"Of all nights to make me walk out into the cold, it had to be the coldest night” You thought to yourself as you walked through the parking lot clinging on to your arms to shield yourself from the bitter wind. Your high heels clicked and clacked on the cold concrete lit up only slightly by the streetlights overhead.  

“Ya! Y/N!” someone behind you called out enthusiastically.

You whip around to find Taehyung stepping out of a black sedan in the distance, then walking as if he were fast walking from a tsunami. A sharp gust of wind blew the hood off his head and revealed his light brown hair and the black headband around his forehead. “Of course.” You thought to yourself. V quickly put his hood back on and cursed under his breath. You could see Jungkook and Jin staggering out of the car behind him struggling to keep their footing. Taehyung darted ahead of them to catch up with you.

“Aish! It’s so cold out here!” Tae exclaimed as he caught up to you and matched your pace. “The wind will probably pick me up and blow me into someone’s bushes!”

You let out a laugh muffled by the scarf wrapped around your face. You could clearly hear the annoyance in his voice. His face scrunched up into a frown and his steps very deliberate and forceful. This is a side of him that stands in direct contrast to the cute bubbly persona he is usually portrayed as in front of the public. He is still a bubbly person off camera, however, it is refreshing to see the dark side. When you saw Taehyung express the more negative side of his emotions, it drew you closer to him as a person and as a human being. Despite his ireful expression, you could tell he was feeling better than before.

Face still scrunched up as he took long strides towards the apartment building, he bit his lip and looked over at you. Something about the way he looked at you sometimes made your stomach flutter. You hated that feeling. It was painful and only occurs when you’re with Tae. However, you’ve been trying to swallow such feelings for the sake of your friendship and his career.  

“I feel you, man.” You replied trying not to stare at Tae’s look of raw vulnerability. “If it wasn’t for the incomparably delicious food, I don’t know…” You looked down at your feet to try and avoid his gaze.

“Yeah, the food at Jessica’s Christmas parties never disappoints, but there’s always a cost.” Tae said.

“Yeah, remember last time when she had us playing charades and she only chose the uncomfortably ual words to act out.” You laughed.

Tae let out a bellowing laugh. “Yeah, that was classic. Then remember how her white curtains got dowsed with red wine!?”

“Do you remember who did that?” You asked.

“Namjoon hyung.”

You both laughed in unison as you reached the back door to Jessica’s apartment building. Tae bowed in jest as he opened the door for you and you made your way inside Jessica’s apartment building bowing back at him and smiling. Jin and Jungkook, who were being oddly silent, followed after. Everyone stopped in the lobby for a moment to warm up.

“Y/N, how have you been?” Jungkook asked quietly.

You were taken aback because Jungkook never initiates conversation. He’s usually a quiet little fly on the wall who lingers near V and laughs at the jokes you make on occasion.

“Before coming here, I ordered some chicken nuggets and they gave me more than I ordered so I’m doing great!”

Tae and Jungkook laughed loudly and Jin smiled and rolled his eyes knowing that was just something you would say.

“And you didn’t bring any back for me?!” Tae exclaimed.

“Yeah, where’s my chicken, man?” Jin bellowed jokingly.

“You guys, especially you Tae, know that I never share food. So,….”

You all began to climb the stairs together with Taehyung slightly ahead of you with Jin and Jungkook behind. As you began your ascent, you suddenly lost your footing on the fourth step and felt your foot suddenly twist to a weird position. You could feel the pain in your ankle as you struggled to keep yourself upright.

“Woah, woah!” the boys all yelled as they put their hands up to catch your fall.

Taehyung lunged backwards with the quickness of lightening to catch you. In the blink of an eye he had one hand on your back and the other gripping your upper arm. His body was suddenly directly in front of yours. You could feel his breath on your cheeks. The distance between you two was practically non-existent.  You stared into his wide eyes for a split second and then pulled yourself away nervously.

“Are you okay?” Tae asked shakily. “Is your ankle okay? It looked like you twisted it. Do you want to sit down?”

“No, no. I’m fine! Thanks, Tae.” You smiled ignoring the slight pain in your ankle. Leave it to Tae to be more concerned than you are about your own health. His concern for others was always an admirable trait that you value so much in such a close friend.

“You sure?” Jin asked from behind you.

“Guys, I’m totally fine! Don’t worry about me, okay!” you insisted as your cheeks become flush with red. You began to feel bad about causing such concern.

As you continued to climb the stairway, you noticed Taehyung trailing slightly closer and a little behind you, discreetly watching your footsteps.

“Okay, since I’m the oldest, I’ll go in first.” Jin declared.

“Sir, yes sir.” Taehyung joked.

Jin knocked on the door and on the third knock Jessica immediately swung open the door. She stood at the doorway with a large smile and creepily wide eyes.

