First and last

Breathless

There are moments in which people feel lonely. Typical if you are lying in your bed at three am and stare at the ceiling, thoughts and questions without answers running wild in your head. You overthink wrong decisions you have made. Conversation that will never happen. People whom you have just seen once in your life. Relationships which are no longer existent. Feelings that you never wanted. 
You can be surrounded by hundreds and thousands of people, they may be trying to talk to you or ignore you as if you are nonexistent and still be lonely because you feel misunderstood and left by those who have once mattered. When coldness is spreading through your bones, creeping through your veins until it reaches your heart and you no longer know who you are. When panic is rising inside of you and the sounds of your surroundings fade out until everything is just white noise in the background or swelling steadily until it feels like you are standing in the middle of a swarm of hornets.

-

The light was flickering until some single spotlights found the members who were singing at the moment. Miracles in December, that always had a little sad atmosphere when we were performing it. The last sounds fell silent and the fans started to scream. It was nothing unusual but today it felt like every single noise burned itself in the brain right behind my forehead and I swore I would have been lying on the ground unconsciously if this wasn’t our last song for today on our last concert for the present. I was smiling tiredly and bowed in front of the fans with the rest of the members to thank them before I almost ran backstage again. 

“Home!” sounded Jongin’s voice through the room when we arrived at our dorm before he reclined on one of the sofas in the living room. Kyungsoo sighed but lay down on top of him without a second thought, his face buried between his shoulder blades and sneaked his arms around the taller body. Chanyeol blocked the second couch. 
“Can’t you do that in your room?” whined Jongdae, “Other people want to rest, too.”
“You can go to yours, you have a bed, don’t you?” muttered Jongin, Kyungsoo only mumbled his agreement – already on his way to dreamland. 
“Yes, we get it! You like each other very much,” nagged Baekhyun, “You can still shuffle a bit so that others can sit there, too!”
Yixing was smirking by his side. “One would think that you would behave a bit more manly since you are looking like it, now.”
Baekhyun spared him a dangerous glance and pointed one finger at him. “Be careful, Zhang, you are skating on thin ice!”
Chanyeol sighed, “Come here, Baek,” and spread his arms so that the both of them were almost in the same position as Kyungso and Jongin only that Chanyeol was on his back and not stomach. 
“Look how quiet the baby can be,” Sehun said as he slid down against one of the walls. 
“A bit more respect, Maknae!” Baekhyun wanted to jump up again but his big, human pillow held a tight grip on him and pressed him against his body.
“You are right for once,” cut Tao in and yawned. 
“How much older than him are you again,” asked Yifan who stood behind the second youngest. 
“I’m hungry,” I piped up before the discussion could get out of hand. After a tiring day everybody was a bit on edge and since I wasn’t keen on screaming, I wanted to cut the bickering short. It wasn’t like we disliked each other, but if you are together all the time, all day long, fights and discussions were inevitable. 
“But we have nothing, literally nothing, in the fridge anymore.” Minseok came out of the kitchen. Despite the steadily increasing pressure inside of my head I quickly said, “That’s no problem, I’ll go and get something. The shop around the corner is still open.” glad to have some time to myself. 
Sehun was almost on his feet again when Minseok nodded and proposed, “I’ll go with you.” 
I laughed quietly. “Okay, does anybody want something in particular?”
“Chicken!” yelled Jongin on the spot, making the poor Kyungsoo on his back jump before he hid his face in the younger’s backside again, what caused him to smile softly. I grinned as I watched them, judging from his face, Junmyeon also did notice it. He was turning to me eventually. 

“We can just order take out, you know?”
I shrugged. “You do that, we still need some food for the next days. We wouldn’t want the guys to start eating each other, right?”
Baekhyun looked at me with raised eyebrows. “Would that really be bad?”
I closed my eyes and shook my head slightly while muttering, “Too dull,” under my breath and turning to the hallway. Minseok was already tying his shoe laces. 

“We’ll be back in a few, text me if you need something else, I have my phone with me!” I yelled at them before walking out of the door that Minseok already held open. I thanked him and stepped outside the dorm to walk with him by my side to the elevators. I had to push down a yawn every few seconds. The day had been filled with practicing and the concert without a single break in between, we had to get up about 17 hours ago – my accordingly exhausted body was the result. 
When we were standing inside the elevator, I leaned my back against one of the walls and closed my eyes. 
“Tired?” asked Minseok, amusement lacing through his voice.
“Aren’t you, too?” I answered in a grumble. 
“I’m alright. If you rather want to rest, I can go to the store on my own, I don’t mind.”
“No, it’s okay,” I rubbed both palms over my face. “There was a reason to why I wanted to go.”
“And that would be?” 
We stepped outside, he after me, and put on the hoods of our pullovers on before walking out of the building. The street in front of the house was always so busy. 
“Please don’t get me wrong, I love the guys but they are a bit too much sometimes.”
Minseok nodded in understanding. “I know what you mean. Especially after days like this it’s a bit overwhelming, mainly when we finally are home.”
We walked the rest of the way without saying another word.

The tiredness wasn’t even fading the slightest when we were looking for chicken for Jongin, fruits and vegetables for Junmyeon, coffee for the both of us and a lot more so that Kyungsoo would be able to make something good out of it.
“Hey,” Minseok petted my upper arm. I jumped and looked at him a bit surprised. His gaze was soft, understanding and a gente smile was playing on his lips. “That’s enough for today, let’s go home.”
I threw a glance to the shopping basket he was carrying. 
“Can we pick up some painkillers, too? I don’t know how much we still have,” I asked carefully. He was in his ‘caring-hyung-mode’ in an instant. 
“What’s wrong? Are you hurting somewhere?” his eyes scanned down my body, looking for some sort of injury. 
“It’s alright, Seok. I just have a headache.”
He was dragging me over to the cash register. “You should have told me earlier, we could have hurried a bit more. I’m sure we still have some at the dorm, Junmyeon always buys it for Yixing and Jongin and makes sure we are not running out of it in case somebody needs treatment,” he said as he put the items on the assembly line. 

Once he was finished and we had to wait since some people were in front of us and sadly wanted to buy stuff, too, I lay my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes with a sigh. His hand was searching for mine and squeezed it softly once he found it. An unintentional smile made its way on my face when my heart skipped a beat. Sometimes I was pretty sure that he knew about my feelings for him, but Yixing always told me that he hadn’t had a single clue. 
“Come on, Lu, it’s our turn,” he whispered and let go of my hand. 
I begrudgingly opened my eyes and took a small step forward to fill the basket with the items the cashier had already scanned. Minseok was paying while I was at it.

 
The second we set foot into the dorm, the smell of Chinese takeout filled my nostrils. 
“They got food already?” asked Minseok and looked at me questioningly. 
I nodded while I got rid of my shoes. “Forgot to tell you, I told Junmyeon they should order something since nobody was in the mood to cook something anyway, and also to wait for it to be ready.”
We hung our jackets into the wardrobe of our hallway and went to the kitchen that was laying in front of us totally empty. 
“Were we really gone for that long?” I looked around and spotted a still full bag on top of the counter next to the stove. A little note was pinned to the fridge. 

