TW: A word of warning to those delving into this 9th chapter. It's quite lengthy, and deals with much darker themes such as suicide. Please proceed carefully, and thank you for your patience.

 

Mina sleeps, and wakes, and remembers.

 

---

 

(On the night before Mina leaves, Sana is almost entirely too busy to notice the decision that she’s made, double checking plans and confirming reservations, even well into the darkness of the night. 

Still, she allows Mina to linger, her head resting against Sana’s back, the strong, steady beats of Sana’s heart long-etched into her mind.

“I think I’d like to get away from here,” Mina tells her, whispers almost lost in the fabric of Sana’s sweatshirt. Sana’s body jolts with a huff of laughter, momentarily distracted.

“And where would we go?” Even then, Sana sounds amused, reaching a free hand back to squeeze Mina’s knee. Even then, Sana says we instead of you , as if Mina couldn’t bear to go anywhere without her.

Mina couldn’t blame her. 

Mina could hardly even sleep without her.

Still, Mina says, giving the hand on her knee the faintest of squeezes. “Anywhere.” Anywhere but here.

“Go to sleep,” Sana urges, the smile in her voice unmissable. "And if you're serious about that, I'll talk to the rest of your staff about it, okay?"

Mina only hums, and doesn't tell her of the i's that she has dotted, the t's she has crossed. She noses against Sana's shoulder, closing her eyes. 

A coward's confession spills from . "I love you."

Sana pauses, and for a moment, Mina thinks Sana has unravelled her entire plan, all in the simple declaration of her words. "...I love you, too."

On the night before Mina leaves, it is hours before she feels Sana's familiar weight dipping in against her side, ever dutiful and ever diligent, even in the depths of her exhaustion. 

She feels the cursory touch against her pulse, the seconds counting down in her own mind before she feels the breath of Sana's contented sigh against her temple, the weight of her palm against her hip. Sana is warm, especially now, face tucked against the nape of Mina's neck.

On the night before Mina leaves, she falls asleep to the count of Sana's breaths, each numbering what could be the last moments Mina could have like this.

I love you , Mina thinks, shaking fingers lacing through the ones Sana has over her stomach. I'm sorry. 

On the morning that Mina leaves, Sana is in a hurry, having slept through her alarm after staying up to plan her anniversary. 

Still, in the whirlwind of activity, Sana takes a moment to take her hand and press a kiss to her forehead, murmuring that she would be back tomorrow for lunch.

Mina smiles, and nods, and relishes in the giddy smile Sana sends over her shoulder. 

The last smile she might see of hers, ever.

The sight is as chilling as it is reassuring, one that lingers with Mina as she spends the rest of the day tidying their home. 

She thinks of Sana, ever forgiving and ever understanding Sana, and thinks of the future she’ll pave ahead of her, untethered for the first time in her life. She thinks of Sana, and Miyeon, and knows that she will be leaving Sana in the hands of a woman who could love her better than Mina could ever dream.

Good , Mina nods to herself, straightening the last of the pictures on their bedside, thumb running over the edges of the frame, over the slant of Sana’s brilliant smile. She deserves the world.  

She leaves but a single letter on Sana’s pillow, and Mina wishes she could leave more than these words for the woman who has loved her so deeply it terrifies her.

It's never quite that simple, Mina thinks as she locks up their home, her worn leather duffle bag lying by her feet. 

She receives a barrage of emoji laden texts as she arrives at Jeongyeon's house, Mina almost smiling at the nerves and excitement she could feel even through the screen. 

Mina shoots her a reassuring text of her own, wishing her well on her anniversary, telling her again that she loves her.

When she raises her head, Jeongyeon weathers her with a look that drives a knife into her stomach. 

Sana doesn't reply for the rest of the night.)

 

---

 

(On the night that Mina leaves, Dahyun is already fast asleep.

It's a miracle Jeongyeon has let her into the house at all - even emptier now, with her photographs stripped from the walls. She deserves it, she knows. It doesn't hurt any less.

On the night that Mina leaves, Jeongyeon sits across from her at the kitchen table they had put together, the lukewarm coffee before her only growing colder with each second that passed between them.

Mina tries to keep her hands from shaking as it circles the mug, but she can't help but flinch when Jeongyeon speaks up, the knot in her stomach only twisting tighter.

Part of her wishes Jeongyeon would ask her to stay. 

Another knows she never would.

Never again.

"What are you doing here, Mina?" Jeongyeon regards her in the dim of the light, casting even darker shadows into the glacial stare her ex-wife has pinned her with. 

The tip of her slipper-clad foot taps against the side of the covered box Mina has set down by the head of the table. "What is all of this?"

Mina runs her thumbs along the rim of the cup, sorting through the jumble of words in . "I want to see Dahyun."

Jeongyeon's steely gaze only seems to harden, arms crossing before her chest. Mina wonders what she must think of her. Mina wonders if she ever even thinks of her. "Dahyun is already in bed."

"I know." Mina has already accepted that - the fact that the last she might see of her daughter is her beautiful, sleeping face. "I won't wake her. I just… want to see her before I go."

Jeongyeon looks almost as if she wants to ask, but thinks better of it, simply releasing a sigh and rising to her feet, nodding towards the open doorway. 

Mina abandons her untouched coffee, the box she takes back in her arms feeling only heavier as she follows Jeongyeon through the house that used to be her home.

Jeongyeon is gracious enough to grant her even a little time with their daughter, Dahyun’s anger and viciousness lost in the blanket of sleep that rests over her. 

Mina wishes resolving their issues would be as easy as easing the furrow in Dahyun's brow, would be as easy as the lingering kiss she presses to Dahyun's temple.

The box she sets at the foot of Dahyun’s bed feels heavier than it should, but Mina can't spare another minute to think about it, not with Jeongyeon's restless energy hovering in the doorway.

Mina knows she'll remember it for the rest of her days, the distrustful look in Jeongyeon's eyes - as if she was a stranger standing in a place she didn't belong.

This had been her home too, Mina wants to say. This had been her family, too.

The haunted look in Jeongyeon's eyes tells her it's not that simple.

As if anything between them had ever been simple.

"She doesn't want to see you anymore," Jeongyeon tells her eventually, when she’s led Mina through the dark hallways of a house that was no longer her home. 

In the same darkness, she’s unable to hide the hurt on her face, the same hurt she’d been unable to hide at the court building, the same hurt she’d been unable to hide when Jeongyeon had first presented her with the divorce papers. "And neither do I."

"Don't worry," Mina tells her, as if the last of her heart hadn't been crushed so violently under the soles of Jeongyeon's slipper clad feet. The key to the box clinks gently against the glass of the table in their foyer. "You won't have to anymore."

Mina leaves. 

Jeongyeon doesn't stop her this time.)

 

---

 

(On the night that Mina leaves, the cemetery is empty, the old grave keeper giving her a curt nod as she rolls through the looming gates.

The key in her hand feels as heavy as it always does, the gate ever icy under her touch, creaking as she slips inside. 

Momo’s smiling face greets her as she sinks to her knees before her grave, fingers tracing reverently over characters that have been weathered by her own touch. 

“Would you hate me if I joined you?” Mina whispers into the darkness that slithers over her shoulders, a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips. “I think you would kill me if I did.”

Momo’s eyes are warm, even now, as Mina plucks her portrait from its stand, her tears splashing onto the shimmering glass. She lets out a soft sob, curling into herself and pressing her forehead to the cool stone beneath her. 

“Please watch over them for me,” Mina breathes out, her mangled heart lodged firmly in , fingers aching as they squeeze around the sharp corners of Momo’s picture frame. “Wherever I go, I wouldn’t want you to follow.”

On the night that Mina leaves, the cemetery is empty, and Mina leaves with her heart even emptier, leaving the last of her pieces before a woman she would mourn, forever.)

 

---

 

(On the night that Mina leaves, she drives.

It was one of the few victories she had claimed for herself, standing before her friends, her family, with her heart thundering and a shiny new driver's licence in her hands. 

It feels centuries away, now, as Mina pulls into a dark spot on the top floor of the parking lot, her hands running slowly over the cool leather under her touch. 

She'll miss her car. Mina is sure of that, at least.

Mina takes another minute to sink into the plush of her seats, to breathe in the obnoxiously sweet scent of the air freshener Dahyun had picked out.

She can almost hear her, giggling in her booster seat as Mina croons along to the oldie station on the radio. If she closes her eyes, she can see Jeongyeon’s fond smile in the corner of her eye, coaxed into singing along by Dahyun’s enthusiastic please, please, please, Mama!  

Mina in a shuddering breath, resting her forehead against the top of her steering wheel, a watery smile on her face. Jeongyeon had always been the better singer.

Her hands are shaking as she brushes her tears away once more, the keychains dangling from her keyfob clinking together as tucks it into a pocket of her duffel bag. 

A fluffy white dog Dahyun had picked out when they were shooting abroad. 

A small penguin Sana had gifted her years ago.

She musters up another faltering smile. 

She was really going to miss her car.

The door shuts silently behind her, her bag hanging limply from her shoulder. 

Her reflection, too, is mute. 

Mina wonders absently if anyone will recognise her, donning a plain black cap as she steps into the elevator, hiding away behind a simple black mask. It’s a feeble disguise, Mina knows, but she’s arrived hidden and unannounced, without Sana by her side like she usually is.

The last time she’d been at the airport, she’d been returning from her final shooting location, ears ringing with her fan’s cries as she accepted their gifts. 

It feels strange now, wading through the sleepy crowds catching late night flights without her usual wall of guards, without her hand tucked safely into Sana's.

Mina finds herself standing before the board of departing flights, her hand tugging absently at the strap of her bag as the destinations flicker before her eyes. 

Maybe Hawaii would be nice at this time of year.

"Didn't think I'd see you around." Mina's watch flashes in warning at the sudden spike of her heart rate. She turns her head slowly despite her surprise, eyes landing on the side of Doctor Im's face, nonchalant as she checks on her own watch. "Mystery schedule?"

"Nayeon," Mina greets, but doesn't answer, her hand tightening around the leather beneath her fingers. She casts a nervous glance about, wondering if anyone could recognize her if Nayeon had done so so easily.

"I recognized your keychain," Nayeon speaks again, her hand dropping to rest on the handle of her suitcase, an easy smile crossing her face. "Who else would keep my ty handmade Iron Man on their three-thousand dollar bag?"

Mina can't help the laugh that tumbles past her lips, her shoulders sinking in relief as her hand drops to the carefully painted clump hanging off her duffle. 

Nayeon had wanted to throw it away, the fruits of her labour after helping Mina babysit Dahyun, but Mina had insisted on keeping it. 

"He'll protect me, right?" Mina had smiled, bright and teasing, laughing at the soft flush of Nayeon's cheeks.

"Sure," Nayeon had agreed gruffly, cheeks as red as the acrylic paint that stained her hands. "He'll protect you."

"He's kept me safe so far," Mina hums, thumb running over the misshapen mask of Nayeon's favourite hero. Nayeon shakes her head with a fond smile of her own, Mina's eyes dropping to the briefcase in her other hand. "Work trip?"

"One of those conferences I can't wiggle out of," Nayeon sighs out, finally meeting Mina's gaze and giving her a playful glare. "I guess I have your dad to thank for that."

"Sorry." Nayeon joins her in her laughter, and Mina wonders if she can bear to be selfish, just one more time. She squeezes her hand around the worried leather of her bag, swallowing down the worry in . "Hey Nayeon, can I ask for a favour?"

On the night Mina leaves, she makes a choice.

On the night Mina leaves, the universe reminds her that she's not as alone as she feels.)

 

---

 

(Nayeon makes for quiet company, Mina learns, settling easily into medical journals and poetry books and new shows in the lengthy handful of hours they get to spend together on their flight. 

There is a vibrant energy in her every action, in the way she reaches for Mina’s hand across their dividers during patches of turbulence, in the way she tugs on Mina’s sleeve when she finds notable tidbits in the journals she’s reading. 

It is an easy distraction, one that keeps Mina from sinking into the grips of her terrifying thoughts, Nayeon’s easy smile and knowing eyes a comfort, even in her moment of loss.

“You’re not going to ask?” Mina’s voice is low when she speaks for the first time during the flight, regarding Nayeon in the static darkness of the business class aeroplane cabin. Nayeon turns her head to meet her gaze, eyes swimming with words and questions Mina knows she’s begging to ask.

Only, she doesn’t.

Nayeon only gives her hand, still cradled loosely in her grasp, a light squeeze, refusing to look away even as Mina’s eyes threaten to spill with fresh tears. Her voice is quiet, almost sleepy, but free of judgement, soothing Mina’s trembling grip with the steadiness of her own. 

“I won’t ask if you won’t tell me.” Nayeon is quiet, and patient, reaching over with her free hand to tug the blanket higher over Mina’s shoulders. 

Mina knows she hardly deserves it, the warmth and care that Nayeon is showing her in that moment, but the look in Nayeon’s eye keeps shut. In the next shuddering breath Mina takes, Nayeon smiles, painted with warmth. With sadness. “I’ll be here as long as you’ll have me. Get some sleep.”

Nayeon reclines into the comforts of her own seat, then, mirroring the weary sorrow in Mina’s shoulders as she gives her hand one final squeeze. In the static darkness of the aeroplane cabin, Mina finds hope in a friend, and a hand that holds hers, even through the night.

Mina supposes she’s thankful for that, too.)

 

---

 

("I'm home!" 

Her voice bounces off the picture-laden walls, the expectant smile on her face softening into a fond grin as she sets her keys into the empty bowl by their doorway. She carefully steps out of her shoes, her overnight bag slipping soundless to the floor as Sana creeps through their quiet home. It’s tidier than when she’d hurried out the morning before, with everything as it should be.

"Mina," She calls gently, knowing the younger woman must be enjoying the warm sunshine with an afternoon nap. Sana loathes to wake her, but if the spotless state of their kitchen said anything, Mina surely hasn’t eaten anything yet. "Mitan?"

