What happened in Athens.

 

~

 

I sit there, silently sipping from the cup of my Starbucks cappuccino, as I watch Jeonghan continue to berate Joshua about not coming to his planned vacation with his boyfriend, Seungcheol, and his best friend, the person being tormented as of the moment.

 

He keeps on making Joshua feel guilty that they talked about this months ago and he can’t pull himself out of the picture now. I can sort of imagine the picture in Jeonghan’s mind, him with the love of his life and the person who’s been there for him all his life although that’s probably not the picture Joshua has on his mind right now, probably only seeing himself as a mere background on the image of Jeonghan’s picturesque relationship with his boyfriend.

 

“I never agreed on anything, Jeonghan,” Joshua calmly says, not even bothered about the fact that Jeonghan’s voice is louder than the barista on the counter calling customers’ name to hand them their caffeine so everyone in the shop already probably knows all the details about their supposed vacation. I have always admired how calm he can be despite the gravity of the circumstances such as this one on hand right now.

 

“That’s exactly your problem! You don’t say anything so I don’t know what you’re thinking. And now you’re bailing on us,” Jeonghan angrily says.

 

I look at Joshua after Jeonghan said that because I know he is thinking about us. He’s probably wondering if Jeonghan truly meant him and Seungcheol because above Joshua’s calmness and silence, it’s just been three months since Jeonghan announced to him that he and Seungcheol are going steady. He realizes it’s probably his fault for standing just behind Jeonghan for so long, for waiting for too long, and now that someone else has come along, he can’t exactly pull Jeonghan beside him and tell him he’s his life.

 

Or not that Joshua wants to do that and go through hell and back. Causing Jeonghan’s sadness and losing him are probably the things he is most scared of. Not exactly Jeonghan being with someone else.

 

“I never agreed on anything, Jeonghan,” Joshua repeats again, after a while. “I told you I would think about it but I did not promise I will go with you. I don’t understand the problem when you can still go with Seungcheol. Besides you know I have always hated playing third wheel for you, don’t you?”

 

Exasperated because Joshua finally said something but it’s not exactly what he wants to hear, Jeonghan explains, “You’re not going to play third wheel, Joshua. You know I can always leave Seungcheol and go with you, right?”

 

I look at Joshua’s expression again and watch it change for a split second because this probably happened too many times before in the past already for it to get to him. For it to light another false candle in him that means there is hope in whatever he is feeling for his best friend. He knows Jeonghan didn’t mean it the way he wishes in his dreams he would.

 

“Don’t let Seungcheol hear you say that,” Joshua lightly chuckles. “You and Seungcheol will be fine, Jeonghan. Maybe next time around, okay?”

 

“You always say that,” Jeonghan mutters, finally accepting his defeat. He looks at Joshua and pouts like a child, “I won’t buy you anything.”

 

“I’m expecting that,” Joshua shrugs, but he is smirking.

 

They have not seen each other for probably more than one year since Jeonghan began working at Daegu and Joshua remained at Seoul. Not that it matters that much because I know they still talk almost everyday on Line or Messenger and as I can see, on how they still bicker and disagree on the littlest of things like no one year has passed without them seeing each other. Well, they’ve been best friends since grade school.

 

When Jeonghan left after promising me some postcard and refrigerator magnet from Athens, Joshua finally lets his shoulders down and covers his face with his hands.

 

“You alright, brother?” I ask him.

 

He did not answer for several minutes and I didn’t probe him. Seeing how he always looks at Jeonghan and Jeonghan only since we were in high school, this is probably getting more difficult for him. I told him before to have fun and look for someone who will actually be there for him like how he can be but he never moves. He just stay there, still from behind, watching Jeonghan and his happiness.

 

He might be stupid but I don’t think he is exactly stupid. He is one of the wisest persons I know, and also the kindest, and there might be no reason for him to hurt himself like this but I did not ask anymore after he told me why he stays.

 

“Why do you stay?”

 

“Because with him, I’m happy.”

 

“Even though it’s difficult?”

 

“I did not say easy. I said happy.”

 

I’m just worried that he might hurt himself too much in the process of being happy. His happiness has always meant Jeonghan’s happiness even though he is hurting.

 

~

 

That’s probably the reason why I find myself on Athens two months later, after he knows Jeonghan and Seungcheol already left for Korea again. It’s a random message on Kakao, asking me if I can come with him to the foreign country Jeonghan has been asking him to go with him and his boyfriend for the past few months.

