Yoongi padded around the apartment in his oversized shirt that accommodated his growing stomach, the fluffy woollen socks on his feet keeping the chill from the floor seeping up into his bones. He was craving something sweet, preferably chocolate but he would settle with the packet of lollies he knew was still in the pantry if he hadn’t already eaten all of the chocolate he had bought on his last trip to the store two days ago.

Opening the fridge he was elated to find that there was still in fact some chocolate left, however that elation turned into sadness when it was revealed that there was only one line left. A pout formed onto his thin lips at the limited supply knowing it wouldn’t be enough to satisfy his cravings, but then he remembered the lollies that were in the cupboard. Pout still firmly in place on his lips he grabbed the lollies out of the cupboard and walked over to the lounge, last line of chocolate in one hand and the packet of lollies in the other.

He plops down on the lounge harder than necessary, immediately shoving the last line of chocolate into his mouth in one go, closing his eyes and savouring the taste as he chews. It’s gone to soon, leaving only the lollies for him to sate his cravings. It’s not all bad though, it’s better than nothing and the life inside of him seems to think so as well as he feels his little bean doing summersaults in his stomach.

“Someone’s happy,” he mumbles as he rubs his stomach fondly, a smile forming on his lips when he feels a kick where his hand had settled to rest.

After stuffing a mouthful of the lollies into his mouth Yoongi leans back on the chair with his hands placed on his stomach, closing his eyes slowly as he sighs, content. He just sits there doing nothing but focusing on his little beans movements. It never ceases to amaze him. He remembers with first time he had felt them move, just a little flutter, but that had been enough to reduce him to tears, something he would never admit to anyone should they ask. It hadn’t felt real until that moment.

He finds himself doing this quite frequently, just sitting back and leaving his hands on his stomach as if he’s trying to reassure himself that they’re still there and that it hadn’t just been some dream that his mind had concocted.

He’s taken out of his musings when the familiar sound on his ringtone pierces the silence of his apartment. Groaning, he sits up and reaches for his phone on the table and sighs when he sees who had called him.

“Hyung?”

“Yoongi! How are you?” Seokjin asks him.

“I’m fine hyung, the same as usual. Why are you calling? Is something wrong?” he asks, wondering why the elder had called him.

“No, no, nothing’s wrong. I just wanted to see how you were doing,” he says but there’s something in his voice that Yoongi doesn’t miss.

“Hyung I know that’s not the reason why you called, what is it?”

Yoongi hears Seokjin sigh over the phone and he steels himself for whatever the elder is going to say because he knows it’s going to be more than a friendly chat.

“I’m worried about you Yoongz. You’ve barely left your apartment in the last couple of months and the only reason you do is to go to the store. I can’t actually remember that last time I saw your face and not just your voice over the phone,” Seokjin admits and Yoongi feels guilt bubble up inside of him. He didn’t mean to make Seokjin worry. “Look, I know it’s been difficult for you. Ever since – “

“Hyung, don’t.” Yoongi says more harshly than what he had intended. He lets out a big breath before apologising, “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too,” Seokjin says, “I’m just worried.”

“You don’t need to worry about me hyung,” Yoongi whispers and he can practically hear Seokjin shaking his head.

“Of course I do. If I don’t then who else will?”

Yoongi smiles sadly at that. He couldn’t refute it because he knew it was true as much as it pained him to admit.

“I know hyung.”

“I want you to promise me something Yoongi,” Seokjin said seriously.

“What is it?”

“Promise me that you’ll call me if you need someone, I don’t care if you’re upset or angry or just need someone to be there next to you, just call me and I’ll come rushing over. I don’t care what time it is, call me and I’ll be there.” Seokjin told him and Yoongi could feel himself getting chocked up. “Despite what you might think you don’t have to do this alone, I’m here for you.”

Yoongi could feel the tears falling from his eyes and trailing down his cheeks. Seokjin always knew what to say and he had been there for through thick and thin and he didn’t know if there was anything he could do to show the elder man just how thankful he is for everything he’s done.

“Hyung…”

“Promise me Yoongi.”

Yoongi in a deep breath. “I promise hyung.”

Yoongi can hear Seokjin sigh though this time he knows it’s out of relief and not out of worry or even worse, disappointment.

“Thankyou.” He says and Yoongi wants to tell him that he shouldn’t be thanking him but decides to keep it to himself as Seokjin would just tell me otherwise. “By the way, I think this is the perfect opportunity to tell you that I’m coming over tomorrow and I’m going to cook you a healthy and hearty meal because I know you well enough to know that you’ve been indulging on sweets.” Seokjin scold him.

Yoongi’s face heats up at that as he flicks a guilty gaze towards his half eaten packet of lollies he had deposited onto the coffee table.

“I look forward to it.” Yoongi said.

“You better.”

The two of them talk for another hour before Yoongi yawns loudly, effectively cutting of their conversation and looking over to the clock he realises that it’s well overdue his usual nap time. They say their goodbyes, Seokjin not forgetting to remind him to expect him the next day. Yoongi ends the call with a smile. It had been nice and something that he hadn’t known that he wanted but so desperately needed.

When he finally settles into bed that night he slips off with a smile on his face, hands resting firmly on his belly.

