She looks beautiful in that dress.

She looks perfect, actually.

I don't know for how long I've been staring at her already, people probably think I'm some kind of weirdo or most likely a ert.

But well, I can't help it, she just looks so gorgeous.

White really suits her and that hairstyle is probably the prettiest I've ever seen on her.

She looks so happy, too. Wish I was next to her.

I swear I'm so in love with her, I would stare at her all the time. 

But well, how to blame me when she's so beautiful?

I'd be there, next to her, if I wasn't such a coward.

But I don't blame myself for that, I think I did the right thing instead.

Back when we were young and free, we were so close. We would know our each other secrets and share our things.

I guess we were happy back then, having fun on stage and being essentially realized people.

I guess.

I was so in love with her, I'd love her in secret and get satisfied just by our current relationship, being already a huge honor for me.

Then she knew someone, fell in love, left me.

If only I had the courage to come up to her and tell her my feelings, maybe she would have accepted them.

Maybe.

I don't think that now that they're getting married she would have ever accepted them.

But well, I already know.

I don't deserve her. I never did.

I was.. just a simple person. I was -and am- a boring person. I never did something to deserve her.

I just.. limited myself to watch her from afar and protect her from that distance. And when he came to her, I eventually stopped. I had to understand my place, I was becoming nobody to her and it was okay just like that. I was nothing after all.

She deserved to be happy, so I shouldn't obstaculate her way to her happiness. 

I mustn't think about that either.

She was my world, I should let her go already, I can't stay like this forever. 

I'm happy for her, I'm truly happy for her. I'm glad she found someone who would protect her for the rest of her life, who can make her smile at her full. Who can touch her in the most delicious way. Who can freely hang out with her and be freely lovey dovey without anyone staring weirdly at them. Who can have a public relationship. Who can have her love and own her the way I could never do, because she won't -luckily- let me.

She wouldn't let me touch her more than a certain limit.

She wouldn't let me gift her anything too intimate.

She wouldn't let me do anything for her.

She wouldn't let me talk about my feelings.

She wouldn't let me love her.

I don't know if she wasn't because she didn't want to hurt me or to make things more complicated. And if her intention was the former, I can assure her that I got hurt anyway.

And I'm thankful for her not letting me doing those things. I would have wanted more if I did.

I started outdistancing myself from her when they made a year together, I was just a weight anyway.

My heart was broken, I couldn't talk to her, nor see her because it would hurt too much.

She would have talked about him all the time if I met her, so I avoided doing so.

It has been hard for a year, but luckily our contract expired and I didn't waste any time in going away.

Whee In and Hyejin were sad and bid me at the airport, crying even.

I wished them the best luck for their solo careers and the trio with her.

They asked me why I was going away, but I felt suffocated by that question, I just told them a white lie.

I've been away for 4 years, pursuing my music school in Europe.

I avoided contacting her as much as I could.

Then a day a special mail popped up in my box. It was an invitation to her wedding.

My heart shattered a bit when I saw that. Of course, what did you expect after 6 years of relationship? It's not like they're gonna be young and free forever, obviously they would have got to marriage sooner or later.

I don't even know what are my feeling for this. I've been blank for 2 days before accepting the invite.

Why wouldn't I go after all? Maybe she would be sad if I didn't. Maybe. I'm not sure, I don't know for how long I've been nothing to her to erase what we were before.

I hate myself for not being able to cancel that. I've been stuck on a point since then. I'm between being nothing to her and her being everything to me.

I'm a bit sick of that. Again, I should move on, I should find someone for myself, who's able to recollect me from the pieces on the floor. I should definitely let her go. I'm going there for this purpose.

If she wasn't so beautiful.

Back to the present where I'm at the party and staring to a certain brunette bride, looking awesomely fine.

How did she even got more beautiful in these years? I just got older.

Or at least I hope that my black suit makes me look younger than I am.

She became an affirmed star here, she is now known for her incredible voice.

There are unexpectedly lots of people here, I thought she wasn't the type to invite so many people to her wedding. I guess she changed.

I had a short chat with Whee In and Hyejin and our previoius manager, talking about what I have been doing and them as well.

I still didn't talk to her. I'm a bit scared actually. Will I crush when she'll be in front of me? Will I be able to keep a not-so-awkward conversation with her? I have been avoiding her with all my forces, I don't know what to say to even break the ice.

Can't I just stay here and stare at her? Just looking at her makes me let her go anyway, it's pointless talking with her. It would just shatter my heart more than necessary.

Then my presence here is useless. I've already served myself at the buffet, watched the cerimony, listened to his speech and saw them dancing, I guess I'm free to go.

Let's head outside, I'm starting to feel suffocated here.

I think I should leave my wedding present somewhere, I'll just hand it to the waiters.

So the exit should be this way here-

I felt a hand on my shoulder stopping me.

I turned around and .

Why has she to be like this?

Seeing her so close is another story in comparison to distance, I can see the freaking details of her face. She got older too, but the make up it's hiding it well.

"Are you going away?"

Even her voice changed. Or maybe it's just me.

"Ehm... yes, I need to go back at the hotel, did you need anything?"

Wow, very cold, very formal, perfect Moon Byul Yi. Just perfect.

"I was just... hoping we could talk a bit."

Talking? Since when you want to talk? 

"Ahm... can we do this quickly? I don't have much time.."

Wow Moon Byul Yi, again the perfect demonstration of what I usually call a motherer.

"Ah... Yeah, I guess you're busy. I just wanted to know how you've been doing and apologise for how I treated you 5 years ago. I eventually acted like you didn't exist because I... was too focused on him. I'm truly sorry for that. I felt so guilty when you went away, I wished I could have spent more time with you..."

I ing went away to stay away from you. You and your -now- husband. You and my feelings for you.

"I'm doing just fine. And don't worry, I understood your situation back then, but I had to go away to follow my dreams."

"I thought your dreams were to be with Mamamoo until 40?"

"I found my real dream"

"Ah... well sorry for wasting your time, you may go now. Have a lovely trip here."

"Yeah, I should go now.."

She was going away. I ed up, but I need to officially let her go.

"Yongsun!"

She stopped her tracks but did not turn to watch me. I guess this is our goodbye after all.

"Yes Byul?"

, I need to say this.

"I'm sorry. You look perfect in that, as always. I'm happy for you, I hope you have a happy married life. And Yongsun.."

She now turned to watch me, her eyes were a bit wide, like she was really waiting for me to continue.

"Yes?"

Now here we go. Destroy me.

"I love you."

I walked away before she could answer.

I didn't need her answer, I was finally able to let her go. I guess that now it's my turn to find someone right?

Or at least I would be happy to find someone.

If my tears are of any indication.