Twenty five.

Five years away from thirty.

That’s exactly half of sixty.

It was strange reflecting the past memories of her life, as they were all but a blur. They were like broken pieces of mosaic, and Jieun wasn’t sure how to piece the pieces together.

She was only twenty five, but she’d gone through a lot, for her age. Her head was filled with colors and shapes and stand offish equipments, wrapped in frills and pearls and ribbons.

She’s not even sure what she means by that.

Point is, there’s a lot going inside her head, and it was impossible trying to sum it up into one comprehensible idea. The said idea being her identity.

That’s right.

At the age twenty five, Lee Jieun, known by her stage name as IU, fell into an identity crisis.

She’s not even sure when all of this happened, but her music video evaluations definitely had something to do with it.

She was a different person in all of them.

And depending on the theme for each and single one of her new album, she herself would change accordingly to fit the concept.

From cute to lovely to charismatic to y to retro to funky. She’s been running the entertainment business for years, and at last- she’s used up every single color in her palette. She wasn’t original anymore. She would have to recycle old ideas or be a trend follower.

She didn’t have a concept for this album.

Worried, she marched over to her general manager and music composer, and informed them of her troubles. They didn’t seem to think this was a big problem.

“You’ll think of something,” the music composer promised her. “You just have a lot going on in your head at the moment. Take a break. See you next week with a concept, okay?”

Her manager was a little more empathetic. “Do you have anything that interests you lately?”

Jieun stared at him. He knew very well that she lived under a rock. Because of her busy schedule, she would rest home during the days she had work off.

“I think maybe a minimalist theme is a more suitable concept for this album,” her manager suggested, shrugging. “Maybe you should sing about you, as Lee Jieun, rather than the artist IU, whose identity camouflages with different themes.”

Jieun chuckled softly. “Oppa, that’s a lame idea.”

“How come? It’ll be great. Plus, it’ll provide relief from the rather explicit concept you were going for in your last album.”

Jieun groaned, palm on her forehead. “Don’t even get me started with the Chat-Shire album.”

Her manager offered a sympathetic grin. “The audience wasn’t quite ready for that, you see. You are, after all, the nation’s little sister.”

Jieun snorted. She was twenty five- far from being little anymore. In five years she’d be half sixty. She said instead, “That’s exactly my problem. People are demanding a certain image from me, and I’m trying to satisfy that. But I can’t be cute and lovely forever, twirling around in short skirts and pigtails and colorful stockings. Pretty soon they’ll get bored of me.”

“Your fans love you for you. Not your music videos.”

Jieun narrowed her eyes. “Have you read the comments on the youtube videos when my Chat-Shire album was released?”

“Yes,” her manager said honestly, suppressing a smile. Jieun was most adorable when she was complaining about her critics.

“Because of that, I’m stumped.”

“This isn’t your first time being stumped. You get ahead of yourself quite often, Jieun. Get some rest, and think about it this week. You’ll find a concept worthy of a big hit. You always have.”

But he was wrong, because a week had passed, and she still had nothing.

Now she was in a small conference room with her music composer seated across from her, hands folded together on his lap, looking at her expectantly.

“Have you thought of the concept for your new album?”

No. I told you, I was stumped.

“Well,” Jieun looked thoughtful. She had tried, honestly. She sat down on her working desk, looking at the blank sheet of paper in front of her. She ended up crumpling the paper up because- well, because she couldn’t think of anything, and that blank paper, white and crisp, was starting to annoy her.

Today in the morning, her waste basket was filled with crumpled up bits of paper- none of which had any writing scrawled on it.

The music composer stared at Jieun with a note of surprise. “Do you mean to tell me that you actually don’t have an idea for the album concept?”

If only the seat she was sitting on could swallow her now, alive and whole.

“I might have an idea or two,” Jieun said meekly, sinking to her seat. “I just don’t know if it’s worthy being made official.”

He brightened up immediately. “Let’s hear it then.”

“I thought maybe we could go with a more minimalist concept,” Jieun muttered, resting her head on the palm of her hand. “I thought that this album could maybe focus on me, as Lee Jieun, rather than the artist IU, whose identity camouflages with different themes.”

“Brilliant!”

Jieun grumbled, her small lips shaping to a pout.

“You know, you should give yourself some credit.” He clapped his hands excitedly. “I’m already creating the perfect track for the main song, in my head. I also have some tracks that I saved from earlier. I’ll give you some bits and samples this week, and you draft out some lyrics that match the theme, how about that?”

