"Haneul, you're biting your nails."

I snapped back to my senses with these words. A voice belonging to Young Jae echoes throughout the dimly lit, empty cafe space as he returns to his conversation on his phone with his girlfriend. After the meeting with Mr. Kim Chul Soo we've reached the decision that waiting in the cafe was the best option was for us to sit out the whole day in the cafe until it's late at night when all the crowds have left so avoid as much public contact as possible. It was also a safety concern for both ourselves and... The reputation of BTS... the CCTVs in the cafe made sure we weren't leaving anytime soon. It would've been bad if we were mobbed by overly passionate fans but... even worse in the values of BigHit to have us blabber about something else that may lead to more public outrage. How these values came to be absolutely baffled me... Although, I do admit I can see why any celebrity's livelihood would easily outweigh mine any day of the week.

I could feel my senses dulling as I drearingly sipped on my 4th latte of the day. There wasn't much I could do with my phone gone, probably sold off somewhere by now. Apart from some ridiculously old phone games, which I grew bored of within minutes, Young Jae was the only form of entertainment that I had around me all day and he's starting to wear out as well. Sleep didn't come to me at all despite how tired I felt, all the adrenalin from running through the endless scenarios of what may happen soon kept me all too awake and aware of the world that I lived in right now. The company phone ringing jolts me from my stupor. "Must be someone coming to pick us up" I thought to myself. As suspected it was a call from Mr. Kim Chul Soo himself telling us where our car is waiting for us and the plate number.

Young Jae and I left the building promptly after calling up our boss to join us. Young Jae and I were exhausted from this eventful and tiring day despite the fact that we haven't even moved around a fraction as much as we would've on any normal day. Carefully slinking about the narrow streets even though most of the crowds in Itaewon have already went home was just a precaution Young Jae and I made, we've decided today was enough exposure for a lifetime. We arrive at a black van with the same car plate mentioned to us earlier and receive confirmation from the driver that we're supposed to be the people that he's picking up. There was no awkwardness or excitement about being picked up by staff and a vehicle owned by BigHit. I've hardly ever been in a car since my time here in Seoul, nevermind such a nice one. If it wasn't for the fact that this car ride was sending me to what may possibly be the most stressful meeting I'd ever face in my entire life, I might've actually enjoyed it.

After a short drive we arrive and pull up outside the BigHit office building. I've never seen photos of the new building and it blends in inconspicuously with the other buildings around the area, no signs to signal unwanted eyes. We were guided up and into a medium sized meeting room by the man who drove us here, taking no chances for us to wander off by ourselves. Is this how it feels like to be under arrest? As we sit I notice how the bright fluorescent lights highlighted the dark circles underneath Young Jae’s eyes. I could only imagine that mine look worse. The man who drove us over asked if we would like some tea and the three of us lightly declined the offer. I’d personally would much prefer if they let us leave and go home without further ado.

Mr. Chul Soo enters the room wordlessly and holds the door open as Suga enters the room, lips pursed tight in an emotion which I could only read as a mixture of annoyance, exhaustion and guilt. Jin follows in a similar fashion as the previous. The men all sit down opposite of us, Suga and Jin meeting all of our eyes and giving us all each a polite nod. I nod back in return as Mr. Kim Chul Soo begins speaking to signal the beginning of the end of this entire fiasco.

“I hope you don’t mind as I record this meeting as I did before, I’ll also be typing up the conclusions we will reach tonight on my laptop so we get an agreement signed within the next couple of hours.” We all promptly nod and the meeting began. The air in the meeting room was thick with tension especially from me as I was expecting the most repercussion from the matter at hand… Just because I happened to be a girl…

“Let’s hear about Jin’s side of the story first, may I also add that your little late night venture was unauthorized by your manager.” Said Chul Soo expectedly

Jin cleared his throat before he began and sat up straight in his chair before he began speaking, as if he prepared this speech prior to this meeting.

“Well, you see, I was left quite hungry after our rehearsals that day. I was also finding it hard to adapt to our diet back then as we just began training up from our off season.” He flashed a look at Suga before returning to his speech, “As Namjoon suggested this cafe to us before, I was excited to go as it was a nice walking distance from our house and… I just asked Yoongi to come along with me. I know it was my fault for taking pictures with the staff together but… I…”

Chul Soo cut through as Jin trailed off, “Ok I get the idea, Suga?”

