The fragrant odour from the flowers blew along the wind, ending in summer that had been coming closer. The wind blowing so genially played the window blinds tied well-groomed on its frame, as if inviting everyone to feel the relaxation the wind was offering: so tempting. Notwithstanding, I couldn’t accept the invitation and the waft from the blind. I couldn’t give any motion, even a glimpse. To open my eyes, I couldn’t.

Ironic; not knowing how many seconds had been passed, and how long I’d been lying on this bed, incapable to make any single move. It was just silent, as if my body was palsied and dead bit by bit. Death probably would be more pleasurable than being trapped in this immobile body, wouldn’t it?

In the midst of the darkness, I occasionally thought like that. Unless there was something having me withstand, I maybe preferred giving up when the darkness dragged and sunk me beneath its pitch black. Yet, no, as long as love was still in my, accompanying me to go through this hard time, as long as Jaejoong still stood by me, never leaving me behind.

Being busy with my own thoughts, I felt another perfume emerging my room; it was different from the previous one that still lingered a bit in my room. It was his, my lover’s sugary perfume. I could sense a soft peck planted on my forehead and both my eyelids, and leisurely sagged down to my tasteless lips ultimately. It was him; it was Jaejoong getting me to struggle, against all the limitedness that surrounded me as deep as the darkness enveloping my lifeless soul. Kim Jaejoong, the sole I love wholeheartedly.

Love, I gave to him through the kisses and touches, which was unforgotten powerlessly by him, I just knew –and believed that you loved me without, necessarily, spoken in words. The next seconds, I felt like the warmth going further. As disappointment failed to strike me, I sensed the immense warm abruptly wrapping me; Jaejoong was hugging me tightly and sincerely. It was enough as I could warrant myself that he was still there, watching me with the enormous love tho both eyes of mine had to be shut, unable to see the love injecting into my empty life.

If I could have cried, tears obviously had dried in my eyes for months ago. It felt like gagged by his own hand when the pain ran down into all my limbs and turned off all my nervous system manoeuvring in my body to keep me alive. And the other organs would get the bad impact as they wouldn’t afford to work maximally and merely has my body at a halt.

A drop of searing water fell on my hand. No needed to be able to see, I exactly knew the droplet was Jaejoong’s tears.

“Do you know Yunho? Sakura has been blossoming. It’s hanami!”

His delicate voice looked joyful, forcedly.

As carrying on his story endlessly, Jaejoong grabbed my hand, putting it on his smooth cheek, feeling wet as he was crying inwardly.

“I do want to pass this hanami with you, just like before, Yunho. When will you wake up? Don’t you miss me?

Forgive me. I could only say it.

I was figuring your expression on which you were saying those lines of words: your reddening pointy nose sniffing inwardly, watering and swollen eyes, flushing puffing cheeks, and the painful air left in your life. Was it that hurtful when you couldn’t listen to my voice?

The inward snivel started heard, as though my only love had been played out to hold up his unshed tears. Cry probably would be able to subdue his pain. Nonetheless, his morose sobs merely scattered my heart.

I’m sorry, Jaejoong... I’m sorry...

It was probably mid day, where I felt Jaejoong letting me off from his lovely embrace, remaining the stillness next to my bed on which I was lying. His gently hand smoothed out my locks occasionally, slipping them behind my ears. I felt the touch going away. Looking like he was getting up from the chair that seemed like earning a few seconds. Eventually, I could feel my bed climbed and I did a straight contact on my forehead.

Tenderly, Jaejoong brushed my saucer hair with his comb, strands after strands sliding amongst the gaps of it.

“Your hair is too long, Yunho. You have to have your hair cut tomorrow. How long have you not gone to the barbershop? Look, it has reached your shoulder. Do you want to follow Yoochun’s hairstyle?”

I wanted to laugh it off eagerly with him, rebutting all his mock towards me. Unfortunately, it seemed so far away to be reached to make it come true.

After brushing my hair, seemed like he tied half of my hair upon on the top of my head, Jaejoong sat on the couch at the right corner of the room. I didn’t even understand how I could know it.

Tho surrounded by the darkness, I was laughing off; it merely was an intuition as I had been too long in the darkness, my instinct had been more pungent.

“Yunho, do you think I better to write up a song or re-arrange my old songs? Junsu asked me to make a song for his new solo album, whereas I’m having no brainwave to write such a good song right now. What should I do?”

Silent as the inhibition apparently engulfed the room. I started thinking whether Jaejoong was screwed-up. He always talked to me, giving me question which unsurely I could answer. It seemed one of his ways to erase the fear and loneliness because of waiting for me for these current months. Poor Joongie...he had to suffer because of me.

I heard the door unlocked. Jaejoong was still on his place, wasn’t he?

“Hello, Yunho hyung...”

The tap of the guest’s steps voiced closer to me made me a little bit afraid. This voice... Changmin?

Ignoring the tap sounds, I could hear Jaejoong was snoring. Was he sleeping?

After the choppy greet from the guest, that I believed was Changmin, developed a bizarre silence. The footsteps stopped beside me, at my left side. I unexpectedly afford to feel his hand slightly touching mine lied saucily beside my body.

“Do you feel better, hyung?” asked Changmin softly. “Could you hear me if I speak in low tone? I don’t want to wake Jaejoong hyung. He looks tired and...” –a bitter tone somehow was portrayed in Changmin’s voice, “...screwed.”

Got it! I bet Jaejoong was thinner now.

“He has changed his hair into black for a second time, making him look paler.”

A circumstances enwrapped by the calm was generated again. There was something bothering his mind, wasn’t there? Prominently, I could blame myself, grumbling irrelevantly because of the inconvenience coming up to Jaejoong.

“Hyung, it shouldn’t be like this as I supposed lie there, unconscious helplessly. It isn’t to be you. If you weren’t like this, Jaejoong hyung obviously wouldn’t suffer like this. It’s my fault. I’m sorry...”

Listening to my brother blaming himself, I gingerly felt mercy toward him. He considered no one to be blamed, neither Changmin nor him. It merely was an unlucky accident.

“I wonder how long you’ll be sleeping like this. When will you wake up?”

I felt sick. For goodness sake, why the heck people couldn’t stop asking it! They kept blurting after like ‘when will you be conscious?’ or ‘when will you be able to open your eyes?’ It was an unanswerable question, not yet; and it still remained the curiosity for everyone, involved Yunho himself.

The sobs were heard again. “Jaejoong hyung...”

I could hear Changmin muttered Jaejoong’s name, but he still didn’t move. Changmin was still on his place, holding my hand.

“He cries for you, even in his sleep...” Listening to Changmin’s words, I meanly felt like stabbed by a sharp needle: painful, but it didn’t make you wounded. There was such an accusing timbre in his voice; it was misty, but I could feel it.

“Actually, I wanna say something to you,” Changmin mumbled, inhaled gawkily oxygen as much as his lung could intercept it as he brought closer his face toward me. His soft breathe was against my face, unbelievably feeling his lips on my cheek –brother kiss, I guessed. “I can’t stand seeing Jaejoong hyung suffering mercilessly like this,” he wittered, turmoil dominating the sense in his words as his voice heard like trembling vaguely.

Changmin took a deep breath, carrying on his words gingerly, “Could I replace your place to be with Jaejoong?”

***