Title: Symphysis
Prompt-#: 138
For: Aurora_Arcanum @ ao3
Pairing: Jongkey
Author: Mysterkey on ao3; w00key on tumblr
Word count: 10,947
Rating: PG-15
Warnings: N/A
Summary: Forever isn't really as long as it seems. And love is for those naive enough to be redeemed.

______________________________________________________________________________

“Wanna go on a date?” They’re sitting in the library studying when Jonghyun asks the question. Today he just couldn’t concentrate on his book, opting instead to watch Kibum as he buried his nose in his books. The younger guy was just intriguing to watch. From the way his furrowed brow accompanies a pout when he didn’t understand something to the way he beamed with pride when he got something correct. Really it was distracting and the only solution Jonghyun found to his problem was to ask Kibum out like he’d been itching to for months.

“Huh?” Kibum isn’t really paying attention to Jonghyun, calculus is kicking his . Partial differentiation can kiss his .

Jonghyun repeats himself, “A date. Want to go on one with me?”

“Huh?” This time Kibum actually does hear Jonghyun’s question, but he isn’t’ really sure if he heard Jonghyun correctly. A date? Them? Together? In the year and a few months, they’ve been friends, Jonghyun never hinted at the fact that he even had an inkling of a crush on Kibum. Where was this coming from? “Are you serious?”

“Wow, way to turn a guy down Kibum. Of course I’m serious!”

“I’m sorry, I just wasn’t expecting it?” Ever since they met in the drama club during Kibum’s freshmen year, they’ve been an inseparable pair. Jonghyun was just one of those overly excited sophomores that wanted to meet and greet all the newbies. Never did Kibum expect anything romantic to come out of their friendship.

“Well now that it's all out there, what do you say?” Jonghyun doesn't even remember the last time his heart raced this much after asking someone out.

“Um sure?” Although Kibum sounded uncertain, he certainly wouldn't be after the date Jonghyun has planned. “Since when did you like me?”

Jonghyun can feel his cheeks heat up, “Really? You're going to ask this now?”

“When else would be a better time to ask?”

The older man rubs the back of his neck. “I don't know? A couple of months? One day I just started thinking about how nice it'd be if I could hold your hand and kiss you. I don't know, that just isn't a thought a friend should have.”

“Why didn't you say anything earlier? You should've just said something.”

“Oh, I'm sorry that I was so nervous that I felt like my heart could burst out of my chest.”

“That's adorable, Jong.” Kibum smiles. “Let's go on the date after my exam, okay?” Jonghyun quickly packs up his stuff, bubbling with excitement. “Where are you going?”

“I've gotta go tell Minho! He said I wouldn't ever have the balls to ask you out. Gotta go rub it in his face.”

“Wait, he knew about it?!”

“Everyone knew about it. I'll talk to you later.”

---

“So, you're telling me that literally everyone knew about your massive crush on me?” They're walking side by side down the street after part two of the perfect date. Or at least Jonghyun thought it would be perfect for Kibum.

They started off at a paint and sip, Kibum always talked about wanting to go to one; although he wouldn't be able to enjoy an alcoholic beverage, a piña colada would have to do. Next they headed to a market famous for its street food. It was easy to eat a lot for a little, and gave them something to consistently talk about.

“I wasn't exactly shy with my flirting.” Kibum was never receptive towards any of the advances Jonghyun made which was why he delayed this even more.

“So I was just being stupid?” Really he had never noticed. Kibum would like to think that he wasn't completely oblivious.

“I don't want to say yes, but definitely.”

“You're such an .” Kibum playfully punches his shoulder.

“Yeah, but this has taken you on the best first date you've ever been on.” Kibum couldn't debate that. He's only been in what? Three first dates in his entire life? This certainly was the best of them because Jonghyun actually cared that he was having a good time unlike those other fools he's been on dates with.

“Fine. I admit this has been a pretty good date.”

“Fear not, we have one more stop before this date comes to a close.”

“Oh really? How can this date get any better?”

“Just you wait and see.” It takes a bus ride to the neighboring city and a ten minute walk to get to the perfect destination. “We made it with just a couple of minutes to spare.”

“You're not trying to kill me are you?”

“That would be a terribly thought out murder don't you think? I told everyone on the planet that I was taking the Kim Kibum on a date.” Not to mention they passed by a crap ton a people in order to get to this spot.

“I guess you're right. So what are we doing here? Not that it's not nice or anything.” They stood overlooking a small lake, the moonlight bouncing off of the rippling water. It could even be described as romantic although Jonghyun has never brought someone here before.

“Just wait a little longer.” Were they running off schedule? He did not have this planned out in such detail for it to fall apart at the very end.

A sharp sound shoots through the air. The initial boom catches Kibum off guard, but after the colors dissipate into the night sky, Kibum’s mouth hangs open.

“You brought me to a fireworks show?” Kibum gasps. Fireworks held a special place in Kibum’s life. His grandparents used to take him all the time as a kid before they passed away. He hasn't been to see fireworks since they died a few years back. Jonghyun actually remembered this minor detail? Kibum couldn't have mentioned it anything more than in passing.

“I figured it'd be a good way to end the night.”

“It's perfect.” Kibum looks at him with gleaming eyes and a bright smile. “You're perfect.” Kibum leans in quickly, planting a peck upon Jonghyun’s lips. Jonghyun has been imagining this moment for months and it was over before he could even register that it was happening. Still he feels like he could explode alongside the fireworks into an array of colors.

Instead of squealing in excitement, Jonghyun takes the initiative to intertwine their fingers together. Kibum gives him a reassuring squeeze, too embarrassed to look Jonghyun in the eye.

Jonghyun thinks that Kibum is the perfect one.

----

“So you're the famous Kim Kibum?” He feels as if he's a specimen under a microscope. He takes Jonghyun’s hand under the table for a sense of security. Kibum never imagined that meeting Jonghyun’s college friends would be this intimidating. What they thought of Kibum didn't matter to him, but them liking the high schooler would definitely make the experience easier.

“I don't know about famous but yeah.” They've been planning Kibum’s visit for months, before Jonghyun even moved into the dorms. Jonghyun’s university wasn't even that far away but with a lack of a car and income, it made it difficult from Kibum to come up and visit the older man.

“Jonghyun talks about you a lot. Almost too much.” Hana, or at least he thinks her name is Hana, says. Kibum’s never realized how bad he was with names until seated at this table. He's sure Jonghyun has spoken about these people on more than one occasion and posted way too many selfies with them on Facebook, but the only name to face connection he's making is with Jonghyun’s roommate.

“If I was dating someone as cute as Kibum, I'd talk about them all the time too.” Jonghyun’s roommate, Seo Joon, comments.

