Yugyeom slammed the door shut behind him, muttering some very PG-13 words under his breath about his leader. He turned the lock and turned to his bed, falling on his back onto the mattress and crossing his arms over his chest. He stared up at the ceiling fan for several seconds, letting his anger boil before taking a deep breath. He sat up on his bed criss cross applesauce and smoothed his sweaty palms out on his knees, relaxing his hands from where they had been so strongly balled up into fists. Those same hands became shaky as he reached into his pocket to pull out the newspaper. He smoothed it out on his lap and paused for only a moment before ripping it open to the first page and scanning the words. He repeated this process as fast as he could, his anxiety growing with every page that did not contain the word he was looking for. He was halfway through the fifth page when he finally saw it.

His name.

He backtracked to the beginning of the article and began to read.

“South Korean Pop Group Got7 Suffers Loss at the Hands of Youngest Member, Kim Yugyeom.” he feels his throat constrict, and gulps as he forces himself to read on. “Kim fails to impress at Awards show when asked to sing. Several cameras on site catch unflattering angles of the twenty-year old as Yugyeom is brought onstage. Not only were his looks sub-par but the singer began his song off-key and the issue was not resolved for several uncomfortable seconds. What was supposed to be a gift for the fans may have been a one way ticket out of the group’s fandom. Will “aghase” decrease in number when they find out about Yugyeom’s new weight gain? Will JYP take action an expel him from the group after hearing of his vocal failure? Subscribe to this newspaper to get the latest updates…”

The next words became blurred out as drops of moisture fell onto the paper and smeared the ink. Yugyeom realized that he couldn’t read anymore because his eyes were blurred over and that the drops of moisture were his own tears. He let the paper fall from his hands. He gulped again, trying to loosen his impossibly tight throat, but that only provoked an audible sob. When Yugyeom heard his own broken voice his face crumpled and he surrendered to the tears, falling onto his side on the bed. He buried his face in his pillow to muffle the sound but otherwise was powerless to restrain himself.

I’m not good enough.

I’m going to be kicked out of Got7.

The members will hate me.

I can’t do anything right.

I’m talentless.

I’m an embarrassment to the company.

Mom will be ashamed.

I’m ashamed.

I hate myself.

I hate myself.

I hate myself.

He choked on his own tears in their hurry to soak into his pillowcase. His chest heaved with the strain but he didn’t care anymore. The pain was secondary. His thoughts filled his mind and he could not escape them.