☑ amusingmurdermachine - the color of wounds

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the color of wounds

Reviewer: Moelolz

Story Link: Here

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Story Title

I found your title quite poetic. It connected well with your story without giving away information on the plot. The only thing I would suggest is that you capitalize your title as such: The Color of Wounds.

 

 

Description and Foreword

As this story is part of a drabble collection, there is no description for the story. However, I would like to make a small comment on the description and foreword of this drabble collection. Personally, it felt a little confusing to me. I was intrigued by it however, and the format was quite simple and clean, but I had to go over your description a few times to understand what was going on. Perhaps you can make your words a little larger, especially at the description because I kind of missed the words the first time. The gif above it sort of drowned the words out a little haha. The small font also made it a little harder to read.

But then again, though it felt a little hard to comprehend, it’s fine the way it is now. It had quite a minimalistic aura to it, and suited the atmosphere of this drabble collection quite well. There is only one thing that I would really suggest you correct:

In the commons section, your format is a little inconsistent. The “02 the warmth of a stranger” didn’t match the colour and size of the first title, and the tags below were larger than the title.

 

 

 

Characterization

I thought that your characters were portrayed quite well in such a short amount of words. I felt sorry for both characters; both seemed to be living in such a lonely and twisted world that kind of scared me, but also made me pity them.

Jihyun is a canvas herself, though physically she is not coloured with bruises like the boy, but her heart is severely coloured with hurt and pain from the past which she protects and refuses to let go. From the way she reminisces about the past, and the way she reacts to the boy, it is clear that she is unwilling to forget about her hurt. Instead, she holds tightly onto it, and nurtures it within her own pitiful world, becoming more and more wrapped up in it as time goes on. Very sadly, the boy is a consequence of her self-pity and hurt, and at a very young, innocent age has already suffered much physical and emotional abuse.

 

 

Plot and consistency

It was a short story, but I found it quite a powerful one. Your carried your story across really strongly through the way the past and present weaved in and out of each other, and everything flowed well. Great job!

 

 

 

Grammar and Writing style

There is much to commend on your writing style. Your words were easy to understand, and they carried your message across in such an efficient and powerful way. It was also very descriptive, and I especially liked the reoccurring canvas motif.

Your grammar was also fluent, but there was just one small spelling mistake I found. You write “canvass” instead of “canvas”. There is only one ‘s’ at the end of the word. Other than that, everything else flowed well.

 

 

Reviewer's enjoyment

Overall, I really enjoyed this small drabble. What really made an impact on me was despite the length of this drabble, it held quite a heavy amount of depth, and that last twist at the end of the story was quite a powerful finish. Keep writing on! You’re doing a great job.

 

 

Total: UNGRADED

 

Sorry for the late review, I had been busy the past few weeks :( 

Hope you enjoyed your review! Don't forget to credit this review, and leave a comment below :)

 

 

 

 

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Comments

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YamieX
#1

USER NAME: Yamiex
STORY NAME: Living Lies
STORY LINK: https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/812321
Story trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q9lSZcVM4uI
GENRE: Mystery, Humour with a hint of Romance
ANY SPECIAL REQUESTS? Plots if possible? This is a Japanese drama crossover feat Kindaichi Case Files Neo & ST Aka to Shiro no Sousa File.
amusingmurdermachine
#2
Thank you so much for the review! I already credited you at the story's foreword :)
stellarstarlight
#3
I've always been curious about review shops. I could never do it myself. If you don't mind my asking, how did you come up with your rubric?
sooyoung2345
#4
I've credited the shop! Once again, thank you so much for the review ;-;
jaxial
#5
USER NAME: LUVkookietae
STORY NAME: Tainted
STORY LINK: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1274194/tainted-angst-fantasy-japanese-supernatural-alternateuniverse-darkromance-greekmythology-fantasyau-bts-supernaturalau-clash-bangtanboys-jungkook-taehyung-kimtaehyung-darklove-btsv-jeonjungkook-taekook-bangtansonyeondan-slightgore-kitsune-vkook-lovelessromance-kookv-taehyungxjungkook
GENRE: Angst, Fantasy, Historical(?),
ANY SPECIAL REQUESTS? (e.g, no grading, which part of the rubric would you like me to focus on?) Plot Flow and Characterization. There might be a few major plot holes but please don't focus on that.
Emilieee
#6
USER NAME: Emilieee
STORY NAME: Cutlass
STORY LINK: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1248550/cutlass-action-fantasy-romance-exo-baekhyun-pirateau
GENRE: fantasy, romance, action, pirate!au
ANY SPECIAL REQUESTS? Nope, but thanks in advance :)
amusingmurdermachine
#7
USER NAME: amusingmurdermachine
STORY NAME: say yes
STORY LINK: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1035016/say-yes-fluff-krystal-chanyeol-chanstal
GENRE: romance, fluff, comedy
ANY SPECIAL REQUESTS? no grading please :)
amusingmurdermachine
#8
Hi, I was wondering if I'm eligible for another request? :) I kinda want to have another one of my stories reviewed...
amusingmurdermachine
#9
Hi ^^
USER NAME: amusingmurdermachine
STORY NAME: the color of wounds
STORY LINK: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1251267/1/tales-of-the-commons-and-of-the-strange-drabble-collection-drabbles-request-exo-kai-sehun-bts-jungkook
GENRE: angst
ANY SPECIAL REQUESTS? no grading please :)