“See, Seo Joon understands me. This is why we're the perfect roommates.”

“Are you sure it isn't because I'm letting you guys have the room to yourselves this weekend?” Seo Joon counters.

“If you ever get a girl, I'll let you have the room whenever you ask.”

“Stop it, you're killing the poor guy.” A girl, Nicole maybe, says in an attempt to save Kibum from embarrassment.

“Are you coming to the party tonight?” Party? Jonghyun never mentioned any party to Kibum.

“No. We're just going to spend the night in.” Jonghyun answers for them.

“Oh really? Who's going to be in who?” Seo Joon cracks a joke, soliciting a laugh from everyone at the table

“If really care to know, we're versatile.” Kibum speaks before really thinking about the words that fly out of his mouth.

Jonghyun’s friends erupt into laughter. “Can we keep him please?”

---

“Hey Key?” They're lying on Jonghyun’s bed, just staring at the ceiling. The twin extra-large bed isn't too comfortable but they make it work. It was easier to see each other now that Kibum went to the same college. He seemed to stay over at Jonghyun’s upperclassmen apartment more than his own dorm, not that either of their roommates minded much.

“Hm?” Kibum had to prepare himself for whatever pseudo-deep question was to follow.

“Have you ever thought about getting married?” Well that one was different.

“In general, yes?” He's always dreamed of the white picket fence with dogs, maybe without the kids. It wasn't a priority on his list though. “Have you?”

“All the time.”

“Really? You've never spoken about it before.” In the four years they've been dating, Kibum can't recall Jonghyun mentioning it once.

“You know how much of a hopeless romantic I am, of course marriage is on my list somewhere.” Kibum should’ve assumed after all of the moonlit dates they've been on.

“Alright so where is this conversation going?” Kibum sits up to be able to look at Jonghyun, Jonghyun always wore his emotions on his face, so Kibum could be able to tell what he was feeling easily. Jonghyun only looks pensive when he sits up to look back at Kibum.

“Well I was thinking, that I want to be married one day to you.”

“What!?” Kibum doesn't mean for the question to sound as harsh as it came out.

“Not now obviously!” Jonghyun panics a little, afraid that he scared Kibum a bit. “I bought us something.” Jonghyun digs into the nightstand drawer and pulls out a ring box. “Before you freak out, this isn't an engagement ring. More like a promise ring.”

Jonghyun opens the box to reveal two silver bands. His name is engraved into one of them, Jonghyun’s on the other. The names have one diamond on the left, one sapphire on the right. Jonghyun put a lot of work into designing these. “My name is engraved on the inside of yours and vice versa.”

“Oh my gosh, these are beautiful. How did you afford this?” Jonghyun only worked a couple of hours a week as a waiter and these must have cost a fortune.

“I saved all of my tips for months.” Not to mention that he was afraid to creep Kibum out. Despite how long they've been dating; they've never talked about where they envisioned their relationship going. “Obviously we can replace these with engagement rings later when we're ready for that but until then we can have these. If you want to of course.”

“Of course I want to!” Kibum throws his arms around Jonghyun, pulling back to plant a kiss on his lips. Kibum holds his hand out so that Jonghyun can easily slip the ring onto his finger. Jonghyun does the same. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too. Forever.”

---

“How is it down there?” Jonghyun finally got the chance to give Kibum a call after Kibum had been waiting days. A couple of months after being a fresh college graduate, Jonghyun was finally approached for a job. The only problem was that it was an hour and a half away from Seoul. After a few encouraging words from Kibum and his parents, he decided to accept the offer.

“It's really good! I'm settling in. And everyone seems so nice so far. I miss you though “

“I miss you too.” College wasn't the same without Jonghyun by his side.

“You have to come out here when you can. It's really nice.” Kibum’s internship has been eating up all of his time, he would've helped Jonghyun move in otherwise.

“I'll try my best.” Of course if he could, he'd be by Jonghyun’s side right now.

“Hey, Jonghyun you coming?” Kibum hears over the phone.

“You have friends over?”

“Ah they're my coworkers. We're going out for an office party because I'm a new hire.” Jonghyun explains over the phone. “I'm sorry guys. I'll be right there; I'm talking with my boyfriend.”

“You didn't tell us that you have a boyfriend.” It's a different voice this time, a woman.

“Really? I feel like I mention him within ten minutes of speaking to someone about my life. His name is Kibum and he's the love of my life.”

“Nice. Hopefully we get to meet this Kibum one day.”

“I don't want to hold you up if you have somewhere to go.”

“Alright, I love you.”

“Love you too. Don't drink too much! You know how you get when you're drunk.’ He gets almost too affectionate for his own good.

“No promises. I'll call you later.”

--

They carry on like that for months. Quick phone calls every day once as Jonghyun got settled. The weekly video chat just to see each other's faces. Jonghyun’s monthly visits back home to see Kibum and his family.

Until it all stopped.

There were always periods of time where one of them would be too busy to be in contact but never more than a few days at a time. Everything just went cold. Messages left unread. Calls left unanswered. Voicemail box full from how many messages Kibum has left him.

Kibum decides to go visit Jonghyun’s parents to see if they've heard from him. Surely they'd know what what going on.

He rolls up to the house only to be met with a for sale sign on the lot. What was going on? Kibum didn't want to get ahead of himself and worry but his mind was racing and his heart was pounding. They would've never moved without telling Kibum first, they loved him to pieces.

Kibum’s next option was to drive to Jonghyun’s work. Kibum never had the chance to go to Jonghyun’s apartment but he did know the name of the business he worked for. It was just as cute as Jonghyun described.

“Hello, I'm looking for information on someone who works here.” Kibum speaks to the receptionist.

The receptionist looks up at him, her eyes flashing of recognition. “Kibum? You're Kibum right? Jonghyun’s Kibum?”

“Yes that's me. Have you seen him?”

The receptionist shakes their head, “No. He hasn't come to work in weeks.”

“What?”

“I don't know. It was like he disappeared and never came back. Never formally quit either. Our boss was pissed.” Now Kibum had grounds to be worried. Jonghyun was never a flakey person. He would never miss work without reason

“Do you happen to have his address on file?”

“Really, I'm not allowed to give this to you because you're not legally family. But Jonghyun cared about you a lot so I'll make an exception.”

Kibum’s next stop was Jonghyun’s apartment. His heart and mind are racing uncontrollably, that he doesn't hesitate to bang at the door.

“Jonghyun!” The door opens to reveal a tall woman. “Where's Jonghyun?”

“Who's Jonghyun?” Confusion is painted across her face to match the confused thoughts in his head.

“The man that lived at this apartment.”

“I don't know, I moved in a few months ago. You can try asking the landlord.” Kibum runs down to the first floor, the elevator would take too much time. The landlord is easy to find, an older man.