We ordered the same as always for you. The guys were hungry and tired so we already ate and went to bed, hope you don’t mind. Have a good night, see you tomorrow. –Y

I smiled and showed the piece of paper to Minseok while I took the food out. It was from the Chinese restaurant not far from our dorm. Sometimes, when the days weren’t too long and exhausting, we went there and didn’t order it in, but most of the time we just weren’t able to. Especially after concerts which were by way of comprehension rarely in Seoul, it wasn’t possible.
“Shall we warm it up again?” asked Minseok and took chopsticks out of a drawer to his right for us. I shook my head. 
“It’s not completely cold and I actually don’t really mind.”
He shrugged. “I’m okay with it either way.”
So we sat at too big for two table all alone and ate what the members had left for us only to go to bed after that. I was already asleep before my head hit the pillow.

The next morning was way too silent and peaceful. Baekhyun, Chanyeol and Jongdae normally watched out that nobody was able to sleep after they had woken up normally, if Minseok wasn’t first to wake the rest of the group before they could. He was always first to stand up, if he wasn’t, something was very wrong. My eyes plopped open as I thought of the only guy that was older than me in the group and I gazed over to his bed. Minseok was lying there, with his headphones in his ears and his lips mouthing the lyrics to the song he was listening to silently. 
Yawning, I sat up and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. The blanket slipped from my body and goosebumps appeared on my arms when the cold air attacked my chest. I really shouldn’t sleep without a shirt on.

“Good morning,” said Minseok from his place to my left and smiled in my direction. 
“Morning,” I responded sleepily and dragged the duvet, that was pooling around my lower stomach, over my shoulders again. Then I bend my knees and placed my head on them, facing in Minseok’s direction. His brown hair was a little wild, he certainly didn’t brush it today. 
“For how long have you been awake?” I asked and yawned again, this time into the blanket since a yawning person was anything but aesthetic. 
He laughed softly. “Not too long, maybe an hour or so.”
“And the others?” I turned to him again.
“I decided to let them sleep in. Yesterday was long, I think we all need this and since our appointments start after lunch…” he shrugged. 
“Okay… what are you listening to?” I asked quietly, now thinking about waking up the others. He motioned for me to come to him.
I threw the blanket off my body and walked across the room. The bedframe creaked when I sat down on the mattress. Minseok had skidded over a bit, his side almost pressed against the wall so I was able to recline next to him. I lay on my side to look at him and studied his side profile as he tried to unknot the headphones. The round features, the sharply pointed ends of his eyes, the monolids, the curved nose, the full lips as his skilled fingers worked on the wire.

“Something wrong?” he asked when I stared for a little too long and ignored the earbud he held out for me to take. I shook my head with a smile and laid it on the arm that I misused as a pillow. 
“Everything’s fine.”
I continued to look at him when the music reached my ears. A slow English song painted the atmosphere around us as he turned to his side and reciprocated my gaze.
We lay like this for quite a while, not doing anything but watching the other. After some time I would have been able to draw a perfect picture of him in which every detail would reflect his true appearance. But nothing an artist could create would ever show his beauty only rudimental. 
The two songs changed from time to time but even after I’ve listened to them more than once, I wouldn’t be able to tell what exactly the songs were named or about. My concentration was elsewhere. 

“Luhan,” he whispered at some point and closed his eyes before taking a deep breath – a habit to collect his thoughts. I watched with fascination how his chest rose and sank again. He was just about to say something when somebody knocked on the door. We both jumped and were harshly pulled back into reality, out of the beautiful moment we had been caught up in. Minseok sat up and pulled his blanket over my stomach in process. 
“Yes?” he asked loudly.

Two seconds later, Sehun peeked inside the room. 
“I just wanted to know if you’re awake. We didn’t know when you came back yesterday so Yifan said that somebody should look after you and I-“
“It’s alright, Sehunnie,” I laughed because his words were speeding up to the end of the sentence and I sat up to look at our youngest. His gaze was flickering from Minseok to me and back again before he mumbled, “Breakfast is ready,” and left us to ourselves. My roommate was looking at the door with hunched eyebrows, but shook his head eventually and turned to me.
“Well, let’s go, then.” 
I nodded and scrambled up from under the blanket, stood up and held my hand out to pull him up from the bed. He grinned before it took.

Jongin, Sehun and Yifan had already finished their meal, the rest of the guys had waited for us or was still eating. 
“Good morning!” greeted Minseok with an enthusiastic voice. Kaisoo and Chanbaek were too caught up in their own little worlds, everybody else looked up tiredly and mumbled back something almost inaudible. Junmyeon was the only one who was looking relatively awake, Yixing in contrast almost fell from his chair. 
I sat down on my usual spot and pulled one bowl close. 
“When do we start today?”
“There is one photo session planned for 3pm, and an interview after that. I don’t know what appointments we have after that,” said Yifan and took his mug from the table. I nodded and reached for the chopsticks. That was too less. There were definitely some other things our managers had in stock for us if we already had a free morning. 

Everybody was looking for individual activities after breakfast. Jongdae, Yixing and Junmyeon were outside, Chanyeol and Baekhyun were in their room and did god knows what, Tao and Yifan sat in the living room and Sehun said he wanted some time to himself. Minseok and I were at our room, too – he lay on his bed again and I sat in front of my laptop. 

“One would think that we spend our time a little wiser,” said Minseok when I started my computer. 
“What do you mean?” I typed in my password. 
“Well, we already have too less of it, don’t you think we could do something more… meaningful?”
I turned around and threw him a mocked shocked look. “Since when does watching animes and dramas count as ‘not expedient’?”
He rolled his eyes with a fond smile on his lips and sat up with his hair still looking like he had just woken up. 
“You’re an idiot.”
I winked at him. “I know.” Then I turned around again and opened the internet. Minseok stood up and walked over to me.
“What do you want to watch?”
I shrugged. “Something. I haven’t thought about that, yet.”
His chin was placed on my shoulder, his breath fanning over the side of my neck what caused me to freeze. 
“What did you want to tell me before Sehun barged in?” I asked quietly.
“Oh…that…” he took an unsure step back and cleared his throat. “That…uhm… Don’t know, I forgot what it was. Must have been unimportant.”
Even if I was not actually convinced, since his tone didn’t sound sure, I let it slide. He had his reason if he didn’t want to talk about it anymore.
“Do you want to watch something particular? I don’t want to get on your nerves.”
He just laughed it off. “You’re not annoying, Lu, and no, I’m okay with anything.”

We decided on some anime none of us had seen yet and sat down on the floor next to each other, our backs resting against my bed. The storyline didn’t actually catch my interest but it was pretty funny sometimes and I loved hearing Minseok’s laugh so I didn’t stop the episodes. It was totally unimportant that my concentration was on the man by my side all the time and not on the pictures that flew over the desktop of my laptop. He himself was throwing glances at me sometimes, causing me to advert my gaze quickly to not appear like a stalker. He stood up after another episode was over.  

“I’ll pick up something to drink, you want anything?”
I shook my head. “Thank you, Hyung.”
He smiled and stretched when he was walking towards the door. I couldn’t help myself but glance down his body, but was quickly snapped back to reality when someone else than Minseok appeared in the doorframe. 
“Hey hyung!”
I smiled. “Hello, Sehunnie, what’s up?”
He skipped over to me and kneeled down beside me. 
“I just wanted to know if you want to come outside with me and go for a walk?”
“I thought about it for a short moment. “I actually wanted to stay with Minseok and-“
“Oh come on, Hyung,” he pouted and petted my arm. “We don’t have to walk for long, just a little bit. It’s really warm outside today and the sun is shining, why don’t we take that opportunity?”