Sana's brow furrows as she receives no response, straightening once she reaches their bedroom, eyes drinking in the sight of a well-made bed and the single folded page, propped carefully atop her pillow. Mina’s words echo in her mind, then. I think I’d like to get away from here.

She almost tears the paper in her haste, collapsing to her knees by the side of their bed, hissing as her own tears soak into the page and muddle the crisp characters written before her. It’s almost as if she’s awoken from the greatest dream of her life and stepped into her worst nightmare, her heartbeat thrumming in her ears.

‘My dearest, Sana,

I’m sorry that I couldn’t face you to say goodbye, but if you’re reading this, then I’ve already gone.

Sana, I wanted to thank you - for everything.

I’ve known you for most of my life - longer than Jeongyeon, longer than Momo or Jihyo or anyone else. Thank you for sticking up for me whenever I got into trouble. Thank you for all of the time you’ve spent at my side, for all of your sleepless nights, for being there when I could hardly bear to be with myself.

Thank you for your forgiveness, even if I’ve never deserved it. Thank you for your patience, with how much I’ve tested it. Thank you for loving me, even if I couldn’t love you in the way you deserved to be loved. Wholly and without restraints.

Sana, you’re such a beautiful, wondrous light, and everyone deserves a chance to behold it without my lingering shadow.

I love you so much.

I can only hope that whoever gets to spend the rest of their life basking in your incredible, selfless love loves you impossibly more. I just want you to be happy, Sana, even if I can’t be by your side to see it.

Eternally yours,

Mina.’

She reads it once, twice more, a soft sob leaving her lips as she crumples the page in her hands, rising on shaky legs and stumbling towards their shared closet. She finds only the last of Mina’s pressed suits and dresses, still in their dry-cleaning bags, fingers grasping desperately into the few shirts and sweaters Mina left behind. The open safe only taunts her, her passport sitting by its lonesome, Mina’s modest savings all but gone. 

Her own cry startles her as she sinks to the floor, her fists thumping against the carpet, her tears scalding against her skin. She screams until her voice gives out, until her skin is reddened, raw, nursing the worst of aches behind her eyes. Why now? Why hadn’t she seen anything? Why hadn’t Mina said anything?

“I hate you! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!” Sana's voice is lost in the waning dark of their home, and wishes she could mean it, always mourning over a girl who was never dead, not quite - always loving her at the wrong place, at the wrong time. It’s only right then that Sana feels as if she’s lost her.

Forever.)

 

---

 

(Mina's eyes flutter open to watch the way her breath finally begins to bubble up, shimmering in the few beams of light piercing through the darkness surrounding her. The dark tiles of the pool are smooth beneath her fingers, Mina's eyes sliding to a close as she wills herself to stay for another moment more.

Her lungs are aching.

The slow beep of her watch sounds even farther away, then, muffled by the swell Mina surrounds herself with. The water is cold. Her hands are shaking. Mina's ears ring when she finally breaches the surface, resting her forehead against the side of the pool. 

"Trying to set a record?" Nayeon's voice startles her out of her reverie, Mina's head snapping up to find the older woman perched on the edge of the pool. She's changed out of the slacks she'd left in that morning, the sleeves of a college sweatshirt rucked up past her elbows. Nayeon smiles, but she's unable to hide the concern she feels, shimmering in her eyes. "The receptionist tells me you've been here since morning."

Mina regards her pruning fingers with her stinging eyes. 

Had she really been there for that long? 

She tips her head back up, fists curling against the tile. "The water helps me think."

Nayeon's unwavering stare startles her. The doctor seems pensive, even as she extends a hand towards Mina, only then revealing the towel tucked into the crook of her other arm.

"Come on," Nayeon says, voice almost lost in the lapping of the water by her ears. "I got some food for us. Meals aren't meant to be eaten alone."

Nayeon's hand is warm, firm as she half-hauls Mina out of the water, a shiver rippling down her spine as she sits herself atop the cool tile. The edges of Mina’s lips quirk up as Nayeon drapes the towel over her shoulders. "I still don't understand."

"Understand what?" Mina squints against the lights as Nayeon rises to her feet, haloed by the warm lights of the hotel's pool area. 

Mina joins her, pulling the towel further over her shoulders, eyes trained to Nayeon's retreating back. "I don't understand why you're doing all of this. Why you’ve let me tag along. Why you're not… furious with me." 

Jeongyeon had told her about Nayeon, of course, whispering underneath flowery covers, hands tight around her own. Mina is sure Jeongyeon has told Nayeon all about her, too. Nayeon is quiet, still, sitting herself across from Mina at one of the rest areas around the pool. 

A mirthless smile crosses Mina’s face. "I thought Jeongyeon would get to keep you in the divorce."

"Funny," Nayeon huffs out a laugh, rolling her eyes and nudging a plastic bento box closer to her. Mina watches as she pops the steamed top off her own, humming happily as she breaks apart her chopsticks. 

Nayeon's eyes flicker up to meet hers, a nondescript carton placed before her. A manicured nail flicks at the tape keeping it shut, hanging loose from the heat. "Eat first. Then I'll answer your questions."

Nayeon's gaze only falls away once Mina takes a sip of her, as she discovers, miso soup, a short, pleased hum passing through her lips. Mina feels a stab of guilt as she eats, the food resting heavily in her stomach. As busy as Nayeon was with the conference, the doctor still managed to find the time to do all of this. 

Mina startles out of her thoughts at the sound of a child's squeal, babbling about in a language Mina is only vaguely familiar with. 

Her hands falter as she watches the child waddle along on the other side of the pool area, waving floatie-clad arms at her father, ready to catch her in the pool. Her stomach sours, and she sets down her chopsticks with a sharp inhale, her appetite lost.

Nayeon doesn't seem to find the need to reprimand her for her half-eaten meal, her eyes, too, locked on the happy family bouncing about in the shallower waters. She sets her own chopsticks down, too, once she's polished the last of her salmon, fiddling with the edges of her napkin. "I'm sure Jeongyeon wouldn't have told you, but you were practically all she talked about when she visited me in recovery."

Mina's back straightens at Nayeon's words, taking in the faraway look in the doctor's eyes - the hand that rubs absently at her left knee. 

The accident, of course. 

Mina had almost flown to Korea herself at the news. Nayeon's lips curve into a smile.

"I felt like I knew you before we even met," Nayeon tells her, voice soft, almost wistful, lost in a time when things had been much simpler. "And in the handful of times we did, it felt like whatever Jeongyeon had said was amplified by a hundred. I was happy for her - for both of you."

Mina's eyes sting. She wants to blame the chlorine in the water. She knows better.

"I… knew enough from Jeongyeon to - to have hated you a little, during the engagement, but…" Nayeon in a soft breath. "I think everything really changed when I first saw you with Dahyun."

Mina lifts her head at those words, eyebrows furrowing as she racks her memory. 

Had she and Nayeon spoken, then? 

"We didn't actually talk." Nayeon smiles weakly at her confusion. "I was on my way home when I saw you standing in front of the nursery." 

Mina puffs out a short breath. 

Nayeon's voice takes on a sense of wonder, one Mina doesn't think she deserves. "You hardly moved - I didn't even think you were breathing. You stood there, wiping at your eyes and just… looked at her. As if you couldn't believe she was there. As if she'd disappear if you looked away for even a second."

Mina feels tighten, the food in her stomach souring further at the memory. 

All she can think of is Dahyun's eyes, her words. I hate you! "Nayeon-"

"You were there," Nayeon cuts her off, Mina's mouth snapping shut. "For every single appointment. For every single check up. You were there, even if Jeongyeon wasn't. Mina, you've flown in from a 13 hour shoot just to hold a fussy Dahyun through a routine vaccine shot. You could be dead on your feet and yet you dropped everything for that girl." 

Mina knows she's crying, now, muffling a sob with the edge of a towel, hiding away from Nayeon's wide-eyed gaze. 

"Stop," She whispers, flinching as Nayeon's hand settles above her own, trembling grasp at the table. "Please."

"Of course I'm furious with you, Mina. I'm - I'm livid that you've hurt my best friend." Mina quivers at her words, but Nayeon only dips her head, urging her to meet her gaze. Her hand is warm, firm around her own. "But I also know you've spent the last six years trying so goddamn hard to fix it. I can't watch you throw your life away. I won't. ")

 

---

 

(Jeongyeon catches the last ring of Sana's call, giving Dahyun a warm smile as she walks into the school. Her daughter only waves, ducking her head away from her gaze. "Sana, I already told Mina last night-"

"She's gone." Sana's voice is barely above a whisper, ice rippling down her spine at her simple words. Jeongyeon's brow furrow. "Her clothes, the money she had in the safe, it's all…"

“That's impossible.” Jeongyeon feels her heart rattle in her chest, slumping against the side of her car, fingers tightening around her phone. "I just saw her last night. She left some… some locked box and she-"

"She's gone ," Sana cries out, with a sob that makes Jeongyeon's stomach crumple. "She's gone and she didn't… She didn't even think to tell me."

I just want to see her before I go.

She should have asked. Jeongyeon knows she’ll spend every waking moment cursing herself for it.

“I’ll - I’ll be there soon.” Jeongyeon hardly knows left from right as she drives, can hardly think until she’s knocking her fist against the front door of Sana and Mina’s home, until she’s gathered a weeping Sana into her shaking arms, ears echoing with the hiccup of Sana’s tears. “I didn’t know… Sana, I didn’t…”

“She was just here .” The helplessness in Sana’s voice is as haunting as she’s ever heard it, resonating so deeply through her that she can hardly breathe. Even now, detached as she tries to be from her ex-wife, she feels it - the keen hurt of Mina’s sudden disappearance. “Jeongyeon, she was just…”

That’s what she’s good at , Jeongyeon wants to bite out, feeling her anger swell at the distant look she spots in Sana’s reddened eyes. Running.

“I’m sorry,” She whispers instead, holding Sana as tightly as she can, holding her as she sheds tears for a coward - ever a coward. “I’m here, Sana. I’ve got you.”)

 

---

 

("Does it hurt, still?"

Nayeon doesn't lift her head at the sound of Mina's voice, the corners of her lips pulling into a quick smile. Her fingers tap once against the faded scars climbing along her leg. "A little. It's always a little sore in cold weather."

Mina eyes the light snowfall outside briefly, pulling Sana's sweatshirt a little tighter around her. The chill was almost non-existent in their heated hotel room, but she's sure the past few days of constant exploration has only increased the pain. She feels her own feet ache. "Do you trust me?"

"Well, I hadn't been suspicious before…" Nayeon's laughter is warming even then. Mina hears the hitch of her breath as she crosses the room to join her on her bed, Nayeon's eyebrows lifted in surprise. She looks much younger now, face bare and still pink from Nayeon's nightly routine. "Mina?"

Mina lifts her eyes to meet Nayeon's briefly, reaching slowly for the bottle by Nayeon's side. Nayeon doesn't stop her, so Mina doesn't. She purses her lips, warming the ointment with her hands before they hover over the twist of Nayeon's knee. "May I?"

"Sure," Nayeon murmurs, eyes boring into the side of Mina's head. She settles against the headboard, fingers jumping against the sheets when Mina's hands first brush against her skin.

There are a few moments of silence as Mina methodically works through the sore muscles beneath her fingers, Nayeon blessedly quiet but outstandingly pink. She can't help but laugh a little. "I… used to do this for Jeongyeon. After the equestrian incident. I had her therapist teach me so I could do it for her, too."

"Feels nice," Nayeon offers her own puff of laughter, Mina's eyes flickering up once more. They only burst into deeper laughter as their gazes meet, Mina giving Nayeon's calf a gentle squeeze before she retreats to her own bed. "Thank you."

Mina only shakes her head, focused on the subtle wave of relief that washes over Nayeon’s face, drawing her covers further over her shoulder. The lights dim, casting their hotel room in low twilight. “Goodnight, Nayeon.”

Nayeon grins, soft and easy. “Goodnight, Mina.”)

 

---

 

(It’s almost too soon, the lawyers knocking on her doors, the letters requesting to meet her.

Hua Fei of the Myoui Estate, meets her when the weather is murky and Jeongyeon’s arms are sore, her jeans coated with flour despite her best efforts. She doesn’t bother making herself any more presentable, hair gathered in a messy ponytail, regarding the very woman who had painstakingly penned each of her requests during the divorce.

“Thank you for meeting me.” Jeongyeon bows her head as Hua Fei does, eyeing the documents set before her with a quirk of her brow. “I know that you have a very busy schedule.”

“What does Mina want?” Jeongyeon tilts her head, the lawyer’s hands stilling before she speaks again, offering Jeongyeon a brief smile.

“Ms Myoui has entrusted us with ironing out the last of her wishes.” Hua Fei sets down several bank books, one on each set of documents she’d set out beforehand. “In Ms Myoui’s absence, she wanted you to feel assured that she was not shirking her responsibilities as per your agreement.”

Jeongyeon is hardly listening as the lawyer rambles on, fiddling absently with the strap of her watch as she’s guided through the sources of the generous alimony Mina will continue paying, of the account Mina had already set aside for Dahyun’s present and future education. Trusts and entitlements to be left to their daughter, promised ownerships of various Myoui properties, the only things Jeongyeon had refused to encroach on during their trial. She bites her tongue, eyes flickering back up to meet the Hua Fei’s once she’s finished speaking. “You can’t be serious.”

Hua Fei flashes her another practised smile, shaking her head. “Ms Myoui has left explicit instructions. Of course, we will be handling these assets until Miss Myoui-Yoo Dahyun is of age, but-”

“Who does she think she is?” Jeongyeon interjects, fingers digging into her own thighs, desperately searching for answers she knows she will receive no answers to. “We don't - We dont need her money, we need her here. "

"Ms Myoui said, and I quote: 'I want Jeongyeon and Dahyun to live comfortably even in my absence'." Hua Fei clears , gathering the documents back into their respective folders and averting her gaze. "I'm afraid it is out of my hands."

