<1>

“You’re back Jiyong. How are you?” Dami goes for a hug when she releases Iye out of her hands, while Jiyong is still standing there in his white plain T-shirt with his short hair.

The house is still the same, and of course, has always been as similar as the way he misses it. He actually wants to cry, because the feeling of being home is really here, after two years of not being able to have his parents’ meal, or Dami’s sometimes terrible taste. He has missed it all.

“Are you doing well these days? Is We11 Done doing well without me?” Jiyong smirks, returning to his cockiness.

“This brat.” Dami laughs loudly that makes the house become more lively, because home without him is feeling weird, and empty.

“Where is mom and dad?”

“They’ll be back tonight. They went on a trip.”

“Woa.. how romantic. Are they having fun while their son is going through tough times?”

“Hey lazy .” Dami goes for a headlock and grabs his head before realizing that she almost touches his bare head, and she realizes how he grows a bit bigger and, tougher(?). “I miss you, Ji. Was it really tough?”

“It was. But I was doing fine. I made some friends too.” Jiyong smiles like a kid, and Dami feels less burdened.

“You did a great job, Jiyong ah. You made it.” Dami suddenly feels emotional, like she always thinks that her brother deserves better. He deserves so much better.

 

“Are you going to meet Youngbae and other guys too?”

Jiyong nods his head while still enjoying his first meal at home. He has missed this taste of his life for so long, and finally he knows that he’s right when he’s thought that home food is always the best. So when he eats his first spoon of seaweed soup, he almost feels like crying. Though, Jiyong feels ridiculous to have developed such a weak side of him like that, just in two years.

Honestly, he often cried when he missed home. Sometimes, Jiyong felt like it was a shame, to cry like a baby who misses their parents in kindergarten. But, he felt glad that the feelings in him are still there. He doesn’t want to lose any of them, because he was always afraid of getting used to not feeling them, and finally he got used to the fact that he lost his own feelings.

 

But, sometimes in his dream, an image of the girl with her twinkle eyes looking at him side by side at the sea that year still appears.

It has been three ing years, and he still thinks about her. He supposes it’s odd. But he has given up looking for her for ages. May only god will grant him the chance to meet her again, but he himself wishes not to see her again. Because now even without meeting her, he still wonders how she has been, if she’s still doing fine, if she’s happy or not, if she… thinks about him, if she… still keeps those memories, if she… still uses lies to hide her own feelings, and if she’s still freezing whenever the winter comes.

If she has someone else to cover her through the cruel winds, if she has someone else to embrace her small and shaking shoulder, if she has someone else to keep her hand warm from the freeze of snow.

When he looks at the window, the sky doesn’t look as bright as it always is. That’s when he realizes that the final season has come already. It’s that time again, the same time when they turned their backs to each other, the same time when he felt numb under the coldness, not because it was cold, but because his feelings were frozen.

He’s afraid. That if he ever meets her again, his greed, and his feelings might as well, return.

 

 

<2>

“Jing? This is the third time.” Inna frowns seriously while Jieun is lying on the sofa watching some variety shows they always watch on a Friday night.

“What?”

“You turned down this guy again?” Inna puts a hand on her waist, and she looks almost like a mom to Jieun, which she finds it so familiar that Jieun sometimes feels annoyed too. “I mean, this guy is super fine, and nice too? What’s wrong with him?”

“Inna, watch this. There are some idol guys joining the show.” Jieun tries to ignore because she really has no comments on that.

“Hey Jing, seriously. I thought you wanted a boyfriend?”

Inna remembers how every time they had a drink and when Jieun started to get drunk because she’s never really good at drinking despite being the model of the most famous brand; she was mumbling about being lonely and wanting someone and after that she just cried so hard and eventually fell to sleep. So Inna worked so hard to find some very-very-very-very-well-picked-guys-by-Inna for her, and Inna was almost sure that Jieun was going to be satisfied. But this is the third time, that it also makes Inna start to doubt about her own tastes.

“Now tell me, what’s wrong with that guy? Is he… demanding you too much? Or… is he smelly?”

“Seriously Yoo Inna.” Jieun cracks up, because it’s true that Jieun hates guys who smells. And, demanding, yes, but well, even though he’s not, Jieun never has the interest in these kinds of things. “It’s just… I’m not interested in him.”

“You want another guy? I think I know…”

“Eonni.” Jieun suddenly sighs and grabs Inna’s hands. “I don’t want to. It’s no use. It’s not their faults. It’s just me, eonni. I don’t want to.”

“Ok young lady, so how do you explain that you always cries when you’re drunk? And you always mumbles that you feel so lonely. Or you want me to record and show it to you next time?”

“That’s just… stress of work makes me like that, eonni. But honestly, I’m good.”

Inna looks at her, even with more worries, when she tries to deny that she’s good. Her face tells everything, that she doesn’t feel good at all. Jieun is always full of lies, even though she knows she’s bad at lying, and Inna would know everything.

“You.. liar, kid.” Inna finally gives in.

