You just finished putting your makeup on—made sure you didn't overdo it and put just the right amount of eyeshadow and a natural colored lipstick—done curling your hair in lose curls, put on the floral dress you bought two weeks ago specifically for this occasion. You’re almost ready—the only thing keeping you from being ready is wearing your strappy heels—and it’s not even six pm.

“You’re way too excited.” Your roommate said as she stuff a piece of potato chip in .

You turned to her. “I am, right?”

You carefully plop yourself on the sofa with her as she watch Stranger Things re-run while waiting for Youngjae.

You and Youngjae has been going out for about six months. You two met at a concert of your favorite soloist. It was a funny meet-cute moment. Your friends ditched you to this concert you’ve been dying to see. You decided to still go anyway, it’s your favorite act and it’ll be a shame not to see it. Besides, what’s wrong with watching a concert alone?

So you went on with the concert. You had a really good feeling about it. You arrived at the hall early so you went and grabbed some snacks first. You finished ordering and you’re on your way to the benches, when you hit the person behind you with a tray full of cheese fries and large cup of drink. It was a disaster.

You said sorry to the person behind you a thousand times and he said it was okay. You didn't believe him though because his shirt was stained with cheese and soda. You wanted to strip him off and change his clothes right then and there. But he insisted it was okay and gave you a very cute smile. Really, he looked like the sun shining and you didn't worry about his shirt anymore.

No matter how guilty you are, when the guy told you it’s fine, there’s no other thing for you to do but to go on with the concert. You felt really bad but if he insisted not asking for help, then so be it.

You were in your assigned seat about fifteen minutes before the show starts. You hated it when latecomers come in and block the view of the stage so you avoid being a nuisance to other.

Sure enough, just about ten minutes into the show, a guy came bothering your entire row, excusing and apologizing as he makes his way to his seat. You tried so hard not to groan when he stopped beside you and took a seat.

“I’m sorry.” The guy whispered. “I had to change my clothes ‘cause I spilled soda on my shirt.”

You turned to him and was completely embarrassed when you realized that he’s the guy you spilled your drink at. He has that warm smile again that makes you weak in your knees.

After the concert, you exchanged names and numbers, found out that he’s Youngjae—a post grad student just like you. A little more than a week after, you had your first date and was followed by another and another until you found yourselves officially dating. You never stopped talking since, texting each other good mornings and calling goodnight.

It has been six months since you started dating and nothing really changed. Youngjae is still the sweet guy that he is when you first met him. But you has always been kind of nervous. Sometimes, he’s too good to be true. You can’t help but to worry what if he turns out to be a different person after time passes? Like how early stages of relationship is always so sweet but along the way you’ll find out things that will disappoint you. Like what if he’s not up to watching chick flicks? What if he’s not into Japanese food? Or what if he got turn off when he finds out that you talk gibberish in your sleep? What if he got tired of all your lame jokes?

You just can’t help but overthink. Especially when, after six months, neither of you has said the those three magical words yet.

You’re still a bit old school and you still believe in the power of words so you can’t help but to be bothered by it. You didn’t want to force Youngjae either, afraid to offend him and put the relationship into nothing.

So, even though you can’t help but to get drown in your anxieties, you just keep in mind to enjoy every little step in your budding relationship.

“It’s five-forty.” Your roommate mumbled noticing your fidgeting fingers. “He said he’s gonna pick you up at six. Calm down.”

You sighed. “I’m just nervous, okay.”

It’s obviously not your first date but this is your first Christmas together. You two have been planning how to spend your first Christmas for weeks. You thought going to the movies will be a bit usual, a stroll in the park is going to be boring. Since you both have a liking in music, you ended up buying tickets to A Christmas Carol. You have been a fan of the book while Youngjae is a fan of the musical. Afterwards, you’re going to have dinner at this fancy restaurant near the theater. You have planned it well and you have been jittering in excitement since you accomplished the reservations and all the planning—which you all did in just four days. That’s how excited you are.

“You think I’m overreacting?” You asked eyes fixed on the clock.

Your roommate chuckled. “Of course you are.”

You nudged her on the stomach. “Thank you for being such an honest friend.”

“Hey! That hurts!” She said but is still laughing.

You heard three knocks on the door and both of you jump on your seats.

“He’s here!”

“Youngjae!”

You both said at the same time.

You stiffened on your seat. “How’s my makeup? Do I look pale?” You asked turning to her.

“Your makeup is just right.” She answered.

“How about my dress? Is it too wrinkly?” You said standing up. “Ugh. I shouldn’t have sat so carelessly!”

“It’s fine. Don’t worry.” Your roommate said standing too.

