No, no, crushes are only for these kids. Joohyun slapped herself. You are grown up. You are mature. You are twenty five. You should prepare to get married, not pin over this cute guy who – snap out of it!

Kim Jongdae isn’t cute.

Joohyun nodded, agreeing with the statement she had just thought of. Mr. Kim was far from cute, and below her standards. She was Bae Joohyun – the girl every girl dreamed to be, the one every boy worships despite her mean attitude (but again, why should she be kind to them?), the woman whose beauty could never be rivaled. She was Bae Joohyun – someone to be envied, the definition of perfect, the face, and someone out of everyone’s league.

And he was Kim Jongdae. The clumsy literature teacher who often spluttered weird philosophical nonsense hardly anyone could grasp, was always late, always caused trouble, pretty lenient, short, a terrific – terrible singer, low-key sarcastic, reasonable, reliable, helpful, cute, adorable – shut up, brain!

Joohyun slapped herself again and shook her head vigorously.

He’s too… good for you. Very good. You don’t deserve someone like him, Bae, stop thinking of him!

She screamed into a pillow, whining with her whole body, before throwing that pillow at some corner and grabbing her laptop.

It was forbidden; she kept reminding herself. Kim Jongdae was her senior, her colleague and crushing on him would do her no good. Maybe he had a girl, maybe he was married, or maybe he had kids – kids with a childhood sweetheart? Or maybe he was gay. She’d be heartbroken, looked down upon because she was Bae Joohyun and Bae Joohyun only broke hearts, never allowed herself to break. Bae Joohyun was the ideal girl, a teacher – an example to the kids she called her children – and this wasn’t right. Her status didn’t allow. The world wouldn’t allow.

Especially since Kim Jongdae was the school’s favorite. Although his relationship status was unknown, his nature and talents were. He was kind, cheerful, inspirational, really very talented and hardworking – the school’s idol.

He was miles away from her league.

She didn’t want heartbreak. It was disgusting and hard to handle. She was Bae Joohyun and Bae Joohyun could not be fragile. Crushes made you so soft, so vulnerable, that even if you say you’ll stay away, you’ll find your way towards them. Although you say you’ll erase him from your life, you’ll avoid him, you end up stalking his profile on Facebook, Instragram – whatever he has – and end up saving all pictures, all videos of him that you can get your hands on.

She had promised herself not to be soft for a guy, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t save all Jongdae related stuffs from her students’ phones.

The girls adored him, she figured, and she was slowly becoming one of them.

Not that she would admit that.

Whatever she was keeping with her, was all for blackmail purpose.