I was just about to answer him when my roommate came back, stopping dead in his tracks when he spotted Sehun. 
“A new spectator?” he asked, a bottle of water in his right hand. 
I shook my head. “Sehun just asked if we wanted to go for a walk with us.”
“I actually just asked you,” he mumbled quietly. 
Minseok smiled slightly. “Go with him. I already told you that we should spend our time a bit wiser. I’ll stay here and try to sleep or something.”
I was looking at him for a moment. There wasn’t anything I would’ve rather done than sit down with him and continue to watch the anime, but I also didn’t want to disappoint Sehun.
“Okay, sure. Why not,” I smiled at the boy. “We don’t have to walk for long, right?”
He grinned and jumped up. “Great, I’ll go and pick my jacket!”
“Good.” I stood up, too, even if a bit slower and less enthusiastic. 

“Take care that people don’t recognize you. It’s already a small miracle that nobody talked to us yesterday,” said Minseok calmly and took the laptop off the ground. 
I turned around with burning cheeks since I again wasn’t able to not look at him as he bend over and one had a perfect view at-
“Luhan?”
I quickly looked at him again. “Hmm?”
“Just wanted to know if you were listening to me.” He put the electronic device on the desk.
I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist from the behind. “If I’m not listening to you, I’m listening to nobody.”
He laughed again, it almost sounded like a giggle. A sound that caused a fluttery feeling in my chest. 
“Don’t be gone for long,” he whispered before reaching down to take my arms from his body.
I nodded. “Don’t worry. I’ll be back before you know it.”


Sehun and I hadn’t been outside for two minutes when the first fans spotted us.
“Well, so much for going unnoticed,” I hissed through gritted teeth and tried my maddest to get away from them as soon and discrete as possible, Sehun was attached to my arm the whole time. Once we reached the park, we actually managed to get rid of them. I stopped for a moment to pull the hood over my head again and to straighten Sehun’s hat and sunglasses. 
“Masks wouldn't have been such a bad idea,” I mumbled to myself and examined his appearance shortly. The corner of his mouth twitched slightly. 
“It doesn’t matter now.”
I sighed and turned away from him. “True, but this should be enough as a warning. We should go back before this happens again.”
“But Luhan, it’s-“
“Sehunnie as much as I love it to spend time with you, I don’t want a small trip to end with fans that try to tear the clothes off our bodies if this means we get a bit of fresh air. Please don’t be sad…”
I placed two fingers under his chin and lifted it a bit before tickling it slightly. This always made him smile or laugh somehow.

“Can we stop at that café?” he asked and dragged at my hand which he had just taken at some point while we were walking.
I shrugged. “Of course, why not?”
He walked in front of me, clutching tightly onto my hand when we made our way through the group of people that had gathered around the small building.
“Do you know why they are here?” I whispered to him even though my voice was almost drown by their screeches.
He shrugged. “I guess we are not the only popular people walking around the city today.”
The guards next to the door helped us to get inside, to both our surprises, as we tried to make it past the screaming girls. 

It was a lot warmer inside the café than outside even if the temperature was already over average, but since it was already autumn going into winter, I was glad about it. I quickly caught up why the men guarding the door let us pass, when I looked around the cozy room. Junmyeon stood in front of the counter and ordered for himself and seemingly also for Yixing and Jondgae, who sat at one of the tables and laughed about something one of them had said. They looked up the second their waitress froze in her tracks when she spotted us. 

“Luhan! Sehun! What are you doing here?” yelled Jongdae and grinned. 
“We could ask you the same question,” I answered and took another chair from a near table to sit down next to them. 
“We are just a magnets to all fangirls in Seoul and try to get ripped apart by them,” he responded and laughed. 
Sehun mirrored him. “We already wondered who would cause such a hustle and bustle.”
Yixing lifted his hand and grinned at Junmyeon, who came back to the table with three cups that he almost let slide out of his fingers once he saw us. 
“Hey, how did you know where we went?” he asked and sat down beside Jongdae. 
“They didn’t know, they wouldn’t have come here if they did,” the Korean answered and earned a cross look for it.


It was a lot worse to leave the café than to enter it somehow. Even if the guards made sure that we were taking a car back to the dorm and didn’t have to walk. We were all glad once we were seated inside the van without any bad incidents. Just one girl had managed to snatch Sehun’s hat and ran away with it so that he had to leave without it. Junmyeon laid an arm around his shoulders and promised to buy him a new one to stop sulking. I couldn’t hold back a laugh when I saw his pout.
Everybody went to worry about their own stuff, but Sehun stayed by my side until I told him that I had to go back to Minseok because I had already left him alone earlier. 
“He’s not a child anymore,” he had argued but shut up once I countered, “And you are one?”

So I carefully knocked at the door and opened it slowly. Minseok was laying on his bed, all curled up while facing the door with his eyes closed. I whispered his name, but he didn’t move. For a short moment I thought about going back to Sehun, I quickly decided against it. I could use the time for myself. So I grabbed some comfortable clothes, changed and reclined on my own bed. Even if I needed my phone later, I began scrolling through my pictures and was almost smiling the whole time whenever I spotted me together with one of the other members. One the stage, backstage, in some restaurant or somewhere outside. I came across one picture of Minseok that Jongdae had taken when the two of them were at the café to learn how to make coffee. He was directly facing the camera and looked more unburdened than ever. I smiled at it lovingly and was totally absent-minded, staring at the man until a voice pulled out of my thoughts.
“You’re back again?”

I let my phone slide out of my hand in shock – it luckily just fell on my chest and not squashed my face. I turned to bit and looked at the sleepy Korean in the other bed. 
“I told you I wouldn’t be gone for long.”
He smiled slightly and rubbed both hands over his eyes, a view that made sugar look bitter compared to the sweet boy. 
“And you are still in one piece.”
“Yeah…” I scratched the back of my neck. “Didn’t look like it most if the time.”
He sat up abruptly. “Why? What happened?”
“Nothing special, we were at a café and met Junmyeon, Jongdae and Yixing, had to walk through a group of fangirls who all tried to get to us. One stole Sehun’s hat.”
He let out a quiet laugh and ruffled his hair with one hand. “As long as nothing happened to you.”
I shook my head. “Nop, I still have all of my limbs.” 

Minseok reached over to his nightstand and picked up his phone, his face was illuminated by the light that radiated from it. “It’s only one?”
I nodded. “We still have some time left. Do you want to do something?”
He thought about it for a moment before he quietly asked, “Can you read me something?”
I blinked in confusion. I didn’t expect that, but I nodded. “Of course, what do you want to hear?”
He shrugged and smiled. “I don’t really care.”
I grinned and stood up to walk over to his bed. Once I sat next down on the mattress cross legged, back against the wall with his head in my lap, I scrolled through some webpages on my phone until I found what I was looking for. 

“As always, he sat in the classroom at the very back, where he was left alone by the others. He was one of the quietest people around here, didn’t talk to one of his classmates and only answered the teachers if it was really necessary. That was the reason why it was his turn to talk around three times each day.”
“Sounds a bit like me,” he said and smiled with his eyes closed. 
I carded the fingers of my free hand through his hair. “Don’t know how this could be.”
He opened his eyes in an instant. “That’s not a fanfiction.”
“It is,” I laughed. 
Minseok his face behind both of his hands and mumbled, “That’s embarrassing.”
“It not one about us if that’s what you worry about.”
He spread his fingers and looked up at me between the gaps. “But?”
“About you and Baekhyun I think,” I said and looked at the tags again to make sure. “Yup.”
“What!” he let his hands fall on the mattress and looked at me a little uncomprehendingly. “We don’t fit together the slightest!”
I shrugged. “Chanbaek is a way more popular ship and I think this is the only one on this website.”
“Whatever, please continue.” He closed his eyes again. I smiled and played with his hair as I read the fanfiction out loud to him. 