“How ‘bout my hair?” You said walking to your room.

“Great. Perfectly curled.” She answered.

“It’s not supposed to be perfect!” You said shutting your room’s door behind you while your roommate gets the door for Youngjae.

You took your bag and checked—for the sixth time tonight—if all your things are there. Phone, wallet, lip balm, tissue, mini sewing kit, mints—everything you’ll need in case of emergency.

You take one last look at yourself in the mirror after putting on your heels. You took a deep breath and walked to the door when you remember your gift for Youngjae. You immediately went to your bedside table and took the small box.

You opened your room’s door, your heart is pounding in your chest like it’s prom all over again.

There he is, Youngjae. The mere sight of him sends butterflies all over your stomach. He is wearing a dark green top over black tailored pants, a coat over his arm. His green top perfectly complements your floral dress.

“You look beautiful.” Youngjae is almost breathless, looking right in your eyes.

You can’t help but smile before pursing your lips. “And you look dashing.” You said walking near him.

Your roommate made a disgusted sound. “Go, guys. Go. Let the single lady drown in her misery on Christmas Eve.” She said pushing you and Youngjae to the door.

 

 

 

The theater isn’t a long ride from your place. You just talk about your day the whole ride but the best thing about it is Youngjae’s hand in yours the entire time.

You got in the theater just in time. You both didn’t want to be late so you skipped eating snacks and went inside.

Both of you already know the story by heart so there wasn’t much of a surprise while watching. But what you both loved in the show was the cast’s performance. It was superb. You left the theater shortly after the show making sure you’ll make it to your reservation at the restaurant.

The restaurant is just a few blocks from the theater but the traffic is always insane, especially on Christmas Eve. You have been stuck in the traffic for almost thirty minutes when it usually just takes them less than fifteen minutes to get there. It’s nine-fifteen and anxiety is starting to creep you because your reservation is at nine-thirty but here you are stuck in the holiday traffic.

“Calm down, babe.” Youngjae said.

He turned to you and gave you a warm smile, completely unbothered. It annoys you a bit that here you are panicking about your reservation but he doesn’t seem to worry at all.

This is where your personalities always clash. Youngjae has always been a cool guy. He’s very positive on everything, has a warm smile on every situation. You, however, is an over-thinker and never calm.

“We’re gonna be late.” You groaned. “If we got late—even for five minutes—they’re not going to refund our reservation fee.”

It scares you sometimes. What if one day it take a toll on you? What if this little difference ruin your relationship? It’s crazy how much it scares you.

Youngjae reached for your hand and squeezed it for comfort. “We’re gonna make it.” He assured. Little did he know that his words meant so much more to your cloudy thoughts.

You turned to him and replied with a gentle smile. You would have freaked out if it wasn’t for him. A lot of things might scare you this early in the relationship but it just says how strong your feelings are for him. And all the while, even though Youngjae doesn’t exactly know how chaotic your thoughts are, he always manage to calm you down and that’s just enough.

 

 

“What do you mean we lost it?” You nagged at the reception of the restaurant.

You beat the traffic and got in right on time, a few minutes earlier in fact. But you got held in the door. The receptionist told you your name wasn’t on the list.

“I made the reservation about two weeks ago. How can we lost it?” You said.

“I’m sorry ma’am but there must be an error.” The guy explained.

“An error? How is that possible?” You’re trying hard to keep you voice down but failing miserably.

Youngjae held you in the arm. “Babe, calm down.” He whispered. “Are you sure we’re not on the list?” Youngjae carefully spelled your name at the guy.

The guy shook his head. “There’s really nothing, Sir.” By this time, a lady approached you and whispered something on the guy’s ear. “I’m afraid, but someone cancelled your reservation.”

“Cancelled?” You have your voice one octave higher by now. “Who the hell will cancel my reservation?”

Youngjae held you by your arms. Your whole face is red and hot in anger. You completely lost hold of what’s going on. Before you knew it, you and Youngjae are out of the restaurant.

“Hey, hey,” Youngjae calms you down, rubbing your arms. “Don’t let this ruin our night, okay?”

“Our night is already ruined!” You said, not minding anymore if you lose your composure in front of Youngjae. “That reservation costs thousands!”

“At least they said we’ll get refund?” Youngjae lifts his shoulders.

You opened your mouth to say something but failed to think of anything else. It’s useless.

“Come on,” Youngjae mumbled taking your hands in his, rubbing them together. “It’s Christmas Eve. Let’s just make the most out of it.”

You take a deep frustrated breath. Youngjae is right. It’s a mistake to dwell in this disaster and there’s really nothing else left for you to do but to let it pass.