“Excuse me, do you know what happened to the former tenant of 32D? Kim Jonghyun.”

“The kind man that loved to sing? Ah, yes. Of course I remember him.”

“Do you know why he moved out? I haven't heard from him in weeks.”

“He never officially moved out actually. A woman and a man came by to take his stuff weeks ago saying that something happened to him.” Kibum’s heart sinks through his chest.

“Do you know what happened?”

“No. The couple didn't elaborate. But it seemed bad. They looked like they hadn't slept in days.”

“Do you have any way to contact them?”

“No. They didn't leave a number or anything. They took everything out in a day and never came back.”

Kibum’s world turns black.

When he comes to again the blinding white lights of a hospital burns his eyes.

“I think he's waking up! Kibum!” His mom is to his left, grasping at his hand. His father is standing behind her, looking just as worried. Taemin, his best friend, is to his right. “Kibum what happened?”

Kibum had the same exact question. What happened? Where was Jonghyun? The man that promised to always be by his side was nowhere in sight. Jonghyun was even there where he got his appendix removed during his freshmen year of college. Tears welling at his eyes spill over.

“Kibum what's wrong?”

Everything was wrong. From the aching in his head to the hole in his heart everything was wrong. “Jonghyun. Something's wrong. I don't know where he is. His parents are gone. He's gone.”

“I'm so sorry.” His mom wraps her arms around him as best as she can in this position. Everything comes raging out of Kibum’s body, sobbing into his mother's shoulder, fingers gripping into the bed sheets. Why does everything hurt?

He spends winter break back at home with his parents. He couldn't bear to spend time in the apartment that he once shared with Jonghyun. The countless pictures of them together that littered the walls of their apartment were a cold reminder of what Kibum no longer had. Even looking at the wallpaper on his phone was painful, but Kibum didn't have the heart to change it; preferring instead to not touch his phone at all. He took an indefinite leave of absence from his internship, the job being more understanding than Kibum could've ever imagined.

Even daily activities became too hard for him. Getting out of bed was impossible the first few days back at home after collapsing. Not because his body was still reeling from fainting but because everything hurt. Everything reminded him of the things he and Jonghyun once did together.

The bed that he laid in reminded him of their first time together. Kibum’s parents had went to go visit some relatives for the weekend, so Kibum thought that it was the perfect opportunity to invite Jonghyun over for the weekend. In the 6 months that they'd been dating at the time, they never progressed further than making out and the occasional when they found the time. Despite Jonghyun being much more experienced, he never pushed for anything, waiting for whenever Kibum felt he was ready.

It started out like it always did with them making out of Kibum’s bed. Kibum on top of Jonghyun, trailing kisses along his neck. Kibum pulled back to take a look at Jonghyun, his lips puffed up and his eyes blown wide.

“Want to have ?” Kibum was sure that there was a ier way to ask, but none could come to his mind.

“What?” Jonghyun sits up, shifting Kibum to be on his lap. “Are you sure?” Jonghyun had the most sincere eyes that Kibum had ever looked into. Big and brown, but clear.

“I've never been more sure of anything in my life.” Jonghyun lit up at his words. Not because he was finally going to get something that he was waiting for for months but because Kibum trusted him enough to even consider it.

“Have you considered whether you want to be on top or on bottom?”

“Not really?” It was a lie, Kibum has thought about this more than he would be willing to admit.

“We can try both and see which one you like?” Jonghyun suggested.

“Which are you normally?”

“I like either, but maybe like sixty percent of the time I've been on top?”

“We can do that then.”

“We can do whatever you want. You just have to tell me what you like and what you don't like when I do them okay?” Jonghyun was always so cautious with Kibum, more so than he's ever been with anyone prior to Kibum. Kibum nods.

“Do you have lube? Or condoms?” Kibum nods going to his dresser, rummaging through the bottom drawer to produce the items Jonghyun asked for. Jonghyun began to laugh hysterically.

“What? What's funny?”

“You lied. You have been thinking about this. You're cute. You might want to find a different hiding spot for it.”

Kibum moved to straddle his boyfriend again. “Are you going to keep poking fun at me or are we going to do this?”

Jonghyun shifted his weight so that he could flip them over, laying Kibum on his back. “Let's do it.”

His backyard reminded him of the first time he told Jonghyun that he was in love with him. Jonghyun already declared his love for Kibum months into their relationship, Kibum was more hesitant with the words. Really Kibum knew all along that he was in love with Jonghyun and Kibum was certain that Jonghyun knew all along which is why he never placed any emphasis on Kibum saying the words. His backyard had this cute hammock that they liked to lay in whenever the weather was nice enough.

“Jonghyun, I'm in love with you.” The declaration was random, while they were just looking at the clouds. He turned to look over at the older man, and a rush of emotions overtook him.

Jonghyun turned to look at him, eyes wide, blinking. “What? Do you want to repeat that again?”

“I think that I'm in love with you.”

“You think?”

“I am.”

Jonghyun jumped off of the hammock, running around the yard. “He’s in love with me! Kim Kibum is in love with me!” He screamed from the top of his lungs like a child.

“Shut up my neighbors are going to murder you!” Kibum moved to run after him.

“He loves me!” When Kibum finally caught up to the older man, he shut him up with his lips.

Everything Kibum looked at was just another painful reminder of what he no longer had.

Finishing up his last semester of college was rough. He wouldn't have been able to get through it without the help of his friends, especially Taemin. He always stopped by Kibum’s place before his classes to make sure that Kibum went. Making sure that Kibum was eating well.

Weeks turned to months, months turned to years. Pain turned to numbness. The feeling of nothing, was scariest. At least the pain reminded him that he was in fact alive. Eventually it became easier to smile, to laugh, to breathe.

---

“Yeah, I'll be right there. I'm just picking up my coffee down the block.” Kibum speaks into his phone, adding soy milk go his steaming hot cup of coffee. He should've anticipated the longer commute due to the heavy rain, monsoon season was the worse. It was during stormy weather like this that he is reminded on Jonghyun the most. He always loved the rain. It gave him the most inspiration.

If he leaves a minute later there is the slightest chance that he'd make it on time to the meeting, but the is no way he'd risk rushing and splashing water on his clothes. Sure a raincoat was made for the rain but Kibum’s was for fashion.

He steps out of the café, coffee clenched in one hand, his umbrella in the other. His walk should be quick and easy with how desolate the sidewalks are due to the rain, save for the obnoxious guy walking towards him with a bright blue umbrella in tow, head down buried in his phone- one of Kibum’s pet peeves.

