Hongbin hates crying. Actually, he hates most forms of emotional expression, especially if they’re done loudly.

And yet here he is, unable to hold himself back.

He stands up from his seat with wobbly legs, the tears in his eyes making it hard to see his surroundings. He shuffles towards the corridor the doctors told them not to follow them to and he can feel Wonshik's gaze on his back, but he doesn’t care. He knows Wonshik is too numb to follow him and drag him back right now, but even if he tried, Hongbin would tear himself out of his grip, shake him off and keep stumbling forward.

There is no one on the corridor and he falters after a few steps when he sees how empty it is, compared to the crowded waiting room. His shoulder hits the wall as his strength seeps out of him and he leans against it with his back, finding himself sitting on the floor after a moment. He hugs his knees to his chest and buries his face in his arms, muffling his sobs.

Hakyeon is his everything. Was. He still is. He was there every time the whole world came crushing down around Hongbin, if not physically, then he was there on the phone with him, in their private chatroom, or, simply, in Hongbin's head, murmuring words of comfort and listing all the good things about Hongbin. He never believed Hakyeon, never accepted his praising words, but they felt like balm on his wounds, like a charm that—if he repeated those words in his head on and on—could help him stand up and go on.

Hakyeon is not doing that now. He’s lying on bloody bedsheets now with his eyes closed and he is not talking, he is not holding Hongbin's head to his chest and not caressing his hair and not trying to soothe him. He is letting Hongbin down. He has left him like one would leave an unwanted child in the church porch, hoping someone will find him before he freezes to death.

He hates Hakyeon. He wants to tell Hakyeon he hates him and he wants Hakyeon to listen, to about it, to realize Hongbin is just being dramatic and lying to him. He wants to go and find Taekwoon, wherever he might ing be right now, and tell him to wake Hakyeon so Hongbin can yell at him.

He wants Hakyeon to come back for him and lift him up from the floor, telling him it’s too cold and dirty.

Hakyeon won’t come, no matter how much Hongbin wants him to.