Youngjae puts down your hands, clasped your fingers and started walking in the cold and busy streets. You try to ease your nerves as you walk. Youngjae’s warm hand helping a lot to make you feel better.

Youngjae suddenly run faster basically dragging you when he saw a cart selling roasted chestnuts.

The only time Youngjae let go of your hand is when he paid for the chestnuts and when he took the bag he bought. He took your hand once again and kept it inside the pocket of his coat to keep it warm, your other hand holding the warm bag of chestnuts while Youngjae kept his other hand inside his pants’ pocket.

You walked a bit more in silence before you two sat in one of the benches just around the area where Youngjae’s car is parked.

Youngjae took one chestnut from you, broke it open and give it to back you. You immediately ate the warm and sweet chestnut.

His phone rang and he took it out of his pocket. He looked at the caller ID and turned to you as if asking for permission.

You shrugged. “Go ahead.”

“This is gonna be quick.” He said as he puts the phone on his ear. He is just calmly nodding as he listens when his eyes suddenly widened.

“A piano?” He asked, almost horrified. “Are you serious?”

You look at him expectantly hoping you can know what’s going on over the line.

He sighed. “Okay. Okay. I’ll be there as soon as I can. But I can’t promise. Okay? You know I’m on a date right now.”

You blushed knowing he’s talking about you.

When Youngjae is done, he stuffed the phone back on his pocket.

“Who’s that?” You asked.

“Jinyoung, remember? One of my friends.” He answered and you nodded remembering who Jinyoung is. “He’s just asking for help lifting something.”

“Lifting what?” You asked.

“A piano.”

“What?” You asked almost horrified. Why the hell would they lift a piano? You asked to yourself.

Youngjae chuckled. “We have this party, remember? But don’t mind them. They can take care of it.”

You sighed. “We could have been eating steak and salmon now.” You frowned remembering you reservation.

Youngjae popped a chestnut in his mouth. “I liked this better, though.”

“Huh?” You asked turning at him in surprise. “You didn’t want the restaurant?”

Youngjae shook his head and took another chestnut from the bag. “No. I meant I like laidback and chill dates like this.”

“So, you didn’t like it.” It was a whisper but Youngjae heard it still.

Youngjae put down the chestnut. “That’s not what I said.” He said patiently.

“Then why didn’t you tell me?” You asked.

“You’re having too much fun with the planning.” He answered. “I didn’t want to spoil your mood.”

“You could have still told me.” You pouted.

“Okay,” Youngjae said turning to you and putting the bag of chestnuts aside. “Let’s promise each other one thing.”

You blinked at him, expectant but at the same time nervous at what Youngjae is about to say.

“Let’s be true to each other.” Youngjae started. “Let’s be ourselves. Let’s be loud, messy—let’s tell each other our secrets. Let’s be who we really are.”

Youngjae took your hands. “I want to love every single piece of you so please let me.”

“W-what did you say?” You stuttered trying to let his words sink in. Did he just—? Did he really said those words? Did he just told you he loves you? Every piece of you?

Youngjae just smiled looking at your reaction. You’re about to call him out on it but two guys approached you. One of them is holding up a guitar while the other one stands beside him. They are Christmas carolers. The guy with the guitar started strumming O Holy Night and the other guy started singing. They sounded like angels making this cold Christmas Eve warmer.

But as much as you liked their performance, you and Youngjae are kind of in a middle of something and you just want to get on right where you left off.

So when the singer gave you a white envelope, you took it, put some money inside then politely gave it back to him. They both gave you a smile and their singing faded gradually.

However, instead of walking away, they started performing another song. You didn’t recognize the song at first, mainly because you’re too confused as to what’s going on. A few lines in the song, you recognized it’s Rod Stewart’s Have I Told You Lately That I Love You and it confuses you even more. As far as you can remember, it isn’t a Christmas carol.

Then, before you can even process what’s truly going on, Youngjae stood and joined the carolers in singing. They were in the second verse when Youngjae joined in but he sang the words perfectly.

Have I told you lately, that I love you

Have I told you, there’s no one else above you

You fill my heart with gladness

Take away all my sadness

Ease my troubles, that’s what you do

Your heart melted with every word and melody. Your hands are ice cold and shaking. You feel your eyes starting to well with tears.

Youngjae walked back to you, the carolers continued behind him. He took your hand and let you stand. He took both of your hands and put it around his neck then placed his hands on your waist. You started swaying as the carolers continued singing. You stared at him right into his eyes. You don’t know what’s going on but your heart is warm and full. It’s all overwhelming and it’s telling you one thing.