 

Of course, I questioned his intention, if he wants to crash the party of the two or any whatnot because as much as I can be a friend to him and watch him look at Jeonghan and his happiness from afar, I am not a fan of public scandals like a guy beating his best friend’s boyfriend because he is secretly in love with his best friend. I’m probably thinking too much though because he assures me he just wants to go there, too, without them. To see Athens, too.

 

I crash my luggage on the single bed of the resort room, and myself as well. Joshua simply settles his things beside the other bed and walks to the window, overlooking the wideness of the Athens sea. It’s just before noon so the sun is lighting the sea in the most beautiful way, perfect turquoise, shimmering like there are little diamonds all over it.

 

The way it shines on Joshua’s face almost make it seem like he didn’t come here to find the pieces of him Jeonghan probably had and left here.

 

“Let’s get something to eat,” Joshua says after some time of just being still.

 

I quickly stand up and we walk out of the room. The resort he booked is not that big and not exactly as popular as most tourist destinations in Athens because perhaps, he wants to have as much privacy as he can. Personally, I like places with more people but since Joshua insisted on paying for the accommodation because he thinks he forced me to come with him, I leave him where he wants to stay.

 

It’s senseless to ask the universe why because aside from the fact that the universe will never answer, the question why will give birth to more questions. It’s better to let things be the way they play but sometimes, the universe just does something and you’re left there with just one question. Why?

 

“Jeonghan,” Joshua’s voice is so quiet but he still hears it.

 

“Joshua?!” Jeonghan’s arm left Seungcheol’s waist as he rushes towards Joshua and me, clearly bewildered. “What are you guys doing here?”

 

The universe has got to be kidding Joshua.

 

“I thought you were going last month,” Joshua couldn’t help but say because you’ve got to be kidding him. He planned this trip exactly when he knows Jeonghan and Seungcheol won’t be here anymore and he booked this resort because this is the place least likely for him to meet people he knows, especially the last two persons he wants to see here now.

 

“Something came up last month at work so we decided to go the following month. This month,” Jeonghan tells him. “What are you guys doing here?”

 

“We’re supposed to meet some suppliers and clients here,” I decide to save Joshua.

 

“Oh,” Jeonghan looks at me and that’s probably the only time he notices Joshua is not alone.

 

At this moment, Seungcheol has caught up to us. He has not properly met Joshua yet but he knows all about him because Jeonghan is always telling him about Joshua and that’s the same case with Joshua when it comes to Seungcheol. It’s a little awkward to stand with the three of them because anyone can feel there is something in the air more than the excitement of meeting people you actually know from back home, especially from Joshua.

 

“We’re just getting something to eat,” I decide to save the three of them this time.

 

“We just had lunch,” Seungcheol says sheepishly.

 

“Right,” Jeonghan looks concernedly at his best friend. “Are you alright, Joshua? Did you get jet lagged?”

 

“Maybe,” Joshua tries. He tries but there’s nothing coming to his mind anymore except Jeonghan and Seungcheol in Athens as well now. He probably wants to go back to Korea now.

 

That’s just the beginning of Joshua’s two weeks of torture. To be fair, he’s been trying to accept it. He’s not an idiot. He knows how much Jeonghan loves Seungcheol and he’s not going to destroy that happiness. More than anything, more than his own, he wants his best friend’s happiness. But the universe playing with him isn’t helping a bit.

 

Seeing Seungcheol hold Jeonghan close to him, never letting go, watching Jeonghan lets himself be captive in Seungcheol’s hold, witnessing how happy they are together, he will accept all of that but it should take time. Everything should take time, right? He’s not some robot who can push a button in him to stop feeling anything for Jeonghan more than a best friend should feel. He’s a person who loves a person who doesn’t love him back the way he wants him to.

 

He sits on the shore, just as the sun begins to set, making the sea look a lot paler than how it looks during the day. I just come back from getting burritos and watches him look out at the sea. “What are you doing?” I ask him, giving him one of the burritos.

 

“There’s something on the sea,” Joshua tells me, but is not really looking at me. I let the burritos stay in my hands.

 

“Of course there is something in the sea. There are a lot of things in the sea,” the ingenious me tries saying but Joshua is still staring at the sea like there is a kraken there and it is about to show itself up. “What did you see?”

 

“I don’t know,” Joshua says, finally looking at me and the burritos I am holding. I give him his. “Maybe I’m just seeing things. It has a huge tail. It just suddenly showed and disappeared.”

