“Could I replace your place to be with Jaejoong hyung?”

Apparently like sunk into the underworld, engulfed by the devil living there, my chest was scattered. I wished I wouldn’t have heard that. No…no more…

Atmosphere in the room felt like boiling to the max, heating with no reason. Changmin still stayed on his position, laying his face beside my face that still stunned apparently calm and peaceful –though storm clashing in my mind.

Changmin sighed for the umpteenth time, letting his fury flood out before he made up his mind to leave and, slightly but lovely, caressed Jaejoong’s wet cheeks. His lips curved a bittersweet smile. His slender legs brought him to get out without giving me any glimpse. Don’t ask me how can I know this all. My mind just came up with all the circumstances, say, I got used to.

In the silence, my body apparently felt like heating up even more. My sentiment built up with fury after hearing my brother’s unexpected words. Why would Changmin ask me such a thing? What did it mean with ‘to be with Jaejoong?’ was something I not expecting?

My mind was speculating between the reality and emotion. I tried to process what I might have heard as systematically as possible, lessening the erroneous opportunity of speculation. Yet, inside my heart, I seemed like driven unconsciously. The shadow of past came up repeatedly. Changmin’s stance, his look… those all seemed having a connection with the words I just heard with my opened eyes a month ago.

FLASHBACK

After practicing, Changmin and I settled to go back to our dorm. We felt so exhausted, foisted to sing and dance, merely to carry on our fans’ trust.

The nippy and dark room greeted us.

Silence.

The windows were still opened widely showing the scent of bright-and-undead Seoul street lamps and building decorating the city.

I put my bag on the sofa, moving onward to the kitchen to get my thirsty-self a glass of fresh water. My throat was dry. My head was aching and, officially, I was starving. Clock was showing nine o’clock; not too late to look for some foods.

“Min, what if we go out to eat? I’m hungry.”

Changmin gawked at me as he closed the fridge’s door. A sosis was hanging imprecisely between his lips, affording such an evil words from him.

“Well, it’s been a long time we haven’t gone out together, right? I’m sick just to eat ramen or those instant kimchi. If…”

If Jaejoong were here…

I smiled bitterly, cursing myself for my intolerable thought. It’d been two years, why did I have to regret anything? It was almost ended…

“Come on. I’ll treat you…”

We walked travelling the balcony in our dorm which was so quiet. Maybe the dwellers hadn’t come back or they had just slept because of the tight schedules. Some hoobaes bowed to us when we passed the hall, determining to choose the stairway instead of lift. Night sport.

An old memory popped out in my mind abruptly. In the past, Junsu and I used to vie whenever we passed this stairway. The looser must dish and clean the room but we liked cheating though, laughing off together with the other three who were merely able to shook their head seeing our inappropriate childish deed for an appearance as a Hallyu star. Even so, it was just the past.

Changmin probably remembered in which he had to carry one of his beloved hyungs, Jaejoong, who was drunk after coming back from a party. He smiled gleefully that time, rerunning the unconscious warm hug, making him throb so hard, figuring out all the wanton mumbles Jaejoong let out throughout our way. He didn’t feel like burdened, he didn’t feel annoyed. He realized Jaejoong was the most special person for him, possessing the first place amongst the others, a place beyond a brother could get. Changmin knew he was off beam; Jaejoong had possessed his owner. And the lucky person was a man who standing next to him rights now –me, staggering with the lonely face. We suffered as we let the three members go away. I understood them solely eager to reach their prevented dreams by the company.

In his eyes, I could apparently feel what Changmin was thinking of. Why it must be me, why it wasn’t him to be with Jaejoong.

My phone rang unexpectedly, interrupting the silence griddling us. I put out the device and my heart fluttered as I realized who was calling me.

Changmin exhaled. Yeah… he knew who was calling me.

“Have you eaten? I and Minnie are going out to get some foods.”

I occasionally glanced to Changmin, figuring some words that Jaejong asked about his condition while the latter merely earned a bitter smile, pretending to be happy though I knew it brought about an awkwardness and coldness in his heart.

“Don’t worry. We’ll be fine. Junsu? Well, come to meet us then. Yoochun sent your photos yesterday… okay… Sleep tight, Jaejoongie. I love you…”

Pain. I knew Changmin tried to hold up his yearning to let out all the feeling he buried in his heart for all this time. It felt like gagged, listening to my romantic words to Jaejoong: someone he, regrettably, loved too. Sacrificing never brought the happiness.

“Jaejoong just calls me. He asked whether he should make us something for. If you want something, tell me. I’m gonna tell him.”

Changmin only nodded. His stepped was slower. We only reached the sixth floor, still far away from the lobby.

“Hyung…”

Changmin stop walking as I was forward him. Vividly or vaguely, it was obvious about Changmin’s changing behavior after we separated.

I turned to him. “What’s wrong, Min?”

We only stood there, waiting for an answer from him while he seemed not knowing how to say anything in his mind.

Changmin looked at me straightly as I was left wondering what the latter intended to say. It took a little bit longer so they had to postpone their dinner –something Changmin can’t do.

“I… may I be honest?”

I frowned. “Of course you may! What’s that?”

“About something that…” His words were incoherent. He looked like losing his self-control again. It was merely a simply conversation. I thought he had used to convey his bothered feeling even when Jaejoong was with me.

