Taehyung rubbed his face into Jungkook's chest. For all of Jungkook's faults, Taehyung couldn't escape nor deny how warm and safe he felt when Jungkook held him. 

"Jungkook." He croaked, his throat still sore from him off. 

Jungkook hummed softly, his voice so melodic and comforting, and ran his long fingers through Taehyung's matted hair. The pink glow of the sunset was seeping through the thin white curtains of Jungkook's room, casting a warm hue over the boys' panting bodies. 

"You make me so happy, Tae." Jungkook said, his voice stounding a hell of a lot steadier than Taehyung's. "Wish we could stay like this forever."

"Me too." Taehyung's stomach dropped at how true his agreement was. He knew being with Jungkook wasn't the right thing. It wouldn't be even if Jungkook wasn't currently taken. They were just too different. And Jungkook wouldn't touch him or even care about him if he didn't need him to keep his secret. Taehyung knew that. But... all those thoughts, of not belonging, of self-loathing, of being a third person in a relationship, they didn't mean anything to someone who just didn't have any idea how to stay away from Jungkook. That's why, when he felt Jungkook's fingers run across his skin and his chest draw away from Taehyung's face, letting him see the bruise-like pinky-purple light of the room, Taehyung's heart jumped in a bad way. 

"I should go home to help my hyungs prepare for the party. I told them I would." Jungkook said, sitting up. "You know you can't come, right?" 

There he went again. Stating something cruel like it was just obvious. 

"Of course." Taehyung nodded. "I figured as much. Can't have Jimin getting upset and causing a scene, right?" 

The look of pride on Jungkook's face was enough to stave off the emptiness, the feeling of not being needed, from Taehyung's now loosening chest. 

"Clever boy, you're so understanding." Jungkook whispered, leaning down to press his lips against Taehyung's forehead. 

Seokjin placed three tall and unstable-looking stacks of red cups on the circular table under Jungkook’s living room window, and smoothed down the bumps in the material of the white cloth that covered the wood. It was the day of Jungkook's end-of-term party, and they were all getting the house prepared, knowing full well that it'd be completely trashed by the end of it. In fact, they were counting on that. 

“If it gets to 11 and I’m not completely wasted, can I count on you to force some shots down me?” Seokjin asked over his shoulder as Hoseok approached his side carrying a bowl of cheese-covered nachos. 

Hoseok placed a hand on Seokjin’s shoulder. “For you, my friend, I will work hard to get you wasted.” He said in a dramatic voice, before shutting his eyes and giving a heartfelt nod, his free hand placed on his heart in a sympathetic gesture. 

Jungkook, who was sprawled on his back on the sofa with his feet dangling over the arm of it, chuckled. Namjoon felt something in himself snap – just subtly, like a twig – as he slammed the paper plates on the table on the opposite side of the room where he stood a touch too harshly. He wasn’t sure what had gotten into him, but his chest tightened at the sound of his friends laughing and joking around when he wasn’t able to. He was just too distracted. Too frustrated that he hadn’t figured out the puzzle yet. The puzzle of what the situation was regarding Jungkook, Taehyung and Jimin. Namjoon just hated not knowing what his friend was planning. Unpredictablity was dangerous where the reputations of his friends, and by association, himself, were concerned. 

Namjoon, Jungkook, Hoseok and Seokjin were the only ones stood in Jungkook’s house, so Namjoon being the only person out of 4 not laughing didn’t go unnoticed by Jungkook. Jungkook swung his legs over to the front of the sofa and leant forward, which Namjoon saw in the corner of his eye. 

“You alright, hyung?” Jungkook asked with a tilt of his head. “You’ve seemed a little distracted all day.”

“His mind’s on something else.” Hoseok said with a wag of his finger in Namjoon’s direction. “He alwas gets quiet when he’s deep in thought.” 

“Thoughts of what?” Jungkook asked, his eyes not leaving Namjoon’s figure. “Taehyung’s coc-“

The ripping sound of Namjoon tearing a paper plate interrupted him. He just needed to silence Jungkook, and preferably break something in the process. 