After the fifth chapter I stopped and we began to talk about the different shippings. 
“Chansoo,” Minseok said at some point, his head still in my lap. 
“I actually think they would make a good couple, but if you tell that Baekhyun and Jongin, they’ll kill me.”
He laughed and nodded. “True. But I don’t know... I think it’s good the way it is.”
I rolled my eyes. “After Baekhyun’s complaining and Jongin’s failed attempts to flirt with Kyungsoo, it’s nice that they finally are together.”

His eyes were searching for mine. “What about Hunhan?”
My cheeks began to burn up while I thought about it. 
“N-no,” I stuttered quickly. “That wouldn’t work out.”
“Why not?” he sounded genuinely surprised. “You would fit and I see the way you treat him…”
I shook my head rapidly, “That’s-“
A knock on the door cut our conversation short. 
“Yes?” I yelled. 
The door sprung open and Yixing looked inside our room.
His dimples showed as he smiled at us. “Are you ready? We have to go.”
We threw each other confused glances, it was impossible that the time had flown by this quickly. But Minseok sat up, still. “Yes, we’ll be with you in a moment.”
Yixing nodded, spared me a pointed look, that confused me even more since I didn’t know what he wanted to tell me with it, and left us alone again. I extended my legs, one on both sides of Minseok since was still laying in between them. He scrambled back a bit so that his back was leaning against my stomach and his head was resting on my collar. 
“Can’t we stay here for a bit longer?” he mumbled. 
I froze for a short moment before placing a short kiss on top of his head. “Come on, we’ll be back before you know it.”
He nodded gingerly and got up with a quiet sigh. “Okay, I’ll just go to the bathroom really quick. Go and tell the guys that I’ll be there soon, I don’t want Junmyeon to get a panic attack.”
“Alright, but hurry.”

“Where is he?” cursed Yifan quietly form his sport next to the driver and looked at his watch. I laid one hand on his shoulder from behind him. 
“Calm down, he’ll be here soon.”
The door to my right was opened, but instead of Minseok Sehun climbed inside the van.
“What are you doing here?” asked Jongdae a little confused. 
The boy smiled. “Junmyeon said that one of us should ride with you guys, so you can drive off already. They will wait for Minseok-Hyung.”
“Oh…” I looked out of the window and let my gaze wander to the top of the building, where our dorm was. What did take him so long?
“Luhan!” said somebody and snapped me back into reality. 
“What?” I looked around wide eyed for the source of the voice. Sehun had an unreadable expression on his face. “That’s okay for you, right?”
I nodded slowly. “Of course it is.”
He plopped down on the seat next to me and fastened his seatbelt. “Let’s go, then.”

The young guy had talked to me the whole time, laid his head on my shoulder during the ride and tried to get me to laugh. My thoughts kept wandering back to Minseok and the bother didn’t leave me alone. What if he didn’t feel well and it took him so long because he was sick? What if he fell and couldn’t get up on his own so that he was still laying in the hallway? What if the elevator had stopped working or even fell down? I shook my head once my thoughts started to be ridiculous. He was okay, he had to be, otherwise Junmyeon had called Yifan and told him. The van stopped in front of the studio, Sehun reached over to open the door and set foot outside. Tao all but pounced on him and began to talk to him in his fast, accented Korean. 
I sighed and rubbed my left palm over my face. Now we had to get dressed, get our make up from the stylists and answer questions for about one hour – if everything worked out right, it would most likely take a lot more time – after a photo session. Somebody snapped their fingers beside my ear. Yixing stood in front of the car and looked at me with worry in his eyes. 
“Is everything alright? You look like somethings bothering you, already have all day long.”
I smiled softly at his behavior. “All is good, don’t worry about me.”
He crossed his arms in front of his chest. “That doesn’t answer my question. Is it because of Minseok?”
I shrugged and hung my head. He climbed inside the car and embraced me in his arms for a short moment. "You are thinking too much about this. I’m sure that he has feelings for you, too, even if he doesn’t know it himself, yet. But I see the way he looks at you or takes care of you even if you don’t realize it… There is something, he just needs time.”
I closed my eyes and focused on the heat that radiated from his body. Perhaps he was right. 
“Even if it’s not like that,” I pushed him away softly. “I can deal with the way things are between us right now.”
“Maybe, but there is a difference between dealing with it and being happy,” he petted my arm gingerly. “And we both know what would be better for you because if you want to confess it or not, it afflicts you that he doesn’t know.” He smiled. “And now let’s go. I don’t want to be yelled at.”
It was almost midnight when we arrived back at home. Minseok was whispering my name until I woke up completely and looked around with half lidded eyes. 
“Are we here, yet?” I asked and yawned. 
He grinned. “Yes, we were quite fast today.”
I nodded – very creative – and fell out of the door more than getting out gracefully. Minseok, who was seated right next to me and therefor was first to step out of the car, caught me before I could hit the ground. I was holding myself up on his upper arm and whispered, “I’m sorry.”
One hand was on my hip, the other combed the hair, that was still sticking together due to the styling, from my forehead so get a better look at my face. 
“You should go to bed as fast as you can, you already didn’t feel well yesterday. I don’t want you to catch a cold or something like that,” his voice sounded a bit muffled so that the others weren’t able to hear what we were talking about but one couldn’t miss the expression of worry on his face. Yixing’s words were ghosting through my mind for a second but I pushed them down quickly. It was too late to think about something like this. 
Everythings seemed blurry after this so I that I didn’t recall how exactly I made it to bed the next morning. Not only this but also the fact that I wore a pullover and not only a shirt or was completely topless like always confused me. Other than that Minseok hadn’t woken me up even if we already had enough to do today. I turned to my side with quiet, pained groan because of the ache in my muscles and reached out for my phone. All tiredness left my body once I saw the time. Almost ten. I didn’t even know I was able to sleep that long anymore. 
“Minseok, why-“ my voice faded as I saw the vacant, neatly made bed. 
Nobody was found in the kitchen and it was generally a little too quiet to believe that somebody was found in the dorm. A little frustrated I went back to my room and was just about to pick up my phone again when I spotted the piece of paper that laid on the desk. Confused, I walked over to it and picked it up. 

