Four o’clock. I’m sitting in the park, looking into the distance and as I’m waiting, the street lights go out. It’s still too dark, but the stars have faded from the sky already. The only thing that can be heard is the birds’ morning chirp and occasional passing cars.

I sigh and glance at my phone.

Where are you?

I’ve been waiting for you longer than I should have.

I close my eyes and wait, because I have nothing else to do.

I wait until I hear your footsteps. I open my eyes and watch as you tiredly sit beside me.

There is no greeting, no smile. Your hands are in your pockets, your gaze is empty.

We’ve known each other since we were children and this morning rendezvous is nothing unusual for us. I know that when we meet up like this it usually means that something’s wrong, but now it looks worse than ever. And I know why. The past two weeks have been crazy for all of us.

In the absence of light it takes me a while to notice the tears in your eyes. And you hate crying, even though we’ve known each other our entire lives, you simply hate showing weakness.

“Why are you crying?” I ask.

You aren’t answering. Your shoulders are shaking and you’re hiding your face with your hands. You begin to sob, and I have no idea what to do. I just watch.

“It’s alright… We’re alone,” I say but I don’t know if that’s helping at all. Because you are still crying and I feel helpless.

I know that if I ask, you won’t tell me. That’s why I wait. I wait for you to empty yourself. Your gaze becomes blank again. You aren’t looking at me. I don’t know what to think about that.

“I want to go home,” you whisper.

I look around; I see the familiar park, my building across the street, the swings and the slide, rows of benches and a small fountain. I see you. Everything is familiar and to me all of it is home.

“I don’t understand. You’re here.”

“Yes, but…” You close your eyes, shaking your head. “I’m not sure… I’m not sure that this is my home. Something is missing. Something is missing but I don’t know what.”

I still don’t understand, even though I’m trying.

“Everything’s fallen apart, I don’t feel safe anymore. It was different when we were all together. Now… I feel empty.”

“You still have me,” I say, trying not to sound hurt. “You’ll always have me.”

“I know that. Still… These days I felt lonelier than ever.”

I think I can see guilt in your eyes. But it’s not your fault, it’s mine. If you’re feeling lonely it’s because I’m a bad friend. I should have been there to you, I should have tried harder.

“I’m tired. I want to get away from all of this, at least for a little while. There are too many memories here. And I want to find whatever’s missing. Something that will make me feel less empty. I have a feeling that I want find it here.”

Those words hurt. I clench my fist and look at the ground, because now I realize how wrong I had been. I don’t mean to you as much as you mean to me, and the way things are, I never will.

Yet, I can’t just let you go. “And what happened to ‘forever’? You and me against the world? You really mean to just leave?”

You look like you’re sinking under my gaze. You’re shaking again, shaking your head. “It looks like our forever didn’t last very long.”

I swallow my tears as I stare at you in disbelief. “I would follow you to the end of the world, you know. It looks like you don’t want me by your side.”

“It’s not like that…”

“It is. You came here to say goodbye, didn’t you?”

You close your eyes again, covering your ears. “It’s not like that! I don’t want to say goodbye, I don’t want to leave you. I just need a little time.”

I nod. I understand. When it seemed that it couldn’t get worse, you showed me that it can. Thank you for it. At least now I’ve learned to never hope.

“Alright. Go. I won’t follow you. I won’t even call you. Find what you’re looking for – whatever it is. And be happy, because you deserve it.” As I say it, my voice breaks.

I stand up from the bench and you tug on my sleeve.

“Wait a minute; we won’t stay on this, right?”

“You’re the one who decided to leave.”

“Please don’t be mad.”

I sigh, trying to calm down. “I’m not mad, at least not at you. I don’t want to hold you down. Go, if you think that’s the best for you.” I dare to look at you. “There is so much that I still want to tell you. But I don’t have to, you’ll survive without it.”

You wipe your tears and stand up. You hesitate, but hug me anyway, only briefly. “Promise me we’ll meet again.”

“That doesn’t depend on me.”

“I want to hear whatever you have to say to me. We’ll meet again and you’ll tell me, okay?”

“Okay,” I lie. Neither you nor I know what the circumstances will be like when we see each other again, if we meet again. I don’t want to think about it. You haven’t even left yet and I already want to forget you.

But I won’t be able to forget you, because you’ve given me hope for a re-encounter. I want to hate you for it, but I can’t.

“Goodbye,” I say.

“See you soon,” you reply.

I turn around and walk away.

~ * * * ~

Just one translation note; in the end when they're saying goodbyes, I feel like English doesn't quite cover the strength of the departure: I wrote it in such a way that Namjoon says the word which in Serbian means "goodbye" but it's totally definite like, bye, we probably won't see each other again. To that Taehyung replies with what basically means "see you", like we will see each other again but I don't know when.