“No need to worry. Just tell me what bothers your mind. I’m your brother however.”

His eyes darkened, as if my words sunk him even deeper, felt like accused to steal from his boss stuffs.

“Actually, I…”

“…toward Jaejoong hyung.”

CKLAKK

I couldn’t’ hear what he said as the door next to us was opened. He discontinued his words but I didn’t foist it carry it on. He looked like avoiding something from me. Two freelance managers came up with a dozen of stuffs. They looked like hurried, solely greeting Changmin in a glance and passed over him, standing in the midst of the corner of the stair.

Sincerely, I had almost died. I fell down from the stairway. My body glided down the stair until crashing an emergency room’s door. The last thing I could remember before the darkness surrounded me was Changmin and the two women’s scream. I could feel blood trickling down from my head. Subsequently, everything turned to be dark.

***

So, was it Changmin’s purpose?-to take Jaejoong from me.

I could feel my blood welling up roughly along with my fury and hatred. I never felt this furious before, even in my day-to-day, I could count by my fingers how many times I’d been angry. My heart thumped more rapidly, kind of abnormal.

It might not be. Jaejoong’s mine. No one could take him away from me. Even Changmin, my brother may not take my beauty.

My nerve which hadn’t done its job I coerced to work again. I craved to open my eyes. I yearned to prove that I’m still alive. I’m conscious. I knew, and I didn’t want to be replaced by anyone. Jung Yunho is still alive and aware.

I gained all my endeavor and courage as I had a go making a simply move. I did it. My fingers straightforwardly moved a little, followed my throbbing body. I could apparently feel the inferno creeping from my toe-to-head.

I craved to wake up. I desired to hug my lovely one. I wanted to exclaim that a Yunho couldn’t survive without his Jaejoong.

A pair of arms enveloped my body, chilling my heating-up fury. It was Jaejoong’s.

The beauty rested his head on my shoulder. We glued as I felt so inclusive possessing himself on me. “Come back, Yunho…”

Tears ran onto my clothes, somehow making my body heating up once more. I couldn’t figure out how stupid I was, making all the people, even my beloved one, cry for my unconsciousness. Did I deserve to be cried? I was angry, getting my body shudder. My breath turned heavier along with the wilder throb.

“Yunho!!!”

I could hear Jaejoong stepping away from me. I could feel his nerve through his hand holding mine. I courageously struggled to hold hack his hand. I could feel my beauty’s confusion, whether to be panic or happy as I accomplished to respond to him.

“Yunho, you must wait! Doctor’s on his way right now. Don’t make me afraid!”

His voice having the sense of heaven surrounded my day.

“Yunho!! You may not leave me!! You must come back!!!” His voice throbbed as he was crying. I could feel his dread to lose me.

I wasn’t going anywhere. I’d always be with Jaejoong as I belonged to him. I lived for him.

A glint of sunrise pierced into my half-hooded eyes. A little shot and I could copious see again.

I ignored the rush of people barging in my room. I was concerning to fight the pain, the darkness drawing my deeper in giving-up. But I allegedly never surrendered. I still had people awaiting me, craving my existence; and the people who obviously loved me.

I was turning into breathless. The oxygen in my lungs apparently was crushed to work harder which eventually I could do after the nothingness to make my fury up. In fact, emotion didn’t always bring the immoral impression. At least, in my case, I forced myself because the fury that rarely attacked me.

The doctor and nurses tried to check my circumstances which were growing out of controlled. When the doctor opened my eyelid, in one of a deep breathing in, I was jumped with heavy sigh like someone almost sinking.

My eyes were opened commonly, adapting my vision with the new situation as I’d got what I craved for all this time.

Jaejoong… I can see him.. I can feel him… I can hear him…

My eyes landed on his beautiful face –the face figuring the true meaning of perfection.

I arranged my breath to be stable, getting used to myself after all the bloody defend to let off from the unconsciousness. And I knew my beauty had been waiting for me with his heavenly smile and warm hug I got now.

No needed all the romantic words to figure out the happiness griddling in me –Jaejoong’s existence and smile were enough to me. This all because of his patience and my love and for my sacrificing I had done to make everyone happy in my past. No one knew how immense m love I gave to them, and now, they all knew how immense my love and my obsession to possess Jaejoong just for myself.

I could feel his joy, his courage, his love, his longing as Jaejoong couldn’t stop kissing me, as though I got a kiss storm. He hugged me tighter, crushing my bones, but I let him, kicking away the pain and gaining the strength to calm down Jaejoong.

“I come back, Jae…”

Doctor and nurses backed off, giving us space to be only with us, letting us memorize all this happiness to be so adorable.

At the door-step, Yoochun, Junsu, and Changmin were looking at us, and I could tell by their expression, they felt blessed. Inside his heart, Changmin thanked to God. Though he had to give up on Jaejoong, he let it.

From now on, I promise there’s no sorrow coming to my life. I swear I will make Jaejoong happy everytime, no matter whatever I have to do. For the people around me, I’ll be happy to be altogether with them. For the people around me, I’ll always be happy. Today, tomorrow, and so on.

***

END

a/n: I crave for your love so if you love this story, let me know by posting you lovely comments for me ^^