 

That.. was the same sentence he said the last time, Jieun supposes. As much as she has wanted to forget about what had happened back then, she just could not. Because, him.

She often saw his name mentioned in between the headlines she read; sometimes she was walking down the street with her friends at night and suddenly a picture of him appeared; when she went through a hall of people while entering a building, she heard his name randomly. The sound was awfully haunting her mind, though it was odd because she has barely said his name in before. His name sounds almost like a censored word that she doesn’t dare to speak. Because, him.

Sometimes, she wonders if he’s doing well, if he’s eating well, if he’s sleeping well, if he’s feeling well, and if he’s alone or not. Sometimes, she returned to Jeju for visiting some of her friends that she has made; and whenever she went out to the beach, when the smell of salty water and the cold rude breeze made her shiver her shoulder, Jieun had realized that she had been missing a jacket that was always placed on her body, and she had been missing the warmth that she had no longer felt it. Because, him.

Sometimes, she just wanted to get drunk. She supposes that drinking makes people forget about things, sad things, sometimes happy things. She has wanted to forget him, because even if he was the happiest thing that ever happened in her life, or the most wrenching thing that ever haunted her life, she just wanted to forget him. Because, him.

 

So when Jieun got drunk, she realized how sad her life was, because she had never wanted to forget him, but her own self forced her to forget him. Jieun doesn’t allow her to miss him, to even think about him. Because, him.

Because, it was him.

 

 

<3>

When Jiyong passes by the entrance of the building, the striking feel that he had felt suddenly comes back. It’s the place where he were once particularly walking in and out between for ten minutes. And he still let her go.

 

“Jiyong. You’re back?” Tablo pops out of nowhere that makes Jiyong almost curse randomly.

“Hyung? Hello… Yeah… How are you doing?” Jiyong scratches his head, almost feels like a newbie because of 2 year hiatus.

“Good. How are you?”

“I’m good too.”

“I can tell from that. You look tougher, Jiyong. What you doing here?”

“I have an appointment with Hyunsuk hyung. We might discuss about our next schedule… I guess.”

“New album already? You’re a hard-working kid, Jiyong ah.”

“Well, I’m dying of boredom, hyung.”

“Do you want to stop by our studio? We’re working on an album too. This hyung needs some advice from a genius like you, too.”

“Epik High’s new album? I will hyung. After the meeting with Hyunsuk, I will go there.”

“Great. See you there.”

 

It’s been a while for him to step inside a studio, whatever studio, and to see those keyboards, instruments and monitors. This kind of place has been a familiar place for him, other than his own house, it feels like a second home to him, always. Noone is here; so to wait for Tablo, Jiyong quietly sits down near the table with papers and some polaroid photos that he starts to notice one of them looking so familiar.

It was a photo of her, with half of her face covered by a piece of paper; only her eyes, the eyes that make him fell deep inside back then when she was smiling. Jiyong found it weird that he could imagine her smile, that same smile that he still remembers, through that plain white paper.

 

“Jiyong you’re here?”

Tablo quickly dashes into the room, but he’s not the only one. Jiyong knows that hand, that shape, he knows so much, that his body starts to move. He stands up, not looking at Tablo whose face is confused looking to the direction of the door. Jiyong knows that existence, and he knows too much of himself that his mind begins to process if this is too quick, if things are happening in the right order, that if he’s ready to withstand this situation.

“It’s G-Dragon. IU-sshi you know him right?”

His hand is frozen. So it is really her, not his illusion, not his mindset that makes him thinking that it is her. It is really her, the girl who hid away from him like a lost puppy, the girl who said those hurtful words to lie to her own heart, the girl who cruelly left him with his own pathetic feelings to hold onto her, and the girl who always looks so tiny with her shivering shoulder.

She holds tight her fist and inhales a deep breathe before walking in with her smile, the same smile that he has never liked it before. She supposes she can do it.

“Hello, sunbaenim.”

She did that bow again, with that word, after three ing years she still does the same thing, the thing that still rips his mind, as if she no longer cares. Suddenly, he wonders if she has ever done that bow to anyone else, because sometimes he felt like he would get mad also if she did that to someone else other than him. Jiyong is just being an attention again.

“Long time no see.”

The response hits her in a second, because it sounds like they are friends. She wishes they are friends, which means she wishes she could be friends with him. But she couldn’t. Being friends with him is already torturing herself. But the fact that his words sounds like they are friends, even slashes water to her face. She doesn’t know what to believe, her fragile heart, or her pretended mind.

“You guys are that awkward?” Fortunately there is still Tablo in the room. “So Jiyong, IU is here since she will help us out in one of the songs. And IU, he’s here because I ask him for some advice. Sorry for making your time crossed each other.”

She smiles and says ok, when Jiyong doesn’t speak at all. He’s busy giving his eyes on her, the girl who looks terribly uncomfortable in the room but still pretends to be ok. Half of his mind tells himself to walk out of that door immediately, because he couldn’t either stand staying in the same room with her. But the other half tells him not to give the freak of this and just focus on what he was being asked. But the thing is, he can’t stop looking at her, searching for her eyes, and searching for the girl whom he has missed, and has never stopped thinking of, the girl that was once in Jeju standing and walking and sitting beside him, the girl that filled out all the emptiness of what he was drained off, the girl who gave him the desire to wish for happiness, the girl who took away his habit of being alone.