“Perfect,” Jieun smiled, although the corners of sagged down from worry.

“It’s all your fault,” Jieun whined, as she climbed in the back of her manager’s van to get ready for her next schedule.

“My fault? Seems to me I rescued you with my incredible idea.”

“I have to come up with the lyrics to the most vague, broad, yet uncomfortably personal topic ever,” Jieun huffed, stuffing two cream puffs in to suffice her hunger.

She chewed slowly, thinking. A big swallow. “What kind of person do I seem like to you?”

Her manager looked at her the rear view mirror. “You? A whining kid who eats nonstop.”

Jieun laughed, stretching her toes, and took a bite out of another cream puff. “I mean it.”

“Who else knows you better than yourself?”

Jieun looked out the window, feeling suddenly depressed. The whole world knew her better than herself, because she changed herself to please the whole world. She wasn’t sure who Lee Jieun was anymore, being IU for so long.

How did you describe yourself to the whole world, anyway, without being too vague or too personal?

“Try making a list of things you like,” her manager offered.

Jieun obediently took out a notepad, tapping her pen thoughtfully against her lower lip.

THINGS I LIKE

1. Singing
2. Eating
3. Listening to music
4. Puppies

She frowned. None of these things seemed appropriate to sing about. She tried to come up with possible lyrics she could create with this list.

I like singing in the shower, before breakfast, in the early morning.

If I shower fast enough, I have time to eat a heavier breakfast before I get rushed into the day’s schedule.

These days I prefer pancakes over a bowl of rice.

While I eat, I listen to music because I have no one for company.

Corrine Bailey is my favorite, despite me not understanding a single word she’s singing.

Maybe it’s time I get a puppy.

Jieun stared at her draft, irritated of the low quality of her wording. Giving her hair a tussle, she attempted to reword these lyrics more aesthetically pleasing to hear.

It was near impossible.

That was it, then. She, IU, was suffering a major author’s artist’s block, lost in the eye of a black hole. She’ll never be able to swim out of it ever again; she might as well kiss her singer/ songwriter life goodbye-

“Why don’t you try asking GD for help?”

IU looked at her manager, wearing an incredulous expression on her face. “The GD? G dragon? I don’t know him very well, personally. And he’s an international superstar. He won’t have the time to spare to help someone like me.”

“It was just a suggestion,” he shrugged. “Since GD is a genius lyricist. And I thought you were pretty close with Taeyang?”

“Just close enough,” Jieun mumbled, looking over uneasily at her list of ‘THINGS I LIKE’.

“You should take a chance and ask at your upcoming concert. I heard a majority of the YG group will attend, either to perform or watch over. And maybe he can feature in a song.”

Jieun pursed her lips, fingers fidgeting. “Yeah, okay. Maybe.”

Jieun, being the stubborn perfectionist that she is, held a lot pride in her work. She also didn’t mind the reputation that came with it. However, she currently had an eraser in her head, and loads to do to prepare for her new album.

She figured it wouldn’t hurt, really, to reach out for help once in a while. And besides. She has met GD for short moments before, and he seemed nice enough.

“No.”

“Excuse me?” Jieun arched her eyebrows, a look of disbelief etched across her face.

She had just finished her concert, and spent hours looking for GD in the back stage. He was agreeable, greeting her warmly and complimenting her performance. Small friendly talks regarding shared acquaintances. But just as she asked for his help with her album, his whole demeanor changed.

“I said, no.” GD wasn’t condescending in any way, but his mind was clearly made up. He wasn’t helping her with her album.

An angry sigh of frustration escaped through her nostrils before Jieun could help herself. Jieun was naturally not an aggressive type. She was actually quite a pushover and pleaser, but GD’s flat rejection was so unreasonable and humiliating to her. He could’ve, at the very least, offer some kind of explanation.

GD gave her a tight smile, and said no more.

This was it, then? The way he looked at the door behind her, as if cuing her to leave, agitated her even more.

Trying not wear her emotions on her face, she politely thanked him anyway, and marched her way to the exit. No one could tell she was furious, as she was very good at masking unfavorable feelings and managing her actions, but she couldn’t help blood fluctuation- and her ears were the brightest shade of red right now.

