NINE: 
Homeward Route

When they were fifteen and nearing the end of their first year in high school, Jisoo correctly guessed that Mark and Nayeon would be the first ones in their class to start dating. Which wasn’t that big a deal, since nearly everyone knew that they were secretly crushing on each other since middle school. 

Still, Jinyoung and Jisoo were a little shocked when Mark told them after school that day that he wouldn’t be walking home with them that day or from then on. He’d be walking with Nayeon, instead. 

“Didn’t I tell you they would be the first ones in our grade to date?” Jisoo said. It was mid-afternoon. She and Jinyoung were making their way home after school. She was playing a game on his Nintendo DS and walking at the same time.

Jinyoung had his arms outstretched for balance as he walked on top of a low brick wall. 

“Big deal,” Jinyoung said. “Everyone knew they were going to get together eventually.”

“Yeah, but I was the first one to say it,” Jisoo said. 

Of course, everyone in class had their crushes. They sent each other secret admirer valentines and passed notes in class with multiple choice questions like “Do you like me? Yes, no, maybe? Circle one.” But Mark and Nayeon were the first ones to actually take action, and their courage would unknowingly give other potential couples in their class permission to do the same.

“So, Mark and Nayeon are a thing now,” Jinyoung said, jumping down from the wall. “Who else do you think is going to start dating?”

Jisoo paused and thought for a minute.

“Jackson and Hana. They’re next. I can feel it,” Jisoo said, closing Jinyoung’s Nintendo and handing it back to him. “They’re literally always together now, and they walk home together, and they’re friends, but something’s going to click, and they’ll start dating. Or maybe Krystal and Jongin. Personally, I don’t think Jongin is serious about her, but if he asked Krystal, she probably wouldn’t say no.” 

“What about Jaebum and that goth girl, Jennie?” he laughed as soon as he said it. He had caught Jaebum staring at Jennie before, during baseball practice when she was sitting under the bleachers reading thick Bronte novels. Everyone on the team had a good laugh about that when Jinyoung pointed it out, but he low-key thought it was kind of sweet that the baseball team captain and most popular boy in class had a crush on the dark loner girl.

“I wish him luck,” Jisoo said, kicking a pebble. “Everyone knows that Jennie isn’t interested in boys in our grade.”

Jinyoung felt bad for Jaebum.

“Okay,” Jinyoung said, swinging his backpack around to put his Nintendo away. “What about… Yugyeom and Rose?”

Jisoo raised her brows. “Yugyeom likes Rose?”

“You kidding?” Jinyoung said. “Head over heels. He never shuts up about her during band practice.”

“Oh god, I feel bad now,” Jisoo said, pressing a palm to her cheek. “Should we tell him that Rose likes Youngjae?”

It Jinyoung’s turn to crease his brows. “I thought Rose liked Chanyeol?” 

“No, that’s Seulgi,” Jisoo said. “Rose likes Youngjae. She told me during lunch once, she was upset because she found out that—”

“That Youngjae likes Mijoo?” Jinyoung said. Jisoo started laughing.

“Yeah, and Mijoo likes Jaebum, and Jaebum likes Jennie, and Jennie only loves Mumford and Sons.”

Jinyoung laughed. “Is this our school or the plot of a daytime TV drama?” he said. “Love is complicated.”

He was laughing along with Jisoo at the convoluted network of crushes unfolding in their class and the drama that was bound to explode onto their idyllic high school life, but the thought of dating and all this talk of love brought the idea of marriage to his mind. Which only made him think of his parents and their crumbling one. He was eager all of a sudden to change the subject. Speaking of TV, Jinyoung decided to ask Jisoo what she thought of the latest episode of “The Walking Dead,” but before he could even say the words, Jisoo had stopped and asked him:

“Who do you like?”

He stopped in his tracks. He raised his eyes to her slowly. 

Jinyoung had known for a few years now that eventually, he was going to have to face the music and stop pretending he couldn’t hear it. He didn’t think that the moment would come this soon, however. 