Jeongyeon's jaw tightens at her words, crossing her arms as Hua Fei rises to her feet, setting a card down before her.

"Good day to you, Ms Yoo." Jeongyeon bites her tongue to refrain from correcting her. There was nothing to correct, now. "Should you have any more questions, please don't hesitate to call."

Jeongyeon slumps into her seat as the bell jingles in the lawyer's departure, slamming a fist against the table before her. 

That idiot and her stupid, bleeding heart.)

 

---

 

("I guess this is it."

Nayeon tugs playfully on the brim of Mina's cap, a grin blossoming on her face at the sound of Mina's whine. She lets out a small huff as Nayeon takes the handle of her suitcase from her, her own smile hidden under the dark of her mask. "You're not going to cry, are you?"

"You've seen me cry enough, Im Nayeon." Nayeon's eyes soften at Mina's words, her hand tightening around the handle of her suitcase. Her free hand slips into Mina's, the conflict flashing in her eyes as she parts her lips to speak.

Mina shakes her head, giving Nayeon's hand a squeeze. "I've kept you for long enough already. There are more important things waiting for you back home."

"You're right." Nayeon in a soft breath, her tense shoulders sinking in understanding. The low buzz of the airport continues around them, the time for Nayeon to leave fast approaching. "I know you feel differently right now, but you're not alone. And when you decide to come back…"

"I know." There is little hesitation, then, as Mina wraps her arms around Nayeon's shoulders, burying her face against the thick of her sweater. Mina can feel the next breath Nayeon takes, the steadiness of the hand Nayeon settles against her back. "Thank you."

"Just come back in one piece," Nayeon murmurs, her fingers curling briefly into the back of Mina's shirt. "And don't be a stranger, okay?"

"Okay," Mina echoes, closing her eyes and sinking into Nayeon's kind embrace for just one moment more. The first call for Nayeon's flight echoes through the airport, Nayeon's sigh melting against her shoulder before she pulls back. 

"Where will you go now?" Nayeon asks, offering Mina an easy smile and warm eyes, letting Mina keep hold of the little courage she had left in her bones.

"Anywhere." Mina laughs at the shake of Nayeon's head, shoving her shaking hands into her pockets. The band of her wedding ring digs into her skin as she curls her hands into fists. "I heard Hawaii is nice this time of the year."

"Send me a souvenir." Nayeon gives her arm one final squeeze, the gentle smile on her face growing wider, playful. "See you in a minute?"

Mina feels a soft swell in her chest, mirroring Nayeon's smile and giving a firm nod. "See you in a minute.")

 

---

 

(Sana finds herself waiting, days into Mina's sudden departure, for the frantic calls from Mina's managers, for a pointed notice from the head of Mina's team.

Only, they never come.

"Didn't she tell you?" Mina's senior manager is kind enough to answer when Sana's curiosity finally gets the better of her. The confusion in the woman's voice only sours Sana's stomach further. "She… terminated her contract. She's been wrapping up her final projects with the team for months now."

"Oh," Sana manages, fingers tight around her phone, forcing out a laugh. Miyeon casts a worried glance over her kitchen table. "So that's what she was planning to tell me. I - I guess I just ruined her surprise. Thank you again."

The call ends unceremoniously, to the sound of easygoing laughter and Sana's own shaking breaths, Miyeon's hand easily finding her own across the way. "Any luck?"

"No," Sana murmurs, flicking through Mina's socials for another five minutes. There's a single new post, seemingly queued in by Mina's own team, detailing the news of an extended hiatus. Her fans are unperturbed, even praising the 'well-deserved break' after Mina's back-to-back movies. After the entire ordeal with Jeongyeon. She protests when her phone is pried from her grasp, tired eyes flickering up to meet Miyeon's. "Hey!"

"Babe," Miyeon cuts her off, setting her phone facedown and peering up at her face, eyebrows knitted in concern. "Let's give it a rest for a few days, okay? It's obvious that she doesn't want to be found, not right now."

"I can't just stop, Miyeon," Sana shakes her head, giving her girlfriend a half-hearted glare as her phone is slid further away from her grasp. "She could be hurt, or lost, or - or God knows what, Miyeon. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if something happened to her."

"I know you don't want to hear it, but," Miyeon in a soft breath at her words, taking both of Sana's trembling hands into her own, refusing to look away. "Mina is no longer your responsibility, Sana. I know it feels awful now that she left without saying goodbye, but she did, knowing full well what she was leaving behind. From the sounds of it, she's even got everything sorted out."

Sana fights back the rising lump in , feeling the tears welling in her eyes at the frankness of her girlfriend's words. "I… I don't know how to be without her."

"Well," Miyeon murmurs, thumbs brushing over her skin, lips pulling into that ever gentle smile. "We have all the time in the world now, don't we?" Sana closes her eyes as her girlfriend tips forward, pressing the lightest of kisses to her lips. "Just be here with me. We can figure the rest out together, okay?"

"Okay," Sana echoes, and wills herself to forget, drawing Miyeon into one kiss, and then another. I want you to be happy. "I love you. So much."

Sana clings to the sight of her warm, bashful smile. "I love you too.")

 

---

 

(The days begin to melt into each other in the wake of Nayeon's departure.

She spends her time waking and walking, indulging herself in sights and smells and tastes she's never had the chance to indulge in before. She finds herself sleeping in homes older than she, finds herself sharing meals with complete strangers, hands a mess but food and laughter plentiful.

She sinks into the comforts of the families willing to take her in for the handful of days she stays, of the bright smiles of the children the same age as her own, of their small hands and wondrous voices and beautiful minds. 

She tends to their scraped knees and fawns over their crayon drawings, and misses her daughter fiercely, wondering if Dahyun ever misses her, too.

Once, she finds herself aiding the owner of the small apartment she'd found lodging in, her weathered hands working faster than hers ever could. She moves with warmth and familiarity, the echoes of being a wife, a mother, a grandmother working through her touch.

"You remind me too much of my daughter." Her laughter is full, booming through the kitchen, through the aged apartment she called home. She bumps a hip against hers in encouragement as Mina works their completed dough - or attempts to, at least. "My son in law, however, he works wonders in the kitchen."

"My wife…" Mina pauses, her hands stilling in their steady, kneading motion. The woman's face bears no judgement, only a flicker of sympathy at the glance Mina casts over her bare finger. "She's a baker. She… I could have watched her for hours." 

The woman's voice is full of warmth, and the hand guiding her is even warmer. "You must have loved her." 

"I did." Mina musters up a smile, Jeongyeon's warm, booming laughter ringing in her mind. "I do."

She does, even then, especially then, Mina chasing away the dark quiet of the night with anything she could get her hands on. She nurses drinks she never downs, rattles bottles that clatter down the drain. Not then. Not yet.

She reads, reads more than she ever has in her life, poring over wistful words in the moonlight, only ceasing when her eyes grow too heavy to keep open. She sinks her teeth into the languages of the next city, next country she is out to visit, the spare change in her pocket leaving her on buses and trains and boats to nowhere and everywhere.

She dips her hands into new foods and new people and new cultures, the spaces in her bags filled with trinkets and gifts and mementos of the places she visits. 

She stops looking over her shoulder on the fifth week, contending with the realisation that her new found freedom brought about another kind of loneliness. 

She writes, on park benches and cramped buses and the bed she's managed to find that night, hands stained with ink and the tears of the woman who has never dared to leave her behind. She writes, Sana's address scrawled neatly across the lines, and wonders if Sana would keep them, having uprooted herself from her life as abruptly as she did.

Still, she writes, penning names and places and the new reality she's paving for herself, the postcards tucked carefully into the corners of her bag - never to be sent. 

It's never enough to make up for the aching absence, feeling the ghost of Sana's touch against her skin with every night she rumbles through her breaths, cradling her bundle of unsent letters to her chest. 

Dearest, Sana , She starts, always, each ending with the same few words . I love you. I miss you.

She wakes and walks, her feet taking her where her heart can hardly bear to, basking in sweltering sunshine one day and breathing in the salt of the sea the very next. 

She finds herself on the back of motorbikes, the beds of trucks older than her, on crowded buses or rented bicycles, relying on kind strangers to guide her through new foods and drinks and cultures. Mina squeezes mementos of her journey into the spaces of her bag, the resounding thud of the stamp pad almost second nature as she crosses border after border, city after city. 

She wakes and walks, and lets her feet take her as close to home as she dares.

She spends the flight to Japan seated next to a young mother and a curious, wide-eyed baby on his first flight. He cries only twice, upon taking off and during turbulence, but Mina still offers to watch him for a little while, especially after the mother's nth yawn.

Don't worry, she smiled. My daughter was much fussier on her first flight.

Mina spends the rest of the flight talking softly to a very quiet Masahito, earning a bubbling giggle as she tickles his palms with her index finger. Mina misses Dahyun fiercely, then. How quickly her daughter had grown. How quickly she will now, without her by her side.

It's a frightening thought.

There is no chance to sleep, even after she bids Megumi and Masahito a gentle farewell. 

Not even during the lengthy taxi ride through town, so different and yet exactly the same as she's ever known. Especially not as the car idles behind her, shaking fingers slotting the single postcard through her family's mailbox. 

She spots her father ambling through the gates as they drive off, and almost begs the taxi driver to stop, aching to feel his embrace one last time.

There is no chance to sleep, not until she's paid triple for a small room at an inn on the edge of town, the elderly woman's gaze brightening in recognition. A paper-thin hand rests upon her own as she sets the bills upon the worn wooden counter, Mina suppressing a flinch at the show of gentleness, even now.

"Welcome home," The innkeeper smiles, softly and sadly, giving her hand a warm squeeze. "The baths are still running, if you need it."

"Thank you," She musters up a smile of her own as she closes her fingers around the key in her hands. The innkeeper nods down the hallway, her exhaustion only settling in as she pads down aged wooden floors.

There is no chance to sleep, not until she's scrubbed herself raw, not until she's counted down her breaths in steaming water, not until she's flat against the futon, willing herself to believe that the salt on her tongue was from the ocean breeze drifting through the window, and not from the scalding tears rolling down her cheeks. 

Mina sleeps, and wakes, and walks, hiding feebly again behind caps and masks as she juggles fresh flowers in one hand, and new candles in the other.

She wakes, and walks, and finds herself before her family's mausoleum, the old key an odd pair with Momo's. 

Mina takes the time to tend to the wilting flowers, to light her candles and whisper her greetings, sinking to her knees. She traces her fingers over the names of those who came before her, of the prosperous lives they've built. 

A weak smile crosses her face. 

What a picture her measly 27 years must paint.

Mina watches the curling wisps of smoke melt into the sunlight streaming through the gaps in the granite, a flickering candle twisting the shadows upon her grandfather's grave. 

She pulls her knees to her chest, thinking of the man she's only seen in photographs, of the man her father speaks so highly of - the man who has undoubtedly changed the course of her life with a single, heartfelt promise. 

"What must you think of your only granddaughter?" Mina whispers onto the fading light of her family's tomb, a place that has called to her through every stage of her life. "A woman who has destroyed her own family? A woman who is so cowardly as to run from the consequences of it?"

She hardly deserves the chance to be so alive .

Mina buries her unspoken words in the shadows of the hopes her grandfather had so boldly dared to dream of, and leaves, running and running still.)

 

---

 

(Jeongyeon uses other people to forget.

She finds the numbers and names of the friends she’d kept in relative touch with from college, finds her solace at the bottom of empty shot glasses and their hungry, hungry mouths. Jeongyeon aches to forget, and they’re less likely to talk, ambling about in the same circles she had been, then. She comes undone under the touch of women and men all too happy to keep her company, even for a single night, biting her tongue to keep the only name she’d ever cry out from spilling from her lips. She will kiss them, with their ash-filled mouths, and weather their unfamiliar hands, leaving her aching only for another drink. 

“Will I see you again?” Bona - an old friend? - asks one morning, lips gentle against her bare shoulder, thumb tracing over the purpling bruise she’d left at her hip. Jeongyeon only shakes her head, shrugging her shirt on and the other woman away. 

“Sorry,” Jeongyeon offers, even though she and Bona know she’s anything but. She hadn’t been sorry then, and she refuses to be sorry now. “I think this is more of a one time thing.”

“It’s a two time thing, now,” Bona chimes in, sinking back into the wrinkled sheets, Jeongyeon catching her playful smile over her shoulder. She levels her with a look Jeongyeon has not seen since her few years in culinary school, watching her tap away excuses on her phone. “Or are you so quick to forget?”

Jeongyeon’s jaw tightens, turning away from Bona’s knowing, searching gaze as she rises to her feet. Bona only laughs, beautiful as she had been all those years ago, whispering promises into . She had asked her to stay, then, too. “I won’t be in touch.”

“Right,” Bona murmurs, tangling further in the sheets and turning away from her, the creeping sunlight only bathing her further in warmth. Jeongyeon only feels the chill rippling down her spine. “I’ll see you around, Jeongyeon.”

Jeongyeon uses other people to forget.

It never works.)

 

---

 

(“I will not be answering any questions at this time.”

Jeongyeon’s voice is firm, powerful, even over the thunderous click of cameras. Still, Mina can hear the exhaustion in her voice, the frustration as the volume only seems to rise. 

“You were seen leaving Mr Do’s apartment - is he the reason for your divorce?”

A voice calls out amongst the crowd. Mina can’t help but flinch at the words, her nails digging into the flesh of her thigh. The voices only continue, pelting Jeongyeon with their barbed questions. 

“Is he the reason for Mina’s extended hiatus? Is he Dahyun’s real father?”

Her phone speakers almost burst with the cacophony of questions and exclamations that follow, but Mina only has eyes for Jeongyeon. 

The incredulous look on her face.

The anger that flashes in her eyes.

