HANBIN's PoV

(A/N: I'm using international age since the korean one is still very confusing for me)

Gonna be 37 just a couple of hours from now and my DM is being flooded with birthday wishes from fans and close friends. I switched my phone off and lay my back on my bed as i stare at the ceiling.

Instead of a party i'll be in a counseling tomorrow, a meeting i have once in a while with my psychiatrist. It's been four years since iKon's disbandment and i was happy we closed our curtains while everyone was still clapping for us. I was that team's leader for more than 16 years that we've been active, minus those times that weren't documented in any reality show. And those years were the happiest of my life. I got to sing on the biggest stage a performer can ever set his foot on, travelled the world, provided for my family while doing the thing i love the most and spent my youth and my early thirties with my members i consider as my real brothers. And most importantly, i met Lisa.

I was 15 and it was my 3rd month as a YG trainee in April when a girl with really short hair and petite frame walked inside the practice room. Everybody could sense her nervousness as she walk behind Yang Hyun Suk who introduced her to us himself. With a proud smirk he said and i qoute "This is Lisa and she's from Thailand Out of all the participants who joined last year's auditions she was the only one to pass and was able to train with us here. Take a good care of her."

Some were at awe and some were just laughing at her appearance, not that she's ugly. It was just unusual to see a girl who doesn't look like a girl at all. Jennie - the only one who was fluent in english except for Bobby hyung approached the new girl first after sajangnim left the room. They became friends which naturally ended up us all of us hanging out together and being friends since Jennie is pretty close to us and there weren't really a lot of trainees that time. Back then there was really no rule against male and female trainees eating and practicing together.

I was a year older than her and though i always deny it, my heart flutters everytime she calls me oppa. Her cute korean speaking voice always makes me clutch my heart, an overreaction i cover with a poker face. She was the youngest whenever we hangout which consists of me, Jennie, Jinhwan hyung, Bobby hyung, Jisoo noona and her.

They used to tease me about growing old alone considering how i value my family and debuting more than romance or even just flings. Lisa with her broken korean used to defend me saying nothing's wrong with that and how boys with characteristics like mine attracts girls more.

The mood was wonderful and we were all laughing and that night of September 27, 2011 i made a pact with her. Once she's thirty-five and i'm thirty-six and we're both single with no one in mind we will just marry each other and all our friends in the table were cheering for me, drunk in juice and the goofiness of the atmosphere. It was just a joke but our intertwined pinkies sealed our promise that would last forever. And secretly i hoped for the silliest things, like she'd suddenly develope athlete's foot bad enough for the other guys to avoid her til she's 35 and i can have her for myself. Silly.

2014. The hardest year for me and also for my members. We lost our chance to debut with the name Winner and my family was under turmoil.

I was tempted to just quit from the entertainment industry and focus on my mom and sister and also the problem my father has caused. It's been three years since i joined YGE and a lot has changed in those 3 years. Just like how Lisa's hair grow longer and how she grow up as a beautiful lady just before my eyes. She, together with my umma and Hanbyul has been the apple of my eyes since then. It was summer back in 2015 even though it could be stricingly hot at mornings for some reason it was really cold that night and Lisa sent me a text message telling me to meet her up at the playground near their dorm once her unnies are asleep.

I waited for 2 hours and she arrived before the clock could turn eleven. She used to have a darker skin tone but i guess staying at an insanely cold country turned her pale. I remove my coat and offered it to her which she gladly accepted, not before teasing me 'are you testing your charms on me?' she said and i remember smiling though i wanted to ask her if it was working. We sat in silence side by side on the swing for minutes. I can still clearly remember that night.

[FLASHBACK STARTS]

The night was quiet and the only noise was the odd sound of the swing as Lisa push herself gently. Smiling from ear to ear as if it was the happiest moment of her life. Just sitting there with me. I wish.

So..." i decided to open up the conversation but i just can't find the right words to say. Not when she's beside me and the moon is shinning brightly above us. Not when her beauty radiats even more as the cold wind blow against her face.

"You're surely debuting this time." she started. I could only nod, though i wasn't sure if she saw that. iKon from Mix&Match. A sure group with a sure place for me.

"You're gonna be a top star and everyone will love you." she continued. A lot has already said the same thing to me, but everything is different when it comes to Lisa. Even her hello is different and her compliments matter more than sajangnim's. I can't help but snicker at the thought.

"We dont even know, maybe this is the last time i'll be seeing you, this close." that made me snap my neck to her direction. She had a sad smile on. Different from what she had a while ago. Different with what she had all this years.

"You'll be very busy writing new songs and preparing for debut. And my vacation to Thailand this fall was already approved. My dad's still very pursuasive about me quiting this training. Maybe i'll be listening to him this time." she said as she close her eyes, slightly shivering from the cold.

"I'm telling you this because i like you. Silly right?" she chuckled and i was shook. I never imagine her liking me back. I only imagined her having an athlete's foot once so i'll have her for myself, and that was sillier.

"I dont really remember how it started but it's just suddenly i really wanted to be a part of your life, not just a dongsaeng you took care of during pre-debut. But someone who'll play a really big part in your life and maybe in your heart. But things has changed and i know it was impossible from the very beggining. You are Kim Hanbin and i'm just me. I just really needed to give myself a closure towards my unrequited feelings for you. I'm so sorry for inviting you this late just to blabber nonsense." she smiled shyly as her cheeks blushed in a shade of pink.

"So..... that was it! I really wish you all the best oppa! And of course the other oppas too and Junhoe.How about a goodnight hug?" she grinned as she open up her arms. Hugging was something not new to us, it was a korean thing she adapted and quickly did it to all of us. But i won't deny how my heart flutters with even just the simpliest skinship. I walk to her and gave her the tightest hug i ever did.

"I like you too. Very much and i'm sorry i didn't had the courage to admit my feelings first. I'm sorry i couldn't give you a wonderful confession just like those dramas you were gushing at with Chaeyoung." i said in a heartbeat. I was afraid that if i pause even just for a milli-second i'll stutter and spit out nonsense instead.

"W- wait!? Are- are you confessing??? To me?" she asked as she pull herself away from me just to look at me right in the eye, that night was her most beautiful, looking up to me with all the stars in her eyes and the moon shining above the two of us. As soon as she saw my sincerity she crack into a big smile and throw herself at me. Shouting things like 'Daebak' and 'Finally'.

Yes, finally.

[FLASHBACK ENDS]

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