When the umbrella rises, the only thing that Kibum can hear besides the pang in his heart is the clanging of his umbrella on the ground and the dull thud of the paper coffee cup. Kibum never knew that raindrops could feel like tiny daggers penetrating every part of his being.

Jonghyun? Kibum would never be able to forget that face. The face smiling so brightly despite the grey blooming skies. The face smiling even though Kibum feels as if being struck by lightning would be better than whatever he is feeling now. Kibum thought that he'd be relieved if he were to see Jonghyun again, but the tears streaming down his face mixing with the rain told him otherwise. Kibum couches down, hugging his knees.

A pair of shoes stop in front of him, the rain disappearing with it.

“Are you okay?” Jonghyun was always a knight in shining armour. He gets down to match Kibum’s eye level.

Kibum doesn't know what to say. He doesn't know what to think. Maybe this was just a cruel joke. Kibum’s imagination playing tricks on him.

“Jonghyun?” He stutters.

A pained expression flashes over his face. “Do I know you?” The air is suffocating but maybe death would be a better way out of this. “Would you like to have a talk over some coffee? I can buy you a new one.”

Work would have to wait.

Kibum can feel the barista burning holes into his back as he sits in a chair drenched from head to toe. Jonghyun comes back with two cups of coffee in hand, taking a seat across from him. “First off, I would like to apologize for making you cry.”

“For just today?” What about the nights Kibum cried himself to sleep? What about the days where breathing felt unbearable?

“I take it that you know me. Or well, that I knew you?” Jonghyun carefully brings his coffee cup up to his mouth. He was always so careful. “I’m sorry but I don't remember much.”

“What?”

“Almost two years ago, I got into a car accident with my parents and my memory is really spotty.” The rumors were true then. Warm tears roll down his face. “I'm sorry, please don't cry.”

“I'm just relieved.” Relieved that he hadn't been abandoned. Kibum buries his face in his hands.

“Kibum?” Kibum’s heart skips a beat, hearing his name again in that soft voice again. Kibum drops his hands from his face. “Your name is Kibum?” Jonghyun takes his left hand frantically to look at the ring still on Kibum’s finger. Jonghyun pulls at the chain tucked neatly underneath the collar of his shirt. Dangling at the end of the chain is the silver ring that Jonghyun bought years ago.

“You still have the ring?”

“It was one of the few things that survived the crash, albeit a bit dinged up. I didn't know who it was referring to when I woke up but clearly it was important to me. I take it that we meant something really special to each other.”

He still did. Kibum nods instead.

“I'm so sorry.” Jonghyun apologizes again, not finding the words to say. It wasn't Jonghyun’s fault but that certainly didn't make any of the pain he's felt over the last few years disappear. “I should've tried harder to find you. I should've done something. Anything.”

“It's not your fault.”

“That doesn't make me feel any less bad about it.” He says, looking Kibum directly in the eyes. “So we were dating?”

Kibum nods again. “You bought us these couple rings when you were in your junior year of college.”

“, how could I forget all of this? I'm sorry that you went through that.” Jonghyun had the memories stored in his head but the faces and names that went along with the memories were nowhere in sight.

“You're the one that got into an accident and got amnesia.”

“But it's easier to get through things when you don't remember what it is that you lost.” Kibum couldn't argue with that.

“So where do we go from here?” Kibum didn't expect anything from Jonghyun. How could he when they were virtually strangers?

Jonghyun extends a hand towards Kibum, “Hello my name is Jonghyun, nice to meet you.”

Received 9:54pm:

From Jonghyun

Do fireworks ring a bell?

Received 9:54pm
From Jonghyun:

Like literal fireworks. Not emotional fireworks. Although idk, there may have been emotional ones too.

When Jonghyun suggested that they exchange numbers, Kibum thought it was just to be nice. He didn't think that Jonghyun would actually text him.

Sent 9:55pm
To Jonghyun

To end off our first date, you brought me to see fireworks. You remember that?

Kibum could never forget it.

Received 9:55pm:
From Jonghyun

I don't know. It's really hard to explain. I remember moments but not who they were done with. Some things trigger greater memories, but I had nothing to remind me of you except the ring. Which was a great mystery.

Sent 9:56pm:
To Jonghyun

Oh… your uncle really didn't tell you anything huh?

Received 9:58pm:
From Jonghyun

Nope… I wasn't really close with them to begin with so they didn't really know my life. They threw out a lot of my stuff because they just couldn't keep it all while paying for my treatment. Coupled with losing their relative, it was just really hard on them. I don't blame them much but there's a lot of people that I've hurt. people I can't remember.

Received 9:59pm:
From Jonghyun

If you don’t mind me asking, how did we start dating?

Sent 10:01pm:
To Jonghyun

You asked me out one day while we were studying. I didn’t think you were serious about it because you were a huge flirt. But you got really excited, so I knew that you were being legit.

Received 10:05om:
From Jonghyun:

I don't think I've been flirt. I haven't been with anyone since the accident…

Sent 10:05pm
To Jonghyun

Oh.

Received 10:06pm
From Jonghyun

Have you been with anyone since?

Sent 10:05pm:
To Jonghyun

No.

Not that he hasn't tried. He's been on several dates quickly realizing that he is in no way over Jonghyun. The fact that he's never taken the ring off should tell anyone that much.

Received 10:08pm:
From Jonghyun

Oh...

Sent 10:08pm:
To Jonghyun

Yeah…

Sent 10:10pm
To Jonghyun

I should probably go to sleep. I kind of missed an important work meeting and have been ignoring my coworkers calls…

Received 10:10pm:
From Jonghyun

Have a good night Kibum.

Kibum can hear keys jingle in the lock from the couch, Taemin must be home. A few seconds later Taemin walks through the door seconds later. “Why have your coworkers been calling me all day?” Taemin stops in front of the couch with a huff, a disappointed look on his face. Taemin has gotten really good at that face over the years. “Why are you wearing your sad outfit? Did something happen?” it was impossible to hide something from Taemin.

“I found him.”

“Found who? Lucky the Leprechaun? Because something magical must've happened for you to skip work and not even answer calls.”

“Jonghyun.”

Taemin’s face contorts into a look of confusion mixed with a little bit of anger. “What?”

“Jonghyun. I met him this morning.”

“Met him what? As a ghost?” Taemin always has some choice words about Jonghyun after the initial incident. Whereas Kibum reacted in tears, Taemin met it with anger.

“He has amnesia.”

“What?”

“He got into a car accident. His parents died in it and he got amnesia and he hardly even remembers me.”

Taemin’s face finally softens. “He what?”

“He didn't abandon me.” He breaks down again, Taemin quickly moving to wrap his arms around Kibum. Kibum had thought that he had cried enough tears over this, but it never failed to amaze him how much more tears he had to offer.