Jeongyeon’s lips pull back into a snarl. “Of course not! Dahyun is-”

The video shuts off suddenly, effectively cutting off Jeongyeon’s denials and Mina’s shuddering breaths. 

The world wobbles as Nayeon’s name flashes across the screen, a blurry selfie of Nayeon filling the spaces that Jeongyeon’s news clip once did. Her eyes fall to the red of her skin. 

She shouldn’t answer. 

She does, anyway.

“Hello, stranger.” Nayeon’s voice is gentle, her smile even further so. Mina watches as she reclines into the plush of a couch, still dressed in her scrubs. “I had a feeling you would be watching the news.”

“It’s not true.” A breath rattles through her lungs, catching on the growing lump rising in . “Dahyun is my daughter. Mine and Jeongyeon’s.”

“I know that, Mina.” Nayeon’s face softens, sympathy swimming in her eyes. “Jeongyeon knows that, too. No one will be able to change that.”

“I should be there.”

Mina knows she’s crying now, any ounce of courage she’s mustered up in leaving her family in peace crumbling to pieces. Every new article and picture she’s seen only serves as one punch to the gut after the other. It was all so soon after she had left.

Is this why Jeongyeon had been so keen on getting rid of her? 

Nayeon’s next words are cold, but not cruel. “We can’t force ourselves into spaces that people don’t want us to fit into.”

Mina can almost feel her now, the warmth on Nayeon’s face enveloping her in an embrace across the ocean.

“Will you stay with me?” Mina asks, sinking back into the comforts of her own bed of the night. “Until I fall asleep?”

“Of course.” Nayeon’s voice is low, soothing in her ears as she closes her eyes. “As long as you’ll have me.”)

 

---

 

("In all of my years in the industry, I never thought I would have to speak about this."

Jeongyeon's hands still at the sound of Mina's voice, her attention immediately drawn to the television in her sister's living room. Even Seungyeon and Dahyun, doing homework on the coffee table, tune into the sleepy news broadcast they'd put on as background noise.

"It's Mommy," Dahyun murmurs. Jeongyeon can feel her gaze, but Jeongyeon's eyes are stuck on Mina's face and her sad, tired eyes; the shimmering band still present on her finger.

"Whatever my wife… My ex -wife..." There’s another flicker in Mina's eyes. Jeongyeon's breath catches in at Mina's words, her hands already shaking as she withdraws them from the dishes she's washing. "Whatever Jeongyeon is up to is none of my business, and surely none of yours."

Of course. Jeongyeon was naïve to think that Mina wouldn't know. Jeongyeon was naïve to think that Mina hasn't seen the pictures - hasn't heard her flimsy excuses. Seungyeon scoffs out a laugh. Jeongyeon grips at the edge of the counter.

"What I cannot accept is the blatant misinformation that is being spread about our daughter." Even now, with the tremble of Mina's hands and the dark of her eyes, she holds her head high, her voice strong, resolute. "Myoui-Yoo Dahyun is mine and Jeongyeon's daughter, and our recent divorce does not change this. Any further speculation otherwise will be met with immediate legal action. This will be my only warning."

The video ends, then, melting back into the chatter of the anchors, but Jeongyeon can hardly breathe, still, her heart feeling as if it might burst. Seungyeon lets out a small breath, ruffling a hand through Dahyun's dark hair. "As if there was any doubt. You shouldn't doubt that either, pipsqueak."

"I'm not that small," Dahyun grumbles, but Jeongyeon knows her eyes are still locked onto the single frame of Mina's video, still plastered in the corner. Jeongyeon moves mechanically only once the news report has moved on, placing the last of the dishes back into Seungyeon's cupboards, Mina's words still ringing in her head.

It's only as she's tucking Dahyun into bed later that night does she get a chance to speak, feeling the knife of her daughter's own words drive deeply into her stomach.

"She is, right?" Dahyun murmurs, as Jeongyeon tucks her covers up against her chin, as Jeongyeon goes to plant a kiss against her forehead. Jeongyeon finds herself frozen once more, Dahyun's eyes wide. "Mommy is really…"

"Of course." Jeongyeon doesn't let her daughter even finish the thought, cupping her daughter’s cheek and willing the doubt in her eyes to disappear. "Don't ever doubt for a second that Mina is your mother. Whatever might have happened between us, you are our one sure and beautiful thing." 

Dahyun is quiet for a moment, tiny arms wriggling out to wrap around her neck, holding Jeongyeon close. Jeongyeon wishes she could never hear it again, the wobble of Dahyun's watery voice. "I miss her."

"I know." Jeongyeon closes her eyes, wrapping her own arms around Dahyun and hoping she can't hear the shatter of her own heart - hoping she can't hear the desperate ache to take back all of her hurtful words. "I'm sure she misses you too. So, so much.")

 

---

 

("I wanted to give Dahyun a sibling."

The hand lifting the bottle to Nayeon's lips pauses, but only briefly, the older woman reclining further into the lounge chair. She doesn’t know what possesses her to tell Nayeon the last of her secrets when they’re drunk on food and Christmas spirit, but she can hardly help herself.  Mina runs her thumb over the lip of her own bottle, watching the bubbles of her soda through the tinted glass.

Nayeon’s gaze is warm, steady.  "For how long?"

"Before Momo died." Mina suppresses the flinch at her words. The band of her wedding ring burns around her finger, her eyes closing as she mulls over her words. "We… We'd discussed it before, being the youngest in both of our families. I… I wanted it to be a surprise."

"Mina." Nayeon's eyes are piercing, trained to the side of her face. She hears the rustle of her clothes, feels the touch that lingers over her wrist. "You don't have to…"

"The doctor told me it was too dangerous for me." Mina opens her eyes, feeling Nayeon's fingers brush against her own. She in a shaky breath, feeling her heart clench under the warmth of Nayeon's steady gaze. "I… I'd asked Momo for a favour."

Mina hears the clink of Nayeon's bottle before hers is pried from her own fingers, soon finding herself in Nayeon's tight embrace. She doesn't realise she's crying until she feels Nayeon's hand run over her back, her voice soft against Mina's ear. "Was she…"

"She was," Mina whispers, curling a trembling hand into the fabric of Nayeon's shirt. "After she died, I just… I couldn't tell Jeongyeon."

"I'm sorry," Nayeon murmurs, cradling Mina's head closer to her shoulder. Mina only burrows closer. "God, Mina, I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," Mina tells her, even though it isn't, even though she'll forever carry the knowledge that she'd lost more than just her best friend that day. Even though she'd forever carry the knowledge that… "I'm sure they're both watching over us now. Momo and…"

"All I seem to do is make you cry." Nayeon heaves out a soft breath, pulling back to brush away Mina's tears. She can hardly help the watery laugh that escapes her, earning an exasperated smile. Nayeon's eyes are warm. "...Did you have a name for them?"

"I did." Mina offers Nayeon a small smile, lifting a hand to squeeze around Nayeon's, eyes shimmering with her gratitude. As much as it hurt to slice her old wounds open, it was nice, finally telling someone. "Chaeyoung. Their name was Chaeyoung.")

 

---

 

(Sana's head lifts as the sound of approaching footsteps, a small smile curving at the edges of her lips at the sight of Dahyun, Jeongyeon lingering at the park benches farther behind. "Hello superstar."

"Hi, Auntie Sana." The young girl sinks deeply into her embrace, and Sana is happy to sit her on her lap, moving aside the novel she was reading to hold Dahyun close to her chest. Sana can't help but think about Mina in these moments, hiding the budding of her tears against the top of Dahyun's head. "I missed you."

"I've missed you too," Sana murmurs, letting Dahyun take one of her hands to toy with, smoothing out the wrinkles of her coat with the other. She can't begin to wonder how Dahyun might be feeling right now, in the midst of everything going on with Jeongyeon. "How are you?"

Dahyun shrugs, tucking her head under Sana's chin and hiding away from her, feeling smaller than she already was. "Mommy was on the TV."

Sana's breath hitches. She was naïve to think that Dahyun wouldn't have caught any of the news outlets broadcasting Mina's statement - the first time anyone had seen her in months. She'd let herself be held by Miyeon that night, the ache in her chest returning tenfold. "She was, wasn't she? It was nice to see her, right?"

"She looked tired." Dahyun is quiet for another moment, ever so bright for her age. The tiny fingers around her own only tighten, her soft voice growing watery. "Can I ask you a question, Auntie Sana?”

Sana desperately fights to keep her own voice from wobbling, opting to squeeze Dahyun closer, burrowing against her sweet-smelling hair. “Anything.”

Dahyun is pulling at her fingers again, tiny fingers following the lines of her palm. “Why… aren’t you mad at Mommy?”

Sana’s eyebrows lift at the question. She peers down to meet Dahyun’s gaze, lifting her hand away from the child’s grasp to brush away the beginnings of her tears. “Whoever said I wasn’t?”

“But not for what she did before,” Dahyun huffs, turning away from Sana’s imploring stare. She can feel Jeongyeon’s eyes, too, the nervousness radiating even from where she was. “Not like Mama.”

“Well, that’s true,” Sana relents, letting out a sigh and tucking Dahyun’s errant hair behind her ear, thumb running across the soft pink of her cheeks. “I could never feel what Jeongyeon feels, but that doesn’t mean I was never upset with your mother. That doesn’t mean I’m not still upset with your mother.”

“I just don’t get it,” Dahyun mumbles, words almost lost as she burrows in against Sana’s chest. “If she really loved us, why did she do that? Why would she hurt Mommy like that?”

"The truth is I don't know," Sana answers honestly, her free hand coming to settle on Dahyun's back. "There were a great many things that happened before your mother did what she'd done, but it doesn't excuse the fact that she did it. It also doesn't mean she didn't love you, or Jeongyeon. Even the best of people can make the worst of mistakes, and your mother made a mistake that cost more than she could afford to lose."

Dahyun is quiet, and Sana only presses a soft kiss to her temple, letting the young girl ruminate over her thoughts as they sit. It's only when Jeongyeon approaches that Dahyun speaks again, pulling at the edges of her coat. "I miss her. I'm… still really mad, but I miss her. I know Mama misses her too."

"Me too, baby. Me too," Sana whispers, giving Dahyun's tiny hand a gentle squeeze, wishing Mina could be hearing the very words she was, right now. She rises to her feet, carefully depositing a bundled Dahyun into a waiting Jeongyeon’s arms, offering a small smile. “You look well.”

“And you.” Jeongyeon only hums, tucking Dahyun’s head in against her shoulder. Sana knows she can feel it too, the echoing hurt in their chests, Mina’s haunting eyes burned into the back of their mind. Alive - for now. “I’ll see you around, Sana. Thank you.”

Sana only nods, giving Dahyun’s head one final kiss, Jeongyeon’s shoulder one final squeeze. For now , Sana thinks as she sinks back onto the blanket, as she mindlessly thumbs through the novel in her hands. For now.)

 

---

 

(It's the first week she spends in a hospital by herself.

The ward's local therapist regards her over her glasses with a gentle smile, the top of her pen tapping lightly against the brown leather of her notebook. 

Mina is yet to answer any of her questions, quietly weathering the radiating pain of her left side, fingers curled tightly into too-big pyjamas. 

"I want to ask you one final question, Mina." 

Doctor Lee's voice oozes with patience, setting aside her notebook and pen and glasses and looking at her fully, enough for Mina to scoot further into the plush chair beneath her. "You asked the paramedics not to save you. Why is that?"

I didn't deserve it then. I don't deserve it now.

Mina had counted it as a blessing, losing a few hundred dollars and the panicked shot that grazed her side. She'd found no fear in it, hands stained and pain exploding, as she sat silently on the sidewalk. 

Out of her hands. 

It would have been out of her hands. 

"...May I go now, Doctor Lee?"

"Of course, the weather is indeed lovely today." Doctor Lee lifts her hands in mock surrender, that ever patient smile still present on her face. It's almost as if she hears Mina's unspoken words, as if her silence screamed louder than she could ever hear. "...I do hope you'll choose to stick around to enjoy it a little longer."

Mina leaves, a hand curled against her side, the other curled around her wedding ring, the digging of the stones anchoring her every step. She heaves out a soft breath as she finds herself kneeling at a pew in the quiet of the chapel, bearing herself before His solemn gaze.

"Why?" Mina whispers, fists curled against wood worn by prayers aching for miracles. She feels her breath hiccup with a rising sob, the ache resonating against her ribs. "Why won't you just let me die?"

She receives no answers, even then. Even as her forehead thumps against wood, even as her tears soak into her trousers, even as a nurse eventually finds her, escorting her back to her room.

“You’ll be discharged soon,” She says, the encouraging smile on her face melting into one of concern. “Your brother… Are you sure you don’t want to give him a call?”

"No." Mina closes her eyes, Kai’s warm smile flashing through her mind. “I… couldn’t bear to bother him.")

 

---

 

("Baachan! Jiichan! "

Dahyun's voice rings happily at the sight of her grandparents, practically hopping out of her shoes to hop in her grandmother's waiting embrace. Jeongyeon's lips quirk up at the sight, kneeling down to fix Dahyun's shoes and remove her own.

"Look how big you've grown," Mina's mother coos, pulling back to cup a giggling Dahyun's cheeks. "Lord knows I haven't seen you in so long."

Jeongyeon averts her gaze at those words, focusing instead on Mina's father's eyes and the hand outstretched towards her, helping her back up. She musters up a polite smile, unable to hide her surprise when he tugs her up into a hug. His voice is warm, his arms squeezing gently around her. "It's good to see you well, Jeongyeon."

"Father." Jeongyeon slips easily into her Japanese, letting herself sink into the comfort of his embrace. "It's been too long."

"It has been." The smile Akira weathers her with is sad, and does nothing to ease the knots tangling within Jeongyeon's stomach. His hand squeezes around her shoulder. "Come. You've both arrived at the perfect time, we've just finished making lunch."

