Alone in the dark
Hole in my heart
Turn on the radio  

Another Lonely Night - Adam Lambert

~~~~~~~~~~

This day began like any other, Jaemin woke up, he put on his clothes, washed his face and brushed his teeth.

It's been 193 days since Na Jaemin has stopped his activities as a member of NCT DREAM. It's also been 193 days since Jaemin has began feeling lonely.

Today, Jaemin will be going to the company to take his pictures and write his letter for his birthday tomorrow. He spoke to the CEO about it and said he wanted to give the fans an update about him.

NCTzen, he wasn't even there when they announced their precious fandom name. Lately the fans have been the only people to really make him happy.

His parents? They're family so it isn't really the same. s? Jaemin hasn't seen any of s for 5 months now. And it seems like they forgot about him.

Every time he turns on the radio, NCT's songs come out. Every time he turns on the tv, he sees his fellow members performing on stage. Every time he sees that someone is online, he can't bring himself to type.

And it hurts. Seeing them meet the fans without him. Seeing them perform without him. Seeing them have fun, without him.

Jaemin sighs, taking out his shoes. He wonders if he'll see them today. Will they even talk to him? As Jaemin wonders, he puts on his shoes at the same time and is out the door.

Even though he hates being away from everyone, this break has really helped him with his injury.

Back in February he couldn't even walk straight but now he's a lot better, even though it still hurts to walk. According to his doctor, he isn't well enough to dance yet. Which means he isn't able to join promotions again.

Stepping out of his father's car, Jaemin walks into the building and goes to the friendly receptionist.

"Hello I'm Na Jaemin I'm here for the letter and pictures."

"Ah yes, follow me I will lead you there" Jaemin follows the girl and is led to the familiar waiting room. Looking around, he realises how much he missed being in the company building.

Which is kind of ironic seeing that he yearned for a bit of sunlight during his trainee days.

The staff helps him take the pictures and then it's Jaemin's turn to sign and write.

While signing his second picture, he sees a group of people passing by the door. Paying no attention to it he focuses on the picture again.

Then, a couple of seconds later, "Jaemin!" He turns around and is suddenly taking into a group hug.

After hugging for a while, they pull away and Jaemin sees the smiling faces of his 14 members. And after a second of just staring the questioning breaks out.

"How have you been?"

"Are you still hurting?"

"Haven't you been lonely at home?"

Hushing s, he answers all of their questions with a big smile.

"I've been well."

Lie

"No I'm fine now."

Lie

"Not really, I have my family with me so."

Big fat lie

Jaemin can't help the words falling out of his mouth.

No he hasn't been well, everything still hurts and he doesn't want to sit in silence any more.

But not everything you want comes true.

As the members run off to some schedule, Jaemin is alone again.

With the staff gone and him being alone in the waiting room, Jaemin's eyes begin to water.

Don't cry

Don't cry

Don't cry

But his mind betrays him als the tears slowly begin to fall down his pretty face.

Wiping them away with his sleeve, he sniffles and focuses his eyes on the letter he forgot about.

Finishing his letter with blurry eyes, Jaemin stands up, wipes his eyes once more and goes to the lobby to give the staff his letter and signed pictures.

After saying thank you and goodbye he hurries outside and starts speedwalking towards the car. Once he steps inside he looks out of the window and tells his dad to start driving.

Hiding his teary eyes, Jaemin starts to wonder if he'll ever be able to come back to the dorm. Even though he loves his family, the members are also like family and he just wants to be back with them.

After the 3 hour ride from Seoul back to Daegu, Jaemin runs into the house, up the stairs and shuts the door to his room with a loud bang.

Walking over to his bed, he sits down and looks at his hands, which are shaking.

Why do I feel so alone?

Back when he was a trainee, he used to cry because he missed his family and Daegu. And now he's crying because he misses s and Seoul.

Scoffing at how ironic all of it was, Jaemin lies down and turns to his side. Facing the wall, he tries to clear his mind and go to sleep, since it was pretty late already. Without knowing, Jaemin's eyes begin to close as he slowly drifts to sleep.

Triingg

Triingg

Jaemin is awoken to the sound of a notification.

He turns around and picks up his phone. Turning it on, he squints his eyes at the bright screen.

Jenojam has sent you a message

Eyes immediatly widening, he opens the notification.

Jenojam - hey

Jenojam - it was nice seeing you again today 
  

Hi  - Nana 

Yeah twas nice seeing you 2 - Nana

Jenojam - how are you really holding up? You know i can see right through your words so don't even try to lie

like ive said jeno im fine - Nana

Jaemin finger hovers over the sent button, hesitating. Tapping his finger ever so lightly on the phone, the message is sent and Jaemin's heart begins to bonk in his chest.

Jenojam - of course you are

Jenojam - come on Jae your my best friend you cant fool me

Jenojam - youre lonely just admit it 

Staring at the 6-letter word, Jaemin feels heavy and tries to come up with an answer.

so what if i am - Nana

It was the first time he admitted since he was sent home.

Jenojam - you know youre not alone right? We all miss you alot, especially haechan, renjun and i

Jenojam - you can always talk to me nana

Jaemin takes a deep breath, stares down at his phone and pushes the call button.

Jeno and Jaemin talked for a while, much like he and Renjun a couple of days ago. But this time, they were talking about meeting up tomorrow for his birtday.

Pushing the red button, Jaemin turns his phone off and closes his eyes. Taking one last big sigh, he drifts off to wonderland.