For the first time in her life, Seulgi is having trouble finding something to wear. The tone of Irene’s voice, low and husky, wasn’t something Seulgi was used to hearing. The sound made her knees weak, and she’d immediately felt heat pooling in her stomach when it graced her ears. In fact, she could still feel it pooling there. It wasn’t the first time Irene had made her feel this way, but she’d only heard Irene use that voice once before tonight. She still remembers the moment as if it were just yesterday. Her memory never fails her when Irene comes into the mix, despite her reputation amongst the other girls as being the most forgetful member of Red Velvet.

“Aish,” Seulgi whimpers as she walks out of her bathroom, her hair freshly dried and her makeup already done, “that girl.” Somehow, Irene’s behavior irked her. Whenever they came to one of their breaking points, it had always been Seulgi who took the moral high ground, who resisted her urges. Irene was always the one who challenged them, she seemed to enjoy pushing their boundaries. Though the younger girl would love for them to take things further, she was always reminded by a nagging little voice in the back of her mind, who oddly sounded a lot like Joy, What if your management find out? Hearing this always snapped Seulgi from her love struck stupor, making her the one who always pulled away first.

She knows the person she wants to grow old with is Irene. It’s always been Irene. One night, after all the other girls had gone to sleep, Seulgi and Irene were quietly watching a movie in the living room, when the leader asked her a strange question. “Seulgi-yah?” Seugli hummed in response before shoveling another handful of popcorn into , the movie was just about to reach the . “Do you ever think about marriage?” She thanks whatever god willed her not to spew half-chewed popcorn everywhere, and swallows hard, eyes glued to the screen, but she’s not watching anymore. She feels her heart speed up, and her mind races, trying to think of reasons why Irene would ask her such a question at 2AM in the morning, when Irene leans her head on Seulgi’s shoulder. “I think I’ll get married one day.”

Seulgi’s still frozen, staring at the large screen TV, but this time her mind is blossoming with the image of Irene in a wedding dress…on their wedding day. Irene’s fingers run along the length of her arm, and she looks up at Seulgi with a worried look, “Seulgi?” Just before Irene opens once again, Seulgi finally whispers, “I think about my wedding day almost every day.” It’s the truth, and now it’s out there. But Irene doesn’t get the hint, and she looks surprised. The older girl hadn’t faltered at her statement in the slightest way, “Oh? Who’s the lucky guy?”

Seulgi trails her fingers over the numerous dress shirts she owns, sifting through her closet for something, anything, to wear, while her mind trailed back to the past again. “Did I do well, Seulgi-yah?” The voice comes like a er punch to Seulgi’s gut, and she winces as she moves over to a rack filled with the many dresses she owns. She wore dress shirts for the most part when she went out, but tonight was more special than that, wasn’t it? She shook her head in frustration as she shifted through outfits one at a time. That night in Irene’s kitchen had taken a toll on Seulgi, emotionally and physically. Never before had she questioned her resolve to keep her hands to herself before. She took pride in her resilience and willpower keeping her in check, but the way Irene had looked at her with that shot glass in hand made Seulgi want to melt underneath the older girl’s touch.

Irene had ignited something deep within her that night, something Seulgi had kept locked away for so many years. She wished Irene had leaned in and kissed her, in fact, she wishes almost more than anything Irene had kissed her that night. She likes to think about what would’ve happened if the older girl had, about the chain reaction, about how they could be celebrating their 5th anniversary by now. She wonders if they would’ve kept their relationship a secret, or if they would have told the other girls. After two years of friendship with the older girl, Irene’s touch was something Seulgi dreamed about. But after eight years? Seugli studied herself in the mirror, smoothing out the black velvety fabric of the shift dress she’d selected. “It’s a date, then.”

The outfit hugged every corner of Seulgi’s body tightly, showing off the mouthwatering physique she worked tirelessly to maintain, as well as the silky-smooth skin of her shoulders and collarbones. She’d pulled her hair into a high ponytail, and she smirked at her reflection, giddy at how stunning she looked. After eight years, she could almost feel Irene touching her whenever they were near each other. And even though Seulgi had her fair share of moral weakness, she was human, after all, she never gave in to her desires towards Irene, no matter how strong they’d become. It was true that Seulgi’s stare rarely broke from the other girl’s figure during rehearsals, but on stage, she tried her best not to bat an eye at their leader.

The younger girl had a strong belief in morality, and practiced it every day by not giving in to her urges and throwing herself at the older girl. Onstage, Seulgi was nothing but professional. There were two reasons for this, one being that Red Velvet was being recorded at all times, whether it be by the giant cameras following their every move via robotic cranes, or by the fans and their cameras. Second of all, Seulgi knew Irene looked up their performances online and watched them over and over again. Hell, all of them did it. There were performances, however, where Irene looked absolutely jaw dropping, where Seulgi could hardly bear to tearing her eyes away from the goddess, feeling the urge to kiss her roughly on the mouth. Yet, she’d always manage to drag her eyes away from the sight of the older woman, smiling sweetly at the crowd.

Despite her many years of training, no one had ever taught Seulgi how to handle being in love with one of your bandmates. Her years at SMTOWN had prepared her for screaming fans, how to handle publicity, how to practice her signature for autographs, how to be respectful at all time. She’d never been introduced to the concept before, other than the obviously overly dramatic relationships depicted in movies and the dramas she and the other Red Velvet members loved to watch, Seulgi hadn’t seen anything else that resembled love. Idols didn’t get to have normal relationships, from what Seulgi could tell. Not with paparazzi following your every move, not when there were potential fans everywhere you went who would ask for photos or record you as you ran errands. It was just one of those tradeoffs, Seulgi thought to herself, it’s part of an idol’s life.

If she’s being completely honest, the idea of being in love had scared Seulgi. When she first realized the extent of her feelings for Irene, she felt terrified. It was true, she was a mere child when she began training for SMTWON, and because of her obligations to the company, she never really had time for any romantic relationships. Though she had many admirers from school, the only thing on her mind had been her dreams, and how close she believed she was to attaining them. She never missed a beat when someone confessed to her, she’d give them a winning smile and give them a respectful bow. “I’m sorry, but I just don’t have time for a relationship right now!”

As time went on, Seulgi’s mindset never changed. Whenever her mother or father questioned her about boys pestering her at school, she would always reply stoically with, “You know I’m too focused on SMTOWN for a relationship. Besides, all of the boys smell funny.” The eighteen year old had her world turned completely upside down when Irene looked up at her from the floor of the practice room, her black hair sticking to her forehead and her black workout clothes stained with perspiration. Never before had someone caught her eye and made her wish that they were t