“Oh, come on, guys.” Jungkook sighed as he got to his feet. “Ever since Taehyung’s been hanging out with us, hyung has been very silent. Always deep in thought whenever he sees Taehyung. Now, someone might accuse him of jealousy. Seems someone is a little for our friend Taehyungie. Even going so far as to accuse me of having two boyfriends. Now, I'll put in a good word for you, but there's no need to be so thirsty-” 

“Screw you, Jungkook.” Namjoon snapped. Jungkook, years younger than him, was teasing him in front of his friends. It made him look stupid, and Jungkook was good at making the other person look bad. He was good at acting innocent, at making it seem like the other person was overreacting. Just like he did to Jimin on the daily. And Namjoon would be damned if he let Jungkook do it to him. “Just because I’m questioning the quite concerning fact that you seem to have 2 boyfriends at once, you think it’s okay to spread rumours about me to my friends? And to Taehyung himself?” 

“Namjoon-ah, what’s going on with you...” Hoseok asked with a tired sigh. As expected, it was Namjoon he wanted to shut up. An argument before what was meat to be a fun party was not something that he must have wanted to head towards, if it could be avoided, but it was always the person who wasn't Jungkook that was in the wrong. 

“That’s exactly what I’m trying to figure out!” Namjoon’s voice quickly rose. “Every time we question each other, it’s usually fine or something we can laugh about. But all of a sudden, Jungkook’s been getting defensive over Taehyung and resorting to making stuff up about me to hide his own secrets. And I’m so done with-“ 

“You really think I’m making stuff up?” Jungkook asked pointedly as he rose to his feet. “I’m just making a little joke because I think you clearly have a crush on Taehyung. If anything, you’re the one being defensive. Go find Taehyung and get laid or whatever so you can stop taking your frustrations out on me.” 

That was it – there was no getting through to him. Jungkook would not let himself be the one who was questioned, especially when their friends were watching. 

So, Namjoon just shrugged, defeated, and wordlessly wandered over through the living room doorway and towards Jungkook’s front door. If Jungkook wanted him to go and find Taehyung, that’s what he’d go and do, and he had a feeling he wouldn’t be at the party tonight. 

He heard the mutters of his friends behind him - no doubt, Jungkook would already be complaining about him and talking about him in a disrespectful way. The thought of it made his blood boil; his mind could only focus on the feeling of the rising heat through his body. 

He knew Taehyung's address; it was still in his phone from when they had a group project together a few years ago and he had to go to Taehyung's to make a presentation together. So, he did what he hadn't done since that one day a few years ago, and scrolled to Taehyung's name in his contacts list. 

Taehyung pressed the power button on his laptop, which stood on the coffee table next to the cup of noodles he’d just prepared and placed down. The Netflix logo lit up the screen, and Taehyung tried not to overthink about the sobering fact that instead of being at Jungkook’s party tonight, with literally everyone else in their school who mattered, he’d had to resign himself to a slow, lonesome night of Netflix and ramen. Not that he hated chilled evenings – in fact, he loved them for how they allowed him to relax and recharge. It was just the fact that he wouldn’t be able to look on social media tonight, for fear of being hit with a barrage of posts with cutesy captions, of everyone exchanging memories of tonight. 

With the boy that Taehyung liked. The boy who supposedly treated Taehyung like he was special and mattered, but refused to show it when anyone else was around. 

The steam from the freshly boiled ramen made Taehyung’s nose run a little, so he wiped it with a little tissue from his pocket and exhaled, lazily running his fingers down the laptop’s mousepad to scroll for something to watch. He scrolled right past the romantic titles, because they’d only make him miss Jungkook, and compare their own situation with the fairytale scenarios of Hollywood. He couldn’t watch anything too sad, either, because that’d make his mood dip even more. But nothing too funny, because funny films usually involve a group of friends getting up to trouble, and Taehyung didn’t want to remind himself of how uneventful his own night was going to be. 