Good morning, Lu. I told our dancing instructor that you are not feeling fell and therefor stayed home today so you don’t infect anybody else. We’ll be home sometime during our appointments, but please call me nonetheless when you wake up. –Minseok


An unintentional smile made its way on my lips. He lied. For me. Minseok did never lie, at least until today. I quickly ran to my bed and fell down backwards, the bedframe squeaked in protest when my weight crashed down on it. His number was on top of my calling list so it didn’t take long for me to find it. After the same, promising tone had reached my ear two times, he picked up.
“Luhan?”
I smiled. “Good morning to you, too.”
“Are you feeling better? Did you sleep well? I wasn’t too loud this morning, was-“
“Breathe, Minseok,” I reminded him and laughed. “And yes, I feel a lot better, yes, I have and no, you were perfectly quiet. Why didn’t you wake me up?”
Some rustling was heard through the phone while the background music slowly faded. Growl, if I was right. 
“I’m sorry, I just had to get away from the others. What did you say?”
“I asked why you let me sleep in.”
“Oh please, it wouldn’t surprise me if you weren’t even able to stand up today the way you looked yesterday night.”
I hunched my eyebrows together and looked down my own body. “That bad?”
“Perhaps I’m exaggerating a bit… but you should still rest. We just go through the dances you already know so you are not missing too much.”
“When will you be back?”
“Around 12 I guess. We don’t know if we have to go back to the SM building again since the singing instructor is sick and they don’t know if they find somebody to cover for him, yet.”
I closed my eyes and grinned. “Looks like fate has a thing for us these last days.” His laugh send a wave of endorphins rushing through my veins. 
“That could-“
Somebody called his name and made him sigh. “I got to go now, I’ll be with you in some hours. Rest a bit more and eat something, okay?”
“Will do, don’t work too hard. Talk to you later!”
The connection was cut with a last clicking noise. I stared at the blank display until it became black and then threw it next to me onto the bed. Just about two hours, then I wouldn’t be alone anymore.


I had actually managed to fall asleep on one of the couches in our living room until I woke up when the front door was opened and the guys stepped in not too quietly. 
“Could you at least try to shut up?” snapped somebody and caused them to be silent in a matter of one second. I sat up and quickly tried to sort out my bedhair until it looked at least a bit decent. 
“I thought you said he feels better?” muttered Sehun.
“Yes, but he is probably still sleeping so all of us should be considerate of him,” responded Junmyeon. He had the incredible talent to shut the youngest up in a matter of a second.

“I’m awake!” I yelled and the reaction was immediate. Baekhyun chased after Jongdae because he had stolen something from the older boy. Tao was talking to Sehun, who tried to answer him but was cut off every single time, in a fast manner. Chanyeol was humming along to the melody that sounded through his headphones and sometimes said something to Yixing by his side, who was kept busy by Junmyeon. The rest of the guys was too focused on their own business or just glad that they were home already. 
“-aying that we would have been able to sleep in and start later, we would have finished later but we would have been able to sleep a little longer!” said Jongin a bit outraged and threw his arms in the air. Kyungsoo next to him had amusement written all over his face. 
“I know, NiNi. That’s what you have been telling me the whole morning but I can’t change anything about it.”

Minseok was the last to set foot in the room. He was looking around rather hastily until his gaze found me and a smile made his way onto his face. The corners of my own mouth seemed to lift on their own without me doing anything about it. 
“Hey,” he said quietly and plopped down next to me on the couch. “You still look a bit tired.”
I shrugged and answered him in the same register, “I’ve been asleep until you came here.”
He sighed and shook his head. “I’ve told them to be a bit more quiet but you know how they are…”
I placed my hand on top of his. “It’s no problem, if I would have continued I wouldn’t have been able to fall asleep tonight. So no worries.”
Minseok threw a short glance to our hands before he turned his around and entwined our fingers. Heat flooded through my cheeks and I bit my lower lip to hold back the massive grin that tried to make its way on my face. 
“Did you eat?” he asked and somehow managed to not plop the small, delicate bubble that shielded us from the other members in this moment. 
I nodded, ”Kyungsoo had made plenty yesterday.” 
His thumb grazed over the knuckles and pointer finger of my hands, his gaze still lingering on the inches of our skins that were touching. I could feel the pounding of my heart in my ears while Yixing’s words echoed through my mind. 
“I’m sure that he has feelings for you, too…” I whispered and froze the moment I realized that I really had said that out loud. 
“What did you say?” Minseok rose his head and looked at me. No shock, no confusion – he hadn’t heard anything. 
“Nothing important…”
I suddenly felt like somebody had drenched me in ice cold water – I should focus on reality a bit more than lingering back in my mind. 
He nodded slowly. “If you say so.”

“Don’t you look like you’re in love!” yelled Baekhyun and threw us a challenging smile. Minseok was quick to pull his hand back and stammered a bit gibberish nobody was able to understand. I wanted to say something, too, but I just fixed him with an angry look before I left the room. Due to Baekhyun’s comment, the attention of everybody was concentrated on us so that all of them were pretty silent in that moment. Only Chanyeol, who gave his boyfriend a quiet scolding, was heard. 
Back in my room I let the door fall close behind me, leaned against it and closed my eyes. Minseok had pulled back. That didn’t mean too much but it made me realize who stupid and naïve I was to think that he actually could have feelings for me in that second. 

After standing around without a proper reason for quite some time, I walked over to the desk and picked up one of the sheets with the lyrics of one of our newest lyrics on it. Every time somebody would walk down the hallway I looked up and hoped that Minseok would open and come to look for me. But it didn’t happen so I quickly gave up the little hope. At least until somebody actually knocked on the wood. My head snapped up and I jumped up immediately when the handle was pressed down. Unfortunately it wasn’t the man I was waiting for. 
“Hey Hyung… you were gone so quickly, is everything alright?”
I smiled slightly, even if I really didn’t feel like it. “Yes, I’m good, Sehunnie.”
He sighed, stepped in and closed the door behind him. “You know… If I didn’t really want to know, I wouldn’t have asked you. So you can either tell me what’s wrong or that you don’t want to talk about it with me, but please don’t lie to me.”
He had actually managed to throw me off guard for a split second. I eventually gave up with a sigh and motioned for him to sit down in the chair in front of the desk. I knew that I could trust him, Sehun didn’t talk about my secrets with anybody, he had proved that on more than one occasion and perhaps it would be good to talk to somebody except Yixing about it…
“It has something to do with Minseok.”
He nodded and searched for my eyes with his own. “I’ve guessed this much.”
I rubbed my upper arm with one hand and overserved the way my duvet wrinkled under my legs. 
“Well, it could be… I… that I-“ I stopped, took a deep breath and continued quietly, “That have feelings for him.”
Perhaps the world stood still in that moment, because even the sound of our breaths fell silent. Only the expression on his face changed into something shocked, then he looked a bit undefinable. I had never seen him like this until that moment. 

He cleared his throat at some point and spoke up, “So Minseok, huh?”
“Yes,” I said quietly, my voice sounding a bit like it would break soon. I didn’t think that he would have a problem with that, seeing that Jongin and Kyungsoo as well as Chanyeol and Baekhyun were together and he hadn’t said anything bad about it. It was the exact opposite, he had actually helped them getting together when nobody had seemed to make a move. 
“Why? Why him?” he said, his voice a bit louder than before. 
I blinked in surprise and stuttered, “W-what do you mean ‘why him’?”
He shrugged. “What’s so special about him? He doesn’t even like you that way.”
My heart skipped a beat. “That doesn’t have to do anything with my feelings.” My words were merely a whisper by now, almost inaudible. 
“I would have understood it then, I mean that you wouldn’t want to hurt him anyway but apart from that…” he shrugged again and shook his head. 
A stabbing pain settled in my chest while my throat felt like I had swallowed a lump. I didn’t expect that. Sehun seemed to get that he had hurt me since he was up on his feet in an instant and encircled me in his arms. 
“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to hurt your feelings but I really do not think that you would even fit together, let alone that he feels the same for you,” he whispered. 
I pushed him away not too softly. “Y-you… go, please. Leave me alone.”
Sehun threw me a pitying gaze but eventually did what I told him, but not without looking back at me before he closed the door behind him. 