Dahyun bounds off ahead with a laughingly scolding Sachiko on her tail, leaving both Jeongyeon and Akira to shake their heads as they trail behind. She is quiet as she regards her surroundings, unchanged even in the decades that have passed, the floors beneath her worn with the same footsteps she'd once left as a child. 

Mina's father is gracious enough not to mention her silence, not until they've shared a modest meal and Dahyun has fallen asleep, the excitement of the visit and the plethora of her grandparents' gifts finally getting the better of her. Jeongyeon tucks her into the same bed she used to share with Mina as children, leaving her with a kiss before she joins Mina's lingering parents by the doorway.

In the sweeping darkness of the afternoon, in every passing day of Mina's absence, Dahyun looks only more and more like her mother. The thought only leaves Jeongyeon's mind reeling and her heart aching, Sachiko's kindness giving little comfort as she's led towards one of their sitting rooms.

Would they treat her with such kindness if they knew what she's really done?

Jeongyeon only snaps away from those thoughts at the sound of a tea cup being placed before her, its fragrant aroma clean, familiar. She bows her head deeply in thanks, soothing the sudden chill in her hands with the heat of the steaming cup. "I'm… sure you know why I'm here."

"And here I thought it was simply because our only granddaughter has missed us." Akira's smile is knowing, the lines in his face only growing deeper with age. He has settled across from her, with his own cup of tea and a single postcard, worn around the edges. 

"I mean, of course it was also to visit." Jeongyeon flushes, eyes widening at his words. "Dahyun has missed you both dearly, and I-"

"Don't ," Sachiko scolds her husband, her hand squeezing around his forearm, turning to face Jeongyeon with the same warmth she has always welcomed her with. "You're not the first to ask. Dear Sana, too… I was surprised to see her."

Jeongyeon traces a thumb along the rim of the cup, taking a moment to gather her thoughts and let the bitterness of the tea wash over her taste buds. She had been right, after all. Of course Sana would have visited, too. "Has Mina been here?"

"You never were one to beat around the bush." The postcard is pushed across the table, bearing only the picture of a waterfall Jeongyeon doesn't recognise. She turns the card over after a beat of hesitation, finding Mina's neat handwriting, scrawled so cleanly before her.

Mother, Father, it read, the blue ink blooming on the paper, somewhat warped beneath her touch. I miss you. I am well. Please do not look for me. I love you very much. Your dearest daughter, Mina.

"We received it three weeks after the date stamped on the card," Sachiko tells her, and Jeongyeon suppresses her flinch when she feels Sachiko's steady hand soothing over the tremble of hers. Jeongyeon checks the date again, Mina's sharp lettering printed clearly. Months ago, now. "We haven't heard anything since."

"I see," Jeongyeon murmurs, even though she doesn't. She feels her anger blossom and wane in the same second. Isn't this what she'd wanted when she cast Mina out of the home they shared for the better part of a decade? Isn't this what she'd wanted when she'd signed the divorce papers, when she'd cut Mina out of her life - their daughter's? "Thank you, for showing me at least."

She pretends she doesn't see it, the sympathetic look Mina's parents exchange as she slides the postcard back towards them. Sachiko catches her retreating hand, dipping her head to meet Jeongyeon's watery gaze.

"I know it's been difficult, with everything that's happened," She starts, and Jeongyeon only feels tighten further when she feels Akira's hand join his wife's. "But you and Dahyun will always have a home here. I hope you know that."

"Thank you." And Jeongyeon means it - knows Mina might not receive nearly as warm a welcome by her parents, their image of their daughter in law tainted by her haunting silence during their divorce trial. It only serves as another reminder of her own guilt, withdrawing her hand from their grasp. "I think I'll retire to my room for now."

They don't try to stop her, Jeongyeon doesn't expect them to. She simply finds herself curling her fingers into the sheets of the bed Mina had first kissed her on, so much younger than they were now. So much happier than they were now.

"Selfish," Jeongyeon whispers, voice thick with the tears she refuses to shed. "You've always been selfish.")

 

---

 

(“You know, if you’re not gonna jump, you might as well help me finish this sandwich.”

Mina’s head quirks at the sound of the voice behind her, fingers digging into the concrete beneath her fingers. 

She looks over her shoulder to find a young woman with a hand propped against her hip and a plain paper bag in the other, regarding her with a look of practised indifference, one that masks the nervousness in her eyes. 

She hums. “Depends on the sandwich.”

“Roast beef,” This stranger calls out to her, voice unwavering as she takes a tentative step closer. Her accent reminds her of her brother’s, warm and low. “‘Sgot coleslaw on it too.”

“Compelling argument,” Mina nods, watching the woman’s shoulders sink in relief as she scoots backwards, no longer teetering off the edge of their shared apartment building. 

The concrete is searing beneath her touch, but the other woman seems unaffected, plopping down beside her. 

Her eyebrows lift in surprise as the paper bag crinkles open, the other half of an admittedly delicious smelling sandwich being placed into her hands. “...Thank you.”

“Seems like you need it a lot more than I do.” 

A soft shrug, a pleased hum sounding out from her chest as she takes a bite of her own half. She nudges Mina at her hesitance, drawing a quick pardon from Mina’s lips as she acquiesces and takes a bite of her own. 

She only realises how hungry she is then, pointedly ignoring the amused look she receives as she polishes off her sandwich in minutes. “Name’s Annie. Always happy to see someone enjoying my cooking.”

Mina huffs out a laugh, closing her eyes briefly as Jeongyeon flashes in her mind - the feel of her lips against her head, the smells of the dishes she would cook for her and Dahyun, exhausted as she was after a full day at the bakery. 

“Mina.” She shakes her head, pulling at the straying ends of her brother’s lended button up. “Sorry, I’m probably not the best company right now.”

“S’alright with me,” Annie hums, levelling her with a soft look as she finishes her own sandwich, patting her hands off against well-worn jeans. “Better than you looking like a fried egg on the pavement there.”

Mina doesn’t flinch at the woman’s words, though she feels her chest pound at the thought. If Annie had showed up any later than she had, she very well may have been. 

“It’s my daughter’s birthday,” She tells her after a moment of silence. Annie’s gaze is steady as she speaks. “It’s the first one I’ve ever missed. It won’t be the last.”

Why are you here, then? 

Mina can see the question in her eyes, softer now, the edges prickling with pity. She suppresses a flinch. She hardly deserves that, even if this curious stranger didn't know any better. Instead, Annie reclines, resting her weight on the palms of her hands. "How old is she?"

"Seven." It's more than birthdays, Mina knows. 

It's Dahyun's sleepy whines in the mornings, it's holding her hands before her auditions, it's the kisses and the skinned knees and the afternoons puzzling over homework and simply seeing her, the beautiful culmination of her and Jeongyeon's love. It's anything. It's everything. 

"I made a mistake. One I can never take back." She smiles. "I just wish I could see her before I go."

Annie is silent, then, seeming to mull over her words and the white of Mina's knuckles, her wedding band cutting into her fingers. "I don't know what's going on with you and your family but… I know it ain't ever worth what you were planning to do." 

Mina lets out another hum. She wonders if her present has arrived. She wonders if Jeongyeon would have bothered giving it to Dahyun if it had. "I wish I could believe you."

"Well, I ain't ever been one for convincing." Annie barks out a laugh, clapping a hand against her back and almost throttling her over the very same edge she's called her from in the first place. "But, if you're really so keen on goin', pay me a visit in 4C 'fore you do. Least I could do is give you a nice hot meal to remind you it ain't so bad in the living world."

Annie is back on her feet, then, crumpling the paper bag in her hands. There's that look again, that mask of casual indifference, the kind that begs Mina to show up in her apartment and not as a headline on Channel 5 news. 

She in a soft breath, mustering up a smile for this kind, beautiful stranger. "I'll see you then."

"Good," Annie huffs out sharply, as her shoulders sag in relief, as she shoves her hands into her pockets. "Seven PM sharp, then. I don't care much for tardiness."

Mina lifts her right hand, squinting up against the sunshine with a growing grin. "Scout's honour."

"Good." Annie snorts out a laugh, stained boots scuffing against the concrete. "I'll be holding you to it, Mina."

Later that night, when Annie has admonished her for showing up too early to help her with the cooking, when she's eaten a second, and even third helping of Annie's outstanding food, they find themselves back on the roof, a picnic blanket tucked under Mina's arm, a bottle of wine under Annie's.

Mina finds herself shoulder to shoulder with this beautiful stranger, enjoying the faint twinkle of the stars in the night sky and even the mellow taste of the wine Annie insisted she tasted. 

Just one sip, Annie had urged, having already taken a swig of her own. To celebrate a little, huh?

"Where are you off to now?" Annie asks her, voice quiet, almost lost in the rumble of the cars ambling along below. Her hometown is never quiet, not even in the near dead of night.

Mina can't help but smile at that, hands folded over her stomach, thumb tracing the jewels inlaid into her wedding ring. "West, maybe."

"That'll be a long drive." Annie takes another swig of their wine, raising the half empty bottle up to the sky. "To heading West, maybe."

"To heading West, maybe." 

The laughter bubbles out before she can help it, shaking her head at her new companion's antics. Annie flashes a playful smirk, and takes one sip more, eyes flashing in the dark of the night. Mina hums, regarding the young woman with a small smile. "Thank you."

Annie seems to sober a little at her words, using the of the bottle to turn Mina's head away before taking another drink, longer than the last. When she finally speaks, she only earns another laugh, the woman's shoulders shaking alongside her own. "It was a good ing sandwich, huh?"

"I think I'll even miss it when I go," Mina tells her, sinking back into the blanket with a shake of her head. "I mean it, Annie. Seriously."

"S'not everyday you can help someone like that," Annie murmurs, cradling the empty bottle to her chest. "I'm just happy I'd been there when I was."

They don't speak much again for the rest of the night, Annie eventually dozing off against her shoulder, warm against Mina's side. Annie doesn't wake, not even when Mina has shifted her into her arms, not even when Mina has tucked her into her bed, the day's events clearly catching up to her. Mina can hardly blame her. Mina packs the last of her things that night, back into the duffel bag that has seen better days, the quaint apartment she's been occupying looking as if she's never been there at all. 

That suited Mina just fine. 

She's unsurprised when Annie catches her hours later, looking green in the face but waving about a packed lunch bag, just as Mina's tossed her duffel in the cab of her truck. "Ain't leaving without saying goodbye, are you?"

"I didn't want to wake you," Mina admits, eyebrows lifting as the bag is unceremoniously into her hands, warm to the touch. "What's this?"

"Coffee for the road, another one of my famous sandwiches." Annie's voice is still rough with sleep, her boots unlaced in her hurry to catch her. "Somethin' to remember me by."

Mina's lips wobble into a smile as Annie steps in for a hug, arms tight around her neck. The embrace is fierce, and strong - no doubt like the woman in her arms. "Owing you a few too many favours now, I think."

"Stay alive," Annie mumbles gruffly, pulling back to grasp at her arm, dark eyes searching her own. "Stay alive, and I'll call us even."

"I guess I'll have to, now." Mina's smile is weak as she gives Annie's arm a faint squeeze. Annie's eyes are shimmering now, but her shoulders are relaxed, the grasp around her loosening, ever so slightly. She opens to thank her once more, but Annie only shakes her head, urging her towards her open truck. 

"Go on now," Annie murmurs, scrubbing the back of her hand against her eyes. "Hate for you to get caught up in the morning rush 'cause of me."

"Right." Mina gives her shoulder one last squeeze before she's back in her truck, regarding a red-nosed Annie through her open window. "I'll see you around, stranger."

Annie huffs out another laugh, smacking her hand against the side of her truck as she sends Mina off, the rumble of the engine tearing through the quiet of the morning. 

She stands until Mina can no longer see her, and it isn't until hours later that Mina finally gets a sip of her coffee, the smell of gasoline stinging her nose as the numbers tick upwards. 

Well , Mina thinks to herself as she sets the thermos back into her passenger side seat, a small smile on her face. I guess I will have to stick around a little longer.)

 

---

 

("Thanks for watching her." Jeongyeon exchanges the pastries she has in her hands for Dahyun, snoring away in her older sister's arms. She combs her fingers through Dahyun's silky hair, tucking her head against her shoulder. She flashes her sister a smile. "Thanks for the food truck you sent for her, too."

"Food truck?" Seungyeon echoes, a look of confusion painting over her features. Jeongyeon's eyebrows furrow. 

"Yeah," Jeongyeon insists, her head flashing back to Seoyeon's words and the card tucked into the back pocket of her flour-stained jeans. "Dahyun's manager… Well, I just assumed it was you."

"It wasn't me." Seungyeon regards her seriously for a moment, fingers tightening briefly around the handle of the paper bag in her hands. Jeongyeon almost fears what she might have to say, but Seungyeon only settles for a shake of her head, and the setting of her jaw. "Jeongyeon, maybe it's…"

Happy Birthday, little star.

"Don't," Jeongyeon murmurs, cradling Dahyun a little closer and in a soft breath to calm the swell of hurt, of hope, rising in her chest. "Thanks again for today.”)

 

---

 

("Hello, stranger."

Nayeon's voice, soft as it was, jolts through her thoughts, the gentle cradling of her hand only searing against her skin. Mina's fingers curl in a futile attempt to control its shaking, mustering up a smile for the woman before her.

"Nayeon." The coffee in her stomach sits heavier than lead, the shadows of her sins nipping at her ankles now that she was still, even for a moment. "It's good to see you."

"I think you're forgetting a little something." Nayeon's smile flickers with concern, but is playful, enough to draw a tired laugh from Mina, enough to bring her to her feet. The older woman's arms are warm around her neck, Nayeon's cheek plush against the top of her head. 

Mina's throat tightens at the gesture, settling her own arms around Nayeon's trim waist, sinking into the welcoming embrace. Her breath shudders against Nayeon's collarbone, her exhaustion seeming to catch up to her in an instant. "Happy Birthday, Nayeon."

