She watched him, smiling slightly as he laughed, his smile being one of the brightest she had ever seen, but she was not good enough for his smile. He was so happy, so social and so intriguing; she could never take her eyes off of him, for he was so entrancing. How could a man like him exist? Him and his kindness, his laugh always spread warmth through her body leaving her with tingles. There was a day when he was asked who was the prettiest girl in class by his friends, any other time she would have considered the question stupid, feeble, but today she was fascinated by the choice he would make. His eyes landed on her but he quickly adverted his gaze to a prettier, skinner girl, she felt tears in her eyes as she replayed the look again and again. It was only short but she could tell everything from it. She’s ing ugly. What a fat . Disgusting. Freak. Nerd. She wiped the tears away from her eyes and nodded. She was all those things, but soon enough she would be pretty… right? Her father shouted at her for being so useless, why couldn’t she be more like her sister? Why couldn’t she be like her sister who had the perfect grades, who was popular and was perfectly skinny? Why couldn't she be more like her sister? Why? Why was a very good question. They shared the same DNA but her sister had somehow managed to get everything good while she was stuck with the leftovers. She looked into the mirror and evaluated herself…

…A few pounds here…

…A few pounds there…

…And soon I’ll be beautiful everywhere…

Right?

She was sitting on the school bus with her earphones in but not actually listening to anything, simply observing the chaos around her. ‘Taehyung, what would you rate Sang Jin? I want to know.’ Her heart stopped and she froze at the mention of her name, waiting for a response but none came. ‘I would give her a 4.5 out of 10.’ One of his friends answered for him and he did not respond nor argue to the comment meaning he clearly agreed… 4.5 out of 10 meant lots of room for improvement… lots.

She sat in class not really listening until her ears picked up on her name again. ‘I think Sang Jin could be so much prettier if she lost some weight.’ Of course she would, what do you think she’s been trying to do all this time? She could feel it, everyone’s eyes on her, everyone talking about her behind her back, she was shaking, she was so dizzy, so cold, so she turned to the warmth. She turned to food. She took the first bite, chewed, swallowed and screamed. She could feel it sitting in her stomach, the fat that she had willing just chewed. How could she be so stupid, all her hard work gone. No there was a way to fix the fatal mistake she had just made, she looked towards the toilet, new what she had to do and ran into her bathroom. Quick and sweet, two fingers work like a treat. She needed to get rid of the fat and calories that she had just swallowed like a fool and once she was done wrenching up the grotesque thing, she sat in a haze looking around. Her eyes found a shaver and she picked the blade away from it and started to draw on her skin, a picture painted red that would remind her not to eat, a beautiful picture that left a smile on her face, the only smile she could ever have again.

Someo