2018

She turned in her bed for the umpteenth time that night. It was 5 A.M. already but she couldn’t sleep a wink. Her mind was all over the place, thinking about what could’ve been, what would it be and what wouldn’t be of her and… that person. Although there were moments of calmness where she was able to sleep for a little bit but never more than 3 hours in a row so by the time the clock marked it was 6 A.M. Jimin decided she had enough and got up from her bed and into the bathroom to start getting ready for the day.

After taking a shower and dressing up she sat up in front of the mirror, ready to do her make up when the reflection showed her something she was not ready for. Eye bags bigger and darker than she’s ever had, her white skin paler than ever and her chubby cheeks completely gone. Who was this person in front of her? She was completely different to what Jimin believed she looked like. She knew she was losing some weight but never thought she had come to the point where she actually looked sick. It was shocking for her but once she started thinking about it, it was also predictable. 

The past weeks have been really difficult for her but it was just now that she realized that because she lived them on a complete lie where she hid on a bubble, thinking everything was fine and she was okay.

But she was far from okay. She barely ate, she couldn’t sleep well, she only went out when she had to because all of her friends were busy anyways, on tours or with their albums or just with their own thing in general so what was the point for even leaving her apartment? Since the company gave her a few vacation weeks before she had to start working really hard on her next comeback she only went out every Tuesday to record After School Club but got back to her apartment immediately after it was done.

Not wanting to think more about how stupid she was for letting herself be that careless she shook her head and proceeded to do her make up. Light, as she often did, but enough to hide the eye bags and a little more blush to make her skin look with more color and not the pale white she currently had.  

It was Friday but she only had one thing to do that day and it was to go to the company because she had a meeting where they were going to talk about her comeback and then she could go back to her own little bubble where she thought everything in her life was going fine. She got into her car and drove until she got to the JYP building to then start the meeting.

Only the CEO, her manager and the marketing staff were there as this was just a “casual” meeting of how her the next comeback should be (concept, style, etc.). The meeting did go a little longer than expected because of Jimin’s “demands”. It could be that she no longer cared about her own self but her music was priority #1 so ever since she got a little more confident in her lyric, production and singing skills she made sure that her opinions and thoughts about her next comeback were respected.

Once the meeting ended she couldn’t wait to get back home, she was already tired and even though there was much more air in the JYP building than there will ever be in her small apartment, she felt as if she couldn’t breathe properly. She was lost in her own thoughts when she heard a loud noise very close to her.

- JIMIN-AH!!! – she couldn’t help but jump a little bit because of the surprise the sudden voice gave her – Yah!! I’ve been calling your name for ages!! Why didn’t you respond? -  the owner of the voice continued and even before Jimin turned around to see him, she already knew who it was.

- Yugyeom… - she muttered, softly, and barely hearable. She was very surprised because she didn’t think she will run into him (or, to be honest, anybody) today. GOT7 was supposed to be on a tour so she didn’t expect to see any of them for at least a week more.

The tall boy, not being able to hear any response from her, was ready to start screaming again to regain her attention but his body froze once he gave a good look at Jimin. He’d known her for years, she’s his best friend, there was no amount of makeup or oversized sweaters that would make him not realize the fact that Jimin had not been sleeping nor eating well the past weeks.

He couldn’t help but get instantly mad. Of course he knew who was the person responsible for the way Jimin looked right now, he was his friend to. He wanted to call him right now, scream at him and punch him as soon as he got him on his sight, but since that was not going to be possible for another couple of days he thought the best thing was to scream at Jimin, ask her how could she let herself hurt by a boy like that.

He did neither. He looked at the unfocused eyes of his best friend and decided to pretend he didn’t know anything yet, he wanted to see if he could cheer her up a little bit with the other members as well.

- Yah – he called, softer than the last time he spoke, while passing one of his hand in front of Jimin’s eyes so she could look at him – Earth to Jimin, is she somewhere in there?

The girl finally snapped out of it and focused her light brown eyes on the friend in front of her and since she didn’t want him to realize she had become a mess since the last time they saw each other, she pasted a big smile on her face, a fake one, but it was a smile anyways, thinking that her best friend wouldn’t see right through her as he already did.

- I’m here, you stupid – she said half laughing and hitting him in the arm, playfully – Why are you here? Wasn’t your tour supposed to end the next week?

- No, who told you we would be touring until next week? We were already gone for a month Jimin, that’s usually what tours last – he answered with a condescending tone, like it was the most obvious thing in the whole world, which only resulted in getting him another punch from Jimin to his arm.