 

When Jieun tries to concentrate on the work, she couldn’t. She feels weak, (and cold) and she sometimes glares at him. He’s still looking at her, with the same eyes she sometimes recalled. He looks better than he did last time, with his short black hair, the color she supposes that always looks best on him. So he did better than she thought, and suddenly a heavy part of her disappears, as if her worries about him has gone, as if because now she finally sees him herself, and as if she knows that he’s still doing ok, still looking good, and still the same him that she has missed.

When he leaves the room, she hears her heart clinches apart. Maybe this is the real end for her, for them, and she starts to recall all the things she did to him back then. Is she regretful now, that she starts to blame herself again, for not making herself happy the way herself wants. And her body moves fast, faster than any wind that never stops sweeping in a cold day of November.

 

“Are you looking for me?”

Jieun startles when his voice sounds closer to her on the back. So she, with both of her hands still clinging into each other, stands there quietly.

He smiles, and moves closer to her. Everything is supposed to be breathless, but Jieun wants to remember this moment, no matter what happens.

“How are you doing?”

“I’m doing good.”

“Are you… eating well?”

“I am.”

“You haven’t been sick, right?”

“No I haven’t.”

“Everything is good now right?”

“It is.”

“I’m glad.”

 

Jieun tends to bow again, before Jiyong grabs her hands to pull her closer to him by grabbing her waist. Their bodies are so close that she feels like she could hear his heart beating, and she could feel his warmth and his familiar cologne.

 

“You can’t do this to me.”

Jieun stares into his eyes, and his eyelashes are shaking.

“Why don’t you leave me alone?”

“I’m… sorry.” She tries to control her tears.

“If you’re sorry, really sorry, don’t do this to me.”

Jieun has no energy to push him beside nor energy to let go of him.

“Don’t ever run away from me.”

 

When she still tries to comprehend the situation, Jiyong pulls her to a hug to feel her existence, to feel her skin, to feel the person whom he has always longed for, to feel the person whom he has always been thinking of despite part of his mind tells him to stop. He no longer cares if she’s going to hate him for doing this, but he’s going to remember and imprint this moment into his mind, as if this is the last.

But when she stands still and small inside his embrace without any noise, he supposes he’s dreaming. Because he could palpably hear her breathes under his chin, he could visibly feel her face onto his chest, which is too realistic for a dream. May a dream like this last forever, before he wakes up, or else he wants to fall into this dream forever.

 

Suddenly, this December the snow is falling hard, but its flakes surprisingly cover all the empty spaces in the world including her cold shoulders, his painful scars and their missing pieces.

 

 

<4>

When the winds are gushing onto her face, she closes her eyes to feel the winds. It has been almost four years to come back here, again, with the same feeling she has felt. Because her hands are now tightened with his hands.

Sometimes she wonders if it’s true that people meet people by destiny, and people leave people by destiny. Because once again, she’s afraid if she has to leave if their fate ends. But she’s not going to run away from this fear, because she wants to feel more than this, she wants to be happier than this, with him.

 

When he kisses her good night, her eyes blinks with twinkle gleam that she almost looks like a star that he has always searched for in the dark night sky. The night sky at Jeju rarely has any starlight, that sometimes Jiyong hates to look up the darkness at night. But if she’s here with her glowing eyes, if she’s here to give him the warmth just by her brightest smile, if she’s really here lying beside him on this bed, he doesn’t need anything left.

He had got the world before, but not until now, the world means so much to him within her inside, he has eventually got the world that he wants.

 

“Happy birthday Haru.”

“Thank you.”

Haru looks exactly like a princess on her 11^th birthday, so in her pinky dress with a tiny shiny crown on her head, Haru’s smile is the brightest today.

 

“Daddy, is that Jiyong oppa?” Haru clenches her dad’s hem and pops her head out to look at a couple further away.

“Yeah, Haru. Have you greeted him?”

“No. I’m shy.” Haru says in her smile, that always gets Tablo a big gleam on his face.

“Come on, Haru.”

“But daddy, the girl next to him looks familiar, too. Have I met her before?”

“Haru Lee, you forgot her name? She gave you your favorite teddy bear, didn’t you remember?”

“That sister is the one singing that song too with daddy right?”

“Good girl.”

“Daddy, she looks so different today.”

“Hm?”

“She looks so beautiful today, daddy.”

 

When Tablo looks to the direction at which the couple is standing, side by side, hand in hand with their smiles on their faces, with his vivid eyes on her when he looks at her, with her lovely eyes on him when she looks at him, with the eyes on them when they are surrounded by people.

They look happiest, than they have ever been.

And in a second, the scenery blurs out to the second later where she will wear a beautiful white dress while he will look so stunning in the tux with the same smile he has always given her.