ship: jibo, suayeon
angst, implied death
They all first met on wonderland-green grass, silver dewdrops sprinkled in the meadow like stardust, flowers waving at the rapture-blue sky as the winds passed through and touched their petals, the pinks of the cherry blossoms swirling like a beautiful mini tornado but Bora only saw bright blonde tips of hair that falls into Minji’s face, her equally bright smile filling her heart with warmth, shining hopeful eyes staring into her soul with kindness and acceptance. Bora only cherished the image of the ebony black strands of Siyeon’s hair, only recalls the curve of her perfect shaped lips as their eyes met and the mischief playing behind her eyelids.
Then came the pillow clouds of spring gliding slowly across the sky, carrying airy, warm, drizzling rain that banished the cold of winter and bringing to her Minji’s delight that cleansed Bora’s soul, that ignited Siyeon’s string of laughter that painted a genuine smile on Bora’s lips.
Bora met Minji and Siyeon on a season of beginnings.
Bora soon had to end a beginning.
At seventeen, Siyeon was edgy leather jackets and smokey eyes and the sound of strung electric guitars blasting from tattered earphones but while people thought of her as winter and wolves, Bora knows Lee Siyeon was summer and beaches.
Siyeon was summer in the way her laughter rings. A melody Bora would always crave for that fuels the erratic beating of her heart every time it reaches her ears. Siyeon would smile when Bora would tell her this, as though she knows but she doesn’t because Bora would walk barefoot on scorching hot sands and beaches but Siyeon only smiles and Bora cherishes her smiles anyways.
Minji, despite her bright blinding self, Bora could compare to the autumn fall.
She was the nostalgia that clings on Bora’s chest because like the autumn fall, Minji was the beautiful sunset skies she takes for granted. Minji was the ground that catches the falling leaves, much as how she embraces Bora after every heart aches and meltdowns and Minji was watching the world preparing for its sleep from a cozy café, fingers intertwined as a small spark of hope crawls through Bora’s being.
At seventeen, Minji loved Bora despite but Bora only liked her because.
At eighteen, Bora liked Minji because Minji didn’t ask questions.
Minji was a saint–or at least that’s how Bora could accurately describe Minji and what she’d done for her. She was the personification of a martyr and it sends echoes of guilt inside Bora but Bora was selfish and she only wanted Siyeon’s lips that caresses her skin, Bora was blind that she could only see the dark depths of Siyeon’s dark eyes and she’s intoxicated on the sound of Siyeon’s meaningless whispers and Bora pretends to not see the pained smile Minji likes to call happy and genuine and she pretends be oblivious to the tremble on Minji’s fingertips every time their hands are clasped together because she knows and Bora doesn’t care that she knows because Minji loves her and only her and Bora would let her if it means she won’t be losing any of her.
Bora was selfish and despite having Minji and her heart, Bora could only want Siyeon and her everything.
“You’re a saint, Bora,” Siyeon smiles, a short exhale of relief escaping her lips before she puts an arm around Bora, a somehow act of gratefulness because Bora understood and Bora didn’t ask any questions.
Bora couldn’t ask any questions.
She couldn’t mutter a single word when she saw Siyeon pressed on another girl’s warmth, lips capturing soft white skin and eyes dark as their eyes meet.
Bora didn’t understand but she understood that Siyeon didn’t want her. Siyeon doesn’t need her the same way she does and she should’ve known, Bora should’ve known because Siyeon was summer and Siyeon was beaches and she was sweaty girls dancing through the night and she must’ve tasted a hundred tastes from cold drinks of cider to cherry and red lips and really, Bora should’ve known better.
Bora herself is winter.
Unlike Minji who was warm and welcoming, Bora didn’t have any other friends. She was cold and distant and there wasn’t any point to pretending to be one. Bora, like how the winter mercilessly freezes those who stands against it, she doesn’t care about anyone she thinks isn’t worth it.
Unlike Siyeon’s spontaneity, Bora was stagnant and numb. She was stubborn ideals and philosophies. She was the unrelenting cold that bites because Bora would get anything she wants in any means because she was the avalanche that tears everything apart.
Or at least she used to be.
Siyeon left on the season of beginnings, a bird let out of her cage, singing in joy and victory and the world was her stage, a million people looking up at her beautiful figure and as her silhouette grew dimmer and dimmer, her hands unreachable, her love unattainable, Bora breaks down under drizzling rain, its drops heavy on her shoulders and as she silently cries her heart out in the middle of the meadow that used to be their sacred place, a shadow looms above her.
Minji stands with that pained smile still painted on her lips, her eyes far away and guarded but her presence brings her a surge of warmth, of comfort, of pure vulnerability and acceptance and it eats at her. It eats at Bora because Minji was perfect and everything but Bora doesn’t want her anything.
Bora lets her leave without any words, any cry, without anything.
At twenty eight they met again, Siyeon sitting at the opposite side of the table of the café where Minji used to bring Bora. Siyeon was sitting in front of her but her eyes were flitting throughout the room, eyes scanning for yellow bright hair to pop out and put on her smile, for Minji to give them the warmth they both always need but Siyeon doesn’t look for Minji with her and she’s met with pained dark eyes that she used to only see on Minji.
Siyeon sends her those pained smiles Bora used to ignore and Bora misses those fingers intertwining with her that she used to take for granted.
Siyeon tells her she missed her chance of goodbye.
Red and orange bleeds through the sky as the sun starts to hide from the world. Bora clutches the pink petals in her hand, waiting for the cold breeze of autumn to come before she spreads it through the wind.
Autumn fall ended a beginning but it also started one.
Siyeon was never hers and Bora was never Minji’s but maybe they were never meant to be or maybe it could’ve been better, there could’ve been a better end to their story but Bora was never one to slow down when enthralled and in the midst of life, she forgets.
Siyeon was summer sky blue and unattainable and maybe it was punishment, falling in love with someone who doesn’t love her for not loving someone who did.
Minji was autumn warm ground that takes and accepts but she’s gone and maybe it was a reminder, a reminder for only missing her when she’s gone.