Just as he stopped on a documentary about history – something with facts and fascination that he could lose himself in – he heard a knock at the door. His parents were out having a meal so couldn’t answer it, so Taehyung placed his hands on his knees and got to his feet. 

When he opened the door, he was met with a face he didn’t expect to see at the weekend – that of his classmate and friend only through Jungkook: Kim Namjoon. He was dressed in a plain white button-up, with the top 3 buttons undone to expose the dip in his chest, and black trousers. His hair was brushed to one side. He looked smart. Neat. Perfect, even. Just... so poised that it made Taehyung feel dissheveled and even nervous in comparison. 

Taehyung pressed his glasses up to the bridge of his nose, and bowed. 

“Namjoon – shouldn’t you be at Jungkook’s?” Taehyung mumbled as he lowered his stare to the fuzzy brown “HOME, MOST LOVELY HOME” welcome mat on the floor between them. When Namjoon gave a light hit to his upper arm, encouraging him to stop bowing, he flinched and his gaze darted upwards, face-to-face with Namjoon giving him a raised eyebrow.  

“I was more interested in where you’d be tonight, Taehyung.” Namjoon said, a softness to his voice, like he was a little nervous about intruding. “May I come in?”

Taehyung felt a pang of awkwardness, considering how rude he knew he'd been to Namjoon when he'd last seen him, but any company was good company right now. So, he nodded, and stepped to the side, gesturing for Namjoon to enter and walk past him so he could shut and lock the door behind him. Namjoon leant down to remove his boots, before placing them gently and neatly side by side against the wall of Taehyung’s hallway.  

“Uh, I was just in the room – the living room, having some noodles – do you want anything? Any - any tea?” Taehyung stuttered as he followed Namjoon into the living room. The place must have looked pretty sad – the lights were mostly off apart from the gentle beam of orange light from the lamp hanging over the arm of the 2-seater, and the coffee table was empty save for Taehyung’s laptop and his cup of noodles. 

“I’m good. But thank you for offering.” Namjoon said, that softness still in his tone, as he took his seat on the sofa and looked up to Taehyung. “I had an argument with Kook. I don’t really feel like being at that party. Could I... hang out here, for a bit? Wouldn’t wanna be alone on a Saturday night, when all my friends are partying without me. Well... except for you, for some reason. What is that reason, by the way? I don’t see why you’re not getting ready for the party, seeing as how close you and Jungkook seem.”

Taehyung couldn’t argue with Namjoon’s words, he decided as he sat next to him. The sofa wasn’t very wide – calling it a 2-seater was sort of generous – so their thighs brushed against each other as Taehyung shifted into an awkward perch next to the larger, slouching student. 

“Jungkook-ah said that it’d upset Jimin if I went to the party.” Taehyung admitted. “It’d... blow our little secret if I went there. So I have to stay home and keep it. For him.” 

A twitch in the jaw of Namjoon’s blank face gave away that he disagreed, and he glanced away from Taehyung, at the laptop screen. “What were you thinking of watching?” 

“Namjoon, what was your fight about with Jungkook?” Taehyung asked quickly. “Is this... your jealousy of him... or something?” He forced a chuckle between his words, particularly at the word “jealousy”. 

Namjoon’s face remained blank, refusing to give anything away. “I wanted to find out what’s going on between you and him. He didn’t like that very much. It just... it bothers me, Taehyung, that he’s obviously using you for something and you’re going along with it. You’re so smart, what does he have over you?”