Tears streamed down my face the second I heard the lock click and buried my face in my hands to push down a sob since I hated it whenever somebody took notice of me in moments like these. Minseok had witnessed me like this one time and even if he didn’t know what was wrong, he had come to my bed, sat down beside me and rubbed circles over my back while he sung a lullaby until I had calmed down. The memory itself was enough to make me feel even worse, but it helped to stop the tears. He maybe didn’t see me the way I did see him but he still was one of my best friends – that wouldn’t change, I was sure about that. I took a shaky breath and rubbed the sleeves of my sweater over my eyes as I tried to swallow down all negative thoughts and feelings. It didn’t work as well as I wanted but I still felt a little bit better. 


Half of the guys had decided to spend their free time outside and rode their bicycles, played basketball or did some other sports, as if the dancing session this morning wasn’t already enough. The rest stayed in the dorm to break videogame-records or reading the books nobody had lain a finger on for the last few weeks. I went to sit on one of the couches in the living room at some point to watch Chanyeol and Jongin bickering over the games they were playing on the big TV. After Jongin had won three times in a row, the older man threw his controller onto the sofa and jumped up, yelling, “That totally unfair! You are cheating!” before disappearing into the kitchen. 
Kyungsoo laughed as he watch him. “Someone’s not able to lose a single game.”
“I am! But not like this! And not against him!” came the low-spirited answer, a little too high pitched for his usual deep voice. 
Jongin leaned back with a satisfied smile until his head was rested on his boyfriend’s lap. I adverted my gaze and turned to Junmyeon who was completely enraptured by the book he was reading. His uncombed hair tickled his forehead, his lips moved as he read over the passages with his eyes flickering from line to line. 
“First Minseok and now our leader…” chipped Baekhyun in form his position on the floor. I slowly turned to look at him. 
“Is this actually necessary?” I asked and hunched my eyebrows together. “Wasn’t your previous comment already enough?”
He blinked in confusion. “What do you mean?”
I sighed and got up from the couch, “Nothing. Absolutely nothing.” And walked over to the kitchen on Chanyeol’s heels to look if something acceptable was found in the fridge. 

“You know that he doesn’t mean it,” said Chanyeol quietly and took a glass from a cupboard over his head. I sighed and closed the door again without taking something. 
“I know, it just… he gets on my nerves sometimes.”
He laughed, a deep grumbling sound. “Just let him be and ignore it, he doesn’t even have a point.”
I forced myself to smile. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”
He pushed me aside gingerly to take some soda out of the fridge before winking at me. 
“I’ll make sure he shuts up soon enough.”
I groaned in frustration and turned away from him with a disgusted expression lingering on my face. “I didn’t need to know that!”
He rubbed my back in a soothing manner and then went go back to the others. I, on my part, shook my head and massaged my temples with two fingers while thinking about cute, little puppies to get the picture of a not so g-rated ChanBaek out of my head. 


It was almost completely dark outside when the rest of the group came back to the dorm again. Yixing and Sehun were the first to set foot in the living room, Yifan behind them, then Tao and finally Jongdae and Minseok, who was telling him something about, “-should have seen her face!”. My heart sank a little more as Jongdae placed an arm around his shoulders and pulled him a bit closer while he laughed at the story. I quickly adverted my eyes and pulled my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around my legs and placing my chin on top of them. 
“Hey guys! So, what did you do today?” asked Tao and plopped down beside Junmyeon on one of the sofas. 
Jongin smirked. “I have played videogames with Chanyeol and-“
“That’s it! We just tried out the new games and lounged around,” cut the tall man in and threw him an angry look.
Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. “So nothing unusual.”
Jongdae raised his brows. “Sounds incredibly interesting. Well, we-“ I decided to not listen to them any longer and instead concentrated on the TV that was still playing in the background even if everybody else had neglected it. 

 


The lanterns of the street under our dorm was illuminating our room through the window so that it was never pitch-black in our room. I didn’t want it to happen but my thoughts were once again drifting off in Minseok’s direction. Why did these feelings develop? Why the hell wasn’t I able to do anything about them? What if he felt the same? What if he didn’t and would tell me that we would never work out as a couple and that it would be better if we stayed friends forever? It were typical thoughts for this time of the day and even if the man I craved was only some meters beside me, it felt like they were oceans separating us. As if it weren’t just a few steps but a hike across the Mount Everest – without any additional oxygen-tank on my back. As if I was completely alone in this moment, shut out from the rest of the world. Lonely in the light sheets, the darkness that surrounded me and my thoughts that just wouldn’t shut the up. 
“You are too quiet,” said Minseok even if we already agreed on sleeping some hours ago. Seemed like we both weren’t able to in the moment. 
“I’m just becoming more like you,” I responded and turned to my side to look at him a bit better. It was meant to be a joke but neither of us cracked a smile. 
“What’s wrong?” he asked with determination. 
I sighed and closed my eyes for a brief moment. “Why does everybody ask me that question today?”
“Because we notice that something is off and don’t want you to be sad?” he suggested and tugged down the duvet over his body a bit. 
I sat up. “I am not.”
He sighed and mumbled, “Don’t even try to start like this.”
“How else? I don’t want to talk about it with you? Is that better?”
Minseok looked like he wanted to counter something for an instant but only hung his head and kept silent for quite some time. I felt bed immediately because it had sounded a bit harsher than I had intended. 
“I’m sorry…” he whispered and turned around so that his back was facing me. 


“Minseok…” without thinking about it for another second, I got up and walked over to him. The mattress sunk a bit under my weight when I sat down beside him. I let one hand trail down his back. 
“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to-“
“It’s alright, Lu,” he cut me off and rolled around again to look at me. “I get it.”
“No, that’s,” I sighed and slowly leaned down until my head connected with his chest. “It’s not alright.”
One hand carded through my hair and played with some of the strands. “You don’t have to talk about everything with me. It’s totally normal that you don’t want to discuss some things with everybody.”
“But you are not just one like everybody,” I argued quietly. “You are one of my best friends.” More than just that.
“You have your reasons,” he cut in and stilled his hand’s movement. I placed mine on his stomach and drew circles with my pointer finger over the fabric of his shirt. He in a sharp breath at some point and jumped a bit. “You perhaps want to stop that.”
I pouted but did as he had said and laid my hand shortly over his navel. “Sorry.”
He tugged on my hair gingerly. “Not for something like this.”
We stayed like that for a little while, just listening to the other’s calm breathes and created this delicate bubble around us again, that always seemed to appear in moments like this. 


“I hope that nobody will knock on the door again,” I whispered and even if I had just said this to myself, he agreed. 
“That’s exactly what I was thinking about, too.”
A grin settled on my lips and vehemently refused to leave its newly found place again. 
“Lay down properly again,” he said at some point and made my good mood drop a bit until I wanted to stand up and he caught my wrist, making me look at him confusedly. 
“But you said-“
“Here,” he cut me off. “Your legs would have felt numb if you had continued to sit in this position. But I don’t want to do go back to your… I mean you can stay here and don’t have to…” he shook his head as if he had to gather his thoughts. “Just stay here with me if you want to, if this is okay for you.”
I smiled and nodded. “There is nothing I would rather do right now.”
Instead of almost laying on top of each other, we watched each other again just like we had done it tuesday morning. We both misused one of our arms as pillows and observed the other in the darkness. Only the music was missing to fill the silence. Instead of that a lovesong, one without a title or lyrics, played inside my head. Even the melody was only made of Minseok’s voice. 
“You look like you’re deep in thought. What’s ghosting through your mind?” he broke the silence between us. 
“You,” I answered truthfully, not really caring about keeping my mouth shut any longer. I’ve kept it to myself for longer than necessary.
He blinked in terribly hidden surprise. “What in particular?”
It is a good question to ask whether such thing as a ‘perfect moment’ exists. If there is, one is more likely to miss it anyway instead of seizing it, so why should one way for it? You can never be sure if a better situation, a better instant would come than the one you are caught in right now. Because what does ever work out as planned?
“My feelings for you.”