 

I don’t know what exactly he saw and I quickly forget about it because of the deliciousness of the burrito. Joshua probably forgets about it as well because the next thing he tells me is how delicious the burrito is and how more delicious it could be if there are more meat and cheese on it as well. The thing he saw in the sea became a forgotten conversation.

 

I think it’s probably a big dolphin because there are a lot of dolphins in Athens.

 

~

 

It’s a cloudy day on the day Jeonghan and Seungcheol are supposed to be leaving but Joshua insisted he wants to continue island hopping. I should have stopped him but I know he just wants to go rather than watch them leave and hug the two of them like they are both his best friends now. Is that how it’s supposed to be when your best friends marries or gets a boyfriend? Maybe when you didn’t fall in love with your best friend, right?

 

The dark clouds slowly turn to rain clouds that afternoon and we are still on the small boat that’s taking us to the last island, the farthest island from the shore, before we go back but rain clouds instantly turn to storm clouds. Before we realize what’s going on, storm has invaded and claimed the sea and the boat we are on are being toppled by the waves are that getting stronger farther and farther away. The local assures as there’s nothing to worry about but even though I was trained to swim properly since I was a kid, I know this is not something not to worry about.

 

Heavy rain causes the sea to become more unpredictable as the visibility begins to blur until we can’t see the shore anymore. It’s just about four in the afternoon but the darkness of the sky makes it seem like it’s already night.

 

A thunder suddenly causes the boat to turn upside down but not before Joshua makes sure I am wearing a life vest while saying, “You’re not dying on me like this. This is my fault.”

 

Joshua’s face is full of resolve that even if he can’t get out of this alive, he is making sure I will. It’s this selfless side of him I am always ending up hating because he can always forget about himself and forego his own happiness, and in this case, life and safety, if it means letting another person have it. The next thing I can remember, I am lying almost lifelessly on sand and I can’t move my feet. It probably got stuck and broken somewhere between the sea and this island after the boat got destroyed by the waves and the wind and it began sinking to the bottom of the sea with us. I don’t even know where I am now but my heart races when I begin to think where Joshua is. He’s not dead, is he?

 

That’s when I begin to hear voices talking. It’s already night by this time and the only light illuminating the place is the light coming from the moon through the various plants and trees in the island.

 

“Thank you for saving us.” I can make out Joshua’s voice, rasp, but I am sure it’s him. The thought of him coming out alive makes me feel a lot better than actually waking up alone in an unknown island, despite alive.

 

There must be someone who helped him pull me off the sea. I’m sure with my legs like this, there’s no way I swam my way out of the sea alone. I suddenly thought of the local who was with us and if he’s also safe and alive.

 

“You can come out. You don’t have to hide,” Joshua’s voice is calm. I wonder who he is talking to and if he is the one who saved us, I thought I should thank him as well.

 

“The moment I come out, you’ll forget everything,” an unfamiliar, loud voice rumbles and echoes through the place. There’s no sound of footsteps but loud, heavy movement from where they are.

 

Although my mind is unclear and maybe I am dreaming, it is only for a split second but the creature’s body is shining and I can see that he is, in fact, not human and he has no feet. I wiggle my body, trying to get closer to where Joshua is, because someone not human is standing before him and he has his hands in Joshua’s eyes. His upper body is of a human but his lower body has a huge turquoise tail and he’s holding what looks like a weapon on his other hand. I thought he’s going to kill him.

 

“Please don’t,” Joshua whispers just before passing out. I know he just passed out because if the merman killed him, he would not go his way to catch his body as he falls.

 

“I can’t,” the merman says after making sure Joshua is lying safely on the shore.

 

I try to make out of what just happened because apparently, the merman saved us. He probably thought I was still sleeping and I didn’t see him save us that’s why he didn’t remove my memories. When the rescuers found us, Joshua is still sleeping soundly, I must say, and when he woke up, he asks me what happened because the last thing he remembers is being tossed in the bottom of the sea by the storm. He doesn’t remember anything about the island or the creature that saved the both of us.

 

~

 

It’s been three years since I last came to Athens. I haven’t been there since that storm.

 

There must be a part in him that he knows is void because of what happened in Athens so at least once every year, Joshua comes back to the place where he almost died. He says he just wants to be thankful to the place for letting him get out of there alive but he probably wants to know what happened that night as well.