Always and forever. Kibum trusted those words when Jonghyun uttered them years ago. He always struggled with the idea that Jonghyun could have abandoned him after saying those words with such conviction, that was the hardest reality to face. There was supposed to be a sense of relief knowing that Jonghyun was well, but whatever was festering up within him was anything but relief.

---

“You look like .” That wasn't exactly the greeting that he expected walking into work this morning. He knew that he looked like . His eyes are puffy and his nose is red. The rain must've gotten him sick. Or maybe it was the shock.

“Trust me, I know.”

“Before I get angry at you for missing yesterday's meeting, and believe me I will, I'm going to give you the chance to explain yourself. So go on what fantastic reason do you have?”

“You've always asked me why I've avoided dating like the plague and I've only given you vague responses.”

“Yup. It makes no sense to me but yes I know.”

“I never told you the reason why before but I guess now would be a great time.”

“Spit it out then.”

“When I was in high school, I started dating this guy all the way to my fourth year of college. And one day he just disappeared without a trace. I didn't know where he was until yesterday. I saw him while I was walking here and I collapsed into tears. Come to find out he had gotten into a really bad car accident where his parents ended up dying and he got amnesia.”

“Whoa, I was not expecting that.” Kibum can see the pity all over his boss's face. “That is definitely a good enough reason but next time, try to answer your phone will you?’

“Sure. I'm sorry about that.”

“No worries. I hope it works out with that guy.”

“Thanks…”

Received 12:22pm

From Jonghyun:

I'm sorry for messaging you again… I just really have no one else to talk to about my life.

Received 12:24pm:

From Jonghyun:

You’d probably be at work right now right? I hope you didn’t get into too much trouble today for missing yesterday.

Received 12:30pm:

From Jonghyun:

I can only imagine how difficult this is for you…. You don’t have to reply to me. I just feel like I can’t apologize to you enough

Kibum has to turn off his phone after the third message. It was hard to focus on Jonghyun and his work at the same time. His boss may have forgiven him for missing work yesterday but he definitely wasn’t going to be okay with him shirking off today.

Kibum turns on his phone at the end of the day half expecting to find dozens of new messages from Jonghyun but only one new message comes through.

Received 5:11pm:
From Jonghyun:

I’m sorry. I understand if responding to me is too much to handle. I never meant to hurt you.

Sent 8:35pm
To Jonghyun:

For the past few years I’ve lived thinking that you were dead. I’m feeling so many things that I’d rather not feel at all. I’m sorry as relieved that I am that you’re alright, I feel like the pieces of me that I tried endlessly to tape back together have shattered again. I want to act like I’m completely grateful that you’re alive and well, because it’s so much better than so many alternatives it really is. But I just don’t know.

Sent 8:36pm
To Jonghyun:

Also I didn’t get in trouble with my boss. It’s easy to skate by when people pity you.

Received 8:41pm:
From Jonghyun:

Thank you for being honest with me. I guess it’s my turn to be honest with you. Meeting you has been like a whirlwind. Trying to piece together my life prior to the accident has been the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life. Meeting you made me see a light at the end of the tunnel, that maybe just maybe I could recover my lost memories. We could stop talking right now if you want me to. We can both go on about our lives as if we had never met yesterday. But what does that solve? I don’t mean to sound rude because we just met again but maybe a little discomfort will help you figure things out. Get closure, if that’s what you want. If you don’t know, then I sure as hell don’t. But maybe we can figure that out together.

His phone vibrates again shortly after.

Received 8:42pm:
From Jonghyun:

I’m happy that you didn’t get in trouble. You seriously don’t need any more issues on your plate.

Sent 8:45pm
To Jonghyun:

Do you want to meet for coffee?

By the time Kibum gets there, Jonghyun is already waiting there. He must live somewhere close by. Kibum slips into the chair opposite Jonghyun.

“I bought you a chai latte again. Half the amount of sugar and soy milk right?” Kibum nods. “I have to be honest, I was really surprised that you asked to me to coffee.”

“You’ll come to find out that I’m full of surprises.” Kibum takes a sip of the cinnamon beverage. “You’re right.”

“What?”

“You’re right. I could live avoiding you the rest of my life, but how would that help me? It’s been hard for me because I didn’t know what had happened to you. And now that I do, I don’t have any more excuses to be miserable.”

“I want you to be anything but miserable.”

“And I want you to regain your memories as much as you can.”

“Then we can have a mutually beneficial relationship. We get you closure and we attempt to recover my memories.”

“That sounds like a plan.” Kibum takes another sip of his coffee. “Have you always lived here? I know that Seoul is kind of big but it's impossible that I never would've seen you.”

Jonghyun shakes his head. “I lived in the countryside since the accident. I just recently moved here. Country life just wasn't for me anymore. It was also a career choice.”

No wonder he'd never seen him. “What do you do now?”

“After my accident I figured that life was too short to be sitting behind a desk. I produce and write music mostly. I also host a radio show.” Jonghyun always loved music even back then but he thought that it’d be a viable career so he decided to be a financial analyst instead. “Writing really helped me with my recovery process.”

“I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks. I'd love for you go hear them one day. A lot of my stuff was written before my accident, so you're the subject of a lot. Other than the ring, that's how I knew your name. It was written in my song journal like a billion times.”

“You never let me look through your journal when we were dating.” He’d sing songs from it from time to time but he’s never looked through it before.

“I wouldn’t show it to you now either.” He laughs. “It’s kind of a jumbled up, incoherent mess that no one but me will understand.”

“It’s nice to see that something has remained constant.”

“I’d like to think that I’ve remained pretty much the same, I just haven’t had anyone to verify that.” until now of course. “Maybe the only thing that’s changed is that I think much more before I speak.”

“And why is that?”

“I had some hemorrhaging in my brain after my accident that put pressure on my Wernicke’s area which is in charge of word understanding. So until the bleeding subsided words that made no sense would come out of my mouth and I hated that so I stopped talking for a little bit. And even afterwards, I just think before I speak.”

“You speak so easily about your accident.”

“The accident isn’t a source of pain for me. Trying to regain my memories is.”

“Then I guess this’ll be hard for the both of us, huh?”

“Nothing has been harder on me that sitting in countless therapy chairs trying to unlock my memories and coming to no conclusion. The key to unlocking my memories could be sitting right in front of me.” A bitter laugh escapes Kibum’s lips. “What’s the laugh for?”

“That’s what you used to call me. Key. Because I was the ‘key to your heart’. It kinda stuck with the rest of our friends though.”

“Oh…” Jonghyun shifts his gaze to his coffee cup. “I didn't know.”

“Let's make each other a promise. Let's try not to pity each other during this process. We're both essentially asking for torture, so let's just agree to be masochists.”

“Deal.”