"Thank you." Nayeon pulls back just so, those bright eyes searching her own, a hand drawing back to cup at her cheek. It feels much closer than Mina can bear, feeling her guilt bubble up in time with the bile rising in . How awful of her pitiful heart. "Mina?"

Mina breaks away, the lifeline that had been Nayeon's voice during her self-imposed exile feeling very much like a ship crashing directly into her, now. "I'm okay. I'm okay, I just - I'm tired."

"Mina…" Nayeon's eyebrows only furrow deeper, and Mina curses herself, her heart sinking at the expression on her face. She just couldn't do anything right. "You didn't have to pick me up, you know? I could've taken a taxi to see you."

"It's no bother, really." Mina swallows down her battered heart and shakes her head, offering Nayeon a weak smile as she wills herself to take Nayeon's hand in hers. "I'm happy to see you. Really."

"Okay." Nayeon only hums, thumb tracing slowly over the inside of Mina's wrist. She's unconvinced, clearly, as she hooks a finger into the carabiner clipped to her belt loop, the jingle of her car keys lost to the muted rumble of the airport. "Let me drive then. Please?"

Mina opens to argue, but the tentative kiss Nayeon places to her cheek is all it takes for her will to crumble. 

"Okay," She relents, her heart beating a mile a minute, the flicker of her smartwatch only fuelling her embarrassment. It seems to please Nayeon, easily stealing her keys away from her. "Only because it's your birthday."

"Thank you," Nayeon drops another kiss to her cheek before she can even think, wrangled helplessly into the old truck she'd managed to get her hands on. It was a far cry from the modern car she'd left behind, nursed carefully back to life under the watchful eye of the cranky old mechanic she'd haggled it from. 

Nayeon is like a breath of fresh air, her smile shimmering in the sunlight filtering through the windshield, ever steady hands running over the worn leather of her steering wheel. Nayeon's eyes sparkle when she turns towards her. "Ready to go?"

I think I'd go anywhere with you.  

The thought twists violently into Mina's gut, but she only smiles, giving Nayeon a gentle nod. "Let's go.")

 

---

 

(“I suppose you’re happy now.”

Jihyo keeps shut as she enters her office, Jeongyeon watching blearily as she bows her thanks to a figure behind the door. She is silent, even as she tries prying the empty bottle from Jeongyeon’s fingers, the sight of Jihyo’s figure swimming in her eyes as she stands before her. She slumps into Jihyo’s touch when she’s finally caught, Jihyo’s hand tight around her wrist. “Yoo Jeongyeon.”

“That’s me,” Jeongyeon whispers, her eyes dropping to the rings around her finger, glinting even in the low light of her office. How pathetic of her, to be consoled by the very woman she’d divorced her wife over. “Just Yoo Jeongyeon. All thanks to you."

“You’re about 5 years too late.” Jihyo sighs, leaving Jeongyeon to sag against her desk as she collects the empty bottles littering her space, the glass clinking noisily in the bin. Jeongyeon can’t muster up the fight to shrug Jihyo off when she feels the woman’s arms wrap around her shoulders, hauling her to her feet. Jeongyeon swallows down the bile rising in . “How long has she been gone?”

“Too long,” Jeongyeon murmurs, letting herself sink against Jihyo, squeezing her tired eyes shut. She hears Jihyo’s soft grunt as she’s hauled into the light of the hallway, stumbling alongside her. “She almost found it, you know? Chaeyoung’s bank account. Right before I served her the papers.” A giggle tumbles past her lips. “Dahyun finding out about you was just… just a better excuse to break it off.”

Jeongyeon yelps as she’s dumped unceremoniously onto the floor of her shower, crying out in protest when Jihyo sprays her down not even a minute later, the icy water seeping easily through her wrinkled work clothes. She sputters and bats wildly at Jihyo, glaring up at the small smirk pulling at the corners of her lips. “Sober yet?”

“ you,” Jeongyeon spits out, but slumps against the tiles regardless, Jihyo snorting and twisting the water off. She regards the woman before her, shaking hands brushing her hair away from her eyes. “Why are you here, anyway?”

“You called Momo, drunk out of your head.” Jihyo tosses a towel in her direction, lips pursed as she braces herself against the counter, nails rapping against the surface. “Dahyun has already lost one parent because of me. I couldn’t leave her without the other, too.”

Jeongyeon’s hands still at her words, fingers tightening into the towel she was running through her hair. Her eyes flicker up to Jihyo once more, her averted gaze and tight jaw, the arms crossed across her chest. She swallows down the budding tears in , the thought of Dahyun’s smiling face flashing through her mind.

“We don’t know if she’ll ever be back,” Jihyo murmurs, Jeongyeon suppressing her flinch at the words. The hand Jihyo extends to her is warm, strong as she’s helped up to her feet. “Dahyun needs you. Now, more than ever.”

Jeongyeon gives her hand a faint squeeze, feeling her heart bolstered by Jihyo’s words. “Thank you.”

Jihyo only smirks, mirroring Jeongyeon with a squeeze that leaves her yelping and yanking her hand back. “Don’t start getting soft on me now, Yoo Jeongyeon.”

Jeongyeon gives her hand a pitiful shake, shooting Jihyo a half-hearted glare and a smile of her own. “Wouldn’t dream of it, Park Jihyo.”)

 

---

 

(It’s a jarring memory, waking her from the barest of slumbers.

("If I asked you to run away with me, would you?"

The question looms like a knife. Jihyo in a soft breath and closes her eyes, bracing herself for whatever Mina might say to her. Bracing herself to think of whatever Mina might not. Mina's voice is soft when she speaks, seeming lost even in the circle of Jihyo's arms.

"I can't do that to Jeongyeon." Jihyo feels a gentle swell of frustration at her words, the words she had expected. Mina shifts, twisting about to face her, and yet Jihyo can hardly bear to open her eyes, even as Mina's fingers brush against her cheek. "I can't do that to my family."

"If they loved you, they would understand." The words slip from before she can stop them, eyes snapping open to meet Mina's shimmering gaze. Jihyo can't help but soften immediately, loosening the fists she's curled into the fabric of Mina's shirt. "Mina, I love you."

"I love you too, Jihyo." Mina's voice is barely above a whisper, thumbs tracing slowly over the skin of her cheek. Mina feels as if she's slipping from her grasp, then, as close as she was, safe in the circle of Jihyo's arms. "But I also love Jeongyeon, and the responsibility I have to my wife… My child …"

Those words steal every last breath in Jihyo's lungs, Mina's fallen tears scalding against her cheek, Mina's touch numb against her skin. A child. A family . "Jeongyeon, she's…"

"She is." Mina's voice trembles as Jihyo shrugs away from her grasp, sitting up and turning away from Mina's crumpled figure, digging her own fingers into the sheets. "Jihyo, I'm…"

"Don't." Jihyo shakes her head, rising to her feet and willing her knees to stand tall a little longer. "I'll be out. Don't wait for me."

Jihyo leaves. Mina doesn't stop her.

The next morning, Momo plucks her phone from her hands and draws her impossibly close, hiding her away from the buzzing news of Jeongyeon and Mina, wonderfully expecting. Jihyo squeezes her eyes shut, burrowing her head against Momo's chest. "Did you know?"

"I did," Momo answers softly, honestly, fingers combing through Jihyo's dark hair. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Jihyo sinks into the brush of Momo's lips against the top of her head, trying not to think of Mina's sweet, sad smile. "This is all she's ever wanted."

And it will never be me.)

Jihyo slips her hand back into Chaeyoung’s unmoving grasp, in a single, shaking breath.

This is all she’s ever wanted.)

 

---

 

("Hey you."

Her brother's voice is soft and the brush of his hand against her head is even softer, his thumb tracing across her eyebrow as he cradles her cheek. Mina can't help but lean into his touch, wrinkling her nose at the tightness of .

Kai is quiet as he sits her up, placing a paper cup in her hands. She drinks greedily, feeling her brother's gaze for every second of it. He looks tired, his clothes rumpled and hair unkempt. Mina knows she's one to talk, her eyes falling to the bandages around her wrist. Oh.

"They called you." Mina lifts her gaze back up to Kai's face. He only purses his lips, taking one of her hands into his own. The roughness of his palm is comforting under her own.

"They did." His face seems to crumple then, Mina's heart skipping in her chest at the sight. She's never seen her older brother cry before. He brings her into an embrace that steals her breath away, held tightly in the circle of his arms as his tears soak against her shoulder. ", Mina, you were dead. You were dead for almost 5 minutes."

Mina grasps at the back of his shirt at his words, her cheek resting against his shoulder. She'd been a teenager the last time they'd pronounced her dead. It hadn't even been a minute then. "I - I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry I didn't find you sooner," Kai chokes out a sob, pulling back to cup her cheek once more, his thumb fitting against the hollow of her cheek. Mina knows the look on his face all too well. She'd looked at Dahyun like that countless times before - as if she couldn't believe her daughter was still there.

Mina shakes her head, placing a hand over her brother's. She only feels the ache now, the soreness creeping up her arm. "You don't have to apologise for anything, Kai. I'm… I'm sorry you had to be the one to find me like that."

She brushes his tears away with her free hand, soon settling both onto her lap. Kai sits on the edge of the bed, grip still tight, shaking around her own. "Mina, I… I know you don't want to go back, but…"

I don't want to see you anymore. Mina in a soft breath through her teeth. "I'm… I'm not a child anymore, Kai. And I can't go back there after what I've done."

"You can't live like this ." Her brother's eyes are beseeching, swallowing down another bout of tears. "I was lucky today, but I won't always be. We can't lose you, Mina. I can't lose my baby sister."

"I… I don't know how to live with myself." Mina's voice wobbles, her hands curling into fists in Kai's palms. "Every time I close my eyes, I just see every single time that I've hurt Jeongyeon, and Dahyun. Even Sana. I left so they could finally be happy without me, but everything is still so… so messed up even when I'm not there."

"Even when I'm trying to - to die." Kai's hand is firm against the nape of her neck, drawing her back into his warm embrace. Mina feels her chest ache. "I just can't do it right. I can't do anything right."

Her brother hushes her, rocking her gently in his arms. His fingers thumb gently through her hair, and Mina feels like a child again, clinging to her brother's bulk before his flights. 

"Stay with us for a little while," He whispers, pressing a kiss to her head. "Just until you can get back on your feet. Please."

Mina is already shaking her head. "I don't want to be a burden."

"You won't," He cuts her off with another kiss to her head, his breath trembling against the crown of her head. "I have you this time. I promise.")

 

---

 

(Sana tries to continue living.

She wakes, and she walks, and she buries her head into her work and her time into her girlfriend, ever understanding, even now.

She can't bear to stay at the house, not with Mina's smiling face greeting her around every corner, only reminding her of the fact that she'd left. She'd left her , she'd left everything . Her letters had provided little comfort, crumpled and smoothed out in the same night, the penned letters smudging with her tears, with the countless times she's traced over each letter. As if it might bring her back. As if Mina would suddenly appear at the doorway, and Sana would hate her and forgive her, all in the same breath.

I just want you to be happy, even if I won't be around to see it .

It was a concept Mina had forced into the forefront of her mind, having only imagined a world without Mina in the darkest of moments. It's only made worse by the fact that Sana knows she must be out there, alive and breathing, with no way of knowing if she is truly well.

Sana tries. Good God, she tries.

Sana is engaged, even, for a totality of three months, two weeks, and five days. 

Miyeon proposes on a Wednesday, when the weather is warm and the sand between her toes is soft, her girlfriend having whisked her away to a beachside resort halfway across the world. To get away from things, is what Miyeon says, smile warm and eyes warmer. To forget her , is what she doesn’t.

"Marry me," Miyeon whispers into a kiss, one hand cradling hers, the other presenting her with a gorgeous ring, her birthstone winking at her when Sana breaks away in surprise. She finds Miyeon on one knee, feeling the expectant eyes of gasping restaurant diners burning into her back. What else could she say? What else should she say?

“Yes, I’ll marry you.” The cacophony of cheers is loud, but no louder than the thundering of her heart and mind, only growing as the ring slips onto her finger, as Miyeon surges up into another kiss, laughter bubbling against her lips.

Sana is engaged for a totality of three months, two weeks, and five days. 

It takes just as long to break Miyeon’s heart.)

 

---

 

("Hi."

Mina turns her head at the sound of her nephew's voice. She musters up a smile at the sight of him, his tiny hands fiddling with the straps of his wrist guard. "Hi, Miko. Did you need me for anything?"

It's only then that Mina spots the skateboard by his feet, Mina reaching up to fix his helmet as he follows her gaze. Her nephew giggles, two years younger than her own daughter, and looking so much like her brother, even now. "Papa told me you know how to skate. Can you teach me? Please?"

"I know a little." Mina can't help but laugh a little as he bounces excitedly on his feet, his too big helmet almost falling into his eyes again. She tightens the strap with a soft tut, brushing his dark hair out of his eyes. "I think I can let you in on a few expert tips."

"Yes!" Miko exclaims, grabbing his skateboard in one hand and Mina's hand in the other, effectively dragging her from the shade of her brother's porch. Mina squints in the sunshine, pulling her cap further over her eyes with a small smile. "Do you know any tricks? Can you teach me how to flip it?"

"Slow down," Mina breathes out with a growing grin, watching her nephew pout and set his skateboard down with a gentle clattering. "You'll need to be able to stay on before you can do any of those tricks."

"That's boring," Miko grumbles, but seems eager enough to listen to Mina during her explanation. She helps him climb onto the board with a soft smile, suppressing a wince as he grasps onto her wrists, the healing pink still angry against her pale skin. Her nephew stares up at her with wide eyes.

"It's okay," Mina whispers encouragingly, the pain grounding her into the moment with Miko, giving his forearms a gentle squeeze. "I'll be right here."

