It was a cold December day, to be exact it was probably one of the coldest days of December. It’s funny… because I can’t remember any day that was colder than that day…. That was the day… I lost you forever.

Rewind ◄◄ 

It was October 1st 2010 we were both in our last year of high school, we were best friends nothing more nothing less. You were loved by everyone, you were a bright person and always saw good out of everything. Every girl thought you were perfect. You were multi talented, you had a voice that could melt everyones heart, you were an amazing powerful dancer. You were even good at sports which was shocking because you looked so fragile. You were the smartest kid in the entire school. You were respectful and a loved son to your parents. You were in every definition of perfect.

The funny thing is nobody knew what was hiding deep inside of you....

-

I remember that day perfectly... The bell had rang telling everybody it was time to go home, I had my head on my desk staring outside the window at a beautiful butterfly with bright blue wings, I envied that butterfly. How it moved freely wherever it felt. I wish I could be like that; free. No worries troubling it, nobody doubting it's beauty...

I could hear you laughing, that laugh was so beautiful in my ears. Your friends had told you about a new club that had opened asking if you wanted to go. You just smiled at them and denied saying your mom wanted to have quality son and mother time with you. Your friends said their goodbyes and walked out. Next it was the most popular and beautiful girl in this school, everyone paired you two together and said you'd make the perfect couple... As much as I wanted to deny it they were right.... You two were perfect together and Sulli was really beautiful. Her perfect black hair falling gracefully on her shoulders, her beautiful small face and big eyes. Her soft pink lips and her beautiful smile. She was kind too, unlike her snobby friend Eunmi.

"Bye Taemin oppa." She said in a small voice waving and quickly leaving. It was obvious that she had a thing for you, did you see it? Or were you just playing stupid? The door closed and I let out a soft sigh, I closed my eyes as wind blew in from the window. It felt so peaceful and calming. I was finally alone.... or so I thought...

"_____." You said in that beautiful voice of yours that somehow always made my heart skip a beat. At the very moment I think I almost forgot to breathe... Almost like my mind was playing a trick on me I just continued laying there, my eyes shut tightly.  

I almost let out a laugh when what seemed like a minute passed of silence. I opened my eyes and my heart almost exploded.. There you were, your huge beautiful brown eyes staring at me. Your face so close to mine. 

"_____." You then said again your lips curving up into a smile. I blinked with a clueless expression on my face, everything still processing in my head. You let out a small laugh and looked at me with an amused expression on your face.

"Taemin..." I softly squeaked. "You're still here...?" You looked at me for a moment and pouted then leaned back on the chair. "How could I have left when my best friend never said goodbye to me? You're so rude! Everybody else says goodbye but my best friend just fell asleep?!" You huffed. I looked at you, my eyes wide.... Then... I laughed.

My god I laughed so hard at the expression on your face. I never laughed so hard in my life. You looked at me like I was a mad woman and then laughed a long with me. We laughed for a good minute at absolutely nothing. Calming down I grabbed my bag and slung it around my shoulder walking out the door. You rushing behind me quickly.

"Wait!" you panted catching up to me. I looked at you my eye brow slightly raised. You laughed awkwardly and rubbed the back of your neck. "I was wondering... well... it's friday and all and I wanted to hang out with you." 

"........" I looked at you in disblief and tightened my grip on my bookbag. "Hang out with... me? You turned down your other friends to hang out with boring old me?"  "Yah!" You slightly yelled making me jump. "Of course I want to hang out with you, you're my bestfriend and just because things have been a lot different since we got to highschool doesn't mean I am just going to forget about you!" To be honest, I felt like I was going to cry at that very moment.... Since high school had started Taemin got more and more popular and we barely had time to spend together. He always tried making me sit with his friends and him but I always refused. They always looked at me like I was some joke...  You see I never really cared about my looks because I never had anyone to impress. I knew Taemin would never like me the same way I have liked him for many years now so I just stopped caring. I rarely had any friends... No scratch that... I didn't have any friends. I was used to being alone so I learned to stop caring what other people thought of me. "_____." You said snapping me out of my thoughts.

"O...okay." I finally replied as you looked at me with a huge smile on your face. "Let's go!" You said grabbing my hand. My heart squeezed together. Why Taemin... the things you do to me, why wouldn't you just forget about me? Why did I fall In love with you.

--

That day...was the most fun I had ever had in a long time. It made me miss the days we used to have together. I was so happy Taemin. You made me so happy. That day you took me to an amusement park, it was my favorite place to go. We rode so many rides and you won me a giant panda bear.. My all time favorite animal. After leaving the amusement park we went to my favorite cafe and ate cookies and drank hot chocolate. I wondered what did I do to deserve this awesome day.... Why did you do all these amazing things for me on this day? Why so suddenly? It never occured to me that my life was going to change forever...

You walked me back to my house. The moon and the stars took over the sky. It reminded me of the many times we snuck on my roof at night watching the stars for hours holding hands... You told me the cool things about stars are even when you can't see them... Even when they're hiding... They're always there.... I smiled at that memory and glanced at you who seemed to be deep in thought. I had wondered what you were thinking of.

Somehow we ended up at the park about 3 minutes away from my house. I was swaying back and fourth on the swings. The chains holding the swings up were slightly cold. We sat in silence before you spoke again.

"_____," You said my name, I cut you off. "Thanks for today taemin..." I began. "You know... I thought you stopped caring... I honestly though that we were drifting apart and I was scared... But today... today was really one of the best days of my life.." Here it comes taemin...

"______." You spoke again, I heard the hurt in your voice but I ignored it cutting you off again. "Taemin.... I love you." I confessed looking at you. Your eyes were widened and I saw guilt... why.... why did I see guilt.

I looked down.... "I have.. for a long time taemin." "______." You said your voice cracking. I looked up at you and saw the tears in your eyes. "_____." You spoke again. "______ I'm moving." The pain I felt in my heart that very moment was unbearable. 

"W-what?" I said in utter shock. You looked down. "My dad has to relocate for work, they let us know a month ago. I'm leaving tomorrow morning." 

"You knew a month ago and you're telling me this just now?!" I yelled standing up. "_____." You said before I cut you off yet again." "NO!" I yelled tears streaming down my face. " I just confessed to you... with everything in me and you... you knew you were leaving and you.. you..." I didn't mean to say the words I was about to say.... but they just came out...

" I HATE YOU LEE TAEMIN! I WISH I NEVER MET YOU! YOU RUINED MY LIFE!" Looking into your eyes I saw complete hurt, it was obviously nothing compared to what I felt. I took one last glance at you before I  began running.... I ran and I never looked back. I heard you yell my name but I kept running... The tears never stopped falling, making my vision blurred.

I ran into my yard and fumbled with the keys to my house, I ignored the worried voices of my mom and I went into my room shutting my door. I fell to the floor and cried my heart out.... This... was only the beginning of you and I taemin...

Only the beginning....

I never heard what taemin had said after he called out my name..... I'm somewhat glad I didn't because it would have been harder to let go.... and it was...

The words you said... those three simple words I never heard on that very day. "I love you."

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Authors note: Okay... this took me a while to write, I finally got inspiration after SO LONG. can you believe it! I was so happy.... This was only part one... WAIT WHAT?! PART ONE?

Yes..... here are the four parts...

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Thanks again for reading, please leave comments & bye for now!