--

“I brought the things you asked for.” The next time they meet is a week later at a park, Jonghyun’s choice of location. Kibum places the box in between them on the bench.

“Thanks.” Jonghyun uncovers the box, his eyes lighting up. Kibum hasn't looked in the box himself since Taemin packed his stuff up. Kibum looks off at the family playing frisbee instead of at Jonghyun, or the box. “What are these pictures from?”

“Thue one is from our third date. We went to go see a concert with some friends, hence the band tees.” The picture had terrible quality. It was pretty foggy because of the smoke and they were sweaty from jumping all night, but their smiles were bright.

“Gosh that blonde hair is atrocious. What was I thinking?”

“You hated darker hair on yourself for a while.” For years Jonghyun wore various shades of blonde because he thought it suited him better.

“Well clearly that has changed.” His hair now is black, it looked good. “What about this one?”

In the next picture they're dressed as a gender bent version of Harley Quinn and the Joker. It was for a costume party for his friend’s frat, and of course Jonghyun felt like they needed to show up everyone.

“It was for Halloween during my first year of college. It was your idea to do the gender bent thing. But everyone loved it and we won the costume contest and got a hundred bucks.”

“We look hot.”

“Clearly everyone else thought so too.”

Jonghyun digs further into the box, pulling out a selection of letters. “Am I allowed to read these?”

“Sure, you're the one who wrote most of them.” Jonghyun got into the habit of sending Kibum random letters in the mail after they'd been dating for about a year. There was never any rhyme to reason when it came to these letters, it was only for Jonghyun to express his thoughts about life, them, anything really.

Jonghyun takes his time reading through the letters, his facial expressions not changing. This Jonghyun was so much harder to read. These letters contained Jonghyun’s heart and soul and yet here he was emotionless.

“I was quite the romantic wasn't I? Especially this part right here where I talk about what I'd like to do to you in bed.” Jonghyun laughs and Kibum gets red in the face. There was a lot of that in the letters, Jonghyun wasn't shy about it at all.

“Don't read that!” Kibum takes the letter from Jonghyun, fearing anymore embarrassment.

“It's so weird knowing that I wrote that but not remembering any of them. Would you mind if I borrowed these for a while?”

“Go ahead, I have no use for them.” The box was just collecting dust at the back of the closet in the hallway. “Aren't you hot?” It was a grossly humid day but Jonghyun still wore black joggers with a black zip up hoodie to match.

“I have scars from the accident, big ones. I don't like showing them off.”

“I don't know if you've noticed but I have a scar in my eyebrow. I was just being a stupid kid and I face planted some pavement really hard and I had to get stitches. But I was left with this scar.” He looks at Jonghyun, really looks at the man he loved (loves?). “I used to fill in my brows because I hated the running through it. But then I met this guy would make me feel like the most beautiful person in the world and suddenly my scar didn't really mean much to me anymore. I hope that you're able to find someone that makes all of your scars seemingly disappear.”

A soft smile grows on Jonghyun’s face, “Thanks Kibum.” He furrows his brows before turning away from Kibum.

“You look happy.” Taemin says upon seeing Kibum walk into the kitchen.

“It was a nice day.”

“If you count outside being so humid that my sweat has sweat then yes it's a nice day. What have you been up to?” Kibum stays silent, any talk about Jonghyun enticed an argument. “You were with Jonghyun, weren't you?”

“Yes I was.”

“Kibum, what do you think you're doing?”

“Trying to help someone recover their lost memories.”

“With what purpose? In some sick hope that he'll come to realize that he's still in love with you?” Taemin could have slapped him in the face and it would've had the same effect on him.

“Yes, maybe some twisted little part of me wants him to still be in love with me! But more than anything else, I want to stop being sad. I want to stop living through life feeling hatred when other people feel happy. I want to feel happiness again. True happiness. And the only way that I can do that is if I face Jonghyun.”

“You can be happy without torturing yourself.”

“No, I can't!” Kibum shouts, surprising Taemin and himself. “I've tried! All of these months, all I've ing done was try! Try to put on a smile on my face for my parents, for you! But it’s not working. I’m crumbling on the inside!”

“I—”

“You don’t have to say anything. I’m gonna go lay down.”

---

“I’m sorry for calling you in the middle of the day.” Kibum had thought that at some point over the last few months they've reconnected that Jonghyun would stop apologizing.

“It’s fine, I was just about to go for my lunch break. What’s up?”

“I just left my therapist’s office. I’ve made more progress in this one day than I have since I’ve started therapy.”

“How so?”

“I remembered something. Not some foggy memory by really remembered something.”

Kibum swallows, “You recovered some of your memories?”

“One. I was introducing you to my mom and we were sitting at the dinner table and you were gripping my hand to death because you were nervous.”

Kibum laughs into the phone, “I remember that day. Your mom was amazing.”

Jonghyun talked about formally meeting his mom early on in their relationship. They’d met before briefly during a theater club rehearsal but then they had just been friends, being introduced as a boyfriend was a much bigger thing in Kibum’s mind. Really he shouldn’t have been as nervous as he was in retrospect, but having the most important person in your boyfriend’s life like you was huge to him. He put way too much thought into what to wear and what to bring even though Jonghyun insisted that his mom would love him no matter what. Jonghyun couldn’t have been more right because his mom really did adore Kibum.

“I told you that I loved you for the first time on that day.”

Kibum clears his throat, “You remembered that much, huh?”

There’s a moment of silence before Jonghyun speaks again, “You cried after I said it.”

“I did.” Kibum confirms his recollection of events. “Happy tears of course, but nevertheless there were tears.”

“My therapist says that meeting you again was the best thing for my recovery “

“Well, I'm happy that my tears have been instrumental in assisting you.” Kibum jokes.

“Really, you've been amazing.”

“Thanks…” Kibum trails off. “I'm gonna go.”

“Uh yeah. Have a good break.”

---

Received 4:31pm
From Jonghyun:

Do you want to visit my studio? I said that I’d show you some of my songs.

“Sorry, it’s a little small. Literally no more than five people have been in here at a time.” Jonghyun opens the door in his usual all black attire with the addition of a cap.

“Are you kidding me? This place is great.” There was a little lounge area with mod decor when he first enters, leading to the soundboard, followed by the sound booth. It was small but it had all of the necessities. “How can you even afford this place?”

He shrugs, “Inheritance, life insurance, song royalties.”

“You make enough off of royalties to afford this? Have I heard any of the songs you’ve written on the radio?”

“Maybe. Gloomy clock by IU. Playboy by EXO. Breathe by Lee Hi. You didn’t hear it from me but I’m actually working on a song for Lee Hyori’s comeback.” How could he be so nonchalant about his accomplishments?