Miko gives her a firm nod and takes a shaky breath, giving his first push on his brand new board. She remembers Jeongyeon then, the warmth of her hands against her own as she guided her along. Mina presses through the memory, focusing on the delight on her nephew's face as he rolls along the sidewalk.

"I got it!" Miko cheers, wobbling only very slightly as his hands slip out of Mina's. Her nephew gives another excited push and topples off the board in his momentum. He peers up at her sheepishly as he falls into her waiting hands, a crooked grin on his face. "...I don't got it."

"You will," Mina laughs, lighter and brighter than she has in months, setting him back on his feet and fetching his skateboard. "Come on. Let's see if you can make it up and down the driveway before your Mom gets back."

"Oh I will!" Her nephew is already racing ahead of her, Kai coming to settle into one of the chairs on the patio. He grins, saluting her with a bottle of ginger beer. "He gets that from you, you know."

Mina shakes her head in amusement, watching her nephew stumble over his feet as he tries to set his skateboard back up. "All the better, then."

It is later in the night that Miko finds her once more, asking to be lifted and looking too cute in his dinosaur pyjamas to be denied. She cradles him to her chest with a shaking breath, climbing the stairs slowly as he starts to nod off against her shoulder.

Mina takes a moment to brush aside his curls after she's set him into bed, startling a little when his hand curls around her pinky finger. "Miko?"

Her nephew only offers a sleepy smile, holding her hand to his chest. "Thank you for teaching me how to skate, Auntie Mina. I love you."

Mina feels her breath hitch, feels the bubble of tears in her chest and prickle behind her eyes. Miko only gives her a mighty yawn before he turns away to curl around his plushies, tuckered out from their afternoon in the sun. 

Her hands shake as she tugs his blankets further over his shoulders, her breath trembling as she presses a light kiss to his head. The soft glow of his night light catches the splash of her first tear, the click of the door behind her muffling the soft sob that passes through her lips. 

"Hey, it's okay." Her brother's voice is low, footsteps rushed as he climbs the stairs two at a time, catching her before she can sink to her knees. She clutches at the back of his shirt, grounding herself into his comforting scent, into the feel of his hand against her back, his lips against the top of her head. "You're okay. You're okay."

I'm okay , Mina thinks, nodding into his chest and feeling the thorns in her lungs recede, ever so slightly. I'm okay.)

 

---

 

(The box sits, silent yet screaming, as loud as Jeongyeon has ever heard it.

She sets her hand upon the fine grain, against the secrets and promises Mina must have locked away for her. For Dahyun. 

Jeongyeon turns away, the key heavy and cold around her neck.

The box sits, silent yet screaming, as loud as Jeongyeon has ever heard it.

The box sits, and screams, and rots. 

Forever.)

 

---

 

("It's lovely to see you again, Mina."

Doctor Lee is smiling, still, the next time that Mina goes to see her.

"You too, Doctor Lee." Mina musters up her own smile, tracing the pad of her thumb over the softening pink of her scar. "I - I think I'm ready to talk, this time around."

"That's good." A pleased hum, the quiet crackle of Doctor Lee's notebook, split open on her lap. "Would you mind telling me what changed your mind?"

"Believe it or not…" Mina's practised smile softens, her nephew's toothy smile and bright brown eyes flashing in her mind. "Skateboarding.")

 

---

 

(“I didn’t realise she did so much.”

Sana jolts at the sound of Jeongyeon’s voice, soft and slurring in her exhaustion, the first rays of sunshine spilling through the kitchen windows. She rubs at her eyes and offers her an apologetic smile, giving Jeongyeon’s shoulder a gentle squeeze on her way to refill their empty coffee mugs. “I didn’t either. I never realised her late nights included studying all of Dahyun’s scripts and contracts, too.”

“She never told me,” Jeongyeon murmurs, thumbing through another stack of paperwork, her free hand rubbing at her temple. She'd chased away the associate Hua Fei had sent to handle things. Jeongyeon is almost regretting it now. Sana drapes herself over Jeongyeon’s back as the coffee machine bubbles along, earning a playful groan and light smack to her chest. 

There is quiet for a moment, a slow breath before Jeongyeon speaks again, the edges of her voice coated with guilt. “I - Well, I never really asked, either.”

“It’s okay,” Sana whispers, cheek settling against the top of Jeongyeon’s head, giving her shoulders another squeeze. It hardly changes anything now. Her and Jeongyeon are here, and Mina is… Sana refuses to finish the thought. “We’ll be okay.”

“Yeah,” Jeongyeon hums, lacing shaking fingers through Sana’s. “We’ll be just fine.”)

 

---

 

("You're trending."

Nayeon's voice is soft, sleepy, almost lost in the noise of the garage. She steps out for a moment, wrinkling her nose at the sorry state of her overalls. "I'm what?"

"You're trending," Nayeon repeats with a yawn, low and rumbling. A microwave beeps in the background, Mina listening in part amusement and part concern as she hears grumbled curses and clattering silverware. "Look at the pictures I sent you."

Mina puts Nayeon on loudspeaker, tapping into the screenshots Nayeon has sent her. She huffs out a laugh in disbelief, her free hand rubbing at her temple and surely smearing grease there, too. 

There are far too many articles to count. She flicks absently through the headlines - celebration over her bestselling and best achieving album yet, and the shock following the disclosure of her indefinite hiatus. There's speculation over her health and her absence, speculation over her songs and its haunting lyrics. 

Her love and hurts and goodbyes, laid out so plainly for the entire world to pick apart in her silence.

"I forgot about that," Mina admits, feeling the beginnings of a headache building behind her eyes. She lets out a soft breath, spotting her brother's inquisitive look as he pops his head out from the office. She waves him off with a reassuring smile, mouthing Nayeon to have him retreat into his office. "I didn't even see the date."

"That's right," Nayeon pipes up excitedly through a mouthful, the sleepiness in her voice disappearing in a single breath. Mina laughs a little at the requested video call, rubbing self-consciously at her cheek as Nayeon's face fills her screen. "I wanted to be the first to greet you! Happy birthday!"

"It's still the 23rd here," Mina teases, but grins at the sight of Nayeon's pout, leaning back against the wall with a soft sigh. "Thank you, Nayeon. It's always good to see you."

Nayeon gives her an exaggerated wink, earning a laugh and another shake of Mina's head. The older woman's smile only seems to grow, her eyes softening as she regards Mina in silence for a few moments. "You look good, Mina."

Mina catches the sight of her own face in the corner of the screen, wrinkling her nose at the sight of grease across her cheek - and just about everywhere else. "Very funny, Doctor Im."

"I mean it." Mina relishes in moments just like this, Nayeon's hair out of its usual bun and tumbling in gentle waves over her shoulders - a warm honey, now. Her eyes are even warmer, a smile on her face. "You look good. Happy."

Mina's lips part to protest her words, but Nayeon cuts her off with a burst of words, nervous and eager, all in the same breath.

"I'm planning to go to L.A. for a week," Nayeon rushes out, Mina's eyebrows lifting in surprise. "I… Well, I - I'll need a guide."

"Are you asking or telling?" Mina takes a moment to enjoy the beginning of Nayeon's whine before she agrees, offering the good doctor a soft grin. "I'd be happy to, Nayeon. Let me know, and I'll be there."

"Good," Nayeon nods firmly, unable to hide the growing smile on her face. She sinks into her dining chair, haloed by the dimmed lights of her kitchen. "I'll see you in a minute."

Mina hums softly, biting back her own smile. "I'll see you in a minute.")

 

---

 

(It's the first time Nayeon kisses her.

Or tries to, at least.

On the squeaky swing in her back porch, tasting of the cheesecake Mina had served after a dinner they had prepared together, hips bumping and smiles bashful. In that moment, in the bubble Nayeon has eased her into, Mina forgets and remembers, pulling back just as quickly as she'd succumbed to the desires simmering in the wells of her heart. "Nayeon-."

"Mina, please," Nayeon grasps at the hands she's trying to pull away, pressing her forehead to Mina's. She's beautiful, even then, through the shimmer of Mina's tears, feeling the guilt clawing at . 

"I - I can't do this." Jeongyeon's eyes flash in her mind again, the hurt resonating through her bones. Even now, she still… She shakes her head, shuddering through a breath. She feels Nayeon's thumbs against the insides of her wrists, the only anchor to the storm in her stomach. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have - I shouldn't have done that."

"Breathe with me," Nayeon whispers, one hand unfurling from her wrist to cradle against her cheek. Mina hiccups through her tears, shakily mimicking the slow inhales and exhales Nayeon guides her through. She feels herself flush. How embarrassing.

"Mina," Nayeon says again, her heart fluttering at the sound. The hand is over her chest, now, fingertips brushing along where her scar would be. Where her heart is, running a mile a minute. "I wanted you to kiss me."

Her eyes close at the sound of those words, her fingers closing into fists against her thighs. She swallows down another bout of tears. "You… There's no reason to lie to me, Nayeon."

"And why would I lie to you?" The incredulous laugh Nayeon lets out is enough to open Mina's eyes once more, the older woman curling her fingers tighter in against her shirt, around her wrist. Mina finds herself sinking again, deep into the depths of Nayeon's eyes. "I… I never thought I would find this kind of connection with anyone , Mina, let alone my best friend's ex-wife. I tried for as long as I could to hold my tongue but I can't do it anymore, okay? I want you, Mina. I want this, I want us. "

"Why? " Mina can't help but ask, feeling her tears swelling once more, refusing the flicker of hope in heart. She didn't deserve any of it - the tenderness in Nayeon's face, the gentleness of her touch, the sparkle in her eyes. "You deserve more than this, Nayeon. More than what I have left to give."

"You have so much more left to give." Nayeon's voice is beseeching, willing Mina to stay, even just this once. "You made a mistake, Mina, and you've spent almost two years punishing yourself for it. I can't just sit back and watch you waste away like this. I won't. " Nayeon searches her face once more. "Don't you want this?"

"It doesn't matter what I want, Nayeon." Mina feels the last of her ropes snapping, feels the weight of those very mistakes, squeezing her lungs until she can hardly breathe. "What matters is that I can give them the last thing they asked of me."

She doesn't want to see you anymore, Jeongyeon's words ring through her head, as clearly as they did the night she had left. And neither do I.

One final wish.

"Things haven't been the same since you've left," Nayeon tells her after a beat, after Mina thinks Nayeon has let this - whatever this was - go. She tries to rise, but Nayeon is firm, unrelenting. "Jeongyeon's been miserable. Dahyun's grades have been slipping, she's been getting into fights. They - They're trying to pretend like they're fine but they aren't, Mina. Not without you."

Mina feels her heart shatter at the words, feels almost sick to her stomach at the thought. Her wife and daughter, suffering in her absence. She almost laughs, tipping forward to hide against Nayeon's shoulder. It seems she can't do anything right. "I can't go back. Not after what I did."

"I'm not asking that of you," Nayeon murmurs, the hand around her wrist coming to wrap around the nape of her neck, keeping her close. Keeping her grounded. Another spike of guilt pounds through Mina's chest. "I… I just want you to give yourself a chance. If not for yourself, then for the little girl who's been waiting for you to come home."

Nayeon presses a gentle kiss to the side of her head, then, curling in closer around her. Mina feels the shaking of her breath, the tremble of her hand against her skin as she pulls back, brushing away her tears.

"Will you sleep with me tonight?" At the sight of Mina's surely astounded face, Nayeon smirks, soft and playful. "No funny business. Just making sure you'll be around when I wake up."

"I think you might actually kill me otherwise," Mina mutters, shaking her head and letting Nayeon pull her up from her seat, too tired to protest any further.

It is only when Nayeon is washed and changed and breathing evenly against her collarbone that Mina lets herself rest. She sinks into the plush of her bed, into the warmth of Nayeon's half embrace, and lets herself wish, and want. 

Don't you want this?

I do. Mina cradles Nayeon closer to her chest, pressing the lightest of kisses to the crown of her head. She sighs, and closes her eyes, and aches for a peaceful, dreamless sleep. I do, I do, I do.)

 

---

 

("...Falling in love is not a crime."

Mina jolts at the sound of her own voice, unwillingly drawing the attention of her tour guide for the day. She flashes a quick reassuring smile, bowing her head a little deeper at the waitress' curious glance.

Of course, the one place they would stop by for lunch would have one of her earlier dramas playing on the high definition TV hanging at the back of the restaurant. She fiddles with the napkin underneath her metal chopsticks, biting back the instinct to answer in Korean when the waitress asks them if they would like anything else and simply shaking her head with a soft smile.

Sejong takes a long drink of her lemon water once the middle aged woman ambles off, exclaiming in relief once she sets the empty glass down. Mina takes the initiative to refill it, even as Sejong frantically tries to wave her off. "Please! If anything, I should be the one to do that."

"You've been an incredible guide all day," Mina laughs lightly, setting the pitcher down carefully. She's grateful now that she's chosen the seat closer to the window, Sejong's back completely to her ruddy face on the TV. "The least I could do is get you some more water."

Sejong grins sheepishly, and Mina is glad that the younger woman hasn't recognised her yet - or at all, if God would be so kind to her, just for today. "Thank you, then. And thank you for treating me to all of these meals. I think you've spoiled me for any other client I have going forward."

It's Mina's turn to wave her off, taking her own sip of water as the sun beats down against her back through the open windows, as she watches herself being swept into her co-star's arms and into a frantic kiss. She smiles to herself. Sooyoung had almost dropped her that day, having spotted Jeongyeon on set and ruining her wife's surprise. "This is the closest I've felt to home in months."

Sejong blinks at her, then, opening and promptly shutting it as the first of their dishes arrive, dipping their heads in brief thanks to the same, ever curious waitress. Mina flushes when she catches the woman's surprised glance at the television, and even more so when Sejong finally does speak. "You told me you didn't know how to speak Korean."

