Hyunwoo sighed a deep and long sigh as he walked on the road home from the meeting. Hands slipped into the pocket of his black jeans. He sighed again as he tilted his head up, staring up at the clear and starry night sky.

He was tired was an understatement but he didn’t like it was a wrong idea about him now. After all of the practices and now he had to attend some meeting as the leader and all. It was like he wasn’t sleeping for two days already and he didn’t to get back to the dorm because of the meeting that was held for two days in a row. For this three days, he lived in the office and well, that wasn’t unusual. He used to it now that and since he knew it was important for the team he kind of liked it. 

Hyunwoo hung his head down, kicking the air in front of his shoes and maybe some dust on the grey asphalt. It wasn’t that he wanted it but it will be good if someone was actually waiting for him in the dorm. So he wouldn’t be welcomed by the dark rooms and silence once he arrived there. But he knew, he was aware that everyone was younger than him and was having a very hard time just like him too. It will not be good if they didn’t get any sleep just to wait for him to arrive home in such a late at night. 

But still, he can’t stop wondering. He wondered if someday after he found the one he wanted to marry, will they wait for him to get home? Will he be welcomed by those smile, hug, and kisses instead of a dark house. Will he find them on the living room waiting for him? With their sleepy face that light up once they saw his face? will his face lighten up as much as theirs? He was sure it will feel sweet but he still wondered how it will feel having someone waiting for him to come back home in reality and made him felt like he was really at home. 

Hyunwoo sighed again. He was sure it was all normal for someone in his age to imagine something like that. And no, it wasn’t that he was unhappy with his life right now, it was just that sometime, just sometimes, he felt rather lonely. Especially, tonight.

It was 3 am and Hyunwoo sighed as he opened the dorm door and stepped in. He took off his shoes stepped into the dorm with another deep sigh. The house was so dark already. But then he looked up and he saw the light in the kitchen was still on. Slowly he smelled something good and he could hear faint sounds of plates and glass clinking under the water. So, he walked there calmly and peeked out who was in there.

And there he was in front of the dish washer. A pan on the stove was boiling something. The small figure was wearing long-sleeved sweater and sweatpant. The hands seemed so busy and it seemed like he was way too focused on the things he was doing that he didn’t aware of Hyunwoo’s appearance. 

Hyunwoo checked out the boiled meal on the pan and it seemed like udon. There were also meat and vegies. 

Is he going to have dinner at time like this?

Hyunwoo turned his attention on the small figure in front of him. 

“Kihyun-ah,” he called out the name as he put his warm palm on Kihyun’s back gently, tried his best to be as gentle as possible so he will not surprise Kihyun who was having a glass bowl on his hand. 

Kihyun flinched against his touch and the boy turned his head to him.

“Kihyun-ah,” Hyunwoo said as he smiled gently, as an effort to soothe the surprised figure next to him. 

“Oh, hyung, you surprised me,” Kihyun said and then he chuckled, continued washing the dishes.

“You are not sleeping?” Hyunwoo asked.

“Uh-huh,” Kihyun mumbled as he shook his head. “I cooked this udon recipe that I did on Cook Cook but the kids finished it all. Also, I’ve told everyone before that I’m gonna make you one later and I didn’t. So, when I heard that tonight you will come home, I’m cooking it,” Kihyun said while cheerfully flashing Hyunwoo his proud smile and then walked to taste his cooking.

Hyunwoo followed him. 

“I’ve adjusted the taste to your style, like a little bit strong, but I don’t know if this is enough,” Kihyun said as he took a spoonful of the soup and tried to feed Hyunwoo.

Hyunwoo opened his mouth and Kihyun was about to feed him, but then he pulled it back and he blew it cool for him first. 

“How’s it?” Kihyun asked with big expectant eyes once Hyunwoo took that spoonful of soup. “All the ingredients are fresh from the convenience store just three hours ago!” Kihyun said in full spirit as he pointed the direction to the convenience store behind him with that chubby index finger. “Since they ate everything we have,” Kihyun looked sulking but then he smiled again as he looked back at Hyunwoo. “Ah, and I kept on warming this up so it might taste a little bit salty. What should I do, I thought you’ll get here by 1, ahjjushi” Kihyun said. “How is it? How is it? You’re the only one who hadn’t tried this at all! Minhyuk said this meal is kind of ambiguous but, I’m confident presenting this for you, since I am Chef Yoo,”. “So how’s it? Do you like it?” Kihyun asked. 

Hyunwoo can’t stop staring at that pale smaller guy. Those sparkly expectant eyes behind the glasses, the moving and smiling curvy lips. That chubby fingers that busily played with the spoon in his hands. And those reddish tints on his eyes, those dark circle under his eyes, the dry lips, the way much thinner cheeks, and some tiny peeling skins on those fingers. 

