don't think I would have survived without you.”

“You would have been fine on your own. You're so much stronger than you realise.” He can take care of himself, Hoseok thought, silently acknowledging the fact that Taehyung was no longer the immature twenty-two year old that he'd broken up with ten years ago. Taehyung had grown up in the time they'd been apart.

“That means a lot,” Taehyung murmured softly, and Hoseok could tell he meant it.

The drive home was supposed to be another three day trip, but both of them were anxious to be back in familiar territory. After fourteen hours of driving and a short rest in a cheap motel, they decided to take turns sleeping on the road and just marathon the last twenty hours. It would have them home by early morning, and Hoseok had the last driving shift.

It was dark out. The interstate was almost deserted with the exception of a few long haul truckers. Taehyung was passed out in the passenger seat, snoring so softly that Hoseok could only hear it during the breaks between songs playing on the radio.

An hour from Taehyung's house, it hit Hoseok that while he wanted to be home, to be out of the car and to sleep in his own bed and eat something besides fast food and gas station snacks, he didn't want the trip to end. He wanted to hold onto Taehyung and whatever was going on between them just a little longer.

He'd been feeling it all week. He'd tried to dismiss the feelings as familiarity, regret over their breakup, and a longing to put an end to his own loneliness, but that wasn't what he was feeling at all. The feelings were affection. He still loved Taehyung, maybe even loved him more than before. In the time they had been apart, Taehyung had grown and changed in all of the best ways. Maybe Hoseok had never gotten over Taehyung for a reason, and he wasn't positive, but he thought Taehyung might feel the same.

On a whim, Hoseok breezed right by the Franklin Park exit and headed north. He wanted to give Taehyung one more adventure on this trip, and he knew just where to go.

 

Though he hadn't been there in years, Justus Lake was just as beautiful as Hoseok remembered. The spring leaves were just starting to come in on most of the trees, the flowers were budding, and the water level was high from a storm that had blown through the day before. It was near dawn when they arrived, dew just settling on the grass. Hoseok parked on the west side of the park, and then he turned to wake Taehyung.

“Where are we? How’d we get here?” Taehyung mumbled, and Hoseok chuckled because some of his favorite things about Taehyung would never change.

“It's a surprise,” Hoseok told him. “Come with me?”

They took a trail from the parking lot leading down toward the water. It was supposed to be a fishing area, but the path looked overgrown enough that it probably hadn't been used since the previous summer. The area was secluded, surrounded by lush foliage, and there was even a stone bench a few yards from the water’s edge.

“The lake,” Taehyung murmured in awe as they sat on the bench. “You brought us to the lake?”

“I figured since I missed that sunrise last time…”

Taehyung nodded and pointed at the trees across the water. “It won't be long. The sky is already turning a little pink.”

So were Taehyung's cheeks, but Hoseok didn't comment on it. The moment was too nice to ruin it with teasing. Instead, he took Taehyung's hand and laced their fingers together.

As the first rays of light peeked through the trees and dappled across Taehyung's skin, it made him look like he was glowing from the inside out. Hoseok watched the colors shift across Taehyung's face, from shadows to pink to orange, and when Taehyung started squinting against the bright yellow, Hoseok said, “I love you.”

He knew it was a risk. There was a distinct possibility that Taehyung no longer loved Hoseok, but even if that was true, Hoseok knew he had to take the chance.

Taehyung turned to look at Hoseok, squeezing his hand as a multitude of different emotions flickered across his face. When his expression finally settled, it wasn't the smile Hoseok had been hoping for. It was a frown.

“I'm sorry. I just thought-”

“I broke your car!” Taehyung blurted out, cutting off Hoseok's apology and thoroughly confusing him.

“You… you what?”

“In Kansas City,” Taehyung elaborated. “I broke your car on purpose so we could go to Powell Gardens together.”

“You… why?”

“I wanted to spend time with you and I didn't think you'd agree to go if we didn't have an excuse to stay an extra day so I made an excuse.”

Hoseok sighed fondly. “Fort Collins wasn't really on the way either, was it?”

“No,” Taehyung whined high in the back of his throat as he answered. “I thought maybe if you were scared you would cling to me, like how teenage boys always take girls to scary movies so the girls will snuggle into them.”

“I'm not a teenage girl,” Hoseok frowned, “but I guess it kinda worked.”

“I'm sorry, Hoseok. It's just… my mom had been sick for awhile, and I always felt like the only time I ever let her down was when I lost you. She never stopped hoping we'd reconcile, even when I told her we hadn't spoken since we broke up. When she died, it suddenly seemed like nothing was more important than telling you how I felt, but I didn't know how to do it so I tried to show you. I know I screwed it up a lot. That ghost tour was a bad idea, and then I made you uncomfortable the next morning. I cried so much after the memorial service, I thought for sure you'd send me away. I almost told you then, but I was too nervous and-”

“Taehyung, I just told you I love you. Why don't you just tell me how you feel.”

“I… oh… Ho-Hobi I… , I love you so much. I never stopped loving you. I love your voice and your hands and the way you use them to comfort me. I love your smile that shows all your pretty, round teeth and how you have little wrinkles now that stay when your dimples fade. I love your hair and the way it sticks up in the back because you always scratch your head when you're nervous or embarrassed. I-”

“Taehyung!” It seemed that once Taehyung started confessing, he didn't know how to stop. “Shut up and kiss me, dork.”

He did. He leaned in, and Hoseok closed his eyes. When their lips touched, Taehyung sighed like he had finally come home. Hoseok’s lips parted, his tongue peeking out to tease Taehyung, and Taehyung surged forward to capture Hoseok’s tongue between his teeth. He kissed Hoseok like he was starving, like he hadn’t eaten in a week and Hoseok was the best meal he’d ever tasted, and when he’d had his fill, at least for now, he pulled away slowly. Taehyung his lips and hummed, his eyes still shut.

“I missed you, Hobi-hope.”

“Yeah. I missed you, too, Taetae. You know what else I missed?” Taehyung tilted his head, a silent ‘what’? Hoseok grinned. “The sunrise. Again.”

Taehyung laughed and twisted his fingers into the front of Hoseok’s shirt, pulling him closer for a second kiss, and then a third and a fourth.

“We can come back,” Taehyung murmured between kisses. “Try to catch it another day.”

“Pointless,” Hoseok whispered back. “No sunrise will ever be as beautiful as you.”