Jieun turned around one last time before reaching the door knob, to see GD with a look of bore on his face, his legs crossed, probably not giving a damn. Well, she certainly hadn’t expected that. GD’s ego must’ve inflated with his popularity over the years. Resisting the urge to roll her eyes, she decided to deliver a petty blow before walking out.

“Thanks again, oppa. It takes a lot more than effort to become a genuine artist, does it not? We’re all struggling to attain creativity here. I’ll see you around.”

She was being real stingy with the burn here, and a normal person would not have taken this remark to account personally. Unfortunately, GD was much more attentive than an average person.

“What do you mean?” GD asked, laughing. But there was definitely an edge in the tone. “Suggesting that I’m not creative?”

Jieun shook both her hands defensively, laughing weakly. “How would I find the audacity to? You know who you are.”

He casually patted the seat across from him, and Jieun sat. “I’m sorry for being so straightforward earlier. I just have too much on my plate at the moment, and I figured you’d have other lyricists and music composers to help you out with your album.”

Jieun exhaled in relief, allowing some tension to drop from her shoulders. “I’m sorry for reacting so sensitively. It’s just- I’m supposed to be writing about myself, and- and I. I don’t know how. And I’m under a huge amount of pressure to do better, especially since my previous album flopped.”

“I think you should give yourself some credit. You’re a brilliant artist yourself.”

Jieun snorted. “I’m not a great lyricist. I’m more interested in composing than writing. It takes me a very long time to write something I’m satisfied with, and I have finally hit the bottom, it seems.”

GD looked at her thoughtfully. “I can help, if you don’t mind my inconsistent schedule.”

Jieun’s eyes shined. “Will you?”

GD rested his chin on his hands, thinking. “Sure. I’ll help you out during whatever free time I manage to scrap up.”

Jieun’s eyes softened with appreciation. “Thank you.”

“Have you started at all?”

Jieun thought about her rough draft, ‘THINGS I LIKE’. She decided that GD didn’t have to know about it. “Nope.”

“Let’s start drafting right now,” GD suggested, glancing down at his wrist watch. “Do you have paper with you?”

Jieun scrambled through her clutch, pulling out her notebook and pen. She held them out to him, eager to make progress.

He took them from her reluctantly, flipping through her notebook to search for an empty page. “I might be able decorate and trim the details, but you’ll have to create the structure.” He paused when he came across a certain page, reading the messy scribbles. “Though completion will be much more difficult than I thought, if you were serious about the draft you’ve sketched out here.”

Ji Eun flushed as she read the title of her draft, bolded in capital letters, ‘THINGS I LIKE’. She made a half hearted attempt to snatch her notebook away from his grasp.

GD now chuckled openly, reading aloud, “Maybe it’s time I get a puppy? You appear to be very lonely, Jieun.” His eyes scanned from the top of the page to the bottom, rereading everything once more. “It feels like I’m reading a diary.”

Jieun huffed in defeat. “You see? I’ve lost my taste.”

GD’s eyes twinkled. “You just need to be inspired. But not before you reevaluate yourself.”

“How would you write about yourself? In a coming-of-age and accepting-yourself sense?”

“I wouldn’t begin with showers, for starters.” GD gave her a lopsided grin. “But. I think the list is a good idea. And to ensure that you include various aspects of yourself, try thinking about all your experiences, and what you got out of them.”

“But I’ve already written about most of them.”

“But that was then, and you’re a different person now. And we want focus on the current you.”

Jieun rubbed her temples, trying to organize her thoughts. “I did write about things I like,” she pointed out.

GD couldn’t repress his amusement. “Like pancakes over rice?”

Jieun grinned. “Well, yeah.”

“Of course preference is a factor that should be considered, as well as personality. But these come with experiences. First think of the significant events that happened in your life.”

“Even when I’ve already written about them?”

“Even then.”

Jieun wrinkled her nose. “There’s still too many.”

“Categorize as many as you can with colors.”

“Colors?”

“You’re an artist,” GD reminded her. “There’s a finite amount of colors, but the number of pictures you can paint with them are beyond infinite.”

Hi all, its J with the first chapter to Palette. 

It took a while for the update, and the first chapter is rather slow in terms of progress.

Still, I'll try really hard to update consistently.

Comments are a really powerful source of motivation, so be sure to comment.

Thank you for reading. 

inten17eu: Thank you for enthusiasm, I appreciate it! I absolutely adore the two. 

Balaofcaramel: As am I. I can't wait to see where the story will take me. (I don't draft before I write.)