She thinks Nayeon has probably known since the first 'i love you' that spilled from when they (Nayeon, 22 and Jeongyeon, 20) had just begun their adult lives. Jeongyeon does love her though but she has never once been in love with her. They both got annoyed with each other so easily; Nayeon found her to be such a stick in the mud about mostly everything while Jeongyeon can't stand how absolutely careless she can be when it comes to important matters. Nayeon was loyal though, she had never once left her, not even if the fight had almost became violent. Nayeon understands the space Jeongyeon needs on a daily basis, knows that being alone soothes her. 

Neither of them can cook, and they don't ever try to improve for each other. It's always simple dishes or take out food and Jeongyeon is extremely content with it. Public displays of affection are kept to a minimum; the occasional peck on the cheek or corner of each other lips, holding each others hands or nayeon wrapping herself around one of her arms. She knows though, Jeongyeon knows that Nayeon loves affection, knows that she wants hot searing breathless kisses, wants Jeongyeon to hold her tighter; to show that Nayeon is her girl and no one should come near. Jeongyeon doesn't though, never once and Nayeon never complains.

Their families love one another, they never have asked either of them if something was wrong. Both of them make sure to keep them blinded by the truth. Jeongyeon thinks the holidays and birthdays are the times when she and Nayeon become oscar worthy actresses. Jeongyeon becomes the girl Nayeon really wants and she thinks that her girlfriend relishes all of it. Friends though, Jeongyeon knows they are harder to fool. They both have 7 other friends in common and one of them knows them both since young age. Jihyo is harder to fool.

It's the big round eyes, Jeongyeon thinks. It's hard to lie to her eyes. She thinks Jihyo has an idea, knows that maybe her and nayeon are really just together because it's all that they know. Jeongyeon also thinks that Nayeon has someone else, is really in love with someone else; is in love with one of their mutual friends. Hirai Momo, and really Jeongyeon isn't even mad; she doesn't even care. The only thing she dislikes is the look of guilt that momo will give her every time their eyes find one another. It makes her want to console Momo, to tell her that she's never been in love with Nayeon in the first place. She can't though, that would mean she has to give up what she knows, has to give up Nayeon.

She just can't lose her, can't lose the security that Nayeon brings her, can't lose her routine. She thinks Nayeon can't lose her either, can't leave her for momo because she's afraid of really falling and it ending up failing. After all, they have never really been in love with each other. Maybe at one point Nayeon felt something for her, felt the beginning of it. She doesn't know though, because even though they've known each other for years, Nayeon has once let her inside of her mind. Maybe that's why she could never fall in love with Nayeon, she can't remember what the older girl is really like or if she's ever really known. 

Jeongyeon is 28 now and her Nayeon is 30. They are so old and so goddamn miserable. She catches Nayeon sobbing in the middle of the night out on their balcony, never sleeps through it once and never goes to console her either. Tonight though, Nayeon's birthday, she hears it once again. It's in that instant that she finally moves. She backhugs her tightly and feels Nayeon freeze, feels her trembling. Her voice is groggy as she hears words leave , "forgive me," Nayeon's body jolts, she hears the multiple swallows, knows that Nayeon is trying to prevent herself from breaking; Jeongyeon squeezes her tightly. "I have made you suffer for too long, I have heard you cry for too long, lied for too long," 

Jeongyeon is crying, snot beginning to fall from her nostrils as she hides her face in-between Nayeon's clothed shoulder blades, "You have needed me, needed me to make you happy and all i have done was let you crumble while i went about my days," They both are huddled together on the cold concrete of their balcony, choked sobs escaping instead of words. They fall asleep like that, and even though every ounce of her wants to scold herself she awakens and her thoughts rush to the girl still in her arms. Her Nayeon who's eyes are puffy and nose covered in dry snot. "forgive me," she whispers once more and Nayeon's eyes flutter open. It's the first time they've both really ever looked at each other since they were young. 

Nayeon takes her face gently into her palms so she can rest her forehead upon hers. "I forgive you," Nayeon's voice is strained and Jeongyeon knows that she will get a cold. They both know they can't leave one another, know that they can't erase the past and can't make their own feelings change overnight. But as they both look at each other, as they both see and feel their own pain. They know that they can fall, because Im Nayeon doesn't know anyone better than Yoo Jeongyeon and Yoo Jeongyeon doesn't know anyone better than Im Nayeon. They will start anew, and this time Jeongyeon thinks, this time when she says 'i love you' she really will be in love with her. 

a/n: maybe a part two will happen with this. i am not sure. hopefully you enjoy this. also i have semi-proof read this, so if u see any mistakes and it irks u a bit, please let me know so i can fix.

Love-Belt | Jonghyun