He definitely felt some sort of way toward Jisoo, he just couldn’t figure out what it was. A part of him was afraid to even give it a label, as if giving it a name would make it true. 

Of course, he’d also heard what the other kids in their class whispered about them. After Mark and Nayeon, he and Jisoo were the ones everyone was waiting for. He didn’t like rumors, and he especially didn’t like to indulge them, which was another reason why whenever the thought of dating Jisoo popped up, he would pick it up and moved it someplace else in his mind. A matter for another time. A bridge to cross later. 

But here it was now. 

Jinyoung stared and blinked at Jisoo for a long time, thinking of how to answer. He could say “no,” but it would be a lie, and he never lied to Jisoo. Or he could say “yes,” but she would want to know who it was and he didn’t know if he had the courage to admit it yet, even to himself.

“Fine. Don’t tell me,” Jisoo said, rolling her eyes and sighing. He’d taken too long to answer. “Whatever. I mean, I’m just your best friend, why tell me, right?” 

Jisoo turned and continued walking. Jinyoung couldn’t bring himself to look at her, so he looked at the sky just above her head instead, watching as the clouds passed and the sunshine turned slightly orange.

Damn, he thought. The moment was over so quickly. 

She was different the rest of the time they walked home. He did end up asking her what she thought of the latest “The Walking Dead” episode, but instead launching into a monologue about zombies, she gave quick and curt answers. Her arms remained crossed tight across her chest the rest of the way. He was confused.

She couldn’t possibly be actually upset that he didn’t answer her question, right? It’s not as if she confided her secret crush’s name to him, either. 

He was about to ask, but before he even knew it, they were standing in front of his house. 

“See you tomorrow,” Jisoo said. Jinyoung said goodbye as stopped in front of his house while Jisoo walked on. He was about to walk up to the front door, but then he heard the muffled angry voices of his parents. Still fighting. 

He hesitated. When he turned around, he saw that Jisoo had stopped walking and was standing at the edge of the lawn. Watching him, waiting for him to go inside. All it took was one look for Jisoo to realize that he wasn’t going to go inside, not yet anyway. She beckoned him over with her hand.

“Come on,” she said. “Let’s take a lap around the block.”

He didn’t hesitate. He jogged over to where Jisoo was and the two of them took a lap around the block. They ended up wandering, however, into the grassy half mile gap between the last row of houses and the cluster of hanok homes where Jisoo lived. When they got tired, they just sat down in the grass. 

“When did they start fighting like that?” Jisoo asked.

Jinyoung swallowed. If anyone other than her had asked him, he would have tried to dodge the question. But something about Jisoo’s presence calmed him, made him want to open up. So he told her what happened, how his father discovered his mother’s affair two weeks ago, how the fighting had started, how Boyoung threatened to run away. When all his thoughts and feelings had been spilled, he felt empty and light. 

It was times like these that Jinyoung felt that she was all he really had. 

They met when they were ten. There was no one else in their group of friends who came even close to touching the lofty place that Jisoo occupied in his life. She was a fixed star in the swirling, galactic chaos that was his life. She was his best friend, his whole world, his hiding place, and coming home would always means coming back to her.

And he couldn’t risk that. 

The stickiness of summer dried slowly in their sleepy town. Autumn was creeping in. The humidity in the air began to subside, and the hot sting of the sun’s rays started to dull, and clouds started to roll in.

Just like that, Jisoo had spent three months back in her hometown. 

She wondered whether or not inviting Jinyoung and his girlfriend to dinner had been a good idea. The evening had gone well enough, but after that, Jinyoung didn’t contact her again. 

Which was fine, she supposed. She was busy anyway, helping the kids prepare for the summer program. After teaching them some acting exercises and doing a few improvisation games, they were much more open to the idea of performing on stage and learning their lines and cues. Now, the only problem was overcoming stage fright and pre-opening night jitters. 

In the middle of rehearsal that morning, Dorothy puked. 

“Guys, don’t just huddle around it!” Jisoo said, rushing up to the stage to the sick girl off. 

Mrs. Kim called the girl’s parents to take her ho