"I know a little bit." Mina curses herself at her forgetfulness, offering Sejong an apologetic smile and batting down the panic rising in . She remembers Jeongyeon again, her stilted words at the hospital. "I - I watch a lot of dramas, you know?"

Sejong seems to take her word for it, flashing her an easy smile and nodding along with a laugh. "Oh, for sure. Have you seen this one on Netflix recently? It's so…"

Mina is happy to let her companion ramble on as they eat, happy to nod along and interject as needed, the edges of her mind thinking of Dahyun, and Jeongyeon, and the last meal they'd shared together as a family - almost two years ago, now. 

Mina makes it through their lunch relatively unscathed, and it's only when she's paying at the counter that she's finally recognised, her cheeks colouring at the woman's excited smile. She bows deeply in thanks, and is forever glad that Sejong is preoccupied in the bathroom while she signs an autograph and poses for her first selca in years. 

"See you again next week," Sejong calls back to the gaggle of staff now crowded by the door, Mina opting to don her cap at the sudden influx of attention. She gives a final, bashful wave, and can't deny that she's missed it, even a little bit. Sejong turns back to her, eyes bright and smile even brighter. "It's been a great day, huh?"

Mina smiles warmly and nods, feeling for the first time that perhaps, tomorrow would be just fine. "It really was.")

 

---

 

Mina wakes, only once, to the sound of her wife’s voice, whispering desperate pleas to her skin. 

“Come back to us,” She calls into the darkness dragging Mina back downwards. “Come back to us.”

 

---

 

("Wow."

Mina startles at the sound of applause behind her, head snapping up to the reflection in the mirror before her. Nayeon cuts a pretty figure in the doorway, out of her usual slacks and in a pair of denim cutoffs, almost hidden by a familiar university sweatshirt. 

A surprised smile crosses Mina's face, tired arms pushing away from the barre to face the woman fully. Nayeon's smile is warm and easy, and lets Mina sink into her arms, slick with sweat as she was.

"What are you doing here?" Mina breathes out, pulling back just enough to get a better look at Nayeon's face. Her cheeks are flush from the California heat, her hands fitting easily against her hips. 

"Did you forget?" Mina is suddenly and sharply aware of her gaze, one of her hands tucking her stray hairs behind her reddened ears. Nayeon laughs, drawing her closer, slowly, hesitantly. "It's your birthday, stranger."

"Oh," Mina murmurs, cheeks warming even further. Her hands settle against Nayeon's shoulders.

"Yeah," Nayeon hums, nose brushing against hers. "Oh. "

It's the first time Nayeon kisses her.

It's the first time Mina doesn't try to stop her, welcoming the brush of her lips, sinking into the arms Nayeon wraps tighter around her waist, into the smile she feels curving against her own.

For the first time in a long time, Mina feels a quiet wash over her. She feels every catch of Nayeon's breath against her own, feels the quiet rumble of her laughter, feels the steady solidness as Nayeon presses her forehead against hers. 

She presses one, two, three more kisses to Mina's lips. Mina is almost afraid to open her eyes, almost scared to realise she's waking up from a beautiful dream. It's only when she feels the brush of Nayeon's fingers against her cheeks that she does, Nayeon's warm brown eyes boring into her own.

 "Happy Birthday, Mina.")

 

---

 

(It’s her brother that sees her off.

His eyes are shimmering, but his smile is bright, the kiss he presses to the top of her head soothing the last of the worried aches in Mina’s heart. His arms are tight around her shoulders, and Mina can only breathe him in, her fingers curling into the back of his shirt.

“Let me see you,” He murmurs, pulling back to set his gaze upon her face, leaving Mina to take in the wobble of his lips as he cradles her cheek once more. Mina leans into his touch, for both his sake and her own, placing a hand over his. “T-Take care of yourself, okay?”

“I will,” Mina promises, knocking her forehead against her brother’s before she pulls away, giving his hand one final squeeze. She musters up a watery smile of her own, his hand falling away as she grips tightly at the strap of her duffel bag instead. “I’m gonna be okay this time. I promise.”

“I know.” Her older brother regards her with every gentleness in the world, looking so much like their father, like their mother. “Say hi to Mom and Dad for me.”

I love you, his eyes say as Mina only nods, lips sealed shut by the tears threatening to spill at any moment. Be well.

I will . Mina turns away, letting the first of her tears fall only when she’s seated, missing the comfort of her brother’s embrace already. I will.)

 

---

 

(Mina’s knees are on the floor before she can bear to look at her parent’s faces.

She sinks down completely, tightening with her apologies, with her sorrows, with her pleas for forgiveness, forehead thumping against the very wood worn by dozens before her. She feels her chest heave with a traitorous sob as the first of her apologies spill from her lips, as her shaking hands ache to let her sink impossibly deeper.

“My daughter.” Her father’s voice is as light as his touch, every fight in Mina’s body slipping away as his steady hands grasp at her shoulders, drawing her into an embrace that steals her breath away. Her mother’s face is lost in the blur of her tears, her wails only growing in volume as her mother’s own arms curl around her waist, cradling her ever closer between them.

“My precious daughter,” He whispers once more, as if her wrongs have already been forgiven, forgiven with each kiss to the crown of her head, forgiven with each cry hushed, with each tear brushed away from her cheeks. “Welcome home, my darling girl. Welcome home.”

“I’m home,” She echoes, heart and voice raw, falling desperately into the warmth of their embrace. “I’m home.”)

 

---

 

("Miss Minatozaki, thank you for meeting me." A jolt through her senses. "My name is Hua Fei. I am here on behalf of Ms Myoui's Estate."

Sana hardly registers the voice through the rumble of her thoughts, through the bustling sounds of the café around them. She suppresses a flinch at the sight of the hand into her vision, slotting her hand into the other woman's with a soft sigh. "Your firm left me with little choice."

"I apologise if we may have caused you any trouble," the lawyer's voice softens only briefly, drawing Sana's attention to the folders she sets on the coffee table. "It was imperative for us to speak to you in regards to Ms Myoui's… absence."

"Her absence," Sana repeats, her head snapping up and the coffee in her stomach souring at the words. An incredulous laugh leaves her lips, the implications of the lawyer's words striking fear through Sana's heart. "You must be joking."

"I'm afraid I don't jest," Hua's voice is serious, almost grave. Manicured fingers rap briefly against the tan of the manila folder beneath her touch. "Ms Myoui had advised our firm to seek you out in the event that she did not return after more than a year."

"Mina's not dead," Sana snaps out, her heart hammering in her chest at the thought. She felt almost lightheaded, a brief hush falling across the café at her outburst. She ignores the prickle of tears in the corner of her eyes, levelling the lawyer with a fierce glare. "I know she's out there - she was on the news 16 months ago for God's sake."

"Be that as it may," The lawyer continues, unfazed by Sana's outburst. Her calm disposition is a stark contrast to Sana's near seething demeanour, each document presented only fuelling her disbelief. "Ms Myoui left very clear instructions in regards to her remaining assets, and you are at the very centre of it all, Miss Minatozaki."

Sana finds herself stilling as Hua Fei methodically dissects the papers before her, voice droning as she outlines Mina's various properties and investments - what is left, after Jeongyeon had taken nearly everything in the divorce proceedings. 

The car they had discovered at the airport parking lot, a bank account to be transferred to her name. Their shared two-storey home, the condominium in Jeju, a beachside property in Japan - the only one she doesn't recognise.

Five things. In the grand totality of it all, in all of the time Sana has spent searching for her, she is left with these five, simple things. Four sets of keys, a plain black bank book. Sana hardly has the heart to flip through it, but Hua Fei takes the courtesy of doing so for her, Sana's stomach twisting at the implications of the  amount sitting in balance.

"I know this might be a lot to take in," The lawyer starts slowly, carefully placing the items back in the simple envelope she had taken them out of. She soon presents Sana with a single document and an uncapped pen, levelling her with an imploring gaze. "But the sooner you sign for these items, the sooner we can fulfil Ms Myoui's wishes."

"Her wishes," Sana scoffs, her fingers curling against the surface of the table. The lawyer seems to suppress a sigh, as if expecting her resistance. "Did she ever consider what anyone else wanted before she ed off to God knows where?"

"Miss Minatozaki." The lawyer's voice only fuels the anger sitting low in the pit of her stomach, the despair she feels over the nights she's spent poring over websites and photographs, wishing that someone, somewhere has caught a glimpse of Mina. "This decision did not come lightly to Ms Myoui. It took almost half a year to finalise these documents. All she wants is the best for you."

Almost half a year. Mina had been planning to leave, all this time.

"If she really wanted that, she would be here," Sana breathes out, her gaze clouded by the rush of her tears. She swallows down the growing lump in , grabbing the pen and signing the documents in a furious flourish. Even now, even in the midst of the chaos she's left behind, Sana still finds herself answering to Mina's every last wish.

"Thank you for your cooperation, Miss Minatozaki." Hua Fei is methodical as she gathers the documents, her five precious things squared away so coldly, the last she has of Mina, placed plainly before her. "There is… one last thing."

The lawyer seems to hesitate for a moment, before placing a wrinkled page before her, Mina's neat penmanship catching her gaze immediately. Sana's eyes flicker up to the woman, eyebrows lifted in question.

"I was unsure if Ms Myoui wanted us to give it to you, as it arrived so long after her disappearance, and was quite damaged upon its delivery," Hua Fei informs her with an honest gaze, the latch of her attaché case clicking in place as she rises from her seat. "But… I think it is better off with you. Best wishes, Miss Minatozaki."

The lawyer leaves then, Sana seated with her keys and her bank book and a letter, almost torn in half but painstakingly taped back together. She traces her fingers over the crooked edges, over the splotches of ink, the characters almost unreadable. 

My dearest, Sana,

I will be waiting by the water, if you'll still have me.

Undoubtedly yours,

Mina

"If you'll have me," Sana whispers, feeling her heart skip at the words, feeling her fury crash inward and retreat in the same breath. "As if I could be anywhere else.")

 

---

 

(Sana finds her, 17 months into her self-imposed exile.

It’s the first time Sana kisses her.

Mouths bloody and hands desperate, the salt of her own tears, of Sana’s staining their tongues as her back finds purchase against the nearest solid surface Sana could find. It is the first time Sana takes her, the first time Sana ever takes with her, Mina’s every thought escaping with every cry that leaves her lips, taut yet trembling under Sana’s touch. 

It’s the first time Sana ever marks her, mouth hungry and teeth sharp, scraping over the pale of Mina’s skin, leaving her alight with a desire born of decades, now. Mina can only melt into her touch, melt into the sheets as Sana claims her, melt into the harshness of her breaths and her scalding kisses.

“Yours,” Mina gasps out, barely, as Sana’s mouth finds hers once more, as she lets herself fall apart in the arms of the woman who loves her so deeply, even now. Especially now. “I’m yours.”

“Mine,” Sana whispers, chest heaving and mouth slick, eyes bright in the orange sunsets of the rest of their life. “All mine.”)

 

---

 

(“Where is this from?”

Sana’s lips are soft against her collarbone, the fingers against her side even softer. 

Mina can’t help but pause, knowing that whatever answer she gives will only have Sana fussing over her when she’d much rather be holding her. She chooses her words carefully, but the way Sana props herself up on her elbow already has Mina’s tongue twisted, Sana’s black hair spilling easily over her shoulders. “I was shot.”

“You were what? ”

Sana and her hands are on her in an instant, straddled across her hips, hands firm against her side. Her thumb traces over the shimmer of puckered skin just below her ribs, eyes swimming with concern. Mina takes the moment to tuck Sana’s hair behind her ears, to soothe the furrow in her brow.

“Their gun went off by accident,” Mina tries, her hands slipping down to curl over Sana’s, pressing her palms over the faded scar on her chest. She keeps her eyes locked onto Sana’s, feeling her hands shake against her bare skin, urging Sana to mirror her as she slows her breaths. “I’m here. I’m here with you.”

Mina hums softly as Sana’s head falls to her chest, fingers linking tightly through her own, Sana’s ear pressed directly over her heartbeat. She presses the lightest of kisses to Sana’s head, grounding her with her touch, with the steady beats of her heart. Sana’s breath shudders. Mina gives her hands another squeeze. “I can’t lose you anymore, Mina. I won’t lose you anymore.”

“You won’t,” Mina whispers, drawing Sana further into her arms, words melting into the fierce kiss Sana presses into . “I promise.”)

 

---

 

(“You love her.”

Nayeon smiles at the bluntness of Sana’s words. Their shoulders brush, the cold of her drink settling suddenly through her veins. It would do them all little to lie now. “I do. Despite my greatest efforts.”

Sana laughs, soft and bright, and Nayeon sees all of the reasons Mina loves her the way she does - the quiet achings of a love that never could have bloomed until right then. Sana laughs, even then, even as the fear grips Nayeon’s heart in a dizzying vice. They settle into the deafening quiet of Nayeon’s apprehension, with Sana glancing back at Mina's sleeping figure, tangled up as she was in the bedroom behind them.

“Do we have to choose?” Sana whispers into the dark of the night, her fingers tracing along the grain of the wood beneath her hands. Nayeon pushes at the rising lump in . “We both love her. She loves us both. I - I know all too well, everything she’s lost in asking her to choose.”

“And you can’t lose any more,” Nayeon finishes quietly, her thumb running over the lip of the bottle. 

“No, I can’t,” Sana confirms, her eyes lost in the waves lapping at the shore. “I know it won’t be easy. All I’m asking for is a chance to try. For her.”

“Okay,” Nayeon murmurs, lips quirking as Sana’s eyes meet hers for the first time that night. She holds a hand out, the smile on her face growing in her own amusement. “Im Nayeon. Doctor and Mina Myoui lover. Here’s to trying.”

“Minatozaki Sana. Nurse and fellow Mina Moyui lover.” Sana can only laugh, almost loud enough to wake the girl they both hopelessly, endlessly love, hand slipping easily into her own. “Here’s to trying.”)