SHINee was actually the first kpop group I listened to despite being introduced to a few before. I started watching them on Hello Baby and found myself liking each of them, for different reasons. I liked Jonghyun because of his humour, how funny he was. He reminded me of a dinosaur and I truly liked his dino-features and boyish charms. Then I started listening to their music. And boy, I fell for his vocals almost instantly. Man, this boy is talented af. I loved seeing him perform, for there always had been this spark in his eyes and this passion in his voice. I had expected him to go far and was looking forward to his comebacks.

When I first heard the news, my heart truly ached. The news were so sudden and so raw. I initially thought that someone was pulling my leg but upon further digging I realised it was true. My heart sank to my stomach and I felt a wave of mixed emotions- why? how? why him? 

He didn't deserve this- he was so kind and caring and loving. He was someone to brought joy to so many people. 

Then I felt angry. 

I got angry at depression who chose him.

I got angry at the psychiatrist who failed to treat him.

I got angry at myself. 

He had pulled me out of my darkest time, giving me the strength to carry on. And yet, I did nothing for him,

I felt useless. 

But you know, maybe this was what Jonghyun needed. Maybe this was the only thing then to free him from his pain. At least, at least.. he isn't suffering anymore. I feel selfish to want him to stay, but it will only prolong his pain. 

In my mind, Jonghyun will always be shining. He will always be the Bling Bling Jonghyun. He shines. 

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If any of you need to talk, do not hesitate to contact me okay? You are not alone.