They start going for runs around the estate. It usually takes place before the sun rises because Sanghyuk still cannot stand being out in the open, but they go back to do some more static exercises in the living room before actually starting their day. Hongbin had always been a gym rat, but there was something about running that was different. He knows its part of Sanghyuk’s plan to look after him, since Sanghyuk was the one who suggested it, but he’s really starting to love the early mornings. It’s not so much the distance he runs – because on some days Sanghyuk just doesn’t have the energy to go far and Hongbin has to pace to make sure the younger boy can keep up – but the fact that he can pull himself out of bed just to put on some running shoes makes him proud of himself.

It hasn’t ever been like this for as long as he can remember. In college, he would skip lectures just because he physically could not get out of bed. He would build a nest of physics books around himself and read until he could convince himself that his room was better than any world out there. He would sleep there no matter how uncomfortable it was – because at least he could stay there and be safe. Going to the gym was for the middle of night to work off some of the anxiety and to hate himself less.

Now it feels like the world has shifted on its axis. He feels powerful whenever he goes for morning runs. He feels like he can do anything as long as he sets his mind to it; like he’s in charge of his own destiny. The cool wind on his face and the feel of Sanghyuk running next to him is more than enough to send a message back to college Hongbin that he could never have imagined a life like this. 

Sanghyuk had read that exercise releases endorphins when he was looking for things to do for Hongbin. He supposes that both of them need some of that right now – but it doesn’t mean it isn’t hard.

Sometimes, they bump into strangers on their run. Once, a man sobering up on the heels of a night of alcohol comes out of nowhere as they’re turning the corner on the block of the 24-hour convenience store. Sanghyuk had fallen back in surprise and the smell of alcohol on a suit coming closer had launched him straight into a full-blown panic attack.

“Please don’t touch him!” Hongbin had said frantically, just before the man could reach down to help him up and that’s the last thing that Sanghyuk remembers before his memory fails him.

He then pushes himself through the rest of the run after puking bile out on the sidewalk with his head between his knees. His head is such a mess that not once does it occur to him that he could have asked to walk home instead of run. When he gets home, he has to lock himself in his room and hide under his bed for hours to feel safe again.

It’s hard more days than not, but it helps both of them eat and sleep better. In fact, their grocery budget goes up by almost half (and Sanghyuk tries to always save money when ordering groceries online) the week after they start exercising every day. Four slices of toast instead of two, three eggs instead of one. The frequency of Sanghyuk’s nightmares doesn't decrease, but they don’t feel as intense anymore.

They’ve also taken to watching Hongbin’s favourites after dinner. Then one month, there’s a Park Hyo-shin documentary release and Sanghyuk gets hooked onto his songs. The house becomes a perpetual music zone – the speakers always play some ballad and no room is ever quiet. It takes a couple of days for Hongbin to start belting out the lyrics with no shame and another couple for Sanghyuk to start humming.

The moment it happens doesn’t feel like much. Hongbin is still making touch-ups on a few of his photos, and he doesn’t hear it at first. His foot starts tapping as it starts getting louder – and then suddenly, it’s all he can hear. Sanghyuk is humming. His melody is good; it’s strong, it’s stable, and it hits all the right notes.

He’s humming. This boy, who doesn’t really smile except around Hongbin and Taekwoon and Wonshik; who has been through hell and back; who took an entire year to learn how to take care of himself. He’s finally humming.

Hongbin listens quietly and doesn’t dare move. He feels like he’s eavesdropping in his own house. Like he’s accidentally walked in on something he shouldn’t have seen. Something private that Sanghyuk has full ownership to and would probably not have appreciated anyone sharing in it. Hongbin would give anything to have a photo of this moment taken – just Sanghyuk washing dishes, and him appreciating all that his roommate is.

Like in South Africa, Hongbin realizes all at once (again) just how much he is in love with Han Sanghyuk.

And the worst part of it all is: it’s not just the tiny moments that Sanghyuk reveal who he truly is deep down that Hongbin loves. It’s also all the broken, messed up pieces of Sanghyuk that Hongbin absolutely adores. It’s knowing just how bad things were in Sanghyuk’s previous life, and still being blessed with the company of a boy with so much kindness to give. Actually, to be precise, even before he realized this, he had already been in love. He had given up trying to control his heart after noticing all of Sanghyuk’s small habits – the way he pulls his socks all the way up before he puts his shoes on, the way his eyes look like the sun is always shining on them every time he smiles, and the way he’s so curious about every small thing the world has to offer. Hongbin is very academically smart and he knows a lot of things. But listening about photosynthesis, or molecules, or kinetic energy through Sanghyuk feels like he’s never known how beautiful those things could be at all. It feels like he’s looking at the world through completely different lens. Because Sanghyuk makes things beautiful. This fact could almost break Hongbin apart in every good way there is. 

Then the humming suddenly stops. There is a tense silence as Hongbin imagines Sanghyuk freezing up, realizing how loud he was being. Then the water runs again and the dishes clang together and Hongbin can’t help but smile, shaking his head as he goes back to his work.  

***

Wonshik and Jaehwan become bowling buddies on Saturdays. Wonshik had heard from Hongbin that Jaehwan didn’t have anyone to accompany him on his hospital-approved Saturday outings and couldn’t think of any better way to spend his usually lazy Saturday afternoons. Nakhun tries to be there for Jaehwan, but his pager is always beeping, and he can’t always be there to make sure that the nurses in the staff lounge are free from Jaehwan’s pestering.

So Wonshik volunteers (once again). Their aimless wandering of Itaewon had slowly morphed into shopping, then into smoothie-hunting, then finally into signing up for a bowling membership. Jaehwan had tried to get them signed up at a muay thai gym, but Wonshik honestly doesn’t like violence and thinks he would never survive even a friendly sparring; though of course, he had pretended it was because of his weak wrists.

Jaehwan is… unreasonably good at bowling. He doesn’t care much for it, but he hits every pin that Wonshik misses like it’s nothing. They fall into a pattern of bowling shoes, then ice cream breaks, then bowling shoes again, and finally a slow walk back to the ward. Slowly, almost imperceptibly, Jaehwan’s prickly exterior melts. He still grumbles about not liking bowling, but at least he doesn’t attack Wonshik’s love for it. He even tries to coach Wonshik in the midst of gloating over his own consecutive strikes. He smiles more, says things that are more neutral (and normal), stops purposely splashing in puddles on the way to the bowling alley, and learns to say his pleases and thank yous. Jaehwan, in between bowling lanes and excessive celebratory dances, becomes a hundred times more likeable.

In exchange, Wonshik lets Jaehwan in on his life. He lets him listen to his unreleased tracks, asks him for his opinion on lyrics, introduces him to his hip-hop friends, and tells him all about his new girlfriend. Honestly, Wonshik can tell that Jaehwan is just lonely; because when Wonshik talks about these things that can happen outside the four walls of a hospital, Jaehwan is genuinely interested. He asks questions even though he doesn’t have to, and even if he asks them in a way that conceals just how excited he is to hear the answers to them.

“One day you’re going to have a life that you love,” Wonshik says suddenly, clapping Jaehwan on the back as they walk back to the hospital. “After you’re done with all this ? Trust me, you’re going to have so many good experiences.”

Jaehwan had laughed and made up some stupid joke while shoving back at him, but Wonshik can see so palpably just how much it means to Jaehwan to have heard something like that.