“L-Luhan,” he started but I motioned for him to be silent for just a little bit longer. 
“I…I don’t really know how to start,” I said and laughed to ease the nervousness. “What should I tell you… that I have been in love with you for quite a while now but never was able to muster up the courage to tell you? It’s not like I was scared that you didn’t want to be my friend anymore after I confessed o-or that something major would have changed between us because I know that you would never push me away after something like this, I-I guess I just didn’t want to be rejected and t-that’s why-“
“Luhan!” he cut in my almost incomprehensible mumbling. My gaze had strictly avoided his, I didn’t want to see what was mirroring inside his eyes, but now – to my great surprise – there was nothing short but joy and fondness in them. 
“You love me?” he recapped my previous rambling, causing me to nod as good as possible and almost hang my head again, but his quiet, sweet laugh stopped me from doing so. He hid his face behind both of his hands and actually laughed. And I was laying there and didn’t know what to do with myself. He took them away again and looked me directly into the eye, taking my wrist and pressing my palm against his chest. Minseok’s heart was beating in the same rate as mine – too fast and too fluttering, too excited. 

“I love you,” he whispered and I could have almost sworn that my body wasn’t a part of this earth anymore in this second. 
“Say that again,” my voice was almost breaking due to how fast I was talking while my mind slowly registered what this meant.
“I. Love. You.” There was that smile again. I quickly mirrored it, feeling like I had spent too much time underwater and was now able to breathe again. 
“Why did you never say anything?”
Minseok chuckled. “Look who’s talking. You told me the reasons yourself.”
“And… what does this mean for us?” I asked carefully. He rolled his eyes but his lips remained in that fond smile. 
“What happens usually when two people confess that they like each other?”
“I know that myself, but… are we really together now?”
Minseok skidded a bit closer. “Do you want us to be?”
“Yes,” I breathed, not actually able to much more. My gaze wandered down to his lips. 
“Just do it already,” he said a little amused. “I didn’t just get this close because I like seeing you from this perspective.”
I propped myself up on one arm before slowly leaning in and placing my lips on his gingerly. Soft, light and lighthearted. Not like in romantic movies or books in which sparks were flying around us, my body was on fire or that electricity ran through my veins because of some unknown reason. No, instead a completely new feeling of contend and warmness spread through my bones – this was my definition of love. It was one of this moments in which you ask yourself if the world has stopped spinning. In which you are happier than ever before. In which you don’t want to sleep for a single second any longer since reality and the moment you are living right now is better than any dream you could possibly have. 


Once we parted, he held his eyes closed, the corners of his mouth still curved upwards. I lifted one hand and caressed the soft skin of his cheek until he was looking at me again. 
“Kiss me,” he whispered in an almost whiny tone. I grinned, reclined on my back and looked at him challengingly. Minseok sat up, held himself up on the mattress with one hand on either side of my head and leaned down slowly. “Unless you don’t want to.”
My fingertips graced over his sides and come to rest on his hips. “I would love to do this even more that just cuddle with you.”
He laughed sweetly. “I’m glad” and then we went back to kissing, but not as carful and reluctant as before.

 


The first thing I noticed was the additional weight on my chest. After that came the light from outside, even though I still had my eyes closed. Some time after that the familiar scent and the memories of what had happened yesterday night. But what had really woken me up was the steady whispering of my name together with the hand that rested under my shirt. I smiled and lazily opened my eyes. Minseok’s head laid on my chest, the duvet reached up to tickle his chin. He was, as usual, already awake and had tried to wake me up as gentle as possible. 
“Good morning,” I mumbled and pushed down a yawn. This time of the day was definitely not my favorite, not even with Minseok being this close (even if it helped a lot).
“Morning,” he responded with a smile clear in his voice and made a move to stand up, but I decided that I would have none of that and wrapped my arms around his waist.
“Luhan,” he laughed. “We have to get up.”
I closed my eyes and placed a kiss on top of his head. “Must we really?”
“Yes, as sorry as I feel for you.” I involuntarily let go off him and sat up after he had stood up. 
“I’ll go and wake up the others,” he said and raised his hands over his head in order to stretch his muscles. 
I nodded and rubbed both palms over my face, trying to wake himself up a little more. “You do that, I’ll stay here in the meantime.”
After he had gone to the door and opened it, he stopped in his track as if he wanted to say something else, but he stepped out of the room without losing another word. A little confused, I stood up, too and walked over to the closet to pick out some clothes for today and decided to change until he came back.
I was just combing my hair when he entered the room again and walked over to me before he threw his arms around my body, hugging me close to him from his position behind me.

“Shall I get used to this amount of contact beween us?” I asked and petted his arms. 
“Well, if you want to,” he mumbled into the fabric of my pullover. 
I turned around so that we were able to look at each other and hugged him back. “That’s a question you don’t even have to ask.”
“Okay… do we tell the others? Is that a better one?”
I blinked and looked down at him. “That they should get used to us being attached to the other’s hip all the time from now on?”
He pinched my side and smiled. “That we are in a relationship, Lu.”
I took a step back, my hand still on his shoulders. “If you want to, why not? They should be fine with it.”
Minseok nodded, if I didn’t know him as good as I didn’t I think I wouldn’t have caught how unsure he looked. “I think so?”
“We don’t have to if you are not sure or comfortable with them knowing,” I assured him and pecked his forehead. The voices down the hallway increased in volume – Baekhyun, Chanyeol and Jongdae were the one who screamed the loudest, as always. 
“Why do they have to be like this in the morning, already?” whined Minseok quietly and threw me a questioning gaze. I just shrugged in response. 
“They could ask you why you are so quiet most of the time, too.”
“I’ve already answered that question,” he said and poked his tongue out at me.

“Guys?” somebody knocked on the door. Minseok turned around and tried to get out of my grasp, but I kept him close, my arms around his body and called, “Yes?”
Junmyeon opened it and peeked inside our room, his eyes widening when he caught a glimpse of us. “Any wishes for breakfast?”
I shook my head and then laid it on Minseok’s shoulder, whispering, “You?” in his ear. He gulped hard and answered, “N-no, not really.” pretty damn quickly. Junmyeon nodded and pulled the door close behind him, the sound echoing through the other than that silent room. We stayed like that for a short moment until Minseok turned around, pulled me in by my neck and pressed his lips on mine. I swallowed down a smile and kissed him back as eagerly while Minseok pushed me until my back hit the wall beside the mirror. One hand found its way next to my head, the other slid down my neck, over my chest. I shuddered and pulled away. 
“What do you think you’re doing?”
He smiled innocently. “What do you mean? I’m not doing anything.”
I cleared my throat and shook my head, trying to get all inappropriate thoughts out of my head. “We should go to the kitchen and ask if we can help somehow.”
Minseok looked a bit disappointed but still agreed with a nod, “Yes, we can do that.”