Taehyung leant forward and pressed ‘play’ on his laptop. He picked up his cup of ramen, and leant back against the back of the sofa, as if Namjoon wasn’t even there. He chose to believe that Namjoon was just saying these words out of jealousy of Jungkook, and not to anger him. Was that really what he looked like when he was around Jungkook? Stupid? Foolish? Well, he knew it was stupid and foolish to date Jungkook anyway. If he could even call it dating... which begged the question of why he was even seeing Jungkook in the first place. Really, what was the point in making himself hurt and cry over Jungkook? He'd try and ask himself that everyday, but... it was like a wall blocking him, like his brain refused to question why he was acting this way. Because in Jungkook's firm, protective hold, it was easy to distract himself and stop himself from seeing what a huge mistake he was making. 

But now, Namjoon was the first person to ask Taehyung why. The first person to sit him down and ask him what the hell was going on. And when it came down to it... Taehyung couldn't answer him. The thought of articulating his complex feelings for Jungkook into an argument that made sense and didn't make him sound foolish... it was just an impossible task. He knew he'd sound stupid if he tried. 

Taehyung blamed the stinging sensation of his eyes on the spiciness of the noodles in front of him, but the second he felt Namjoon's large hand envelope his where it lay on his lap, he found it hard to contain himself fully. So, he could be forgiven for allowing a single tear to slip, considering the circumstances. 

"Taehyung..." Namjoon pulled his hand away, clearly recognising that this was affecting Taehyung even more deeply than he let on. "What the hell's going on? Is he... hurting you or something?"

Taehyung gave a lifeless short burst of a laugh. "I'm just - you're really seeing me as the victim here? The stupid, naive boy who let Jungkook manipulate him? When all along, I'm the bad person here. It's all so stupid... Mine and Jungkook's fling, back when he was dating Jimin, it wasn't spur of the moment. He told me him and Jimin were over. He planned the whole thing, he wanted to cheat on Jimin because he was bored with him."

"So... the whole school thinks you're the one who seduced him when really, it was the other way around?"

"And he's keeping me sweet, ing me, letting me hang out with you guys, all so I don't tell Jimin the truth." Taehyung's voice was monotonous now, like he was so bored of the whole ordeal. Which admittedly he was, at this point. "I know Jungkook's even more of an than Jimin thinks. And yet, I'm still keeping it a secret, letting them stay together, all because I can't say no to Jungkook's . I'm letting Jungkook continue to cheat on Jimin all while I know what Jimin doesn't. And you think I'm any better than Jungkook, really?"

"Taehyung...." Namjoon looked to be searching for the words. Taehyung could practically see his lips flinching as he tried to formulate what to say next. "You're not a bad person... you're lonely, that's all."

Taehyung scoffed. "Certainly feels lonely to be sat here while everyone's at that party with the boy I've basically been seeing as my boyfriend. God... I sound so pathetic... saying it out loud, I know how it makes no sense. I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Taehyung's head lolled forward and he clenched his eyelids shut as he begged himself not to cry. Describing out loud the truth of his and Jungkook's so-called "relationship" was so weird. It was like it made it more real - describing it to someone else made him realise how ed up it sounded. And here he was, apologising to Namjoon because, well, he needed to apologise to someone. He was acting in a shameless way with someone else's boyfriend and he just needed to apologise to the world, to himself, to anyone who'd listen so they'd know that he was sorry. 

Namjoon maintained his calculating stare, Taehyung saw as he shyly opened his eyes to meet his gaze again. 

And then, he finally spoke. 

"You're not pathetic, Taehyung." Namjoon said with an unwavering tone. "And you can prove it. Explain it to Jimin, and apologise, and that'll prove that you're not pathetic. Actually, it'll show that you're brave enough to admit to his face where you went wrong."

At that point, Namjoon's hand returned to Taehyung's open palm. Their fingers intertwined, and the nod that Namjoon gave Taehyung was knowing and comforting. 

The way that Taehyung was used to receiving comfort was through touch, and while Namjoon was no Jungkook that would kiss his doubts away, Taehyung needed something. So, without allowing himself to overthink it further, Taehyung leant in and tucked his head under Namjoon's protruding chin, and closed his eyes - and was relieved when, rather than pulling away, Namjoon placed his free hand on Taehyung's back and allowed him to just stay there.