To Jonghyun

When I first learnt of the news that you chose to stop living, the world continued spinning as if your existence was just one out of billions. It was only when I started to write this that the gravity of your death hit me. You were my first bias who pulled me into the world of k-pop. My very first stories were about you—in a way, you allowed me to discover my passion and gave me the courage to pursue it thoroughly. I wish you’d known that your presence alone allowed so many people to find happiness.

I wonder what your last thoughts were as your lungs were poisoned and you lost consciousness. I wonder how it felt like to finally take a breath as your last and finally shrug off this mortal coil, this breathless life. I truly hope that you have finally found the peace you were so desperately searching for. While I am mourning and grieving, I am also glad that your pain has ended.

If somewhere, somehow, you manage to obtain some semblance of consciousness once more, I hope that your life would not be plagued with the absence of happiness.

Even though it consumed you and ate away at the edges of your mind, in the recesses of your heart, you were still a white rose in full bloom. You were beautiful in your own skin and in your own seasons.

You’ve worked hard, Jong