“She’s making a comeback?! What?”

“You didn’t hear it from me!”

“Dude those songs were huge. How did I not know about you?”

“People care more about who is singing more than who actually wrote or composed it.” He states, heading over the mini-fridge in the corner. “Do you want anything to drink? I’ve got mostly water and a couple of beers.”

“I’ll take a water.” Jonghyun tosses a water bottle over to Kibum.

“Don’t just stand over there, come over to the soundboard. It’s where all the magic happens.” It was interesting to see Jonghyun in his element. The most Kibum had ever seen was some miscellaneous strumming and humming. “Welcome to my home, I have slept here on one too many occasions.”

“Wow, the cool badass producer could've slept right in the chair that I'm sitting in.”

“Such an honor right?” Jonghyun jokes. “Anything you're interested in hearing?”

“It really doesn't matter to me. Being here at all is amazing to me.”

“Wow, I'm so touched.” Jonghyun hums fiddling with his laptop. ‘This song is called Suit Up. It was actually written years before my accident, probably one of the first songs I’ve ever finished but I didn't compose the music until maybe a couple of months ago.”

An angelic beat floats in, pulling Kibum in instantly. It was a different sort of sensation from the first song. This song had the sort of beat that Kibum could rest peacefully to, not nearly as heavy sounding as the first. Jonghyun’s breathy voice filters in, singing the sensual lyrics. I’m craving for something sweet, I’ll put you in.

After the song ends Jonghyun looks at him with hopeful eyes. “That was beautiful. It wasn't about me was it? I never imagined wearing a veil in my wedding day.”

“I actually don't know. There were no notes about it in my notebook.” Jonghyun couldn't piece things together without the notes in the margins.

“Have you ever thought about becoming an artist yourself?”

Jonghyun hums, “I've thought about it, I've gotten offers. But I don't know, I don't really know if I see myself in the spotlight.”

“I think you'd do great. You're handsome, you've got an amazing voice, and a story to tell. What else could the people possibly want?”

“I suppose you're right.”

“I forgot to ask, how have the therapy sessions been going?” Jonghyun hadn't mentioned anything since the last time they've spoken about it.

“Good. She highly doubts that I'll be able to recover all of my trapped memories but she says it's going well.”

“I’m happy to hear that.”

“Thanks for the support Kibum. It's been really helpful.”

Kibum smiles, “I'm happy to help.”

Jonghyun is looking into his eyes, and there's a flash of something in his eyes that Kibum can't out his finger on. But it's gone as soon as it appears, and Jonghyun’s back to looking at his laptop. He pushed the thought to the back of his mind for the rest of the night.

---

Received 9:54pm:
From Jonghyun:

Do you want to grab a drink?

Jonghyun is already sipping on a caramel colored beverage at the bar by the time Kibum arrives.

“Why the frown?” Kibum slips onto the bar stool next to him.

“I keep thinking about my parents.” Jonghyun replies not even looking up from his drink. “Do you want anything to drink? I've got an open tab going.”

“No. I don't really drink much anymore.” Jonghyun nods.

Jonghyun turns to look at him. “Did I ever tell you that the accident was my fault?” Kibum shakes his head. “We got T-boned by a truck while I was driving. My parents got hit straight on. I used to think about them more often.”

“What do you think about now?”

“A little bit about everything. These days I'm feeling regretful.” Jonghyun takes a final swig of his beverage. “But not towards my parents which makes me more perplexed.”

“Who are you feeling regretful towards?”

“I know we promised each other not to feel bad for each other, but lately towards you mostly. And myself.”

“Why?” Kibum feels like a therapist asking guided questions to try to get Jonghyun to his point.

“The more I regain my memories the more I feel bad, I'm not even sure if I know how I feel anymore. The idea of what my life, our life, would've been had the accident never happened is plaguing me.” Kibum had imagined it too, where they would've been. Would they have been married with some puppies running around? Would they not have been together at all?

“You’re not making any sense.”

“Not much has made sense lately.” Jonghyun swirls the empty glass around. Kibum had never seen Jonghyun this down before. Kibum was never all too great at consoling others, that was always Jonghyun’s thing. “I thought that this agreement would bring more clarity but I'm more confused than when we started.”

“Then we can just end this here.” He had nothing to lose anymore.

“That’s the thing, I don't want this to end.”

“I don't understand what it is that you want to do then.”

“I like you.” He confesses.

“What?”

“At first I thought that whatever I was feeling was because of my memories resurfacing, but I know what I felt then and I know what I feel for you now and they’re not the same.”

Kibum shakes his head in disbelief, “No, I can’t do this again.”

“I know that this doesn’t make any sense, but please hear me out.”

Kibum moves from his seat to back away from Jonghyun, “I’m sorry, I just can’t.”

Jonghyun latches onto Kibum’s wrist, looking at him with the most pitiful set of eyes Kibum has ever seen, “Kibum please.”

Kibum pulls his arm away from Jonghyun, turning to head for the door. “I’m sorry.” Jonghyun makes no other attempt to stop Kibum. It isn’t until Kibum is out the door that it registers that Jonghyun was wearing shorts.

“Can you come pick me up?”

“Where are you?” Their friendship hadn‘t been the same since their argument, but Taemin was always someone that Kibum could depend on.

“Thanks for coming to get me.” Kibum slips into the passenger seat.

“What happened? Trouble with your peculiar arrangement?”

“If you’re going to be a cynical about it, I’ll just jump out of this moving car right now.” He really didn’t need Taemin to be an right now.

“That really wasn’t my intention. I’ve been meaning to apologize for our last argument.”

“Well it’s been ing weeks, why haven’t you?”

“I didn’t know how to bring it up?” What a better place than a car? “I didn’t understand why you were still hung up on Jonghyun, honestly I still don’t really understand it, which is why I said some harsh things. And I’m sorry for saying those things.” Taemin glances at him, before turning his attention back to the road. “But one thing I do understand is the fact that you’ve been happier in the last few weeks than you have been in months, so who am I to take that away from you?”

“Well, I’m anything from happy right now.”

“What happened?”

“Jonghyun confessed to me.”

“Isn’t that a good thing? Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“I don't know what I want anymore.”

“What's holding you back?”

“Fear.”

“Since when have you let fear dictate what you do in life?”

“Since I experienced a pain that I didn't even know was possible to feel.”

“But you survived it and came out stronger, right?”

“Where are you driving?”

“I don't know; I was just driving straight.”

“We can go back home.”

“I'm not going to tell you what to do, but you know better than anyone what you want and deserve.”

Received 11:31pm:
From Jonghyun:

Please don’t ignore me. I’m sorry.

Kibum groans, sinking into the chair. “Please take my phone away from me before I do something stupid.”

