ship: jiu x yoohyeon (jiyoo)
angst, implied suicide, death
The sky is a thick blanket of a dull gray, dark clouds looming and engulfing the radiance of the sun and hiding and eating its brilliance–it eats at her, her soul screaming, echoing, fading but she maintains a remnant of her smile and her eyes crinkles, trying to convey happiness, even when she’s only sadness.
There’s a shade that crawls into her whole being. There’s a darkness that pulls her, clawing at , suffocating.
A million times she feels and a million times she tries. Up ahead there that girl stands again, ash grey tips flowing through the wind and as silver moonlight bathes on her, she glows. Minji was happy she glowed.
- - -
i. her touch caresses your soul but yours can’t move her heart
Ebony feathers tickle her skin as the dress hugs her everything, fingers light on her as they trailed at the back of her neck, clasping the necklace of heavy diamond that weighs on her chest but all Minji could focus on was the electrifying caresses, her heart clenching every time, throat drying and it was an eternity of sweat rolling down the sides of her forehead before she could breathe. Yoohyeon turns her to face each other and her emotionless features were painful to see. Yoohyeon was painful to see.
“All done, princess,” she says with such bitterness, something sharp in her tone and it aches.
Minji absentmindedly traces the curvy spikes of the sun that’s engraved on the ring forever locked on her own fingers, teeth biting her inner cheeks in frustration and in concentration. Yoohyeon’s silver eyes never meets hers, her warmth ceasing to exist–without her Minji felt numb and nothing.
But here she stands, a few touches closer but a million hearts away.
“I apologize for everything.”
ii. she is your universe but you’re not even a speck of dust
“Cut it,” Yoohyeon deadpans, fist subtly clenching but Minji notices.
Minji notices and she feels her heart sink at the bottom of her stomach, she feels a crown of thorns growing inside her chest, feels water drowning her lungs because it’s suddenly hard to breathe, she’s suddenly falling into a dark pit as the light goes dimmer and dimmer. She swallows a choked cry.
“I’m your soulmate,” she starts and Yoohyeon cuts her off with a look.
“I don’t know you.”
I don’t know you.
Yoohyeon doesn’t know her but Minji could remember everything about Yoohyeon, from her smile and the silver light that always engulfed her in Minji’s dreams to the bitter cold bite from her lips from a million lifetimes.
I don’t know you.
Minji knows her.
iii. you tell her you love her and you mean it
“Thanks," she mutters as Minji hands her some of her luggage, a bright smile painted on her lips and Minji’s heart somehow skipped a beat or some.
It could’ve been a bright start to her morning but the small chatter from the people at the train station reminds her of why she’s there and that Yoohyeon was leaving – desperation suddenly gripping Minji, the click of the station clock suddenly ringing in her ears. Loud from the speakers they’re told to step away from the platform edges as the train draws closer, the floor vibrating as gentle winds flow past them before it gets stronger and stronger, ruffling her clothes and then becoming gentler again as the train slows into a stop in front of them.
Yoohyeon gives her another grateful smile before turning to the opened doors, footsteps echoing in Minji’s ears and without thinking she grabs Yoohyeon’s wrist.
Their eyes meet for a brief second that seemed like an infinity, Minji’s full of emotions and buried frustrations of every cries from every year, every timeline but Yoohyeon’s just looking back with confusion written all over her face.
“I love you.”
iv. she tells you she doesn’t and she means it
Soft fingers pries Minji’s hand away and she grasps on air as Yoohyeon takes a step back, lips pressed into a thin line as she looks at Minji apologetically and as the doors starts to close, Yoohyeon tells her with conviction laced in her soft whisper.
v. time and time and time and time – youjustwantthemoonthatlovedyoubackbefore
Memories coursing in her mind curses her, words from that moment flooding her with a painful nostalgia that always brings her to tears, of regrets, of maybes, of whys. Every time, she knows that she should take it but sometimes Minji couldn’t. Sometimes she couldn’t wait for another decade to pass by of watching her smile, watching her love and watching her hope with someone else.
So she stands there for a few more minutes, ears straining for the gentle sound an approaching train first brings, for the wind that gets stronger along with the vibrations and as she’s asked to step away from the platform edges, she edges even closer.
She takes a step forward and as she closes her eyes and lets herself fall, she thinks maybe just maybe, in another lifetime they can be.
- - -
Once upon a time there exists the sun and the moon, intertwined and together, but not always forever.
Minji has her tattooed on her shoulders, Yoohyeon’s name permanently inked an embedded as it hugs a crescent silver moon and everything was amazing until it wasn’t, they were beautiful until they’re not. Yoohyeon stands there, smiley faced as she shows Minji the star that brings her joy and comfort and Minji wanted to burn them but she didn’t want to burn Yoohyeon’s dreams. Minji wanted to keep her engulfed in the bright sky where only she could see her but Yoohyeon deserved to shine brightly, beautifully.
This was the story of how the sun loved the moon so much that she died for her to breathe and even if a thousand million years she’d regret it later, she swore it would be okay because it was worth it.
A million times she feels and a million times she tries. Up ahead there Yoohyeon sits idly, someone leaning into her and she bites back a smile that no sooner ends up spreading on her face.
Somewhere out Minji stares at the diffused light of the darkening sky, the sun disappearing and as the moonlight starts to shine, she’s reminded of memories that will only be memories because she’s no longer Yoohyeon’s only star, she was just the sun that she couldn’t remember and as Minji sees Yoohyeon smiling and breathing and loving, she’s reminded that it’s worth it.
Yoohyeon is always worth it.