When SinB got home, she was very quick to send Yuju a text to thank her for such a pleasant afternoon, a very wide grin still plastered to her face. She also left a message in the group chat she had with her friends telling them that she was grateful for their support and hoping they had a nice time with whatever they did afterwards. She flung her phone onto her bed and pulled out her old cd player. She could easily have played the cd that Yuju gave her from her laptop, but the sound quality was better out of her cd player and without her laptop on, she could properly focus on the music.

Before she pressed play, she opened up the little booklet that was tucked inside to check out the track list. Her eyebrows furrowed a little when she looked the first page and read in big red cursive letters her name across the top of the page. There was also a short handwritten note written across the centre, written in bright blue ink that for some reason only reminded her of Yuju. Her heart melted as she read its contents:

‘I’ve put this mixtape together for you to hopefully explain everything that I can’t. This list of songs are the best way I can think to describe everything we’ve been through together since we met and how I feel about you. I’m not very good at explaining how I feel so hopefully these songs will be able to tell you what I can’t bring myself to say.

Yours forever, Yuju xoxo ’

There were a few little doodles around the edges mostly resembling squiggles and flowers. It was cute, and SinB couldn’t help but grin, as she felt her heart racing. She turned the page and reached for the play button on the cd player. On the next page, she saw written in big bold letters ‘The story of Us, Taylor Swift’ above the full list of the lyrics. At the bottom of the page was another handwritten note, this time in bright pink, to explain the choice of the track. ‘This song felt appropriate because the whole tape is me telling our story ;) ’ She listened to the unfamiliar song and was even more surprised to hear the unfamiliar vocals when they began, because they definitely didn’t match anything SinB had heard from Taylor Swift before. She soon recognised the voice as that of Yuju that she’d heard just over a week ago! She got lost in the sound of the music, in the depth of Yuju’s voice, and she couldn’t help but be excited. The song ended sooner than SinB would have liked and so she turned her attention to the next page in the booklet. The heading at the top of the next page was ‘I can hear the bells, Hairspray’ followed by a long string of cheesy lyrics from the teenage musical she’d seen once with Yerin and Umji. Her eyebrow quirked. At the bottom of the page in Yuju’s pink writing there was another explanation of the track. ‘This is a comical interpretation of the day we met. I’d always been aware of you subtly watching me, but when we bumped into each other it finally gave me the chance to talk to you, and since that day I’ve felt complete. I’m still sorry that it took me accidentally spilling my lunch over you for me to gain the courage to talk to you though’ SinB could feel a slight blush creeping up her cheeks at the thought of being so obvious – she’d had no idea that Yuju had known she was staring all this time. And Yuju’s sincerity was sweet. Again, Yuju’s vocals saw her get lost in a trance, the song was fun and SinB couldn’t help but smile. When the song closed, she turned the page to see what the next track was. No Mercy, Pvris? That seemed really weird to SinB. Pvris were one of her favourite bands that she loved to listen to because of their powerful ambience and because of the lead singer’s amazing voice. No Mercy was one of her favourite songs, she and Yerin had listened to it on repeat for about three weeks once, and it was for this sentimental reason that she adored it. Her eyes traced the familiar lyrics as she scanned to find the explanation of this choice. ‘I chose this song because it was the song you had last listened to before you left your phone in my cardigan. It was a challenge to sing it right, but I really enjoyed it. They’re a really good band and I can see why you like them :D’ And then, almost as an afterthought, right across the bottom she had written ‘It’s hard to be what you need when you don’t even realise how badly I want to be the one you need’ It felt like her heart was doing backflips and her stomach was full of butterflies. It was weird to connect her favourite band to Yuju, it seemed to be a concept that didn’t fit, but she definitely loved the song even more at the thought of the older girl singing it just for her. And the almost afterthought of the note was an alteration of another lyric by the band – had she listened to other Pvris tracks just because I like them? She replayed the song because she loved Yuju’s rendition so much. On the next page there was just a Polaroid photo Yuju must have taken of her leant over a keyboard with headphones on. Beside the picture, Yuju had written ‘My favourite little genius hard at work’ surrounded by many smiley faces. She turned to the next double page spread in the booklet to see what came next: It’s Gonna Be Me, NSync. This had to be the song that she’d heard Yuju singing that day in the practice room. It sounded even better that the first time she’d heard it. She read the note across the bottom of the page and saw that it spread across the two pages, as if it was relevant to both songs. The ink this time was a much deeper pink, closer to red. It felt almost representative of the change in tone of the pages in front of her ‘These two tracks are about how I felt after the Eunha incident. The first of the two is all about how I gave up my status in school for you but I was worried it wasn’t enough because you were so mad at me. It’s my way of saying that no matter how tough things were that I still want you anyway, and if anything it made me even more determined to win your heart. The second of these tracks is the start of me trying to tell you what I want to say: even though you aren’t mine, I love the way it feels to have you, and love the feeling I get when you’re around because it causes me pain when you aren’t.’ SinB cast her eyes up to the top of the page to see that the next song is Love How It Hurts by Scouting For Girls. SinB could feel her world spinning, she thought she understood the point that Yuju was trying to get to, and even the thought was bringing her close to tears. She listened to the tracks, hearing all of the emotion in her voice. It hurt her to hear the pain in Yuju’s voice as she sang the lyrics, even worse when she realised that she was the cause of the pain. It caused her pain, but at the same time it brought her beautiful feelings. Like someone had just a light and she could now see a spectrum of colour that she hadn’t noticed before. It really was the most beautiful pain in the world. She turned the page again, the next song was the final song on the cd. It was a song that SinB wasn’t especially familiar with Really Really, by Winner. She’d heard it in passing, but had never paid it much attention. There was something more special about it now that Yuju had recorded it for her and made it into part of her cd. The note at the bottom of the page was written in the vibrant blue again. It was like going a full circle only to end up back at the start. It read ‘I guess what I’m trying to say, Hwang SinB, is that I really like you. I don’t know where we might end up, but I know that I always want to end up next to you. You make me realise everything I want in life, and you help to make me the best version of me that I can be. Thank you for everything you’ve ever done for me – both knowingly and unknowingly. Yours forever, Yuju xoxo’ On the next page was another polaroid picture stuck down. It was a picture of them together that they’d taken on Yuju’s phone in the practice room. It made SinB gush when she realised how close their faces had been, and she got a warm feeling in the pit of her stomach when she remembered that after the picture had been taken Yuju had given her a kiss on the cheek. She put her hand to her cheek and felt herself blushing. She grinned like an idiot as the weight of what she read sunk in: Yuju, the girl she had been crushing on for so long, had made her a mixtape to confess her feelings to her! The girl that had been too nervous to talk to her despite the fact that she knew SinB liked her too! The girl that broke SinB’s heart by accident and fixed it all over again, was now wearing her heart on her sleeve to tell SinB with more than just words how much she meant to her! SinB was totally bowled over. She could feel her emotions coming out as tears which streamed down her cheeks, and she did nothing to stop them, laughing at the situation.