“It wasn’t really much to be honest, it happened as how Jin said it. It’s not like you guys don’t know we already sneak out for food, it just came out badly this time.” Suga said a matter of factly. Chul Soo took a deep breath in, seemingly done with Suga’s careless tone.

“I believe that this situation can be resolved easily with this newly added information. Mr Jung, let us step out for a few moments please.” The two men then left to discuss outside the room, voices muffled, leaving the four of us sitting in awkward silence.

Only now do I realize that I’m casually sitting across two internationally renowned celebrities, whom I’ve admired from afar and now I get to see them close up. Although the situation was far less from ideal I began noticing things about them which you can’t unless if you’ve met them up close, without all the makeup, costumes and lights. Although Jin’s skin was smooth and barely had any blemishes, it was just blooming a pinkish tinge around his eyes, nose and cheeks, a common result of sensitive skin. Suga had the palest skin I’ve ever seen, I know many people would kill for such a fair complexion. Despite his skin being pale there were imperfections about him, a light sheen of oil can be seen on his forehead through his bangs all the way down his nose and along his cheekbones. Small spots darkened from acne could be seen along his jawline and neck. It wasn’t until now that I was able to see them as… people. Suga then began speaking.

“I’m sorry we didn’t decline the photos, it would’ve been all cleared up by now if we kept you out of the photo.”

“Ah no, don’t worry so mu-”

“It’s technically a violation of our contract. It’s here to protect both sides but… I’m sorry. I felt rude to mention it at the time but I guess that just made it worse. I just want to apologize if I came off as rude earlier, I’m not very good at talking until I’ve gathered all my thoughts together.”

Everyone around the table pursed their lips together, I never thought far enough for something in BTS’ contracts would also be in place to protect fans’ privacy. The fact that I now know these boys had a responsibility to refuse the pictures in the first place made me feel a little bit better about my own mess up but… Also more depressing to know that they’re not free of their job’s duties even in their own time.

Mr Kim and Mr Jung then entered the room shortly and showed us the document which we had to sign. It dictated something around the usual of what I would expect, we do not discuss what happened whatsoever, the pictures are deleted from Young Jae’s phone, we don’t say anything against the official statement to be released later etc. There were arguably some grey areas but there was just one question that itched at the back of my mind.

“Does that mean BTS can’t return to our cafe anymore?” I said aloud. Chul Soo replied with a question of his own.

“Why do you want them to return? Even after all this nasty trouble?”

“I…” I gulped, “I want to be able to offer them a safe space, protect them from prying eyes and give them peace in return for their hard work. I hope that the cafe becomes a comfort to them.” I don’t know what came over me at this moment but the most heartfelt of words came to me. I so longed to be able return the gratitude that I have for these boys. Not only from the fact that they tried to apologize to me when hit the fan but also for being there for me in their music. For supporting me, communicating to me and saving me in my worst of times. No matter if I can give them everything money can buy in the world or if it’s only the comfort of a cup of coffee which I can provide to them then so be it.

“Well I ca-”

“The agreement never stated it explicitly.” Suga cut in,

The whole table went quiet as Chul Soo nodded and pushed the documents towards the three of us. We quickly signed the documents and which an exhale, I could slowly feel life returning to normal. Jin let out a yawn, quickly covered by a hand with crooked fingers, signalling the end of a long day.

We were ushered to leave together by Chul Soo and as I exited the room I felt a hand squeezing my shoulder. I looked back, expecting to see Young Jae standing behind me but instead I see it’s Jin who did so. He simply looked ahead as if he did it out of habit, weird. We got down to the lobby of the building and bowed to each other to say goodnight and bid each other goodbye. Young Jae, Mr Jung and I got into the same car which picked us up and were each driven home one by one, I was the last one still in the car as I lived the furthest out from the city. I thought back on what I said earlier about why I wanted BTS to keep visiting the cafe and I couldn’t help but smile bittersweetly at my feelings. As if my heart beats suddenly became painstakingly overbearing for me I felt hollow thuds pulling at my being with each beat. It must just be from the exhaustion I thought to myself, it’s stupid to think that I’d be feeling sad over something so trivial. I arrive soundly at the building which my apartment block is in and thank the staff who drove me and make my way up into the building, into the simple yet comforting little nest I’ve made for myself here. Flopping down onto my mattress, “Everything will be better when I wake up tomorrow” I think to myself as I close my eyes.