" I know what you're going to say,

please don't say it."

Beautiful.

This was Woojin's first thought when he saw the male for the first time.

Park Jihoon is beautiful, like art. Not the kind of art that's beautiful because it made you think. He's the opposite.

Jihoon is the kind of art that can make you lose your mind and made you feel things.

Even after a year, he's still the same, looking stunning just sitting on the passenger seat of Woojin's old car.

Though this time, the atmosphere is different.

Woojin always enjoyed car rides with Jihoon. He couldn't explain it, but the simple things are what never fail to make his heart burst with love.

But this time, there is no love at all.

He's not sure when it started. One day they were the cute couple that everyone loves and hates to be around, and total strangers the next.

Jihoon is looking out the window, his eyes were swimming with an emotion that Woojin can't quite put his hands on, but he knew he didn't like it.

Jihoon sighed before speaking, opting to turn his head and look at Woojin, even though the other male's eyes are on the road. He knew that Woojin was listening intently.

"I can't do this anymore."

Woojin felt a lump on his throat, while his brain was filled with questions.

Why? Why are you saying that, Jihoon? Am I not enough, anymore?

Don't you love me anymore?

"I pretend to be crazy and hold onto you,

please don't leave."

Woojin forced out a laugh. 

"Don't joke around like that."

Jihoon stayed silent. Woojin felt his eyes boring holes into him. His gripped on the stirring wheel tightened as he smiled.

"You're just playing around, right?"

"Stop pretending, Woojin. I know you know our relationship isn't the same anymore."

"And whose fault is that?" Woojin would like to ask back, but the sting of truth in his lover's voice is enough to shut him up. He tried his best to gulp down the growing lump on his throat.

Jihoon sighed once again and went back to looking out the window.

Despite the chaos in his mind numbing his senses, Woojin managed to catch the words Jihoon whispered next.

"I don't want this anymore."

"letting you go is not as easy as it sounds.

please don't leave."

The ride back Jihoon's apartment was probably the longest car ride in Woojin's life. 

He felt his heart sink the moment he saw the familiar surroundings, because the familiarity meant Jihoon leaving.

Woojin didn't like that thought one bit.

But Jihoon didn't understand that. Did he even understand the other things?

The pair got out of the car silently, both waiting for the other's next move.

Unsurprisingly, Jihoon was the one who spoke first.

"Let's stop this, Woojin. Please."

Woojin placed his left hand on his pocket to hide away the trembling, and reached out for Jihoon with his right. The other moved away instinctively, letting Woojin's right hand fall back.

This was the last straw for Woojin, and so, with a hurt expression, he asked.

"Why?"

Jihoon looked conflicted at first, but then he answered, his expression back to having no emotions. No love for Woojin.

"Because lately it feels as if you're not really trying. You've been spending too much time on your own, and that feels suffocating. I feel trapped in a relationship full of short moments of actually being with you. Don't you know how much sacrifices I have made just to keep this relationship? I don't deserve short moments, Woojin."

"And I also don't ing deserve being left alone, don't you think, Jihoon?" Woojin bursted out. He knew he was being unfair to the other male by spending half of his time just being alone. But that was him. He was a reclusive person. 

He loved Jihoon, and being in a relationship with him meant opening up. But Woojin is the kind of person that needs to close himself again once in a while to regain his sense of privacy, like what he was doing the past days.

Clearly, Jihoon saw this the wrong way.

"You're too different." Jihoon said.

"The first time you told me you loved me, you said it was because I was different from other people, but now you can't love me anymore because I can't fit in?"

The hurt in Woojin's voice was evident, and he's trying his best to not cry there and then.

"I'm sorry, Woojin. Please, just go."

The worst thing about being left alone by someone you love is that they saw you for who you really are, and didn't find you worth it.

They saw the scars, the pain, and the ugly parts of your soul. You bared yourself to them; let them see the vulnerabilities. And they left.

The numbness Woojin felt seemed all too familiar now. He briefly wondered if this feeling will ever leave him.

He looked at Jihoon for a whole minute, studying every contour of his face. One last time, he thought. Then he turned around and went back inside his car. 

He's not sure how, but Woojin managed to get back to his own apartment without breaking down.

He slumped down on his bed the moment he entered his room. The first thing Woojin saw was his photo with Jihoon, placed on top of the small table beside his bed. It was their first photo as a couple. He instinctively reached out for it. 

And with a voice of barely hidden contempt, he spoke.

one last time, he thought.

"Beautiful."