i didn't know which version i liked better so i'm posting both sdljf

she knows she should feel something. 

they're calling her every name under the book, , , . and yet ... nothing.

it doesn't hurt her, it doesn't make her angry, it doesn't get any sort of reaction out of her.

"jimin-ah, you know you shouldn't read things like this ... you're none of those things, you know that right?"

jackson's pulling her into his chest, hugging her tightly, as if comforting her from the harsh words of irrational fans. not that she needs it.

"i know ... it's just hard to ignore them."

she fakes the hurt in her voice, fakes the little sniffle she does. so that she can feel less heartless, so that she can at least try and pretend like those words mean something to her.

but the truth is, they just don't. she reads the hateful comments and she laughs. because she knows she's untouchable, she knows that whatever they say they cannot change the fact that she still has every single one of those boys wrapped around her finger. 

still. 

she thinks it would be nice if she could at least feel a little. 

"don't worry, we'll cheer you up!"

she gives jackson a small smile as he pulls her away from where she was pressed against his chest. he beams back at her, and within a second, has his phone out and is dialing jinyoung's number. she knows the drill, knows that jinyoung will gather them all, and that they'll try and get her to smile. she's happy, probably. 

it doesn't take long before they're all there, gathered around her. youngjae is smiley and bright and she echoes his mirthful expression. jinyoung places a protective hand on her lower back. she hates being touched there, but lets him do so, lets him feel like he's protecting her from the world. she leans into his touch, just so that he knows she's okay. mark's a bit of a different story, and it took a while to find out just how he worked. but jimin had broken down the rest of the guys, she wouldn't stop until she had figured him out too. and she did. so when he looks at her, she doesn't smile, doesn't bother with pretending, just looks right back at him. it was strange, nothing else ever worked. maybe mark felt better knowing that she couldn't hide anything behind her eyes. he's wrong, but she'll let him find that out on his own. yugyeom needs signals a bit more obvious, jimin has to place a little kiss on his cheek just so he doesn't feel so anxious for her. 

"you're okay?" he asks, blushing still from when she gave him a little peck on the cheek.

she grins. "i'm fine now."

bambam just knows. whatever she was feeling, he always seemed to pick up on it. if she was honest it was a little creepy, but she's also grateful she doesn't have to bother with theatrics with him. he knows she's okay, because she's always okay. jackson, though seemingly unknowing and a little dense, was actually more perceptive than she would've given him credit. there are some lies he doesn't see through, and some that he does. jimin's not really lying this time, she really was okay. she was just never not-okay to begin with. 

and then there was jaebum, who seemed to know more about her than she herself did, and certainly more than the rest of the members did. but he doesn't say anything, doesn't let them know that she's really not as caring or as compassionate as she pretends she is. he's quiet, and it bugs her, it really does. he doesn't call her out, he doesn't demand the truth, he just sits there and watches. she hates it, she hates him. she knows she'll be going home with him tonight.

when her little cheer up party starts to thin out, jaebum lingers, the way he always does. he knows just how to get on her nerves. by the time the sun sets, it's just jimin and jaebum, and he looks at her with those eyes, the same eyes that haunt her, the same eyes she despises. 

"what?" she spits out, tired now, tired of him.

"oh? done with your little nice girl charade?"

she growls, and he merely laughs. 

this is always the part she hates the most, when he offers her his hand, and she can't do anything but take it, can't do anything but follow after him as he leads them back to his apartment. she hates the way he kisses her, so soft and full of love. it makes her knees weak, makes her want to escape. he knows every dirty little secret about her, but still carries her gently to his bed, touches her slow, treats her like a princess.

"i hate you." she says, late into the night, when they're both under the sheets and she has her back pressed into his chest.

"i know." he replies. and she knows he's smiling as he says this, the bastard.

"i wasn't even actually upset about all those messages."

"i know that too." he whispers this part, his breath against the back of her neck sending tingles up her spine. "you love it, don't you? the attention? the fact that you're on this side of the screen and they're on the other? you love knowing that they could never have us in the palm of your hand, like you do."

she huffs. he knows it means a yes. 

"and you love this, don't you? being the only one who knows who i really am? knowing that everyone else is in love with me but i only have eyes for you?"

he laughs. she knows it means a yes. 

this. 

this is why she doesn't feel a thing when people comment things about her that are designed to hurt. because she knows, she knows no matter how much they want it, they can never be where she is, they can never even hope to mean as much to the boys as much as she does. 

they only have enough space for one girl in their hearts, and unfortunately for everyone else, park jimin has filled that space, and always will.