“So, everyone is asleep?” Hyunwoo asked.

“Yeah, you know we always fall asleep as soon as we arrived here! Everyone and everything is going crazy right now,” Kihyun said.

“Then, you—” Hyunwoo paused as he saw how sparkly was Kihyun’s eyes while looking at him.

“Yes?” Kihyun asked.

“No..”Hyunwoo said as he dropped his eyes to Kihyun’s chest to avoid more eye contact. 

“Ah, I think, it’s ready!” Kihyun said cheerfully as he turned off the stove and served it on the small table on the living room. Leaving Hyunwoo alone with the lingering sweet and spicy taste of the cooked meal. Hyunwoo dropped his eyes to the floor where Kihyun was standing before.

Something hit Hyunwoo. 

So, this was how it felt to have someone waiting for him to come home. 

Hyunwoo frowned as he didn’t expect these feelings at all. More than the happy and joyful feeling, there were a  bunch of guilt, a pinch of sadness, a little bit of anger, some more heavy feelings, and something so warm on the corner of his heart. And they were having this weird proportion that not even Hyunwoo can fix it.

Instead of dark rooms and silence, it was clinking sounds and nice smell of meal. Instead of living room, it was the kitchen. Instead of tired or sleepy eyes that lightened up once they saw him, two pair of expectant sparkly tired eyes and those cheerful comments. And instead of hug and kisses, it was the meal he cooked so well in the middle of night. Instead of joy, a wave of guilt and anger towards himself. 

The fast step to the dishwasher snapped him out of his thought and Hyunwoo found Kihyun placing the pan onto the dishwasher and wash it immediately. 

“Hyung, please eat it before it cold,” Kihyun said as he was busy watering the hot pan under the water from the sink. 

Kihyun was waiting to hear some steps or some answer but there was none of it. So he turned his head.

“Hyung—” Kihyun stopped as he saw Hyunwoo was behind him, close but not touching him, hanging his head low and just sighing. 

Kihyun put the pan down and he turned his head to him. He just stared at the slouching big body behind him, trying to read the situations. Because Hyunwoo didn’t seem happy at all and his head was just too cloudy with excitement of presenting Hyunwoo with the recipe to be aware of anything else. Hyunwoo and Kihyun loved to eat and they cooked with different ways and so, it was so fun when they talked about cooking and things. 

“H—”.”Hyung, don’t like it?” Kihyun asked as he tilted his head with a frown on his face. 

And the frown on Hyunwoo’s face was getting obvious upon the cold question. Hyunwoo sighed again before he looked up. 

“Ah, the, the diet?” Kihyun asked again, this time while staring straight to Hyunwoo’s sad eyes. 

“No..” Hyunwoo said softly and he could see Kihyun frowned harder.

“Then why do you look so sad?” Kihyun asked and Hyunwoo had so many things to tell Kihyun. 

“No, I’m not,” Hyunwoo said softly again and he tried to crack a smile.

And then that chubby hand patted his upper arm gently.

“Oh, the meeting. The meeting? Did they give you a hard days?” Kihyun asked carefully because he also knew Hyunwoo didn’t come home for two days in a row. 

Suddenly, Kihyun gasped.

“A, are you sleepy?” Kihyun asked again. “I’m, I’m, you must be tired, I’,”. “Well, you can eat it later or, I can just give it to the kids if you want me to. They’ll, they’ll like it,” Kihyun said carefully again. “I—“. 

Hyunwoo stared at Kihyun, guessing the direction this conversation will go with that cut off “I”.

“I’m sorry for not thinking about you at all, Hyung-nim,” Kihyun said as he looked at the floor and bowed his head politely. 

Hyunwoo looked away from the sight of the thin body in front of him immediately. He just can’t look at him any longer. Pressed his jaws together tightly, Hyunwoo closed his eyes for a while as he frowned harder. There were a lot of things he wanted to say to Kihyun out of this mixed up feelings but Hyunwoo always, he always endured it and stop talking everytime he got too emotional. He didn’t want to regret anything, he wanted to say only the proper things, and that manner was just inside him his whole life.

“Will—” Hyunwoo started softly. “Will you eat with me?” he finished his sentence.

Kihyun looked up to him and Hyunwoo could see some confusion on Kihyun’s face.

“Kihyun-ah, Hyung is—” Hyunwoo paused again and he opened his mouth again as if he wanted to say something before he closed it up and just sighed. 

Upon the sigh, Kihyun’s eyes ddropped onto the floor again and then he gave the smoking hot udon a glance.