~X~

As the life inside him grows larger and larger, he wonders what they will look like when they finally come into the world. Will they look like him? Or will they look like the man that gave them life?

He had less than a month to go before he could hold his gorgeous little girl or boy in his arms. The gender of the baby didn’t matter to him and they had been the ones to decide to keep it a secret. They wanted to wait, wanted it to be a surprise for it would matter not what gender. Yoongi had always hated surprises but he had loved them. Yoongi liked to plan but he loved to go with the flow, loved to see what life could throw at him, to be free. Yoongi admired that.

He had always told him that while having a plan was nice but being able to adapt and change when things didn’t go to plan was just as important. Yoongi would always scoff and play it off but now he knew just how important that was. Nothing that had happened in the last seven months had been planned and the only way he found himself getting through it was by going with the flow and taking things as they came. But be that as it may, there were times when everything creeped up on him all at once and he broke down, not knowing how he was going to make it through.

However it was during those times that his words came to him – take a deep breath and hold it in then release, deep breath, hold and release, there we go Yoongi, just like that.

Afterwards he would call Seokjin with shaking fingers and a just as shaky voice and the elder would come straight over. One particular incident had been so bad that Seokjin had been forced to take him to the hospital. Panic attacks, that’s what they had said. Because of the pregnancy that wouldn’t prescribe him with anxiety medication, instead giving him a variety of exercises to try.

Over the last few months they had reduced in frequency until he had gone a whole month without an attack and while that had them both breathing out in relief but they both knew that another one could come out of nowhere. Yoongi couldn’t help but think that this would have been easier if he was still here.

He missed him so much it physically hurt. There was like this space in his heart that was gone, empty. He tried not to think about it but it was impossible not to, not when the only thing he had left of him was growing inside of him, getting bigger and stronger as the days went by.

He already loved the little bean inside of him unconditionally and not too long ago he didn’t think that he could ever love someone or something like that so it came as a little bit of a shock when he came to the realisation that he would do anything, anything for them.

There was a point in the not so distant past where he hadn’t wanted to be on this earth anymore but he had something to live for, something that he would put before himself to ensure they were healthy and happy. He had more than just himself to take care of now, a new reason for living.

He was in a good place now. It wasn’t ideal by any means but he was healthy and safe and he had someone who he could depend on even if it wasn’t the person he wanted by his side the most. He had more than what most people would have in his situation and he wasn’t going to take it for granted.

A hard kick had him placing a small hand in his stomach, smiling when he felt a little foot press into his palm. They would always respond to him. It was almost like they were trying to reassure him that they were there even though it was plain to see that just by looking at him. He had grown to take comfort in that for even when he was alone he wasn’t for they were right there with him.

It wouldn't be too long now.

Soon he would be able to hold his little bean in his arms. Things were bound to get harder; the crying, the nappy changes, the sleepless nights, having to take care of something to helpless and dependant on him. It was scary but he couldn’t think of anything he wanted more.

~X~

The sun was high in the sky when his little bean was finally brought into the world, screaming and crying her little eyes out but the sound was beautiful, so beautiful that he couldn’t help but cry as well.

Seokjin had been by his side the entire time. He had been the one who drive him to the hospital as the contracts had him curling in on himself. He was there as he was rushed into the delivery room. He was there holding his hand, whispering encouraging words into his ear as he pushed with all of his might. He was there as his daughter took her first violent gasp of air, her cries piercing the room. He was there as his daughter was passed into his arms and as Yoongi’s tears of happiness trailed down his cheeks.

Seokjin wasn’t who his heart so desperately wanted there but he could never thank him enough for is he hadn’t been there, Yoongi didn’t know if he would have been able to make it through not only the birth but the entirety of the last eight months.

Yoongi was exhausted but at the same time he hadn’t felt more alive.

He lightly caressed the face of his sleeping daughter with the tips of his fingers as he looked at her in wonder, taking in her features and wonder how something so precious could ever exist. His little girl scrunched up her nose and blinked her eyes open and Yoongi’s breath hitched when he saw them. She had his eyes.

It had new tears escaping from his eyes but his smile was nothing short of radiant.

“My beautiful little lotus flower,” he leaned down to press a kiss to her forehead, “My little Jung Sooyun.”

He would love and treasure her. He was hers to protect and he would do that until the end of his days. He would be the best father that he could be but most of all, he would make him proud.

Hoseok would never be forgotten.

Okay, so this is a fic that I had planned to have written and posted for Yoongi's birthday but uni has been hectic and my work load is insane so I hadn't managed to finish it in time. But better late than never am I right?

Now, back to the fic itself. As you've probably worked out Yoongi and Hoseok were together however due to circumstances that even I don't know Hoseok passed away, leaving his pregnant boyfriend devastated and alone. You can all come up with your own reason as to how Hoseok passed away and I would love it if you told me your own interpretations in the comments. Hoseok's death essentially leaves Yoongi to get through the pregnancy and raise their child alone. But luckily he had Seokjin to help him through it.

*NOTE: Sooyun means perfect lotus flower

Another note: those who have been reading my B.E.long Drabble series would know that it's been a little while since I updated and I'm sorry. Hopefully I'll be able to update soon!