After composing herself, she laid down on her bed for a few minutes before reaching for her phone. She first of all checked her friends’ group chat. It was full of messages of her friends asking her what Yuju had said, what was going on, and then ended with them deciding that SinB was too busy dreaming about her new girlfriend to even reply. SinB sent a couple of laughing emojis in response, and replied ‘She’s not my girlfriend… yet… ;)’

She then opened her text from Yuju. From: XXXXX XXX 103 (21:11): I’m glad I wasn’t the only one who enjoyed it xo She then proceeded to call the girl. The phone rang two… three times before Yuju answered. There was a tone of hesitancy to the older girl’s voice “Hello? SinB, what’s wrong? It’s nearly 10pm. Has something happened?” as well as hesitant, she sounded sleepy. SinB chuckled to herself

“Yeah, something has happened… and I wanted to tell the girl of my dreams about it before anyone else” SinB’s voice was teasing, and even though the other girl couldn’t see her, she bit her lip in nervousness. She heard a sharp inhale from the other end of the line. “Yuju, I really really like you too. And I really really love the cd you made me. You didn’t have to go to all that effort just for me though. You’re incredible.” She heard the sound of the other girl yawning.

“Don’t tease me SinB, it’s late.”

“I’m not teasing Yuna. I like you… like a lot… and I have done for a long time now. You’ve made me the happiest girl in the world to know that these feelings are reciprocated. You have no idea how special you are to me, and how long I’ve wanted to just say to you Choi Yuna, I think I’m in love with you. I’d long ago dismissed that as a fantasist idea. But here I am, saying it to you now, over a late night phone call…” She heard what she assumed was Yuju fidgeting to get comfortable before she replied

“SinB, you have no idea. I’m completely crazy about you. You deserve someone to make you happy, and if I may I’d like to be that someone… Hwang SinB, what I’m trying to say… is….” There was a loud inhale before she continued. SinB could picture the older girl squeezing her eyes shut to compose herself before finishing her sentence “Will you be my girlfriend?”

Author's note: HEEEEEEYYYYYY! Look who's back! I should be studying, but I wouldn't be me if I didn't procrastinate when I'm stressed XD I hope you've all been keeping well and you're doing okay. You have no idea how long this idea has been running through my mind, so I decided to just write it down before I go crazy and forget it.

So this is it, this is what we've been building to. The mixtape was actually the original sparking idea. I think I've mentioned before that NSync It's Gonna Be Me was my inspiration for this story, and yeah it was, but the whole idea was the mixtape. All of the songs (apart from the one from Hairspray which was just a comical interlude) have positive memories for me and that might be why I love them so much. If you don't know the songs or the bands, I would definitely recommend checking them out.

I'm not going to be able to update for another few weeks because I'm actually in the middle of my end-of-terms and then I'm officially done with education. I'll get another chapter written up within a couple of weeks of me finishing them, I promise. I hope you like this chapter, and aren't too mad that I left it in an awkward place. Let me know what you think down below, you never know, it might have some influence over what happens next ;)

That's all from me for now. I hope you've enjoyed it. Take care of yourselves. I'll be back soon enough. Lots of love. xoxo