- Yah! Don’t be a brat – she laughed sincerely after seeing the “hurt” face Yugyeom made after the second punch and Jimin had to restrain herself from getting lost in her own thoughts again by thinking how long has it been since she laughed that way. Yugyeom just stared at her, with warmth in his eyes, wanting to hug her and tell her how he will always be by her side, supporting her. But he knew that is not what she wanted, he knew that Jimin would never admit that she was having a hard time and he knew that it had to be through small gestures like the one he just did for her to open up and admit that something was wrong. Even after years of knowing each other, Jimin could never open up about what she was feeling to anybody, it required time and a lot of patience, everyone in GOT7 new that.

- The other members are in the practice room right now, we were about to go home when Jinyoung-hyung told me to look for you because everyone wants to see you – he remembered and signaled Jimin with a motion indicating her to go with him to see the other members but Jimin, instinctively, took a step back, not because she didn’t want to see them (because she did, she missed them all like hell) but she was scared. She knew that they would all be able to see through her after a few minutes in the same room, she also knew that she had to go out of there before Yugyeom realized too, if he hadn’t already.

- Ah, don’t worry, I’m sure you guys are super tired so I don’t wanna keep you from resting. I don’t wanna bother you so please say that to the others and I will see you guys another day, okay? – she said, praying to all the gods out there for Yugyeom to believe her and to let her go for now, she wanted more time to regain herself so the other GOT7 members wouldn’t see her like the zombie she looks like right now.

Yugyeom wanted to protest and drag her into the room where everyone, just like he did, would see that Jimin needs desperate help so they can all get together and try to make her feel better. But he did the contrary – Wow, what a great friend you are! – he answered, jokingly too so she could continue thinking that he didn’t discovered her whole lie already – Yeah, I´ll tell them that. As much as I love touring and the fancy hotels there is nothing like our dorm and our beds! – he continued, half excited about resting at last – But you will not escape from us! We will get together soon, okay? – he finished, it was a question but it sounded more like an order than anything. Jimin just nodded, showing him a small smile, and Yugyeom turned around in the direction of the practice room. He wanted to turn around, he wanted to say so many things but he knew now was not the time.

Jimin sighed, feeling like she had carried a big heavy thing on her shoulders the few minutes she was talking to Yugyeom, and then left the JYP building to her car and to her apartment.

Once she got there she dropped her keys on the table next to the front door and walked up the stairs and into her room where she let herself drop in her bed. Even though she did barely anything that morning and it was only 12 P.M. she decided she was too tired to even change her clothes so she just covered herself with a blanket and got into a deep but short sleep that lasted 4 hours this time.

When she woke up she knew she had to eat something although she wasn’t hungry, so she got up from her bed and walked to the kitchen heading to the refrigerator which she found completely empty, she didn’t even have a bottle of water but, honestly, she couldn’t care any less. “Well, I tried” she thought, almost a little happy that she had no food so she didn’t have to eat.

The rest of the afternoon passed on quickly and before she knew it, it was already 10 P.M. She saw her cellphone and released another long sigh after she saw the “no notifications” message on the lock screen. “No calls… no messages…” She knew that the hour in Hong Kong at that time was 9 P.M., only one hour of difference, but she regretted knowing that instantly because the thought of him going through a full day without thinking of her enough to send her a quick message was worse than anything she had been through. And even though she had promised herself not to do it ever again, she decided to send him a message instead of waiting for one.

jamie/jimin/jasmine: Hi ^o^ how was your day? ~

After she pressed send she immediately regretted it as well and promised herself for the 10^th time (or was it more times?) that she would wait for him to message her first.

jamie/jimin/jasmine: Hi ^o^ how was your day? ~

Received PM 10:18 

Seen PM 10:19

Jimin could feel how her heart sank and her chest immediately started to feel an emptiness she knew it could not be filled with anything. She let out a big and loud laugh, she couldn’t understand how she let herself believe this time, this message, will be any different than the past ones she sent him where she also received silence for an answer.

She was laughing uncontrollably, that laugh was hallow, empty, no emotion whatsoever coming out of it, but she couldn´t stop. Her stomach started to hurt and she thought for a second that dying due laughter like in one of the scenes of the movie Ice Age 3 wouldn’t be half bad; but then the laughter started to fade, the apartment got silent again and it didn’t take long for that silence to be replaced with loud sobs. Tears invaded her face, falling through her jawline onto her clothes. She tried to stop them, cleaning them again and again but they didn’t respond to Jimin anymore. She kept them hidden in the dark for months, there was no way the tears were going to stop anytime soon.

She cried until her head hurt, she cried until was sore because of the sobs she couldn’t control, and like that, she fell asleep.

HI!!!! <3 So, how was it? As I mentioned in the foreword, this chapter is just to introduce how has Jimin been feeling about the dying relationship with Jungkook, the next one will be about how their relationship started and things like that and then we´ll move on to juicer things xd

Pls tell me what do you think! <3