“Hello! Come in! Come in!” said Jessica with her eyes locked on Jungkook.

We all bowed to Jessica one by one as we trailed inside behind Jin. We removed our shoes and jackets in the mud room. Jessica stood waiting in front of us in a short black off the shoulder dress that gave the impression she was about to go to a night club. Her long red-ish brown hair fell to her waist and her skin glowed in the goldish orange light. Tae turned his back to Jessica and looked at you with wide eyes and a blatantly bizarre expression for a moment letting you know that he was painfully aware of the ordeal you all were about to endure. You smiled brightly attempting to hold back laughter.

“It’s so good to see you guys again!” Jessica exclaimed, again only focused on Jungkook. He responded with expressionless eyes and an awkward smile. Typical Jungkook.  

“Hoseok, Namjoon and Suga should be here soon. They had such busy schedules, but they will be here as soon as they can. Jimin can’t make it. He’s come down with something.” Jin said breaking the awkwardness in the room.

“That’s a pity! I’ll have to catch up with him later then.” Jessica said, then grabbed my arm and led me into the living room. Taehyung followed close behind giggling slightly to himself. He was enjoying this. “Please come in!” she bellowed.

As we walked in, we noticed about ten or twelve people strewn about with wine glasses full of red wine in hand. As you looked around the room, you noticed that there were now black drapes over the previously only white curtains and you left out a laugh.

“I know right?” Taehyung whispered with a wide smile. His deep voice resonated with you and almost made you shiver. “Looks like she was tired of our crap.” He continued. You two giggled to yourself so you don’t attract attention. “White drapes. You will be missed.” He whispered.  You giggled louder.

“What are you two over here giggling about?” Jin asked smiling.

“Aren’t they always giggling about something?” Jungook said after taking a sip of his wine. Taehyung whipped his head over to Jungkook and shot him a look.

“We were having a moment to commemorate the life of the white drapes that are no more.” Taehyung explained pretending to be frustrated.

“Don’t be so weird, Taehyung. I’m just trying to avoid Jessica right now so be cool” Jin murmured.

“It’s not being weird. It’s called being respectful towards a fallen comrade!” you joked.

“Hahahaha! Exactly, Y/N! And Hyung, just stay away from Jungkook. She’ll go wherever Jungook goes!” Tae laughed.

Just as he said that statement, Jessica had walked over to invite Jungkook to taste some of her homemade meat spread. As he walked away you and Taehyung made pretend sad faces at him and laughed. You felt kind of bad for letting Jungkook deal with Jessica on his own without backup, but he’s been through this with hundreds of girls, probably. He should maybe be okay…

As the night went on, you found yourself sitting on a couch with Tae catching up and connecting deeply as usual. It’s the first time you’ve actually seen him in a month. He confided in you about his depression and how he kept feeling like the boys were ignoring him. Taehyung feels feelings deeply and overwhelmingly so he always needs someone to talk to him or just hang out with him at the end of the day or just, like, whenever. Though Jungkook has been supportive of him, he said he felt guilty about dumping his troubles onto him because of how hard he works and how exhausted he is with his own life troubles. Jungkook is also very introverted and prefers to spend his down time alone practicing his guitar and drawing. And Namjoon often shoos Tae away because he’s too tired and annoyed by Tae’s constant state of play. That’s where you come in. Almost every night you’d find yourself swapping memes and funny moments from comics and anime over text. It became so routine that you started to look forward to it. He would always send you the oddest memes and say the oddest things that were always so immature and hilarious. You and him have been friends for long enough that you’ve just become accustomed to his odd mannerisms. Like when he sends you snapchats of him making weird faces from different angles, or drawing stuff on his hands and pretending to be a puppet, or when he went to Hawaii and sent you a video of him trying to hula dance while making a funny face, or when he sent a video of just gibberish noises. Frankly, you found it the best part of your day. After a day of severity and seriousness at work, it’s so nice to see someone not afraid to look silly. It always made you feel so warm and happy to see him being so silly and excited. God knows you needed it too. You have been having some depressive episodes lately and, whether he knew it or not, Tae was your only real comfort. Of course you do send silly photos back. Your favorite of which was the hilariously unflattering multiple chin photo you sent that made him crack up for days. None of his myriad of other friends and not even some of his bandmates saw the conversations you’ve had and the myriad of inside jokes you’ve accumulated. To you, he was like that weirdly eccentric friend you have in high school that you didn’t realize you need so badly.

“I’ll be right back.” Taehyung said suddenly. He then stood up and headed towards the kitchen.

As you peered around the room, you could see the other boys had arrived and dispersed around the room. Suga sitting in a corner on his phone, Namjoon talking enthusiastically perhaps sharing his extensive knowledge about something, and Jungkook sticking close to J Hope while he talked to Jessica and now Taehyung who was returning to the couch with a plate full of food.