Kyungsoo and Chanyeol had already rejected and thrown us out of the room before we were even able to say out loud what we wanted, that’s why we were sitting in the living room, his back against the armrest of one of the couches, his legs placed over mine. Junmyeon was talking to Yixing in the moment when a totally sleepy Sehun set foot in the room and mumbled an inaudible, “Morning” before rubbing his eyes with both hands. When his gaze fell on us, he stopped in his track and looked at me questioningly. I smiled shyly, hung my head and rubbed my palms over Minseok’s thighs. 
“Something wrong?” he asks, worry lacing through his voice
“I told Sehun how I feel about you yesterday,” I whispered and turned to him. 
He raised his eyebrows. “So what?”
“He said that you would never return them and that we don’t fit together the slightest…” thinking about it like this, some uneasiness arose inside of me. What if he was right, and we really didn’t work out and-
“Hey, don’t even think about it,” he took my hand and interlaced our fingers. “We wouldn’t have been friends for this long and to this extent if we didn’t fit together at all, right?”
It took me a moment to realize how quiet everything around us was now. I looked around the room and assessed that everybody was giving us their undivided attention. Sehun, Yixing, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo – who were seemingly finished with our breakfast – even Baekhyun and Jongae had managed to join our little group without me noticing. 
“Is there anything you want to tell us?” broke the leader the silence. My cheeks were on fire as I caught Minseok’s gaze, who was smiling at me fondly before he softly squeezed my hand and nodded. 
“We’re…together.”
Baekhyun’s jaw fell down, Yixing started to grin like the cutie he was, Junmyeon was blinking in confusion, Kyungsoo whispered something in to Chanyeol who looked pretty huffy, and Sehun’s look was so dark I wondered if I would die and fall from the couch if he kept up that expression. 
Jongdae was the first to speak up. “That means I was right. Baekhyun, you owe me some money!”
“That’s not fair!” he whined. “You knew it, didn’t you?”
“You made a bet about these?” Junmyeon asked and pointed at us. Jongdae nodded with a proud grin on his face. 
“We did and it really does make me wonder why Chanyeol and Baekhyun were blind enough to not see that they are head over heels.”
“Only since yesterday,” cut Minseok in to sooth his excitement.
“Who’s head over heels?” asked Tao and ran one hand through his hair, Yifan was trailing behind him like a lost puppy, it was obvious that they had been asleep not only one minute ago. 
“Minseok and Luhan,” said Sehun emotionless without looking away from us. Tao smiled. “About time! I’m happy for you, guys!” 
The rest of them were slowly snapping out of their trances and congratulated one after another quickly, only Sehun turned around and disappeared out of my sight. 
“I’ll look after him, be right back,” I said to Minseok before standing up after he had let go off me. 

I found him in his and Junmyeon’s room. When I was about to open the door, he yelled that he didn’t want to see anyone but I was still stepping inside. 
“Why do I even say anything,” he mumbled and plopped down on the bed. I walked over to him and sat down in the edge of his mattress. 
“What’s wrong?”
“You still don’t get it?” he hisses and sat up abruptly to look at me with angry eyes. 
“N-no, I wouldn’t ask if I did,” I mumbled and skidded back a bit, trying to put some more distance between us. 
Sehun sighed and pulled his knees close to his chest before whispering, “Minseok’s not the only one who is in love with you.”
My eyes bulged and almost felt like they wanted to jump right out of my head. “Y-you…so…” I didn’t know what to say anymore. What do you tell somebody if he confesses that they have feelings for you but you don’t return them the slightest. 
“I’m sorry,” I hung my head. “I didn’t know, if I did-“
“It wouldn’t have changed a single thing,” he cut me off with his voice shaking. I looked up with a sick feeling in my stomach. Sehun had turned away from me, I still reached over and laid one arm around him without uttering another word. He let out a sob and buried his face in the crook of my neck. I hadn’t seen him cry like that until this moment. 
“Sehunnie,” I whispered and patted his back softly. He shook his head lightly and clawed at my pullover. It hurt to see him like this, but I couldn’t change a single thing right now and it wouldn’t be any better if I was unhappy just because I wanted to go easy on him. 

He let go off me after a quite long while and rubbed his palms over his eyes. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think that this would be so hard for me to swallow.”
I sighed and nodded. “I’m sorry, I wish I could help you somehow.”
He forced himself to smile. “Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine.”
“Can’t I do anything?” I asked because I really felt like a useless tool in this moment. Sehun just shook his head. 
“I guess I just have to let that sink in, just go to the others, I bet they are wondering where we are and what’s taking us so long.”
Even if I really rather didn’t want to leave him I decided to not protest any further, knowing my presence alone wasn’t very helpful or even beneficial. So I nodded and stood up slowly. 
“Just eat something until we have to drive off again, you need the energy, okay?” He didn’t answer.

The living room was already empty when I came back, but one could easily hear that they had gathered in the kitchen. Jongin had graced us with his presence now, too, and stood up the moment I entered the kitchen to congratulate us, too. 
“Is everything alright?” asked Junmyeon once he saw that I was back alone. I nodded and plopped down on my chair. 
“Yes, he’ll eat something later.”
He seemed to be alright with my answer, but looked like he would rather go to his room and drag the poor maknae to the table right now. Minseok leaned over to me. “What’s wrong?”
“I’ll tell you later,” I whispered and smiled at him. 

“I have to say, it took you quite some time,” piped Jongdae up and looked from Minseok to me and back again. 
“What do you mean?” I asked. 
He rolled his eyes. “Well, both of you weren’t really secretive when it came to your feelings for the other, everbody knew it – apart from ChanBaek of course. Who made the first step?”
Minseok pointed at me immediately what caused the guys to bombard us with questions. Everybody of us witnessed how the two other couples had come together and that’s why they just had to know every single detail about us now, too – and if we already did the do, what caused Baekhyun a slap to the back of his head from Kyungsoo. 

It was eleven pm when we were able to go to sleep that day. Just like yesterday, we lay on Minseok’s bed, his head on my chest while I carded my fingers through his hair and sometimes rubbed over his back. 
“Your heart is beating fast,” he whispered at some point. 
I smiled. “Your fault.”
He laughed sweetly, “Fortunately,” and then leaned up to kiss me. It was this moment in which I knew that this instant would always last in my mind like this – his skin underneath my fingertips, his lips on mine, the happy giggle o caused. I knew that he was happy and would hopefully remember me the same way I was now, even if we were broken apart someday. 


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A/N: I still love XiuChen more than this shipping but I also like them very much. And since my favorite song is still promise by Exo I wanted to write something that hits the feels just right. I still like and support Luhan, but it still is ing sad, I don't think I'll ever get over OT12...

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TheChoas
She's done another cover, guys. And once again I can only say: thank you, it's perfect, I love you.

Comments

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Alexis_LaFury23
#1
Chapter 1: Rereading cause it's cute & miss them
helloww
#2
Chapter 1: and poor sehunnie:( don't worry you can be with me;) *gets slapped by sehun stans
helloww
#3
Chapter 1: i miss lulu so much:'(
Alexis_LaFury23
#4
Chapter 1: Xiuhan forever. I like Xiuchen too but you could just feel and see the ? and care between Lu & Minnie. I miss them. ?
Miss_K_
#5
Chapter 1: This was so bittersweet and beautiful. <3
annimaus
#6
Chapter 1: I agree.... OT12 forever! Wonderful story! Very well done!
joanna16 #7
Chapter 1: I can't quite get used to the 1st person POV, but this was really sweet :)
I really like it <3