---

“You look more miserable than when you found out that your dead ex-boyfriend was not as dead after all.” His boss comes over with a cup of coffee in hand, offering it to Kibum.

He gladly accepts the cup with a smile. “Thanks, it was almost as if I hadn't noticed when I walked out the door this morning.”

“Does this have to do with him again?”

“That obvious, huh?”

“Yeah, I take notice when my favorite employee is off his game. Can you tell that er to stop ing up?”

“I haven't spoken to him in a few days, so I would gladly give you his number so that you could tell him yourself.”

“Damn, what did he do?”

“I'd rather not talk about it right now.”

“Fine, I won't pry. But if you ever need time off to take time for yourself, feel free to do so.”

“Thanks.”

Received 12:20pm:

From Taemin:
 

Do you want to grab lunch? There's a new place that opened a couple of blocks over from my job. I can swing by and pick you up.

“What kind of a restaurant is it?”

“I think I heard that it is an Asian Latin fusion sort of thing.”

“Sounds delicious, I'm starving.” All he had for breakfast this morning was the cup of coffee and a croissant, he was due for a meal. “What's with the crowd? There's no way all of these people are coming just for this restaurant.”

Taemin shrugs, “No clue. Wanna check it out before lunch?”

“Why not?” It's impossible to make it through the crowd, so instead they choose to stand where they have an amazing view of the broadcasting monitor. “I didn't even know they still did guerilla concerts.”

“Well considering how much this impedes on traffic and decreases foot traffic in this area, I can see how this would be outdated.”

“Wow thanks for raining on this parade.”

The crowd starts getting revved up, shouting for the incoming artist. He can barely discern the name of the artist through the frantic shouts, but he thinks that BACE makes the most sense from what he can hear. From backstage comes the famed artist, a fluff of pink hair hiding the face of the artist entering in in a bowed position. Kibum swears his world stops for a bit.

“Let’s go.” Kibum turns away quickly, Taemin grabs onto his arm.

“Stay for the first song.”

“You planned this with him?”

“Please just stay until the end of the first song.”

“Fine.”

“The popular producer BACE has made his transition from the background as a producer to a singer yourself, what prompted you to make that decision?” The MC asks.

“The offer of making my debut was always an option with my agency. I had songs that I didn’t have the heart to give to other artists, so I thought releasing an album with the collection of songs would be a good idea.”

“Your album will be released right after this event ends, what can we expect out of the album?”

“Love songs mostly.”

“Is there a source of inspiration behind these songs?”

“I was in a terrible accident almost three years ago and I hurt somebody because of my absence. I was able to find him again because I moved to Seoul. Recently, I’ve hurt him again and I don’t know where we stand now but a lot of the songs were written with him in mind.”

“Why don’t you perform one of the songs off of your album? The first song is called 1000?”

“This song was the last one to be added onto the album as I finished it about a month ago. I think the song lyrics speak for themselves, so I’ll just play it.”

Jonghyun’s handed an acoustic guitar and takes a seat center stage right in front of a mic. The song starts off with the soft strumming of his guitar. He looked serene, fiddling with the strings. His gentle voice filters in, saying the words to Kibum that he never thought that he’d be able to say.

1, 2, 3, another day quickly passes
1, 2, 3, tomorrow is already almost here
Pressing down on my shoulders, pinning down the shadows
I need a place to comfortably rest

You and I
Even if it wasn’t back then
You and I
We would’ve definitely met some time
A lot of time has passed
But things aren’t different from the beginning
It’s still the same, I’m a blessed person

Hug me, lean on my shoulder
Have strong trust in me
You know that saying
I know even though you don’t say it
That is very touching but
Please tell me even if you know

The song ends as peacefully as the song trailed in with the guitar was the outro. His eyes blur with tears, but his pride swells more than the well of tears. Jonghyun rises from his stool, looking out in the crowd. “Kim Kibum, I don’t know if you’re still out there, but back then and even now you mean so much to me. I’m sorry for shocking you, but please don’t ignore me.”

Kibum flicks the tears from his eyes and turns to Taemin with a smile, “Let’s go grab food, I’ve got to be back at work.” Taemin doesn't protest this time.

--

“Did you plan this out with Taemin too?” Kibum finds Jonghyun waiting outside their apartment as he comes from work. Jonghyun looks up at him, his eyes lighting up. “You know he hates your guts right?”

He laughs, “He wasn't shy about mentioning it.”

“Then why are you here?” Besides the fact that they weren't talking at the moment, Kibum doubts that it's acceptable for a newly debuted artist to be out and about at night.

“Because I still itch to see you even if you're mad at me.” The words just flow out of his mouth so easily.

Kibum chooses to ignore the statement, “You didn't tell me that you were debuting when we were in your studio.”

“NDA’s are serious agreements.” He simply states. “What did you think of the song?”

“It was nice, any song that you could make would be nice.”

“Hopefully the general public would think so as well.”

“They'd be crazy not to.”

“Thanks.” Jonghyun’s eyes flicker from Kibum’s eyes back to the ground, “I'm sorry.”

“What are you apologizing for?”

“You know why.” He did.

“I thought we both agreed that we wouldn't feel sorry for each other. You have nothing to feel sorry for.”

“Then why do I feel like the only thing that I can say is sorry?” He asks.

“Because it's easier to say than what you're really thinking.”

“Do you want to know what I’m really thinking?”

“I would appreciate the transparency.”

“Fine. You know what I think?” His eyes are shaking but his voice is firm, “ I think that you’re scared, terrified even, to even think of the possibility of being with me again. And trust me I understand that, but I’m not the Jonghyun you knew before. I ing hate the rain, it makes my joints ache. I’m not the bright person that sees the positives in everything in life. I can’t be that guy that you were in love with back then because I’m not, not anymore at least.” He rants but continues softly. “But what I know is that whenever I'm with you I feel like I'm floating on clouds. I know that the bubbling in the pit of my stomach isn’t because of nausea. You make me feel like I can brave any storm. And I can’t ignore that feeling.”

Kibum plainly responds, “You’re right, I am scared.” Jonghyun used to be the one person that Kibum felt invincible with.

“Really? That’s all you’ve got to say?” He couldn’t even hide the disappointment in his voice.

“What more do you want me to say?”

“How you feel about me? Us?”

“I don't know.”

“Okay. Well, I don't know if I can sit around and wait for you to decide that you do know.”

“Do you believe in soulmates?” Kibum changes the pace of the conversation with the question.

“Soulmates?” Jonghyun questions.

“When we were younger I didn't really believe in it but I thought that if they did exist that you would be mine.”

“And that has changed?”

“I don't think so.” Jonghyun turns to look at him.

“So what does that mean?”

“Wanna go on a date?”