 “Hey, I brought you some stuff to eat because I didn’t want you to have to get up.” Tae said while carefully placing the plate into your lap.

“Thank you, Tae! You’re so awesome!” you cooed. “You know, you can go hang out with some other people if you like! I heard that girl over there, Seung, has had a successful debut. Do you wanna go ask her about it?”

“Well, I actually,..well  I would actually prefer-“ Tae stuttered in a low deep voice as he looked at his feet.

“Wassup Tae?” said Mark cutting Tae off as he approached us and sat down next to us on the couch. Tae looked visibly frustrated at first but smiled at Mark as he sat down.

“Hey, hyung! Nothing really. Saw the new album. It was awesome!”

“Thanks.”

“Hey so how is-“

“Excuse me everyone!” Jessica interrupted. “I’d like to make a toast!” Jessica cleared . “It has been a long year at Big Hit and me and my fellow artists have been through a lot, but I wanted to make this toast to wish us the happiest New Year and good health. I also want to congratulate BTS for an overwhelmingly successful debut in the US. I wish you all the best of opportunities and to be open to new opportunities that are right in front of you!” And there it was.

“Wow.” You whispered to Tae as you failed to hide your laugher.

And with that, everyone rose their glasses and drank. Except for you and Tae who had no wine glasses so you improvised and made a toast with imaginary glasses.

“Oh no. I spilled mine!” Tae joked as he raised his fists to the sky and pretended to curse the wind.

“Hahaaha! You’re too much!” You laughed.

Tae smiled. Then his smiled faded and he sank into the couch.

Towards the end of the party, you could feel Tae beginning to grow quiet. You were worried something was wrong with him but was scared to ask because the night was going so well otherwise. The other boys went ahead as Tae stayed behind to walk you to the door. You stopped at the front door and watched the other boys pile into a black car.

“I will wait with you until your ride arrives, okay?” Tae smiled uneasily.

“Are you sure? You really don’t have to.”

Tae didn’t reply but left an awkward silence leaving you to assume he was mad at you or something. Did you say something wrong or forget something? Is he thinking about something else? You tried to think of something to say to help him feel better, but you didn’t know what was wrong. Then Tae suddenly broke the silence.

“Hey remember that time I accidentally broke my father’s watch?”

“Yeah? I remember you telling me how upset you were about it.”

“Then you had it fixed for my birthday?”

“Yeah, I remember. I had to make Jimin go incognito into your room to steal it for me! Haha! But of course he did a terrible job and left traces. I had to straight up cover for his sloppy work!” You also remembered how tightly Tae hugged you after you gave the watch to him and the way he looked into your eyes. It made you so nervous just to think about it - to think about the fact that despite being good friends, you enjoyed it. So much.

Taehyung paused for a moment while looking straight ahead.

“Why do you ask, Tae?”

“No reason.” And he paused once again. Then there was an awkward silence for a while. You began to grow uncomfortable and apprehensive. There must be something wrong with him. It pained you to think something could be wrong with him.

“Hey, is something going on?” you started shakily. “You can tell me anything! As always!”

Then Tae looked over at you with that vulnerable look similar to before. He looked like he was trying to express an emotion but was utilizing every fiber in his being to suppress it. Then suddenly, and completely out of the blue, he turned to you, grabbed your shoulders, looked over you to see if the boys were looking and pulled you away from the windows and doors to a corner of the lobby. He placed his arms up against the wall around your head. You grew hot and could feel the blood rushing to your cheeks in an instant. You were overwhelmed with emotion.

“Tae? What-“

Tae just looked down at his feet, and then looked back up into your eyes with that look that you’d only seen him do in photo shoots. He had a lovingly desperate look in his eyes. You have never seen this side of him.

“I’m sorry. I just. I know I will get in trouble for this, but I just feel... Ugh.” He grunted as he slammed his fist against the wall.

You winced and replied with stunned silence.

“Do you trust me?” he asked in a deep, quiet voice. You nodded nervously. Suddenly, Tae drew closer to you. You could feel his deep soft breaths on your cheeks. He drew even closer and rested his forehead against yours. His black headband brushed against your forehead. You began to feel your body grow ever warmer as you stared directly into his eyes. His face was so y and inviting and he bit his lower lip. Your heart began to beat out of your chest.

“What about- The boys, what will they think? What about your career?” you whispered.

“There’s one important thing to know about me and that’s I don’t like being told what to do.” Tae whispered back in that deep voice that drove you crazy. He stepped closer to you, bringing his body that much closer to yours. He smiled and slowly pressed his lips against yours. His hands still pressed up against the wall. You kissed him back and basked in his embrace.  What was happening to you! You who thought that Taehyung was doomed to only be your best friend forever have now accepted the fact that you were enjoying this.  So much.