 

At first, I thought about telling him the truth because he deserves it but the merman probably erased his memories for a reason and the way he told him he can’t let him remember what happened sounds just as lonely as Joshua’s plead for him to let him keep his memories of him. He probably wanted to spare Joshua the loneliness again back then, as he was already in so much of it, and it wasn’t probably the right time. To make friends with a merman, that is.

 

Jeonghan and Seungcheol have gotten married and Joshua’s one of the best men. I was there on the wedding and it was one of the happiest moment I have seen of Joshua, making Jeonghan bawl on his wedding day by telling him he never thought the day would come when he would be giving away his best friend to another man to stay beside him for all his life but that he was happy it was Seungcheol because he is the one who truly makes his best friend the happiest. He laughed when Jeonghan began sobbing uglily but I knew he was just as tearing up inside as Jeonghan and he just didn’t want them both to cry.

 

“Thanks, Joshua,” Seungcheol had stood up and pulled him into a crushing hug. It’s probably a thanks for more than just the heartfelt speech, a thanks for accepting, a thanks for being there for Jeonghan, and a thanks for standing with them on their wedding day. He knows Joshua’s presence on their wedding day made it more complete and memorable for his groom.

 

For Seungcheol, he knows the history of Jeonghan and Joshua and even though he looks like a blockhead, he is not an insensitive idiot. He knows Jeonghan and Joshua’s friendship, and how they will always be a part of each other no matter who comes along, and he doesn’t wish to break that bond. Even for him, he thinks it’s a beautiful bond, but he loves Jeonghan faithfully. He will never try to replace Joshua’s place in Jeonghan’s heart because he knows he can’t but he’s going to build his own home there, too.

 

I haven’t come back to Athens but every time Joshua comes back home to Korea from there, he brings me something to commemorate with him than he went there. He wants to keep track of the times he went there and he wants me to do the same, even though I didn’t go because he is thankful that we both survived that night.

 

“When are you going again?” I ask him, after receiving a scarf he just brought from his trip two days ago.

 

“Maybe in a next couple of months after our project,” Joshua answers, after giving it a thought. “You should come with me. There won’t be any more projects for us this year after this.”

 

“No, thanks,” I chuckle, remembering what happened that night.

 

“Hey, what happened that night?” he suddenly asks seriously. He is probably meaning to ask me, but he doesn’t know how.

 

“We almost died. That’s what happened.” I didn’t want for it to sound so hostile but when you say something like what I just said, it can’t help but be hostile. He has apologized for it a thousand times and I told him over and over again that it’s not his fault but he just feels guilty every time because he knows he almost caused my death, although indirectly.

 

He is about to apoligize for it again.

 

“It’s not your fault. There’s a sudden storm, Joshua.”

 

“I’m still sorry. I brought you there.”

 

“And we made it out alive. You pretty much wouldn’t let me die on you,” I say, smiling.

 

He smiles as well but after a while, he asks, “Do you think someone saved us that night? I couldn’t remember it well but your legs got hurt and I couldn’t really pull you up through the waves…”

 

“Maybe,” I vaguely answer.

 

“Who do you think saved us?”

 

I slowly shake my head. “Probably someone who doesn’t want us dead, someone who wants us to live longer, so we can still smile.”

 

Joshua stares at me but he doesn’t ask anything anymore.

 

There is something missing in Joshua and I know it’s the truth of what happened that night. Maybe, one day I will come back to Athens and call for that merman, tell him it’s okay now, and if it wouldn’t be selfish of me, ask him to meet the other man he saved that night three years ago, on the farthest island from the shore of an unpopular resort in one of the most beautiful seas in the world. He is probably just there, silently watching Joshua from afar every time he comes back, smiling brighter and brighter each time he looks out at the sea.

 

The merman is probably asking why he comes back to the place that almost took his life.

 

I will have to answer that it’s also the place that gave him back his life. It’s not easy but on there is the happiness his mind was able to forget but his heart couldn’t, when he realized he could breathe again, when he was saved.

 

~End~

 

A/N: 

I didn't know if I did justice to the movie The Shape of Water to say this story is inspired from it. To be honest, this didn't come out even near to what I first thought it would after watching the film, but I could not go and not say this wasn't inspired at all by the film. The film deserved that much recognition, even if the story doesn't.

 

Also, this is inspired by the abundance of JeongCheol out there and not enough JiHan. I love JeongCheol but I hope the world also sees and gets reminded of the beauty that is JiHan.

 

I'm still just happy I finished this though lol ;-; I hope you can tell me what you think of this, too.

 

Always, Elle.