Youngjae stopped swaying. He took a small box from his coat.  He opened it and there is a necklace. It was a drop diamond pendant in silver chain. It’s so simple yet breathtaking. You gasped in surprise and Youngjae replied with a charming smile as he took the necklace out of the box. He tossed the box to the bench and closed the gap between you. He reached behind you to put the necklace on you, clasping the lock on your nape.

“I love you.” He whispered when he pulled away.

Your world stopped. Your heart skipped a beat for a second before beating too fast your ear started to hurt.

He said it.

He said the words you have been dying to hear and he said it in the most romantic way possible. You just can’t help to fall for him even more.

“I’m sorry it took me a while to say it.” Youngjae said holding you in your arms.

You can’t come up with words to answer. You’re too overwhelmed with feelings you can’t hide anymore. So instead of answering with words, you throw your arms around him in an embrace.

You started sobbing. You didn’t want to. You didn’t want to be too emotional but you can’t help it. Besides, he just said be true, right? This is you being true to your feelings and showing Youngjae exactly how you feel.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” Youngjae asked rubbing your back. The carolers continued with the instrumental of the song.

“I-I—“ You stuttered. “I guess I just got too worried that you might not say it.”

You felt Youngjae smiled before pulling out of the hug. “Why won’t I?”

You couldn’t answer.

“I love every single thing about you.” Youngjae said. “I’m not just good with expressing how I feel in words.”

You shook your head. “It’s okay.”

Youngjae swayed your hair away from your face. “I love you.”

You broke into a smile finally knowing what to reply. “I love you too.”

Youngjae broke into a grin. His smile is so genuine and pure, he’s like a sunshine keeping you warm on a winter night.

You inched closer to him and put your hands over his shoulders for support as you tiptoed and reached for his lips. You kissed his soft lips, chastely and sweetly.

It took Youngjae a moment to react like he was surprised with the sudden touch. But when he realized it, he wrapped his arms on your middle, pulling you closer and dipping you. He kissed you back, deepening the contact.

It’s warm and comfortable. It’s sweet and innocent but at the same passionate. It felt so good but you needed to breathe.

You gasped for air when you pulled out, both of you wanting air.

It was only then you noticed that the carolers are gone leaving the two of you alone. You suddenly felt embarrassed hoping they didn’t see the kiss.

Youngjae kissed you again softly in the lips before planting another one on your forehead.

“You didn’t like my gift?” Youngjae fake-pouted.

“I loved it!” You immediately said.

Youngjae chuckled. Even his laughter sounded like angels singing. “I’m talking about the necklace in case you’re distracted.”

You slapped him in the chest playfully. “I know, dummy.”

“But where’s my gift?” Youngjae asked.

“Oh, yeah!” You exclaimed and went to the bench in an instant. You sat and took your bag as Youngjae followed you, sitting beside you.

You took the small box you almost forgot at home a while ago. Feeling the diamond necklace on your neck suddenly made you feel embarrassed about your gift. Compared to the necklace, your gift is way cheaper.

You hesitated before giving it to Youngjae but he took it as soon as he saw it out of your bag.

“Hey!” You wanted to protest but it’s too late, Youngjae is already opening his present. “Just to give you a heads up, it’s nothing much. Please don’t expect too much.”

Youngjae gave you a look of disbelief. “I’ll love whatever it is as long as it’s from you.” He winked.

You couldn’t read his expression when he opened the gift so you took liberty in explaining it.

“It’s a cuff link.” You started. “Your thesis defense is coming up so I wanted to give you something. Like a charm of sort.” Your eyes are fixed on the box, too shy to look at him. “Your favorite symbol is engraved on it. I don’t know. I hope it helps, keep you calm at least or—“

Youngjae threw his arms around you. “Thank you. This means a lot.” He whispered.

You break into a smile and hugged him back.

“Merry Christmas.” You said.

“Merry Christmas, love.” Youngjae replied.

You both let go of the hug and leaned back on your seats. Youngjae took your hand in his as you rests your head on his shoulder. Things didn’t turn the way you expected but it turned out better.

“Hey,” You suddenly uttered remembering your ‘cancelled’ reservation.

“Yes?” Youngjae asked.

You lifter your head from his shoulder. “You planned all of this, huh?”

Youngjae smiled proudly. “Of course.”

“The carolers?” You asked.

Youngjae nodded.

“The bench?”

He nodded once again.

“You cancelled my reservation?”

He nodded even more proudly before freezing midway. You just stared at him blankly.

He puts his arm around you. “You know that I love you, right?”

You took a heavy sigh. “Thank the heavens that I love you.”